as a depressed/anxious person, is it better to have a partner who has similar issues (relatable) or someone who is ok (motivation to get better)?
Coming from a person with depression who is in a relationship with someone with depression. It's better to have one person with problems and one person without. Because in my situation. I've gotten better but she hasn't and now I don't have feelings for her as much as I did because I've gotten better. So now I gotta spill the beans.....
>>17105242
if you are truly depressed its better to have no partner at all in my opinion. you are by your own admission unable to take care of yourself, and inflicting that pain on a partner is bad for them and gives you a false sense of reality. once they leave you you will take it too hard.
if you are not mentally healthy you should not start dating.
>>17105242
>>17105312
for instance, half the threads on this site are just
>I DONT KNOW HOW TO BREAK UP WITH MY PARTNER CUZS THEY ARE DEPRESSED AND IM WORRIED THEY WILL KILL THEMSELVES
and shit like that. if you are naturally a burden, dont date. if you can prove you are strong on your own then you can date.
>>17105261
>>17105312
I'd rather be either someone who can understand but that will hold you to a higher standard. You definitely don't want to be in a relationship where you feel contempt, that's literally the worst thing you can do, and being depressed all the time fucking sucks
>>17105242
Guy with treatment-resistant depression and anxiety here (along with other issues, probably).
I'm celibate. Not gonna drag a normal girl into a relationship with a miserable, broken fuck like me.
I'd consider asking out a girl with serious issues, but I've never met one, or even heard of one. I don't know where you guys find all these crazy girlfriends you post about on here.
>>17105242
Neither.
The bad person will make you worse, and you shouldn't even be bothered with dude sex lmao until you've solved your depression
and the good person will leave you because they can do better and don't deserve your sorry ass
sorry, looks like again you're gonna have to take charge in your life.
>>17105312 >>17105319 >>17105372
Problem with this is that sick people still deserve a chance to experience the same happiness as healthy ones, right?
Many mental or other illnesses are incurable and lifelong (eg autism, schizophrenia, etc).
Are they just supposed to die alone?
If so, why do we tell them not to kill themselves?
>>17105387
>deserve the same chance to experience the same happiness
yes, and they get that chance. but to do so they need to get healthy. its selfish of anyone even a cancer patient to ask someone to ask a stranger to 'take care of them'.
and when you are depressed or otherwise severely mentally ill, you are saying that you cannot take care of yourself. you say that no matter how nice things are, you are in a state of depression. you are insisting someone deal with your depression, and you force them to deal with your meltdown cuz they will want to leave you and you will be sad about it. again, a lot of threads here are baout asking what to do when dating a depressed person cuz it makes a normal persons life hell.
if you can find someone willing, go for it, but it wont make you not depressed. if you want to live a happy life focus on making yourself happy.
>autism
plenty of people with autism take care of themselves just fine. my ex boyfriend Torrey has legitimate autism but he had his own apartment, was an uber driver, and even got several articles published in the san diego times.
>schizophrenia
if someone has schizophrenia to the point where they cannot take care of themselves than no, they shouldnt be dating. you are asking a stranger to take care of you.
>are they just supposed to die alone?
we die alone anyways. if someones willing to take your burden, sure take advantage of them if you want. but you are asking for advice, and the best advice is to focus on making yourself a happy healthy person before focusing on dating.
we dont tell cancer patients to go out and try to fo find a boyfriend or a girlfriend. we advise them to get better.
I am not the person with mental illness, I am the supporting partner. But speaking from my and my partner's experience:
There are advantages and disadvantages to both, and it's important to know what they are.
If you both have mental illness, you'll generally find a much more empathetic and sympathetic ear. The person will understand you more deeply, and know what you are going through. They'll have a better grasp of what you can and cannot do and when you can and cannot do them. You'll have someone to commiserate with. But if you both are in a downswing, things can get bad. If both of you are struggling it can be really difficult for anything to get done, and both of you will be unable to support each other effectively since you both need support yourselves. It's easy to fall into a long and bad slump because you can't help each other out well.
If your partner doesn;t have it, you'll generally find someone who has a lot more energy for you. When things are really bad, they can nearly always support you because they can stand on their own better. You'll have somebody who can keep life running when you personally can't make it run. But they won't be able to understand what you are going through and even if they are sympathetic to the situation, they cannot truly understand what is going on in your head and may not be able to grasp why you can't just pick yourself up like they can. It's easy to over-rely on them and not notice when they themselves need support.
(cont.)
>>17105424
In either case, you need to be communicative with your partner. let them know what happens as best as you can and explain it's mental illness and not them. You need to support each other best as you can and make sure nobody is feeling overburdened.
And, most importantly, you need to seek treatment. it is not fair to put the entire burden or your health on your partner. You need to work on putting yourself into a better situation. Use your partner to assist you, like a handrail on the stairs. Don't use them as an escalator and rely on them to do all the work.
>>17105420
For those that really need to be "taken care of", I agree of course.
But most people with mental or neurological illnesses are fairly functional, like you said with your ex. I think that's the kind of people OP was talking about.
>if someone has schizophrenia to the point where they cannot take care of themselves than no, they shouldnt be dating. you are asking a stranger to take care of you.
This is where it gets complicated. For example, I know a woman who married a schizophrenic doctor. He was basically functional and successful, but every once in a while had unmanageable episodes, some of them violent. She left him after the worst one.
It's tough to say what that guy's supposed to do: is it fine for him to keep dating normal women and hope one of them can tolerate his episodes? Or only other schizophrenics? People with other mental illnesses?
