So my girlfriend and I have been together for 4 years. When we got together she fell in love with me right away. It took me about maybe a year and a half to catch up to how she felt about me. I know the saying "men fall in love last." During that time she's been very ill. Basically has a hard time getting out of bed since she has fibro. Stuck by her during the entire time and drove her to work for over a year since she had a suspended license due to fainting and such. It hasn't been an easy relationship and I admit I could have been there for her more in the beginning. Well the past 2 years seemed great. We were always there for each other and laughed and had amazing sex and genuinely enjoyed each others company. She used to call me first and text me first all the time.
Recently she stopped getting a hold of me until I sent her a text or called. She said me not being there when she needed me in the beginning made her stronger and able to live with herself. Well tonight she said she no longer needs me. She said still loves me and we're still together but that she needs her space. She works every day and usually sees me after work and never has a day for herself while I have a few days off so I'm by myself or with friends quite a bit. This kind of threw me off and hurt more than it probably should have. I know we're not broken up but it feels like we are. Now I'm at the point where I check my phone every 10 minutes to see if she texted me or something. I'm not going to bug her constantly or anything like that but it's hard. This is the 3rd major relationship I've been in and I don't want to lose her. How should I go about giving her space? Not contact her at all? Expect she is going to break up with me? Is this a phase every girl hits 4-5 years into a relationship? I've been in several other relationships and I can say no two relationships are the same. This one though I love her more than any other girl I've been with. Any anons or femanons have any advice?
I would just let her be and let her talk to you. Don't try to contact her more than once a day. Hard to say if she's gonna bail or not but best of luck to you.
The worst thing you can do right now is appear too clingy if she wants space
>>17104361
That's exactly what I'm thinking. I'm thinking of just asking texting her tomorrow hoping she feels better. Then maybe Wednesday saying I just want to say hi and that I want her to do what she needs to do and that it's up to her to decide how I fit into her life. I think any more than that will be pushing it. I know if I push too much I'm setting myself up for disaster. I'm just not sure what too little or too much is. She didn't say she wanted me to stop talking to her. That's why I'm slightly confused.
>>17104372
>maybe Wednesday saying I just want to say hi and that I want her to do what she needs to do and that it's up to her to decide how I fit into her life.
That is clingy AF m8. Give her space and just focus on yourself for a while. Go to gym and get fit, find a hobby, make friends, etc. If she cuts you off then just accept it and move on
Yeah like >>17104361 said, don't come of as too clingy, tell her that you're there for her if she needs anything and text her or call har a couple of times a week.
I would make her a surprise, you know, go to her home with some invite to dinner, those things. Don't be too clingy but don't let her think you don't care at all.
>>17104417
Really? My problem is I'm very schedule based. Like I plan stuff out to a T. It's a fault of mine. Like I think ok is 1 day or 2 days enough time to contact her. Keep in mind we talked all the time every day for 4 years so this came out of nowhere.
>>17104426
I think if I just showed up it's look stalker ish. What confuses me is guys, well me and the guys I know, we never have this need for "space." I'm around people every day. Even on days I have "alone time" it's not like its all day. I just don't get why females get into this "needing space" thing. Maybe I might be wrong, but maybe I think it's becuase they rely on us too much in the beginning then eventually get burnt out instead of taking tings at a moderate pace like most guys. If anyone has a better answer I'm willing to listen. And I think I will give it a few days. If she doesn;t contact me by thursday I'll at least see how she's doing by then.
It looks like you've always perceived yourself as the stronger, healthier element in the relationship. Maybe you are missing that role, and maybe you are more dependent on her than what you think.
At this point, I wouldn't really generalize and make it a gender related thing.
As you said, she's been ill. I assume she's feeling better now, and she needs to take control over her life, and probably feel she can get shit done without your help.
>>17104520
As hard as this is to admit, you're absolutely right. I think I need her more than I thought since I've never been comfortable being single. I was distant in the beginning to prevent myself from really falling in love and essentially opening myself up to get hurt. It seems like we met somewhere in the middle 2 years ago and now I'm where she was when we met and she's where I was. She's been having bad pain again but she said she doesn't need my help to cope with it anymore. I feel kind of useless and rejected. But we're in this strange "still together but she doesn't need me" area and it's the uncertainty that's killing me. Never been in this kind of situation before. It's either been I dump them or they dump me not "I love you but I don't need you but lets see what happens." I'm trying to understand that.
>>17104540
I mostly understand your situation
Unfortunately I've ended up in relationships where after a few years I realized that we were doing great because I was being useful to them. I mean I wasn't being used, but I was providing much more help than they were (no not financial (mostly))
Once they got a hold of their own lives, it stopped working as well
I only hope it's not the same in your case
But one thing I've learned: don't get clingy with these kind of girls. You should keep it somewhat chill/casual. Yes, it's bullshit, it's retarded and childish, but it's apparently how some people work. again, no idea if it applies to her, but I feel like it does
Don't be cold, just let her come to you. If she doesn't, well I'm sorry but at least you'll know that she only fell for you while you were useful to her during her sickness
>>17104583
That actually puts a good perspective on things. We got together honestly because we liked each other and had great sex. Her illness got worse and I took care of her. Then she started getting better and things were ok. Now she's sick again and wants alone time. In the beginning we both agreed relationships didn't need to be complicated. We eat, we fuck, we eat some more, we go do something, not that complicated and we were happy. Now she complicated things and I have to pre-plan what to say or else it could just fall apart. This didn;t happen until after I "broke down" my walls and opened up to her 2 months ago. But she used to constantly complain that I didn't "feel" or acknowledge my emotions. She used to cry because she though it was so sad that I was shut off from the rest of the world. Not socially, I'm social as hell, but that I'm not real around people. Well now after I did open up to her and share my true feelings she was happy for a bit but now this happened. Things were better when I was a bit more distant. You're right though, at this point I can't be cold or distant. I can't go back to how I was with her. This is new territory. It almost feels like I was set up. I know I wasn't but it just feels that way.
>>17104603
Yea OK, then it's even more alike lol
Same shit with me anon. Be cool for years with this girl, she constantly complained at some point that I don't share my problems with her
Then I actually had a really rough patch when I truly needed her support. Apparently that wasn't OK so it started going south
These are the real tests when you're close to someone. Same advice holds is all I can say
Best of luck anon
>>17104630
Well shit. I'm sorry bro. Yeah some bad shit happened to me this weekend on top what she's going through and when I need her most is when she pulls this. When it rains, it fucking pours. She talks about "the universe" giving us what we need. Well I guess I needed to be put on the verge of fucking suicide. But, I'm still here. And I know, grow stronger and all that. t the same time I don't know how much stronger I'm supposed to be. Obviously opening up made my life worse. Or maybe that's just my perspective ad things will get better, I don;t know. All I know is I lost 5 pounds in 3 days from not eating, I started smoking again and I have to fake being happy around people but I know they can see right through me. It's just a matter of time until everyone asks what's wrong. Maybe after work I'll get one of those $10 a month gym memberships or something. I need to do something.
>>17104647
Joining a gym is def something i would advise you to do, shit maybe even a boxing gym or something that will make your girl think about you again
