>>17108074
have you spoken to your doctor about these concerns, how do people normally manage this condition?

Here's an idea, try being selfish, use what resources you have to experience anything positive before youre ready to go. Maybe make a bucket list, because at this point its all about you, you cant afford to think about others anymore because you cant even look after yourself. Maybe after doing all this something might change. If you see an opportunity, take it

>>17108074
>What would you do?
well I can tell you what I wouldn't do, I wouldn't go die in a bedsit in east buttfuckistan. but then maybe I have more to lose than you, idk. I have a husband and parents and brothers and friends who would be pretty bummed if I was gone. anyway I can tell you what I did do, although again my situation isn't identical. and idk if you live in the usa or not. I do.

my issues are mostly mental health-related with some physical stuff (migraines etc.) I was able to power through most of college, but ended up burning out in senior year. then worked full time for about 15 years. basically used what youthful energy and willpower I had to keep working while going to therapy and docs, doing self-help, trying herbal stuff etc. basically trying to fix my shit any way I could. was functioning, but just barely.

then at about 35 age started catching up with me. I had reached my limits of functioning. life kept pushing me and I was looking for less stressful jobs etc. to make it manageable but had a breakdown before I could find a solution. and I realised I was just too fucking tired to do it anymore. I applied for disability, took two years to get it but I did it.

you will not find a lot of sympathy for disabled people on 4chan. which is why I'm telling you, as someone who paid social security taxes for 15 years: apply for disability. if not now, then in a couple years. talk to your docs and start a paper trail now if you don't have one already. and make sure to tell your doc that your condition feels so hopeless that you're considering ending yourself.

but honestly if I were you I'd at least give school and/or work a try. even if you're sure you can't do it, just suspend your disbelief for a bit. give it your best try. don't refuse to try just because you're scared it won't work. that's silly. maybe you won't be able to finish school or support yourself fully. if that happens, it will only strengthen your disability case.

cont.

>>17108203
cont.

as for being a burden on society - are your loved ones not part of society? I struggled with feeling like a burden while I was applying for disability and my family were supporting us because my husband has health problems too. so I can understand the desire not to be a weight on others. but as painful as it is to be a financial burden, if you end your life it will be more of a burden on them than any amount of money. this is not a "but think of ur fambly!" guilt trip, it's a cost-benefit analysis. there's also the fact that you may be able to find part-time work or other useful things to do that allow you to be productive but also work with your limitations.

I'm not gonna lie and say that people who love you won't occasionally wish they could have spent their money on something else, or that taxpayers don't sometimes disagree with or resent how their tax dollars are spent. and of course if you don't have anybody who loves you, or if you decide to systematically push people away til they don't care about you anymore, the burden of your dying will be less. and the impact on others is only one factor. it also comes down to what you can actually stand to live with, day to day.

ultimately it's up to you. I don't know what you go through. I do know you're selling yourself short if you don't make every effort to make things work. nobody can know whether you're doing that or not except you.

>>17108260
>>17108203

Hey, thanks for taking the time to write such a lengthy response.

I live in the UK, and I would be in a dangerous middle ground. If I exercise a lot, I mitigate the symptoms; without exercise I had horrible pain in my legs, cognitive fogging, migraines etc., and kept pulling myself through stuff. When I exercise, I can function reasonably normally, but I can do less of things - I can do 2 hours of hard work, but 8-9 hours a day of ok work all week, has a far bigger toll on my well being.

Therefore I'm 'able to work', but only really because of the preventative and mitigating measures I am taking, and could quickly slip back into that inability to work.

My family and social circles are small, I don't really have the energy to do a whole lot of socializing. In fact, all of my social circles either revolve around the sport I play to stay healthy, or are online. I live with my parents who are now into their 50s, and they're starting to become agitated.

I'm currently a university student, 2nd year of being a 1st year, and I just can't maintain the life style to get through it. The information isn't clearly available meaning I'm spending time hunting for things I shouldn't have to hunt for, I either have to live in shitty student accommodation and make do, or travel from home; all three of these things are heavily tiring. Last year I managed 2 and a half months in student accommodation before I was heavily exhausted.

Like I said I don't want a future where I'm borderline homeless and too tired to do anything about it. That's where it feels like I'm heading.

Bump, any one?

>>17108074

im 23 years old, diagnosed with MdDS which basically has the fatigue but also a brain fog where its like im drunk all the time. my chair has head support but i often have to lay down when i get too dizzy. this is the first day in the last month where i have been lucid enough to actually work. my boss has been very understanding, but in reality hes paying me just to return calls when i can at the moment and its a scary thought. my parents are prepared for me to move in with them, but its a shitty situation.

I'd be taken care of for life, live in a big house, whatever food i want, a swimming pool so i can exercise when needed, and they'd let me convert the basement to ap rivate apartment as well as have a space for a 3d animation motion capture studio so i can still 'pursue' my dream of being a filmmaker

the thought of it still terrifies me cuz i cant even drive so id never be able to go outside. maybe have my parents take me places on the weekend but thats a pitiful existence.

im really scared to and not sure what to do cuz this might never go away and imalready losing my handle on life and reality.

but we gotta keep trying. the reason we dont want to settle for being a burden isnt because of the burden part (at least not for me). its cuz we realize the inherent value of struggle. I could go live a very cushy life and just wait to inherit the house and make stupid films all day and never worry about over exerting myself.

but im not done having adventures and i dont think you are either. we might not live completely normal lives but we'll find some sort of job with some sort of understanding boss and do what we can even if its making minimum wage and living with roommates until we die.

cuz if we arent out trying, then we arent really living.

>>17109492
Damn, I can sympathize with having brain fog. When the pain in my legs got really bad, I had similar issues, I'd read back over something I'd written and realise I'd conflated two sentence structures together and produced absolute garbage.

I think we're opposites in that regard, I'm a person of practicality, and principle is of very little concern. I don't really want to struggle just to exist, are we as a species not beyond that in the western world? At least you have a guarantee of a place to live, and the opportunity to do these things; I'm at risk of not being able to find part time work to pay my rent to live in 1 room of a house.

Struggle is good and all, but it's worthless if the odds are stacked as such that you are doomed to an inept and inert life that will neither provide value nor substance to your time here.

Why work what pittance I can? Make 20 hours a week? Just to eat crappy food and live in a small room. That sounds like a drab and unfulfilled life.

I'm sorry I didn't see this yesterday. I don't have your conditions, but my wife does. Here is her input,

First and most important is to realize that you are not alone. Get involved in support groups, both online and offline, and find people who can help advocate for you. There are a lot of great groups on Facebook.

Second, and relatedly, discard burden rhetoric. This is easier said than done, but important. Burden rhetoric ("disabled people are a burden to those around them", etc) is a form of institutional and internalized ableism. The more you can get away from that, the happier you will be.

Next, get yourself a good doctor. This is one of the big problems with fleeing to a poorer country. Poorer countries often don't have as good medical care, and do not tend to prioritize things like this, while you'll need the best medical care available. Advocate for yourself, and do not back down: you deserve the best care available, and do not let anyone tell you otherwise.

Lastly, whether or not you find yourself able to do what you want to do depends on what you want to do, and how willing you are to alter that. (Husband here: keep kn mind the difference between the way you'd planned on getting what you want and what you actually WANT. Sometimes, the only path to the goal involves sacrificing the plan).

>>17108340
>>17110218 here again. Didn't see your second post. There are a number of good disability advocacy groups within the UK; have you looked into getting in touch with some of them?

>>17110218
Hey there, please pass on my thanks to your wife.

A big problem I have is that work expectations here are absolutely ridiculous. I exercise several times a week because if I don't, I feel a lot, lot worse. In our government's eyes, this means I am perfectly able to work. Which, I could manage a suitable work load. But unfortunately due to the way work, taxation etc. is set up in this country, it's expensive to have lots of employees. So people only want to take on people that can work 40+ hours a week.

Even then I've had jobs that have willfully tried to deprive myself and other employees of the one, unpaid, 20 minute break we're entitled to in a seven hour shift.

I can not work that. It destroys me. As your wife may have experienced, high stress or anger is for me at least, extremely exhausting. Much more so than some physical activities. I think it's referred to as 'malaise'? So employers aren't gonna want me unless I'm willing to work in a way that will fuck me up. The government expects me to work in a way that will fuck me up.

If there is a way I can live and not be a burden, I'm not really seeing it. My plan was to flee to a poorer country, and when my money runs out, just kind of.. die. I figured this way I'd get to travel a bit, I wouldn't be in anyone's way or anything. That and I can just disappear as 'a stupid tourist that didn't come back', rather than grim suicides.