Upset
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
I feel stressed and upset.
I feel like people are trying to pressure me into getting a girlfriend. ive had a few people recently tell me that I should get a girlfriend, because the whole "you'll get married one day" or "when you get married..." This shit is starting to depress the fuck out of me. I've never had a girlfriend before, why? I don't know. But recently, it's been by choice. My close friends don't understand. They think I'm fucking crazy. One of my best friends actually sat down with me and said he wanted to hook me up with his 8.5/10 cousin, because "maybe you just need a fresh experience". I told him no, and he seemed taken a back. He kept saying that I NEED to have some new experiences with girls while I'm young, and how it's very important I have some romantic relationships. I explained to him I don't want any of that, and he actually seemed confused and pissed at the same time. All of my friends think I'm out of it.
I'm getting so fucking pissed off with this shit. It's fucking depressing. Apperently I'm fucking crazy/abnormal/weird or whatever the fuck because ive never had a girlfriend and don't want one. What the fuck!
It's not just my friends, it's everyone. Even co-workers told me the same shit.
Why don't you want a girlfriend?
>>17120746
I don't know. I just don't want one
>>17120759
Is it because everyone's telling you to get one?
>>17120762
Maybe that's a part of it? I really don't know..
>>17120759
No one can help you unless you disclose m8. Do you feel like your life warrants not having a gf? Your job? Personality? Are you sexually attracted to females?
>>17120701
You're fine man, I'm the same way. I feel it simplifies my life greatly to not worry about relationships or sex.
It isn't that important, really.
>>17120767
Well >>17120770 is right. If you know why, then you have an answer to tell people when they nag you.
>>17120770
I'm a very bitter and jaded 25 year old. For many reasons. I'm not relationship material yet my best friend kept telling me that if I put myself out there "girls will throw themselves at you". It's like they can't believe that I don't want sex or girlfriend.
and no, I'm not gay, and I'm not asexual.
>>17120783
It's fine m8. Relationships aren't in my scope either, but keeping options open is the way to go. Maybe get some lady friends or such to get started idk. You don't have to actively seek women out, just try not to avoid the whim idea just because a relationship isn't priority at the time.
>>17120798
But I don't want sex either..
>>17120800
My bad, I meant lady friends as in friends overall. Sometimes I just use the first word that comes to me.
>>17120813
How am I suppose to meet girls, who just want to be friends?
>>17120820
Coworkers and friends of friends is a good start in my eyes. For coworkers, have a reason to talk to them (don't just be like ,"hey Jane"). I think friends of friends will come naturally supposing the way you describe your friends, so ignore that. Tl;dr just be passive about it, think along the lines of living your life now but just being a bit more out there.
>>17120844
All of my co-workers are male with the exception of 2 middle aged females.
I don't see my real friends much because of schedules. But they are in relationships. So there isn't this "mutual friends" type thing
>>17120701
hes saying youre going to need to know how to handle them when you finally get married
>>17120859
All I can say now is keep on truckin'. Tell your friends you do understand and that when you see the opportunity fit, you'll take it. There is nothing wrong with ya. Just don't come with this same thread when you're 30.
>>17120868
I never want to get married...
>>17120870
>don't come with this same thread when you are 30
I think this going to get worse and worse as I get older.. :(
>>17120883
Just tell your friends that you'll do it in a year, or in two, or whatever. Delay, delay, delay.
This has been my strategy with my family and friends, and it works surprisingly well. It gives them an answer they can swallow and lets you off the hook of ever having to do anything about it. By the time they get wise to it, they give up.
>>17120905
Thanks anon, that's not a bad idea. It just sucks because society makes me feel like I'm wrong, and a bad person because I'm going against the system.
>>17120914
Yeah, unfortunately in this situation it's less of a hassle to continually lie and misdirect people than it is to tell the truth. I've had to deal with similar things, and I've realized that the best way to deal with people who don't understand the way you truly are is to pretend you're something else.
I'd like to state that your friends probably don't think less of you or dislike you for this. They probably think they're helping you. Keep this in mind when you're dealing with them - they probably want what they think is best for you, even if that isn't what you want.
>>17120883
First, yeah, I mean that. And two, only actively seek when you should. If you want to not have a relationship ever because you feel like it's not for you, then that's fine! But if you're regretting it, then go find a woman! And if you do regret it, don't regret if it's because of your friends pressuring. If you don't regret it, then my statement persists. You as a person will always change, but if your yearning for a relationship doesn't, then don't push yourself! If it isn't worried about, then don't.
They'll never get it. I had one relationship, because I thought it was what I was supposed to do. It just wasn't for me. I've never wanted to have a relationship. In fact, I've been actively avoiding them. I just don't like it, and I have no desire or even ability to feel close to other people like that. Being in a relationship was like mental torture.
Even my best friend can't accept it. She keeps telling me I just need to find the one. I can tell it breaks her heart but I can't make her understand that I'm OK. I'm not lonely. I want to be alone. There's a difference. I'm 26. This isn't going to change. If I wanted a relationship, I would have realized it by now. I guess you could say I'm aromantic? I'm not really into hooking up, though, so I've only had sex a few times in my one relationship. It was okay, but it was way over hyped. I wouldn't mind getting laid, but I guess I don't really care if it ever happens again. I don't know what to call it. Im just ace I guess. Like, ace in general? I'm not down with the slang.
>>17120701
If you do give in and get a girlfriend then eventually you'll get old enough for them to start nagging you to get married. If you give in then and get married they'll turn around and start nagging you to have a child. If you have a child then they might shut up, but by then your life will probably revolve around raising your kid and living with your spouse, and it won't really matter what other people want and it's very likely they won't give you a medal or anything for turning your whole life around to conform to their expectations. Hell, they probably won't even watch your kid for a day after all that if you ask them to.
I suggest you start lying and telling people that you lost your testicles in an unfortunate accident. They'll shut up about dating instantly. Even if you come out and say that you were just joking, they'll probably never bring it up again.
>>17121025
It's good to know that there are others just like me. What you said for the most part describes exactly how I feel
>>17120770
>>17120762
>>17120746
Kek at this board.
OP if you don't want a gf, don't get one. Other women are just sore to see that untapped provider potential go to waste (meaning you spending your time and money as you wish)
>>17122043
but I get this shit from both men and women.
>>17121051
>I suggest you start lying and telling people that you lost your testicles in an unfortunate accident. They'll shut up about dating instantly. Even if you come out and say that you were just joking, they'll probably never bring it up again.
This has potential actually
>>17122095
Yeah just ignore it, or if you want them to shut it say you have a LDR in Australia or some shit. Or the testicle thing. Either way do what you want, other people probably have crabs in a bucket mentality.
>>17120701
They are confuse because you are not enslave to the pussy like they are and they are weak minded fools who are afraid of dying alone.
>>17122232
I thought it was because the societal standard is for everyone to get married and reproduce?
I've had people call me selfish before
>>17122274
I never talk about it with friends and date randoms to keep up the illusion that i'm like them when i have no intention of a relationship, marriage, kids or a suburban home. That is my own personal version of hell and i never wanted any of it even as a kid. I'm 27 now it won't change
>>17122300
Why even waste your time dating randoms just for appearances?
>>17122316
It gets them to shut up and i get free meals out of it. They'll figure something is up once i never get married or in a serious relationship within the next ten years b
>>17122326
>free meals.
Dammit. See, I'm a guy. So I won't get free shit if I tried that method. I'd just be wasting my money
>>17122331
Yeah if i were you i wouldn't even bother with giving the illusion. You could always approach girls, get their number in front of friends and never follow through if you wanted the illusion. If not don't worry about it. I don't know how guys are with their friends and dating but girls don't really care overly much if their friends don't have a bf. Then again i do maintain the illusion But the conversation never really comes up
>>17122452
my friends don't give me as much grief over being single as not having sex. Sex is always a big conversation topic. and single is suppose to be the golden ticket to going out and getting laid. Which I don't do that either. So it's just another thing my friends are in disbelief of.. Because I don't want to go find girls to have sex with
>>17122274
Well that too because subconsciously they want you to continue the human race.also since you are a male they expect you to be a diposable utility and to sacrifice yourself to this society. Women on the other hand are told "you go girl no need a man you are strong and indepent" because women are no expect to sacrifice for this society as you see here.>>17122452
>>17122599
Guys seem to have a strange culture/obsession with sex and having as much of it as possible and judge others based on it. Nothing to do with society you can contribute without marriage and kids even the lowest losers in life can have those things. It isn't an achievement.
>>17122906
It's very Jugemental. If a guy goes a long time without sex it is frowned upon
>>17120701
Why do so many people start threads with that exact same pepe? It's like there's no creativity in it anymore.
I can sell you some rare ones if you want OP.
>>17123201
Do you have paypal?
>>17123210
Sorry, mom says ebay money can't buy tendies, so I only take good boy points.
Here's another sample of the merchandise, don't sreal it though.
For me, women are at the far end of
'things to get'.hobbies, passions, Dreams. These are things ill never sacrifice for a woman. (im 21)
What people call ' love' is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed, it hits hard. Then it sloowly fades leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. Break the cycle.
It's fine that you don't want a gf/wife. However, you lose all privilege to complain about loneliness and all that faggy /r9k/ shit.
Also, you feel like that now, but later in life, when you get a brain, you'll curse yourself for wasting your youth. Just like a nerd who became old, obese and diabetic and, when he has a heart attack thinks "gee golly, maybe I should've started exercising in my teens".
>>17123283
You're just a bitter virgin who can't get a women. Stop pretending. We call all see through that facade.
>>17123284
I'm not complaining about being lonely. Yes I feel lonely sometimes, but I'm not whining about it.
What do you mean "when you get a brain"? What are you suggesting?
>>17123306
I'm not suggesting anything. I'm telling you, like every single functioning person in the world you'll reach "old age" (40's, for example) with a different perspective on life and curse your damn idiot younger self.
"A man who views the world the same at fifty as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life."
You will regret wasting your life and you will have nobody but yourself to blame.
>>17123365
So what should I do then?
>>17120701
I don't know why people set other people up with their reletives and whatnot, that shit never works out. What fantasy world are they living in?
>>17123154
True enough and that isn't fair for guys. Alternatively you can always lie to friends
>>17123416
>lie to friends
They would know
>>17123382
Work to improve yourself, you know you need it.
Be open. Don't shut people (for friendship) nor women (for relationships) out, be open, talkative and see where it leads.
Women will do shitty things that piss you off and you will do shitty things that piss them off but, at the end of the day, you'll sleep better holding a girl you've been in a relationship for quite a while and knows you deeply than holding your dick.
Also, there is no way that staying at home playing meaningless games/alone (online counts as alone) is better than traveling with your woman.
Don't listen to virgins/losers/women-haters. It's like asking a 2 year old about neuroscience.
Moral:
Put yourself out there, talk to women, be open to whatever happens, but most of all, work for it. You can start by going on a date with that friend's cousin or whatever.
Oh one final thing, you don't try because you're afraid of failing, even if you don't want to admit it. It's ok. We all fail. Not everyone is gonna be right for us or us for them, but keep trying to find a good woman whom you like and likes you. Soul mates don't exist.
Now get on it, mate.
>>17123437
God dammit, you are literally telling me the same shit my friends and co-workers are fucking saying
>>17123393
Because people are stupid. People think it'll make them "family" but in reality it creates distance and ruins friendships
>>17123447
They're right. You're not. You just won't admit it, since you think you know better for absolutely no reason.
>>17123793
how do you Know that though?
>>17123881
He doesn't.
>>17123938
I hate people... This shit is so god damn confusing
>>17120746
Who would?
>>17123283
Wubalubadubdub
>>17123953
Advice from someone in the same situation-
If you're ronery and are avoiding a relationship out of fear of rejection or because you don't think you're "good enough," man up and quit being a faggot because you'll only end up regretting it later. To the furthest end of the "OH MY GOD I HAVE WASTED MY LIFE" scale.
If you aren't ronery and are honestly just not interested in getting into a relationship, then you need to man up, stand your ground and make your friends and family accept that it's just the way you are.
Part of why people nag you about not being interested in a relationship is because it's honestly abnormal. Most people crave a relationship in some form, be it romantic or purely physical and it's difficult for said "normal" people to understand how someone could simply not care about that stuff.
Some of it is the positive "having a girlfriend and getting laid is great and I just want you to enjoy life in the way that I do," and some of it is probably the negative "fuck what you want, being in a relationship is what Normal Adults are supposed to do."
But in the end, you're only going to end up making yourself miserable if you force yourself to live how others want you to just to avoid the pressure.
>>17124032
I guess that makes sense. It just pisses me off how people are so judgmental on life choices that literally does not impact them or anyone else in any way.
