Is it easier to stop stressing yourself out over other peoples' problems, fix other peoples' problems or simply cut all the unperfect people out of your life?
My family - while not abusive - is a fucking trainwerck disaster. Everything is not one crisis after another, it's multiple crises one on atop of another, constantly, at all times. Seeing my mom cry ruins my week and she does it twice per week, having my sister bitch at me ruins my day and she never stops.
how do I get on with fixing my life when it's full of people who can't fix theirs?
>>17104624
You have no inherent obligation to help your family if they consistently take from you and don't respect you. You have the option of leaving them or distancing yourself from them; it's an extreme measure but it CAN be worth it just to be a new (hopefully more stable) environment. Ultimately your emotions, your actions and even the way you think is affected by the people you're around the most, and if you're really genuinely unhappy then that might be your answer.
It's up to you though, you gotta decide between your morals/obligations/love or your basic happiness as an individual.
you go to alko and get karjala 8%
>>17104653
My family does love and respect me. As a matter of fact they adore me. I've never been abused by a family member who is still present and alive today, and never badly.
Can I really just abandon my family?
Once you're good and fulfilled within yourself then you can start helping others. Sometimes you need to take time off and be selfish so you're ready to be selfless.
>>17104665
How long does that take?
My family can't stand 10 years without me. Nothing got better when I was 3 years away last time.
>>17104659
Loving and adoring someone is not the same as respect. My parents love and adore me, but they barely respect me. They still talk down to me, they still think of me as a fuckup who can't be trusted with much, they still constantly pry into my private social life even though they have no business in it. Don't get me wrong, they do it out of deep, unconditional love for me, but they still treat me like a child, and that has fucked with me emotionally for years looking back on it, a lot of my unhappiness has ironically stemmed from such a supportive environment because they were such a burdon on my psyche.
I spent more time worrying about them, and how my actions would reflect on their happiness, and I thought my own well being was secondary, even when they moved me from school to school for no reason, even when they had some dying relatives with alzheimers live in our house for a year, which traumatizes me to this day, even after every time my mom plays the victim and makes me feel even worse for making simple mistakes, I was willing to suck it up just for my parents because I was so emotionally dependant on them. And since they didn't respect me as I was growing up, I blamed my developing depression completely on myself, like I wasn't neck deep in bad vibes from my parents. And that affected me in all aspects of my life, I'm still recovering from being a nervous, guilt-ridden, emotionally miscalibrated wreck, and the more I seperated myself from my parents, the happier I became, and you know what, everything's still cool between us.
Maybe I'm just projecting heavily here but that's just my take on it. There is a massive difference between love and respect, and there's a massive difference between being a "good person" and being happy. It's different for everyone but you should really take a step back and ask yourself if it's worth the trouble.
>>17104721
And an addendum to this, I'm sure your situation is WAY worse than mine OP, but that's just more reason to consider cutting yourself off from them. If helping them truly makes you happy then stick with them, but if it's seriously getting in the way of your personal life and your dreams, and they can't respect you enough to let you live on your own without making you feel guilty about it, then you can tell them to fuck right off IMO.
>>17104734
My family isn't abusive or mistreat me, they just rely heavily on my emotional support. I don't believe they really understand that their own constant disasters - my sister's mental illness and my mother's stubborn refusal to take care of herself, and their combined chaotic lifestyle - have an effect on me at all. I grew up disassociating so much I really have no solid memories of big chunks of my childhood, and I keep my emotional outlets out of their sight, so maybe they just assume I'm completely cool with absolutely everything. Like it doesn't bother me to live in a trash heap one missed payloan short of losing, or the constant collapse of everything.
Every time I can't hold it in and something bursts out - self-harm, speaking out, suicide attempt - they judt treat it as one more temporary disaster among the rest and once the treat sinks back to the bottom, it ceases to exist to them.
It's really such a backwards and odd situation, desperately wanting to be cared for and looked after, knowing you can't afford to be one more disaster in other peoples' lives, and wanting to leave when you know it's selfish and that they need you.
>>17104762
If it's bad enough for you to harm yourself and try to kill yourself then that's a big red flag for you needing to get the fuck out of there. A family relationship is just like any other relationship, if it's causing you THAT much distress and they consistently refuse to understand that and compromise with you, then that's an emotionally abusive family, even if it's not conscious abuse.
I mean there's no way I can say how bad it really is for you and there's different levels of emotional abuse, I mean there's always a bit of that in every family because that's just human nature, but I mean when it gets to suicide attempts I think it's time to start thinking about your own self interest.
>>17104780
They don't know that I still cut. I cut for the precise reason that it's silent and easy to hide, and I haven't tried to kill myself in years.
This is just a normal state to exist in to me. My mom is the type of a parent who goes "everyone feels like that sometimes" when you tell her you're not okay and then asks why you didn't just talk to her about it when you're throwing up medical coal in a hospital bed. The problem is serious when she sees it, but literally does not exist without physical proof right under her nose. That's how she treats her own problems, too. Everything is fine all the way until the concequences catch up to her, then it's 15-20 minutes of panic time, and then carrying on as usual.
Today she lost her keys (not just house keys but WORK keys too) in her massive trashed hoarder house, and her 20 minutes of despair ruined my entire day.
>>17104802
Dude, that's not normal or healthy at all. You don't deserve to live like that if you don't want to.
>>17104816
Do you think they'll be fine if I just walk out of their lives and never talk to them again?
Can someone explain OP pic to me?
>>17104836
Tumblr memes.
>>17104823
You honestly can't know that for sure, though I'm not saying never talk to them again, I'm just saying love, even familial love, doesn't have to be unconditional. If they aren't helping you (and it doesn't seem like they are) then why should you help them?
Another anicdote, that's sorta what my mom is going through right now. She used to be very close to her side of the family even as an adult but time and again they've proven to be leeching assholes, and on top of that they STILL don't trust her to take care of our great uncle, like she asked for some support and several people in her family thought it was a scam. Not because of anything she did but because they were bringing all their shitty problems to her and making her feel like shit for it.
As she's starting to cut herself off from them and as I hear from relatives on her side less and less, things seem to be getting more stable. And you know what, I knew and loved a lot of those people and know for a fact a lot of them are leading some shitty lives right now, and I just simply don't have the energy to worry about them anymore, and I doubt she does either.
Yeah, your family might be a wreck if you leave them, but I mean they're a wreck right now and you're never gonna fix them completely without completely sacrificing yourself for them. That's just something I've seen time and again, shitty families almost always stay shitty, one reasonable person in the bunch can't fix that.
>>17104864
That's the thing, they're not abusive or shitty, they just don't aknowledge that I'm
In pain. I have some asperger traits so it's fairly likely that I don't express my feelings as much as I think, rather than assuming they should be able to figure them out on their own and then getting mad because they're not mind readers.
>>17104884
That's fair, but I'm just saying that's the situation you're in. It's a crappy situation that's clearly making you mortally unhappy.
I'm not saying it's the right thing to do or even the logical thing to do, I'm just saying it's always an option, and the world will keep spinning if you choose that option.
>>17104721
That anon is a highly abusive environment. You might not suspect it but as an outsider I need to tell you this. Highly manipulative and psychopath family that for whatever reason it is can't get their shit together. I hope you run fast and never stop looking back because you definitely seem to be a decent person.
>>17104802
You too anon. Run and never look back.
>>17104823
Who cares? They are not fine now, they'll never be fine with or without you. But the funny thing is, they think the answer they are living is fine. So just let them be and leave.
>>17104977
Are you saying >>17104721's family is abusive? I'm that anon and yeah, it's a little bit abusive, I'm guessing not as bad as OP's family but I've been taking progressive steps to get away from them and am saving up to finally move out.
It's complicated because they aren't bad people or anything, it's just that they've really been bearing down on me with bullshit that's way outside of my scope as a young adult who's still trying to figure his own shit out let alone anyone else's shit.
OP seriously get the fuck outta there.
>>17105022
I'm going to cut my arms open and go to the mental ward for a while.
Can I lose my job for doing that? Can they fire people for missing work over being in the hospital for something you caused yourself?
