So my long time closest female friend and I finally came clean and admitted were interested in each other
We kissed a bit before she left and moves about an hour away
And a couple days later she phones me up and tells me she doesn't think she can emotionally commit to a serious relationship, but also she told me she loves me and I'm her ideal man but she's too afraid to commit
What do I do from here /adv/
She still wants to see me says she cant imagine a life without me but I'll be honest I feel pretty played with
you tell her you'll make it work, or you cut her out completely. nothing more, nothing less.
>>17115509
/thread
An hour away is nothing. I wouldn't even classify that as long distance. My parents live about the same distance and I see them all the time. In fact, I used to drive to work an hour away daily. She loves you but can't handle a serious relationship? That's code word for 'going to look for guys here, but we can still flirt and occasionally have sex'
>>17115509
I still like her a lot unfortunately otherwise I wouldn't stress about cutting her off
I wouldn't be happy if she was gone
She told me one of her biggest fears is hurting me which is bullshit cause telling someone you reciprocate their feelings and faux dating for a week before cutting it off hurts me.more than 6 months down the line
Part of me thinks shes lying about all this, her attitude and what not
Like when I said goodbye to her and she told me she was happy she finally got to know what it was like to kiss me and then proceeds to give me the most awkward hug
>>17115505
Saying she's "in the closet" implies lesbian. Saying your a man implies a lesbian girl admitted she was lesbian to you, then made out with you, dipped out then told you she's in love with you but doesn't want a commited relationship. I don't buy your story OP. This is weak bait out of boredom.
>>17115550
True story, she thought she was a lesbian for a while.
She doesn't have to commit. Neither of you has to commit. It's a common mistake to assume that just because of you feel potential attraction toward someone then you need to make an uninformed decision about your entire future. You should start by dating. You should start by hanging around, learning more about each other, planning fun-oriented activities and then waiting to see how it goes before thinking of anything else. You are at a stage where you want to focus on the present. You want to test the water, see if you can have a mutually pleasant time together. You can start with something small and simple. You can meet for just 10 minutes to drink tea/coffee and talk about your day. You can discuss about your personal view on romance, see if your ideas are compatible. You can plan a date together, discuss what you expect, and once the date is over, discuss whether you enjoyed it or not. Accept the possibility that it might not work between you, accept the possibility that either of you may find someone else more attractive along the way during this trial phase, accept to not take it personally if it doesn't work, communicate honestly all of your feelings. Discuss whether you would prefer to be exclusive during your trial phase or whether you're both alright with dating different people. Discuss whether either of you would prefer to be informed about each other's dating, discuss whether you want to draw the line at kissing other people or fucking other people. Discuss everything, bit by bit, while learning about each other and having fun in the present.
If you start thinking about relationships and commitment when you haven't begun dating then you're just going to have a panic attack, which is probably what happened here.
>>17115548
>bullshit cause telling someone you reciprocate their feelings and faux dating for a week before cutting it off hurts me more than 6 months down the line
You should tell her that, exactly how you typed it here.
>>17115559
I was thinking that's probably what happened is the two of us have been friends for years and we assumed we knew each other well enough to jump right into commitment.
>>17115548
>and then proceeds to give me the most awkward hug
Some people are bad huggers. Sometimes people have too much on their mind to give a good hug. I don't think the quality of someone's hug is any indication of them being a liar.
>She told me one of her biggest fears is hurting me which is bullshit cause telling someone you reciprocate their feelings and faux dating for a week before cutting it off hurts me.more than 6 months down the line
She didn't promise to date you or love you forever, did she? It shouldn't hurt you that someone dates you and then stop. It's perfectly common and it doesn't mean she wants to intentionally harm you.
Honestly it sounds like this person suffers from minor anxiety, and that you're judging anxiety-based behavior as being malicious.
>>17115567
That makes sense. It's easy to make a small mistake like that in that position. A relationship is a bit different than a friendship. Maybe it would be best to start back at zero and go on small dates. If the dating don't seem to go anywhere then perhaps you have more compatibility by just being friends.
>>17115591
That's what I was thinking about. I don't know how to pitch her on the idea without sounding desperate though
Like we had a big talk about how I still really like her and don't want her gone
I should have mentioned it then but I was overwhelmed
