Is there anyway to give someone confidence? Is the saying "you have to love yourself before you can love anybody else" true?
>>17116287
no it isn't true. but if you're fucked in the head the relationship will probably end up a train wreck.
giving confidence is easy, you just.. welllm give confidence. it depends on the situation.
>'oh im never gonna find a gf, ive never had one before wah wah wah'
>no man you're a great guy, you have x and y and if you keeping doing z you're gonna keep bettering yourself and blah blah blah
>>17116287
You can give someone confidence by being authentic. But yes, it is true that we accept the love we think we're worthy of.
>>17116287
You can't do much if someone doesn't loves himself.
You can give them confidence but that's only temporary as their regular thoughts WILL come back.
You can help them reach that destination but no matter what it depends on them to actually fix their issues, which is sadly why a lot of times these people can't be on a relationship.
They can't truly love someone if they're stuck and they can't learn to appreciate themselves no matter what they're gonna think the relation is meant to end, that it won't last, that you should get away from her to save you the suffering of being with her, etc.
>>17116306
"We accept the love we think we're worthy of", fuck that explains it. God fucking dammit.
>>17116326
I was hoping I could give her confidence and self esteem so she would feel she deserved love, or at least help her find it herself. I know it's smart and sensible to get away, but it's just so fucking painful
You cannot give it but you can help develop it. Teachers do not make people intelligent, coaches do not make someone strong, therapists do not sell peace of mind, and yet they can help. Everyone has a bit of teacher, coach and therapist in them.
>>17116361
I know exactly how you feel, I've been on this same dance for years now but in the end if she's not willing and things are not getting better she WILL drag you down and maybe even put you in her same position.
If you try to help her and she just won't budge, it can't be helped, she's just sadly not ready for a real relationship and it's gonna make things a living hell if you keep trying with no results, sadly I learned this first hand.
>>17116379
I don't even know why I asked, I already ruined it and ended it last night
I hate myself..
>>17116408
Me too..
>>17116426
People tell me I'm smart, which is bullshit because I know it's not true. I fucking swear whenever I get complimented it just makes me feel fucking worse. Friends try to set me up with girls, and people always question why I don't have a degrees, it's fuckig frustrating..I'm unattractive, stupid, and really have no future prospects to look forward to.
>>17116408
>>17116426
>>17116434
I'm glad it's not just me.
>>17116434
I HAD to have it my way, I couldn't just be happy with what we had
>>17116538
I'm trying to be grateful for what I have. I dislike my job, but it pays very well. But I just hate myself. Like, I honestly don't know what the point of living is. Why shouldn't I just shoot myself? I mean, I'm never going to get married or have kids. And everyone says that's the whole point of living a life. So shouldn't I just stop being a waste of space and end it?
>>17116405
You might say you ruined it, I say you dodged a bullet.
If someone doesn't tries to be happy with themselves even with someone trying to push them and help them, they don't deserve love because they give it out fully and they can't love themselves, its bound to be a relationship with issues and clashes until she either accepts the help or one crashes.
>>17116546
Everyone says that?
Who, exactly?
If anything marrying and having kids is on the decline, thousand years ago the whole point of life to most people was religion, at several points it's been religion, art, family, friends. their own, a project, to discover the meaning of life, what not.
The catch?
They're all different people with different motives, that might be the point of THEIR lives but it could very well not be yours, if you force yourself into what everyone else wants you to be you'll just be a shade, an image you have to put up while never achieving what you want to do.
One question tho, what's your name anon? Or at least initials, this kinda brings me back to a certain person.
>>17116559
It's hard, because I'm going against human nature and the path society automatically places us on. All the time people say "when you get married" or "when you have kids" or people just expect me to be going out have getting laid all the time. People expect me to have a college degree. All the time people say "you are smart, you could easily get a degree and get a better job". Well shit, I can't pass fucking college. I'm fucking stupid. It makes me feel like shit how all these people think I'm such a great dude who gets girls and is smart. But I'm clearly fucking none of that.
>>17116580
Everyone has those, and sadly you can't just talk it out with some people.
And now this is kinda going into another direction, yes, apparently she had issues but it looks like you have some problems yourself anon.
Aren't you and her the living example of this thread, then?
Maybe you could try talk to them or just fall apart with these kind of people.
Even then I repeat the question, what's your name anon?
Reminds me of the troubles a friend had a while ago and I've been trying to find him for a while.
>>17116580
Try being pretty attractive, but realizing you're actually gay because it explains everything better than any other rationale has before.
>>17116605
You got me mixed up with someone else. I'm just the depressed anon, I have never had a girlfriend, so I'm not the guy you are talking about.
AS
>>17116606
Are you actually into men? Or do you just tell people that because you're confused.
I'm not gay, but I think some of my friends suspect that I might be. Just because i ignore girls, and don't want sex. They think I'm fucking crazy. One of my friends actually got upset with me because he tried to hook me up with his 8.5/10 cousin and I declined. My friends say that I'm wasting my 20s and throwing away good opprotunities.
Then how exactly do you give someone confidence? Seems like a dumb question but hey, I'm on 4chan. Do I just point out things that I know about them that are good, but then how do I drive the point home instead of them going "yeah but.."?
>>17117051
First they need to want to be helped. They need to ask for help. You can't force it on them. Once you clear this step, discuss together how you can help. It can be small things like "remind me when I'm being negative" or "help me practice something new". Let them propose ideas and listen to them. Don't start with something huge, start with something small, you want a minor victory. If they ask for help on a small thing and it goes well then they will feel much better about proposing new things.
>>17117088
She's shown me that she wants to get better and I really want to help, thanks I think starting out small will be a good tactic
>>17116287
>Is there anyway to give someone confidence?
Sort of. Some people manage to convince themselves that they're incompetent, stupid, unlikable, etc, via primarily conscious action rather than from unconscious feelings.
These people typically benefit from being proven wrong, ie being confronted with evidence to the contrary. A common tactic in therapy is to basically order them to do something they think they can't do, like accept a promotion at work (or ask boss for new responsibilities).
And of course there's all the general drugs and therapy used in anxiety disorders: you could say that in a way, those give people confidence.
>Is the saying "you have to love yourself before you can love anybody else" true?
Nope, plenty of people love others despite having shit self-esteem.
>>17116629
I dunno. Its like in my heart I have a gayer vibe than most guys. I would call myself homoromantic, because I enjoy spending time with other guys and getting to know them. However sexually I've had to be really drunk the two occasions I expirimented. I get turned on by wimminz sure but it seems for romance I attract the worst ones.
>>17116287
>Is the saying "you have to love yourself before you can love anybody else" true?
Very, very true.
Just make sure you don't go full narcissist.
