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Start working out.
Got me over depressions.
I was an anorexic guy at age 16-17.
Weight was 52 kilos.
Started lifting at age 18.
Now i'm 21 and weight 65 kilo.
I believe this is the first step in the right direction. But in order to do this you MUST be disciplined. Place a motivational poster on your wall, listen to some workout music etc, anything to get you in the workout mood.
Have a piece of paper on your table that you notice when you walk into your bedroom.
Write: Remember why you started lifting, remember the pain of failure you felt all this time. WAKE UP AND START LIFTING.

>>17108881
>life is double messed up
That means you have two problems? Tell us your problems, we wanna hear other people's misery.

>my life is messed up

>but first and foremost, i wnat to date a pretty girl

fix your priorities. by putting an imaginary person at the top of your list you have revealed that you think it is the most important thing in life. its not wise to put so much emphasis on the most temporary and fragile of all human relationships.

friends are a second.

instead of saying 'i want to have people that meet this quality' you need to start thinking 'i want to be the kind of person worthy of such things. i want to be an attractive and nice man. i want to be a deep and meaningful friend'.

those are goals you can achieve, regardless of how other people react (Which you cannot directly control). you have to start your change from within, then work your way out. if you can make your life enjoyable on its own, then others will want to be a part of it, and you will be able to find the ones who are like you, and further develop those relationships.

I am not saying to give up on human interaction by any means. the more human interaction the better. but you need to focus on being happy regardless of who is in your life, with the exception of cutting out those who are toxic of course.

>be fit

work out mate

>be motivated

motivation is an internal spark you have. if you arent motivated to do something, then you arent motivated enough to do something that will make you motivated to do the initial thing. tips and tricks help, but at the endo f the day you have to be the one who does it.

someone might say they want to quit facebook, so ill tell them to put on child blocks that remove facebook. they simply say
>ID FIND A WAY AROUND THAT

and then get mad that i dont have the magical solution to fix them. change starts with YOU.

>>17109525

now commencing my dump of life advice

you probably went to bed many many nights and said that tomorrow you are going to
>wake up early
>work out
>eat healthy
>clean the entire apartment
>start the job hunt
>start educating yourself on something new
>start that book
>etc

and hwen you wake up you cross off maybe 1 or 2 things then give up the next day. the reason for this is we are not meant to radically change our lives overnight. otherwise we'd all be perfect. it takes time. 28 days to be precise. doing one thing for 28 days makes it a 'habit' and something you arent likely to drop.

so what you need to do is create a monthly schedule. each month you tackle a really big change. i went through this two years ago when my life was a mess
>january: just fix my fucking sleep cycle. early to bed, early to rise
>february: start working out, at an actual fucking gym too
>march: eat healthy! not just carrots and shit, btu spend ttwo weeks without any junk to prove i can get it out of my system
>april start my new hobby / education (For me it was making a web series)
>may: start a consistent chore chart that i adhere to strictly.

you can do other little thigns each month as well. like starting to apply for jobs should probably be month 1 assuming you dont igve it its own dedicated month. when you do get a job or some major life style change, please remember that your new habits wont carry over immediately. the first week is you getting used to the job. then next week you work working out in to your routine. then eating healthy,. then chores. slowly adapting those hobbies to suit your new job or education.

its okay if you dont immediately catch on with something, thats why you have a month to get it right. the first two weeks are the struggle. by the end of it you'[re on it.

>>17109556

try not to make goals you cannot guarantee, for instance
>MAKE NEW FRIENDS
>GET A GF

you cannot guarantee that anyone will want to be your friend or gf, and at best, you can only guarantee someone who is not good quality. instead, have a month where you start implenting new ways to socialize. forcing yourself to go out twice a week (not to a bar, but anywhere, you'll see in my next set of advice).

when it comes to girls keep in mind that 'working out' does not mean instant success. what attracts women is a nice physique, and it takes time to develop. saying 'IVE BEEN TO THE GYM FOR SIX MONTHS AND NO GIRLS ARE SITTING ON MY FACE YET' is silly because you have maybe just reached the point wherei t starts to show, assuming you were dedicated.

and when you do look good remember that the body only gives them interest in you physically. you still have to be the kind of person worth knowing.

this advice was meant for picking up women, but it also works GREAT for making new friends too.


>dont just hit on a woman

its no secret that women are the ones who are approached, and they make decisions on which men to keep in their lives. that being said, desperately drooling over each and every girl as if they are a potential love interest is silly.

give yourself more value by not letting a woman sway you on first impressions alone. before you ever begin to say anything remotely flirtatious, talk to the girl. see what she actually acts like when you interact with her. have a normal conversation. if there isnt anything special there beyond her looks, friendzone her. or simply stop talking to her. you do not need to hit on each and every girl that looks good enough to be your partner.

doing this gives you more value, and the psychological effects are great. in addition, women will take you more seriously. instead of being 1 of 500 men in new york who went straight for the kill, you took the time to get to know them. whether it goes anywhere or not, this approach also just gives you practice talking to girls in a casual context. its less pressure than trying to impress them.

>>17109575
>only ever use dating apps as a supplement to your real life dating.

dating apps are toxic. consider the following
>people use dating apps because they arent having much luck in real life
>they go to a dating app where they are introduced to an entire smorgasbord of men who want nothing more than to bang and/or date them
>after just one day they will have seen everyone in their area
>within one week they would have talked to everyone they are interested in

so anyone who has been using the app for more than a few weeks clearly has some sort of issue. likely, they are the female equivelent of what i discussed in my first post.

they want a 'bf' but because they have a very specific idea of what a bf is, they arent finding it anywhere. instead of seeing if they have real chemistry, they are simply walking down the aisle, trying to figure out what is the ONE thing at the groccery store they can buy, based solely on pictures and labels.

if a woman is on tinder for too long, they are losing their ability to feel chemistry.

you as a man can fall into a very similar pattern here, but with the added harshness of constant rejection.

it is an app made for people who want to date, yet no one seems to have success there for very long. that should tell you something.

>>17109580

>but anon, how do i use it as a supplement to an existing dating life if i dont have a dating life.

effort. lots and lots of effort. and also, doing what you like. going out is in no way restricted to bars and clubs, though if that is what you enjoy, by all means, go to bars and clubs.

the truest way to find chemistry is to experience your life in the most enjoyable way, and see how you match with the people who come into it. interacting with someone in a casual way shows you how you ACTUALLY get along, not how you hope to get along cuz you really want this to work cuz you need a gf.

so write down a list of all your hobbies, and find a way to externalize them. most people live at least near a city these days.

go to any and all hobby shops and ask about local events. gun shops might have hunting trips. or you can just go to a shooting range. comic book stores have game nights. or live commentary movie nights. if these shops do not host events, offer to host one through them, after all it will only lead to more money through them.

you can even go to a more casual store, lets say, a book store, and stand in your favorite aisle (lets say, horror). talk to everyone who comes by looking for a book. ask what book they are looking for. tell them what book you are looking at. try to spark a conversation abotu your favorite author. maybe take some suggestions. if you really hit it off, try to trade numbers.

its okay if it doesnt pan out. this isnt a scoring system. there is no man in a cloack in space making down on a cosmic chalkboard how many failed conversations you had. 99% of interaction is dumb. you are waiting for the 1% and enjoying talking about your favorite things with strangers until then.

>>17109587


>but anon, going outside somewhere to find out if maybe they have an event doesnt suit my lazy lifestyle!!1!

and for those who simply cannot bring themselves to get up out of the house without a guarantee go to meetup.com and look for something of your interest. no matter what your interest it is on there in a group you can meet with. and if not, you can start your own meet up.

Now, some of you may argue that these sorts of tailored events are attended mostly by men. yes. mostly. but some women too. whats important here is you will be doing something you love, with people who love what you love, and when the right ladies come along you'll know they love it too. you will have that common ground.

>>17109592

now that you have friendsships, you need to learn how to deepen them so they are amazing.

how to depen friendships:


>Stress
>Time

lets start with
>stress

stress brings people together. its the reason soldiers come back from overseas feeling like they are brothers. the reason teenagers make really strong friendships so fast is partly because they think everything is stressful. they think everything is hard, and the end of the world, and dramatic. they get emotional about everything. and they share those emotions with each other and support each other and quickly become the best friends ever. even if the stress is imaginary, you can still bond over it.

now stress doesn't have to be bad, and it can be manufactured healthily. by which i mean, you can do things that require more effort than just hanging out and chilling.

Got a really good co op game? play it with your friend. play it til the end. beat the game together. go camping together. go on a road trip together. make a movie together, write a book together, anything that makes you work together. something more than just sitting around and chilling. enter a contest. find a friend and do anything that takes at least a few months to complete and keeps you close.

-----------------------------

>>17109602
another thing is
>time

now i dont mean spending years together. cuz many people who have known each other for years only know each other superficially.

the truth is that most 'friends' in adulthood meet at max once a week. they use each other simply to relax or have fun. its usually in a group, but even the 1 on 1 time is shallow. you talk, catch up, then go back to your own lives.

someone can know someone for six years and not beclose.

on the other hand people who share the same job and work together daily become REALLY fucking close. or the person you go to school with. or like when you are a kid, spend a lot of time wtih, 1 on 1.

in a group people are less likely to share private details. one on one, they are. less to be embarassed about. people dont share secrets with groups. they share it with one person.

dont be afraid to have an adult sleepover if you can convince someone. the above mentioned roadtrips, camping trips etc. are also great ways to bond. anything that can you hanging out for a full day instead of just the lunch chunk of the day.


finally a third thing im adding
>share

if you want people to open up, you have to open up first. share something personal. you have to be willing to go to someone with a problem and talk about it, but dont whine regardless of the advice. you can say' i dont need advice, i just need someone to listen and to care'. if they are worth being your friend they will. they might share their own experience. and next time they have a problem they might come to you.

good luck hope it helps