You have to start over. You acknowledge all these faults of yours, and that's good. But do you really acknowledge them, or do you basically wear all this shit like a badge of honour? This might seem like a bizarre suggestion, but you'd be surprised how people romanticize their flaws.

If you truly want to get better, oh boy, you've got a lot of fucking work to do. A lot. And it wont be easy, because lets be honest here you've been a shitty person for a very long time and never really go spanked for it.

What I suggest is going to therapy, and beginning the long slow process of healing. Healing yourself and maybe, eventually, looking at healing your relationships with those around you. But you have to understand that these are people with feelings, and what you did to them may make it so they never ever want to talk to you again. That's the price we pay in life for our actions. I'd seek therapy right away.

>>17113857
The old platitude is true: the first step to solving a problem is understanding there is one. You know you're an admittedly pretty fucking terrible person, so now the next step is developing a plan to stop being like that, even if it means starting over from zero in your social situation. Saying you want to be a better person doesn't do anything, and it doesn't give you control over your situation; you need to keep yourself focused and on task to changing your shitty habits.

>>17113857

There's only so much you can blame on your past. Eventually you have to take responsibility for yourself and your actions.

You've apologized to the people you've hurt and that's all you can do. You can't expect them to forgive you, that's on them to do. You've done your part, move on and ease your conscience.

That you're admitting you have a problem is a good start. You're most likely a sex and love addict and that shit is hard to stop. Counseling and therapy are a good start as the anon above mentioned. You have to want to get better though and it's going to take some willpower to overcome your addiction.

I currently have no way of getting to therapy and I have no one who is able to take me. I am suppose to be going for my MDD.

I tell myself I am gonna change but I have been like this since I was 12 years old. I don't lie cause I wanna hurt people. I have a stigma where I lie to be more enjoyable to a person. I zone out and keep fucking up. I try to remind myself everyday but its like an addiction.

Look into self help books, one or two focused on depression. I had the privilege to have a couple sessions on therapy be paid for by my company, and being depressed makes us far more sexual. I had problems with having sex with all my friends that were girls when I didn't really want it. Promiscuousness is a symptom

>>17113903

Lying to someone so they get close to you then hurting them is an awful thing to do. You're making yourself out to be something you're not so they put their trust into you and become emotionally involved with you. I can understand why they hate you now.

What do you mean you zone out and keep fucking up? Do you mean eventually the web of lies you create becomes too much to maintain and you end up slipping and they find out?

You said you haven't talked to anyone since March.. do you feel like you're going through withdrawl? Are you trying to seek out a new source of intamacy to keep yourself feeling 'good'?

It sounds like there is a serious imbalance in your brain chemistry and unfortunately only therapy and medication is the only treatment for it. But why can you not go see a doctor, there are a lot of ways that the system can help you even if you don't have insurance

>>17113857
How do you stop? You make a conscious effort that will probably tear your self-esteem down and make you even more insecure before eventually building up your confidence.

People like you are the reason why I have such low expectations in my relationships with the opposite sex. You even sound manipulative in this post, and sounds as if you're trying to play the victim by calling yourself a cunt.

>wahh wahh why don't people like me
>i get caught in the moment and don't even think
>im a sociopath and can't tell anybody because that would give them insight on how much of a pice of shit I am

I used to be vaguely similar to you, but I never acted upon these urges because I have a sense of self restraint and pride. At least you're admitting to it, so maybe you're not completely fucking hopeless.

Don't apologize to anybody, because you're not sorry, especially considering what kind of mindset that you have now.

Go out and do things for others, and quit fucking lying to people. I'm not inside of your head but if you are like me and used to lie out of insecurity and fear of what others think then it's better to understand that telling the truth is much easier and healthier than trying to keep up a lie. I'm a manipulative person, but I do so by telling the truth and downplaying it's importance.

I also remain faithful in relationships, even if they don't last very long. At least give the other person the benefit of being broken up with you before you hop on some other dudes dick, you fucking cunt.

No, I'm not mad. I used to be manipulative towards my family in this manner and have an idea of the way you think, so I feel qualified to tell you that you are currently a worthless piece of shit.

I am not even trying to sound manipulatIve.
I also never even had sex before nor do any sexual things with others. I get attached too easily. It isn't a sexual addiction at all. I have no desire for it.

The tone and way I talk apperantly is a problem and I just sound like I'm lying and want attention constantly when I just always antagonize myself and attack myself jokingly. But I'm sure its unironically now.

>>17114003
It might be subconscious at this point. It seems like you're trying to validate your behaviors to me, which is normal for a female to do.

>antagonize myself
What does that even mean?

>>17113857
Hi, anon!!

It must have been hard to say all that, but it's really good you did!! Putting this emotions into motion is important, so they dont keep 'building up'.

We all have hurt people, girl... I have and I'm pretty sure everyone here has! And I'm labelled a great person, as in good intended.

Anyway, what I want to say to you is that if you think you are worthless, just look at you talking about this emotions you feel. Haven't seen any worthless people doing that, you'd be the first - but I don't believe that.

TL;DR
'How to?' is your question. In my experience, talking with a psychologist helps a lot. Attending to a religion also helps, for you meet new people who arent expecting anything and dont want to judge.
Meditation also helps, to find your inner peace, but I recommend doing yoga or something to learn more about it.

I hope you see the value in you. I really do!
Good luck.

>>17114003
If you've never had sex and aren't interested, how have you cheated on all of your relationships? Do you mean emotionally cheating?

>>17113857
you shouldnt be in a relationship if you enjoy hook ups regardless of how you were raised. same thing for info about your self, probably because you arent ready to settle down. yeah you could be insecure but still arent ready. dont beat your self over it it happens to everyone in their 20s

>>17113857
baka just let me know beforehand if you just want to hook up rather than a relationship