>>17107426
More details about that incident please

>>17107432
so i've been working six day weeks for the past month or so, and haven't been taking much time off (we have the option to go home early if it's a slow period) because ive been saving up for our upcoming vacation.

today, happened to be one of those magical days where the manager asked to either send me home early or keep me an extra hour over my original end time. i opted for the early leave because i knew she had the night off and figured we could spend some quality time together.

texted her at 8pm "im off early, sup?" her reply was 'deciding what to do' . i replied with "okay just driving coworkers home"

I dropped everyone off and texted her around 8:40pm saying "did you decide what to do"
'i think im going out." (now like all women when she's mad she'll use periods)
i reply with 'okay, why does that warrant you being mad at me?"
'because its like you dont exist'
"how? i took off work early for you, changed my day off to match yours"
'you didnt try to make plans or communicate them with me."

this is where it gets all fuzzy, cause im still trying to figure out how the hell i was suppose to do any of this cause i was suppose to be working until 10pm and i was driving my friends home. so in all this time that elapsed i couldnt talk to her anyway.

i can keep going but the rest of this gets pretty petty, repetitive, and makes no sense

>>17107450
If you wanted to spend time with her, why the fuck didn't you just say so? Instead of saying "okay just driving coworkers home," why didn't you say something like "how about we___?"

You're trying to paint her as the irrational one, but you're just as bad as she is.

>>17107459
im aware that i should have been more direct. but what she failed to say to me while i texted her when i got off, that she already had plans. no where did she mention this to me. so when i got home and said what's the plan she was pissed cause she was waiting for me to come to her. which is where shit gets angry because i told her if she had plans why didnt she mention it and i would have met up with her later. yet she kept insisting that i was invited the whole time, yet i had no idea she was even going out until she sent more angry texts

>>17107459
He's not just as irrational as she is come on now.
The result of this is his bitch being overly-emotional and OP's lack of potrayal of him caring a lot about her when he does.

>>17107459
she constantly drivers coworkers home when we've had plans to do stuff when she gets off work. it takes her over an hour to do this and im stuck waiting with my thumb up my ass, but i don't complain because she's nice and caring to help her friends out.

the final straw i had with her tonight was her text saying "you can come out, if you are normal"

now i took this as a great personal insult because she's bashed me many times for going out with her and her friends and i've been bored because they're all a bunch of girls bitching about the serving industry or how creepy people are or that fat chick. not my cup of tea. so unless some of the guys come out im usually bored so i opt out. for her to say im not normal feels very insulting considering im her bf for one and the fact that i've dealt with a lot of shit in the past two months including the death of my older brother, so im a bit off in social settings.

>>17107467
>>17107473
Just fucking break up, your relationship is the biggest load of horseshit I've seen here in ages.

>>17107483
been on the verge of that for the past month, im trying to salvage it... im aware of what i am in though, which is why im trying to fix what i can on my own.

>>17107486
You can't fix it on your own, both of you need to try and fix it. I don't see that happening

>>17107496
>>17107496
a main issue is she can never admit she's wrong. all the blame is put on me even if she is 100% in the wrong. i am always the bad guys or done the wrong thing causing her to be her and upset

>>17107426
Face to face sit-down. "Unless I use the following words, I am not angry, so don't think I am and be upset." And other clarifications like that. Both of you set the definitions and ground rules to avoid the other misinterpreting you.

>>17107522
tried this. refuses to do the sit down, or if she does im the one talking and she provides no feed back

>>17107520
Dude, break it off already. The relationship has been dead. It takes two to maintain a relationship and you're doing all the work while she refuses to do any. She also keeps heaping unrealistic expectations on you and you will never meet up to her standards. This is an unhealthy and toxic relationship for you, abort.

>>17107543
i have abandonment issues, its pretty fucking hard for me to leave especially when i left her before and it nearly destroyed me. came back and everything was golden for 6 months.

while we're on the topic, i have been regularly going to the gym and stopped drinking. she joins me here and there but continues to go out and drink and eat out and gets mad when i dont want to partake anymore

>>17107554
>left her and got back together with her
>abandonment issues

Yeah, these details are pretty important. It still doesn't change the fact this relationship will fail. Seek help for this abandonment issue.

Since you left her before, she's probably still resents you for this and finds ways to get mad at you and put you down so your self-esteem becomes so shit you're even more afraid to leave her. Then you'll be at her mercy. Don't fall for her tricks and leave her for good. A relationship that has this many communication problems with the other person refusing to help fix it will fail, period.

>>17107566
took me years to figure this out. im seeking help but i do want to make it work. when shit is good its unremarkable.

she still resents me i know but i also just dont care at points and ignore her off handed slights

>>17107571
You wanting to make it work doesn't mean a god damn thing when your gf doesn't lift a finger to help maintain the relationship.

Your gf getting angry and ignoring you-- these are subtle power plays. You giving in to her after she gets mad at you is exactly what she wants. She wants to "train" you this way so you always do whatever she wants. If she really cares about you and loves you she would share your desire to save the relationship. Yet here you are, the only one putting in work to maintain and she keeps shooting it down by being angry and refusing to talk.

I don't know about you, but I find it incredibly insulting to be ignored by your SO. It's pretty much saying you're not important enough to be acknowledged so I'll just stew here in anger and resentment.

>>17107580
i agree with it all your saying, but i dont know if she's trying to work things out as well, she has her girls night and i know the topic comes up often. but i do hate being ignored. if its going to resort to that just say im done for the night i'll talk to you tomorrow after i cooled down

her birthday i completely royally fucked up in her mind. and we've been fighting since that/ she even ignored me for two weeks then texted me sasying " i think i want to be single" since then ive been trying to rectify things as much as i could and said lets make it to our vacation then reevaluate and if you still feel that way , well we can go from there.

>>17107594
Dude, she wanted out and you're dragging her back in. Even if she has issues of her own to work out, she should still be respecting you, not treating you like shit. Also sounds like she may not like confrontation.

Read through this whole thread and can confirm, get out of that shit, like NOW. I know it will be hard (went through something similar only with more manipulation and abuse). Your situation doesnt seem that extreme but i can tell by now the roots of an unhealthy relationship. Shes obviously not trying to maintain the relationship or fix any of your problems, which will lead to you essentially doing her bidding while she does whatever disrespectful shit to you, and it will be up to you to stop the relationship from falling apart .Please get out of there my dude.

>>17107601
we both agreed that we wanted a future together and i was slowly moving us towards doing that. stable/better paying jobs, saving for a down payment and wedding and such. now i think she's backing out of it all and i can't let it go

>>17107607
this is just hte tip of the iceberg. there was a lot more going on when we first started going out. mental physical and emotional abuse. i grew up and learned how to stop the majority of it. and she grew up too and realized what she was doing

>>17107615
If she wants to back out of it then let her go. Do know that you cannot force a person to stay in the relationship. To them it's like trying to escape a sinking boat and you're trying to reassure them it'll be fine if you plug the holes. Except you can't plug all the holes yourself and she's deliberately making some holes herself.

You have to accept the relationship is beyond saving now, OP. As time goes on, years pass, people change and suddenly they're no longer compatible. It happens more commonly than people think. If you refuse to let go, well then good luck. You deserve someone who treats you with better respect than this.

>>17107626
i understand this but how do we go from being completely pissed at me to recovering and saying i love you. in our world we dont say it lightly and her especially unless she means it. two days ago i was getting kisses sex and smiles etc. now i get fuck you

>>17107554
She's right now looking for an exuse to break up with you.

She doesn't want to work anything out, because she wants a huge fight with you as the culprit so she won't be seen as 'the bitch' when breaking up with you.


Or she's waiting to fall in love with Chad and break up because she found someone else.

Just break up, sounds like you have waay to many issues to make this work in the long run. Better sooner than later before someone really gets hurt(cheating, loosing temper etc).

>>17107626
im not forcing it either, but she still hasnt given the final "i'm done for real now, dont try , dont call etc." so im trying to give it a time frame and if its still not working by then, we either readjust or call it quits. until she gives the final call i will try my damnedest

>>17107632
Also, she probably loves you but that is a tricky thing with woman.

She also loves her brother, that doesn't mean he makes for a good lover.

>>17107638
actually she's pretty indifferent to her brother. and hates her niece lol... i know what you mean though

>>17107634
i wish it were something as simple as chad thundercuck, but she actually finds those guys repulsive. ive seen pics of her ex's and none of them come close to chad. im the closest and not even on the scale

>>17107632
You don't if she's refusing to listen to anything you say. She's manipulating you, plain and simple.

There's the option of counseling, but she refused that as you said in OP. There's sitting her down to talk, but she doesn't want it. You tried to give her time to cool off so she can avoid confrontation, only for the cycle to begin anew.

Look, I understand you feel heavily invested in the relationship that you see it as one huge net loss if you end it. I get it. But it's not worth it in the long run. It's gonna get worse. Like I said, you deserve better. Look out for your long-term happiness. Give your love and devotion to a woman who respects and truly loves you. Not a woman who gets angry easily at the drop of a pin and uses you as a scapegoat or punching bag while disregarding you as trash. It's really not a healthy relationship to be in.

well /adv/ suprisingly been helpful tonight. gonna try and sleep off some of this frustration and see how tomorrow goes. who knows maybe we'll be fine tomorrow. you've given me a lot to think about. i hope it all works out but im not blind to the inevitable. thanks