So a few months ago I had an LSD trip that gave me an intense psychotic episode where I saw God and the devil and descended into hell after being told I was Jesus by messages through the tv. It took me quite a while to recover from that and to come back to my senses.
The thing is, everytime I smoke weed now it takes me back to that place. I start hallucinating noises that remind me of that trip or I start think my friend can read my mind or that I'm in hell or that the tv is giving me messages. It takes a little while to recover every time I smoke. But, I think I'm pretty normal when I recover and don't really have delusions to my knowledge.
Here's a little background:
>mom died when I was 6
>had anger problems growing up
>dad shut off emotionally, he played games or went on business trips all the time
>developed depression in teens, was always an odd child
>depression came and went often
>spent time in a psych ward last summer for admitting to being suicidal
>only tried suicide once toward the end of my senior year in high school
>locked up, nothing changes
>doctors said it may be schizophrenia but couldn't get a diagnosis
>compared to the schizos I was fairly sane
>then the trip
So what do you think this is? I really want to get advice because I really don't like going to doctors. Do you think it's just flashbacks to the psychotic trip when I smoke weed or do you think it's the onset of schizophrenia?
I keep clean, bathe daily and eat right and exercise and I am capable of feeling emotions and I can stay relatively level-headed most of the time, so I personally rule out schizophrenia. But I haven't heard of such horrible psychotic breaks caused by weed alone. Maybe I screwed up my brain with my history of drug abuse?
Bumping with C&H
I had a somewhat similar experience but it was a 4th plat DXM trip that I was in no way prepared for physically, mentally, or emotionally. After that trip I could not smoke weed without getting horribly anxious and paranoid, which had never happened to me before. This was about a year ago and what ended up helping me was two things, one of which I for sure recommend and one which I can't in good conscience. The first thing is that I just stopped smoking with other people for a while, and I stopped smoking to get high. I would get "buzzed" and then quit there, and while there was slight paranoia and anxiety I learned how to deal with it. The second thing was to get insanely high by myself and get into that head space again, sort of force myself to relive the feelings I got from that original trip. I kept the voice recorder on my phone on and a pen and paper next to me and started talking and writing and drawing whatever came to my mind, and that actually ended up helping me make the connections I needed to make to understand what made me have that awful trip in the first place. Now everything's pretty much back to normal.
>>17113843
I have stopped smoking altogether and plan on never doing it again. Even when I think it's safe to smoke again it takes me right back
>>17113752
Hey man I went through the exact same thing almost 5 years ago on LSD. I'd get horrible flashbacks and enter the same headspace every time I smoked. In a weird way it's comforting that you've also experienced something similar because I thought I was all alone because no one could relate. I got a lot of shitty advice that kind of cut deep.
What I did was stop smoking. Completely. I did it about 3 times in the span of 4 years. A lot of those feelings and thoughts naturally went away as time passed and I forgot about the trauma. About 2 months ago I smoked again for the first time. I kind of did something similar to what >>17113843 suggested, in that at the start I took a hit and was pleasantly buzzed. It kind of eased me back into the headspace. I did that for a few days. Afterwards, when I was in a really safe environment with my brother (who is really kind, accepting and more experienced with this stuff than I), I went hard. I kind of forced myself to deal with it and I came to many conclusions and resolutions that really eased my mind. A lot of that insight came because I'm older now (25) and have more wisdom, maturity, self-awareness, etc etc.
Did I completely get over everything? I don't know. I think so. After that I smoked a lot in many different environments and with different people and I felt fine. A lot of what I did was just meta-meta-thinking in that I stepped outside myself and really viewed my thoughts. Kind of like an Eckhart Tolle Power of Now thing where I was the observer. Umm I hope that makes sense.
I'm not sure if I will take LSD again. I'd like to but I am not in a rush. I feel a little like that Alan Watts quote about LSD: "once you get the message hang up the phone". For reference I currently don't smoke. I now live in a country that makes it impossible if I value a bed and not a cell. Don't get me wrong I'd like to but I'm not going to chance it.
I'll be here for the day so I'll do my best to respond if you need someone.
>>17113752
Google Syd Barrett.
LSD is an awesome drug, but it can destroy your mind and accelerate schizophrenia if you are at risk. Generally if you had a fucked up or bizarre childhood or a family history of schizophrenia then you should stay away from ALL hallugenics. Yes weed is a mild hallucigenic. Stay away from that too.
I had a friend in the 90's we would drop acid and go to KMFDM and Ministry concerts. He is in prison because he is he assaulted a police officer that he thought was the NSA spying on him. The years have not been kind to him. He is not the same person anymore. It killed me to see him this way.
Sorry man.
>>17113752
stop weed and stop all that shit. A friend of mine got in a serious psychotic phase after he stopped smoking weed, but I think the LSD he took years before approx. once a year also had something to do with it. he's recovering, because he's a clever guy capable of rationalising his fears, and observing himself. you can always recover from that, dont worry. patience and discipline my friend.
>>17114083
>>17114045
>>17114006
Thanks for the input. Whatever it is I'm sure I'll recover and I'll stop weed for good
>>17113752
spoiler alert:
what you consumed that day was not lsd-25
better luck next time
>>17114311
It was tasteless
>>17114083
>"he's a clever guy capable of rationalising his fears, and observing himself.
This anon is right.
I have suicidal depression and PTSD and I take acid every weekend
my advice to you is stop being a little bitch and maybe self censor yourself.
if you're gonna smoke/trip visuals and audio hallucinations are gonna happen, just dont put yourself in a environment thats gonna sketch yourself out.
upbeat music and nice soothing lighting is the way to go friendo.
