>My father killed someone while serving in the army
>My grandpa revels in what he did in the call of duty
>My uncle killed a civilian in cold blood
>My older brother also killed in cold blood
>My cousin killed someone through "misadventure"
>Dad beat the shit out of me as a kid
>Took it as a character building experience
>Beat the shit out of him once I was big enough so my younger brothers wouldn't feel his wrath
>Fuckload of good that did
>I avoid violence
>But if it happens, I go above and beyond the necessary
>It's instinctive
>Weapons, biting, choking...
>I flip, become a different person
I resent my genetics. I want to be mild mannered. I try to be as soft as I can.
I'm scared to go to a doctor in case they either deem me a threat to society or castrate me.
I don't want to be a violent person. I don't want to one day, have a human being offend me and I react with ultimacy.
But I'm frightened because I have no means of interrupting the *Incident *Reaction chain.
How the fuck do I cheat genetics?
>pic unrelated
>>17117047
It's too bad I just deleted all of my "neckbeards with katanas and edgy quotes" pictures
Don't bottle it up, be more belligerant in your day-to-day.
>>17117047
Go to a therapist anon, and remember that nothing is preordained because of your genetics. There is literally no reason to be afraid of going to a doctor, they can help you deal with your anger so that you won't hurt anyone (anymore). You can work on keeping your anger and physical violence under control, but you can do it a lot better if you have someone to help you
>>17117047
go to a therapist and channel that energy into martial arts, exercise, lifting, etc.
It will help you A LOT
If you think you have anger management problems then I suggest you join a support group for anger management. It's perfectly common, it's socially accepted, it's safe and you don't get randomly castrated.
We all have a switch between being calm and a pit or rage, but we all have a moral compass as well. If you see something bad it's okay to be angry. Ive had to train myself to overlook little things that used to set me off, but if I see you hurt someone weeker then you or something of that narure im going to hurt you.
>>17117047
You should go to therapy but also know that it isn't magic and it isn't certain that it will solve your problem or even help you at all
>>17117047
>I'm scared to go to a doctor in case they either deem me a threat to society or castrate me.
Chemical castration (anti-androgen) is only considered when you're actually a threat to society, ie if you tell the doctor "i have an uncontrollable urge to rape children pls help".
Otherwise they'll just send you to anger management therapy like everyone else with your exact problem.
Thanks for responses
My concern is with patient confidentiality... It remains confidential to a point.
After that point, I am fucked if I want a career in anything worthwhile.
How can I help myself without getting the state involved?
I had german shepherds growing up that we bred and gave away the puppies to a breeder we know.
Once you get past the shit those things are the most glorious things on earth
>>17117233
Go to a private therapist you idiot. You can sue their ass if they divulge any information about you. If you're still scared, go to a goddamn lawyer and ask them about Doctor-Patient confidentiality
I'd say to train martial arts, bottling it up is unhealthy, but that would be a good way to channel some of it in a healthy way
>>17117261
>implying i can afford privateidpojhgfgpijsgdfsgh
you fucking cuny
DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH PRIVATE THERAPY COSTS
DGSDHSTKUI
>>17117233
>I am fucked if I want a career in anything worthwhile.
In the US you're only excluded from DoD shit, military, intelligence work, etc.
Most people aren't going into those careers anyway.
>>17117284
No, anon, I don't. It ranges pretty greatly dependent on where you live, what kind of therapy you need and the kinds of clients the therapist usually gets. I don't really know much about state funded psychiatric assistance, but if you really don't want that then you gotta look for help somewhere else. Group therapy sessions are cheaper than individual ones, I think. There might be clinics for what you're dealing with in your area, and they might also have cheaper rates. Don't sit on your ass, ruminating alone if you can help it anon
>>17117047
When I was younger I was the same.
In my mid 20's I just kind of realized.
>> I don't want to be that piece of shit
You're not alone anon.
Seek some kind of support though if you need it.
>>17117311
Erm... fuck knows why I'm even typing here but damn if I'm not amused by it all. I'm OPs roommate. I was woken up by him launching the television against my bedroom wall and him screaming "Fuck it all" (or words to that effect). He's killed our microwave and is currently god knows where trying to find himself. (In all likelihood, he'll try to get into a fight with a bouncer). I'm beyond defending him. All I can say is that his being poor is a major "trigger" for him.
Thanks for trying to help him I guess.
>>17117047
You have the killers blood in your veins....THE KILLERS BLOOD IN YOUR VEINSSSS!
>>17117343
Well shit
There really are people who do some of the stuff OP needs for free though, like crisis hotlines. And they don't castrate people either. Please don't let OP die
