Dead man's wish
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
So about a week ago, my grandfather died of cancer.
I only met this grandfather a year ago because i've never met my father, and he didn't know i existed. I've only ever talked to my father on the phone and the relationship between them is completely severed by my grandfather.
So once we knew that the cancer would kill him, he told me not to tell my father he had died because i'm the only one in contact with him in the family. My father has repeatedly told me how sorry he is and how he has tried to make ammends with him but all contact fails.
As a kid estranged from his father, i know how i would feel if i didn't know if my father was alive or dead (which i didn't until i was 15)
So now, i feel compelled to tell about my grandfather's death even though he told me not to tell him after he died.
>>17116603
did he leave you any money?
>>17116608
Not that i know of
>>17116616
ok so a stranger asked you to keep a secet for him? why? did he own anything? im pretty sure someone will tell your dad he inherited some shit
>>17116623
They haven't spoken in 20 years, since i was born.
They live on opposite sides of canada and my dad was written out of the will long ago.
I really don't know why my grandfather told me to keep his death a secret from his son, but i'm conflicted
>>17116628
so who is getting the inheritance.
Im not from canada, here is ilegal to write a daughter/son out of the will. If there is nobody else you may have a strong case for claiming that cash.
>>17116603
>So once we knew that the cancer would kill him, he told me not to tell my father he had died because i'm the only one in contact with him in the family.
What the fuck for?
>>17116645
The widow. She needs the money more than anybody. I'm not interested in it.
My dad wouldn't be notified or expect to be
>>17116649
Why can't she tell your dad?
>>17116650
Bitter resentment
>>17116649
well your dad sounds like a scumbag anyways so there ar two ways to see this
first is yeah fuck you dad im not telling you shit
second one is im respecting granpas wishes, he did spend years not talking to him after all
is your dad a rapist or some shit?
if you personally would like to tell him, then tell him, i doubt your grandpa's gonna mind
>>17116656
Hmm, OP if he made you promise and you know why they're estranged. maybe you shouldn't tell your dad, your grandfather felt so strongly about whatever happened that he didn't want to reconnect even though he knew he was dying.
You honestly don't seem to owe anyone in your family anything though, if you do tell your dad remember that.
>>17116603
I think you should that what feels right to you. You are a good man, anon.
>>17116666
>>17116664
My father is unemployed and a drug user. He never graduated or had a steady job. Eventually he spent enough time with my mom to father two kids and then he split.
His family is very high acheiving. My grandfather, grandma and aunts all have degrees, good jobs and a stable family. My father was always resented by his family and natually became the black sheep.
>>17116687
seems like your entire paternal family is shit then, not sure why you bothered to meet your grandfather
your brother and mom are your family my advice is to forget all of them.
Honestly fuck your grandpa, not bothering to meet you until he wanted to ask something
>>17116687
dude that's fucking nothing to throw your own child away for, fuck your dead shithead grandpa and give your dad at least a little bit of satisfaction in his life.
>>17116707
I tracked him and my father down when i was 15. Found out my grandma and mother talked on the phone secretly for 16 years and she would ask about my brother and i. It hurt to live for a while.
>>17116710
well he was rtight, the druggie fathered two kids and fucked off
>>17116721
dont delude yourself into thinkin phone dad cares about you, you shoul stop contacting him or else in twenty years he will call you from his death bed asking more retarded shit
>>17116710
>>17116707
>>17116722
I can't push them away. I spent a long time angry at my family because i knew they all had my contact information through my mother but never called.
I talk to my father about 4 times a year on the phone. He really is a good guy, he needs to clean up and make ammends. My cousins and aunts all seem to be the perfect bradey bunch family, so i can see where my father wouldn't fit in. When i met them 5 years ago they all treated me like family right away.
>>17116739
you can spend the rest of your life making excuses for him
>>17116745
He hasn't done anything to me. He's never beat me, asked me for money or anything. He just was never meant to raise a child
>>17116773
>He hasn't done anything to me.
he abandoned you, we dont do that to dogs
>>17116791
It would have been worse if he stayed. He knew that.
Just fucking tell him. He has a right to know his own father died. The longer you wait the worse it will be on him.
>OPs dad talking about being estranged from his father
Im gonna say it right here and right now 1. Do what your grandfather says just do it dont ask questions dont think about it keep your mouth shut otherwise you can fuck up your entire family and your life
Youre dad is a cunt in the first place for not even seeing you your whole life so he already fucked the family over dont be a dickhead like your dad. Im sorry but I have to be honest your dad is a complete asshole to say the least who knows what would happen if he found out. Ive been through this shit and almost been through it all do NOT tell him.
>>17116800
No his grandfather specifically told him
Not to.
>>17116773
Bullshit your dads a reck and you know it Im not talking smack about you Im empathising you but you need to wake up and realise your dad in unresponsible for not taking care of you desu he shouldve been more carefull if he didnt want you. You said it yourself he wasnt meant to raise you therefore he deserves the shit he gets but dont tell the fucker about your grandfather youre already in a steap hole
>>17116800
This is where i'm coming from.
Considering my experience, i know what it would have meant to me if my dad didn't want me to know if he died
