When I met my wife, she was fresh out of high school where she was in the color guard, so she was fit from all of the activity (She was ~130 pounds). I was addicted to meth at the time and we worked at the same minimum wage job. She helped me get clean (It'll be 11 years clean this august)
We dated for a few years, then got married. By the time we had gotten married, she had put on quite a bit of weight, but I wasn't too worried (she was ~200 pounds). Then we tried to have kids, and were having a hard time. She found out she has PCOS and it would be nearly impossible to have kids until she slimmed back down. After that she entered a serious depression, and ballooned in size.
She now weighs over 300 pounds.
She has arrythmia, so it's like having a gun pointed to her head that could go off at any time. I don't find her sexually attractive at all anymore, and we have sex maybe twice a month. Her depression has spiraled out of control, especially because she's right on the cusp of turning 30 with fertility problems that are made worse with her weight. I've tried everything I can do to help her, but she is the single pickiest eater I've ever met in my life. She hates 90% of vegetables, most fruits, and all meat that isn't chicken. I've tried taking her to the gym with me, but she is so ashamed of herself she hates it. I bought an exercise bike and she broke the seat with her weight. She has an overfondness of sweets that is hard to break. She's been going to a therapist once a week for the last 4 years, but it hasn't done much because she seems to forget about all of the techniques described to her as soon as she leaves the office. Every time I try to help or bring up changes in diet, she breaks down and starts crying. It affects me every day, and it's to the point where I volunteer for 12-36 hours of overtime every week because I feel a lot happier at work.
I'm at a loss /adv/ because I love this woman but I feel powerless to do anything.
>>17111634
Sorry to hear that OP, but the only real way you could help is by support her and it sounds like you've just been doing that. She needs overcome her fear of the gym, its a place where people go to improve themselves, people wont ridicule you for doing that. if she still won't go I'd suggest go jogging in a park, but it wont have any real impact unless she herself starts eating better and working out. ask her about her motivations, maybe confide your own feelings gently, if all she does is pushes you away and refuse to atleast try suggestions maybe she can't or won't be changed.
Stay positive OP, keep trying I'd say give her an ultimatum but if you love her, you may not be prepared to do that.
>>17111634
You might want to have her see a mental health professional. I think at this point it's beyond anything that you can do.
I feel for you. It sucks to see someone you care about destroying themselves like this.
>wife gets THICK
>this is somehow a bad thing
>>17111722
300 pounds is not healthy.
>>17111634
She has to want to change bad enough. I've been there, I weighed around 160 when me and my husband met 12 years ago, we were both 19, I was fit from doing sports. Over the next 10 years I put on weight, having 3 kids and not taking care of myself. 2 years ago I'm up to 275 and my husband admits to me he's no longer sexually attracted to me but will still do his husbandry duties, hurts like hell and I get depressed. A few months later I decide to do something about it and change my eating habits and exercise when I can. Almost 2 years later I've lost 80lbs.
You have to be completely honest with her, even if it hurts her. Tell her as delicately as you can, that you love her and want her to be healthy enough to have a family with her.
Is she on any sort of medication for her depression? Could you two see a therapist together?
>>17111634
>Wife wants kida
>Is told to get slim
>Gets fatter
OP, I assure you I'm not trying to be a dick here; are you sure you want to have kids with her?
What kind of example would she set for your kids? Even then, she isn't making an effort - let alone for you - for her. Please think about it.
>>17111722
Fuck off thickfag. We're getting tired of you posting your bbw fetish.
>>17111634
>How do I less fat my wife?
Well, first of all, you need to decide if you really mean to pull this off:
1) Go to >>>/fit/ and read sticky >>>/fit/17018018/
Mainly focus on chapters about reducing weight :-)
2) Tell your wife she is fat. Like morbid obese fat.
3) If she won't divorce with you, you can tell her you know how to trim her.
4) Here comes the $ € part: acquire scale which won't break under her, some smartphone to keep track of calories and progress of weight and some fitness app into it.
Now if you read the sticky carefully, you will notice:
>single pickiest eater
doesn't matter, you can reduce weight even when on cheeseburgers. Problem is that you can take like 2 of them for full day combined with pure water to pass the daily calories intake.
>hate vegetables most fruits
doesn't matter. In worst case scenario you can buy some multivitamin supplement, but cheeseburger has a lot of vitamins too if fresh.
>to the gym
Contrary to what /fit/ says, you don't need gym at all. Reducing weight is 90% about food, 10% is sport.
However I recommend swimming and or walking to prevent being zombie after 2 months on diet.
>exercise bike
lol
>therapist, depression
Man, talking can't fix feeling like fat fuck she is.
The worst part of reducing weight is first two weeks. When I was on my first cut ever I though I will die. I went from all sort of mental and psychical states. But after 14 days, it got better. My sugar / meat / food cravings got less demanding and now I am on 4th month diet, lost 23 Kg. My BMI is 23 and I still look like fat ass, maybe because I just keep doing cardio (swimming), but that can be deal with later.
Recommended speed is about 0.5 ~ 1.0 kg per week but when you are super fat, you can go really fast like 3 kg per week. The main issue is SHE HAS TO KNOW IT IS POSSIBLE AND WANTS IT.
Good luck OP, you and your wife will need it.
>>17111634
make sure she knows that you would love her no matter what she weighed. notice I said love, not be attracted to. you can't really help it if you find her less attractive if she gets too fat for you. but you love her for who she is, right? good. then let her know (again) that because you love her, you don't want her to die on you. expect some resistance to this, because nobody likes to think they're just gonna drop dead. but don't make a big deal out of said resistance.
you mentioned you tried to get her to change her diet. have you tried dieting with her? it really sucks having to eat rabbit food while your spouse is eating doritos. it's hard for someone who already likes themselves and has good willpower. if there are already self-esteem problems, constant self-denial around people who are indulging themselves can make you feel like a non-person. solidarity is a powerful tool, it's why weight watchers (kinda) works. make sure she sees you eating the same stuff she does. if you sneak a mcrib, that's fine, just dispose of the evidence. cook healthy foods together, put your big plates in storage and only eat off the smaller plates, stuff like that.
you will lose weight a lot faster than she does. if she gets discouraged, remind her that pcos makes it hard as fuck to lose weight.
lean on her - hard - to get her blood sugar managed. if she's eating sweets and has pcos she might need meds for that.
honestly she doesn't sound like she's being helped by therapy. maybe a group therapy setting might work better. more people to hold her accountable. or maybe like >>17111820 said, go to therapy together.
find out if she meets criteria for weight loss surgery. I think you have to try (and fail) to lose weight for a while before you do it, and obvs there are risks. so maybe it's not for her. but it's an option.
good luck OP, both to you and your wife.
