Confusing girl.
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
I have a female friend who I have known for many many years.
Over the years of knowing her in high school, I have gradually developed an interest in her (which is rare for me). We have similar backgrounds, but are quite different in terms of personality, complimentary even.
>Me being more intellectual and passionate, her being more simple (not negative) and diligent.
>I am not the best crying shoulder, She is not fussy in that way
>...
My best friends (even her sister) can tell that I do like her and that we would possibly make a good couple.
The deal with this girl is, that when we start talking, we can do so for a really long time. And weirdly about really insubstantial things.
>During this last skype we talked for over 20min about my braces and teeth, she shows genuine interest in such things.
But at the same time, when I start being a bit more 'flirtatious' she doesn't mirror or dismisses my attempts.
This has always been like this, even when we saw each other regularly.
At this stage, I just want to ask her out. But because of her ambiguous reactions, I am quite torn about how to attempt. Also because we live one hour apart now and never seem to find time to meet, I don't know how to do it.
bumping for /adv/
bumping for legit question
>>17101410
>tfw her name is also Emily
I'm literally in the exact same situation buddy. Have a bump.
>>17101410
It's risky, but worth a shot.
The fact that you can talk about nothing or just BS is really great. She doesn't dismiss your advances to flirt either so that is defiantly great.
Ask her out and you do risk loosing the friendship.
>Better to take a risk though and gain a solid companion.
>Fear and inaction cost way more than wrong action as they say.
Be honest, and tell her you have feelings which are more than just friendship for her and you want to start dating.
Better you do this and find out whats going on then regret doing nothing for the rest of your days.
Just be upfront about it, dude. You said she's ignoring your subtle signs, so bring out the big guns. Tell her you're interested and leave no room for interpretation and see what happens. If she isn't, just chalk it up to a learning experience and walk away. If she is, great.
>>17101410
Can you give us more details?
>what is your background
>how long have you known her
>how long have you been close?
>how old are you guys?
>>17101410
>s girl is, that when we start talking, we can do so for a really long time. And weirdly about really insubstantial things.
>>During this last skype we talked for over 20min about my braces and teeth, she shows genuine interest in such things.
>But at the same time, when I start being a bit more 'flirtatious' she doesn't mirror or dismisses my attempts.
>This has always been like this, even when we saw each other r
It's not so complicated man. You have to approach her or you will never know how she feels. There can be a million reasons she might not reciprocate, from shyness to sincerely not recognizing what you're doing.
The better question to ask is "How to I approach her without potentially sabotaging our friendship if she doesn't feel the same way?"
And thats still a stupid fucking question.
When you see her at work, say something to the vague effect of "Emily I think you're amazing, I want to know if we would work as more than friends. Let's get dinner tomorrow night @herfavourite restaurant."
If she says yes, congratulations your balls just dropped. If she says no, presumably she will feel as if it's a big problem, address it as if it is not. "This isn't going to get awkward now alright? We're still good friends."
Not that hard.
>>17101726
This anon has it right.
Be prepared for it to not go your way!
>>17101410
do you have any more reasons you'd think she's into you? is she shy and introverted at all?
sorry if this is TL;DR, but I have a lot of experience with situations like these from male friends.
it sounds like she wants more of an actual friendship, I have a lot of female friends that are like this and will passively push off flirting attempts because they're either insecure with the attention and don't want to lose the friendship due to a relationship they feel will fail because of THEIR insecurities. usually, it's either this or because they're genuinely not attracted to you but want that feeling that comes with a best friend, like most people do, it's rare to find someone you 'click' with.
A lot of my friends don't realize that they're leading guys on by doing this, even when a guy says they're fine with just being friends and really aren't, they subconsciously know what they're doing but refuse to admit it because they enjoy the friendship so much.
Honestly, just ask her straight out, tell her it's something that's been bothering you for a while and you just had to ask; tell her you think the two of you get along great and are compatible, that people think you two are dating all the time anyways.
Actually listen to her, and say the things that are on your mind; but DON'T get offended by her answer, either way. If she is as good a friend as you think, in worst case scenario she won't turn you away as a friend despite this, but will most likely feel guilty; to keep her and yourself from feeling bad/guilty just be open and honest.
The only thing that really ruins friendships of people that ask their friends out is they refuse to take no as an answer, or are offended instead of taking the other persons decision into consideration. Nobody is obligated to date you, it doesn't mean you're unnattractive or 'no good', so if you make sure not to go in asking her with that mind set and respect it, staying friends if all else fails should be easy.
>>17101410
all you can do OP is make damn sure you don't find yourself 2 years from now still occasionally wondering if you could have gotten with her.
So do what you've gotta do to banish any uncertainty from this thing.
How should you go about it? Fuck if we know. She's /your/ friend, who gets along with you. Think long and hard about who you think she is and where she might be coming from emotional re: bf's and relationships and tailor how you treat this accordingly.
But do take action. Do get your feelings for her out there. Regret sucks. It sucks a lot more than continuing to not have something you don't currently have. Be brave, gl
Had a similar issue.
A few posters helped me understand.
Thank you /adv/, you are truly a friend.
>>17101728
>I am a university student, her as well, but completely different subjects and unis
>I have known her for about 7 years
>we have been close for about 4 years.
>Both around 20
>>17101725
>>17101726
>>17101747
>>17101760
Thanks for the input anons. Didn't expect this reaction.
I really want to tell her and I believe that I would be able handle a rejection quite well.
The thing is that I am not head-over-heals crazy for her. It is more of a subtle
>smile when I chat with her
>yeah...I really missed her
I am by far not the first one to like her/be interested in her. A few years back (around 2) she told me that she had heard that a common friend liked her.
>She 'panicked' and started telling me how she liked him as a friend and never as a partner. Quite a strong reaction in the way she said it.
Of course this was years ago and not relevant to me.
In is more of the girl-next-door-who-works-in-her-parent's restaurant type of good girl. Not directly shy, but not outspoken about such things.
During our last chat, the first thing she talked about, was guys at her (tech focused) uni complaining about the lack of girls and that she doesn't understand the fuss. Guys can stand out with a small number of girls as well and get a gf.
I obviously don't want to start overanalysing, but i found that a peculiar topic.
The biggest problem with actually telling her is the distance. We no longer live in the same city. And although it is only 1h by bus, we have completely different timetables and subjects (both very dense).
This is of course a face2face confession, so I'd have to get her to my place / get to her city.
Even if she said yes - starting off a relationship as a distance relationship is far from ideal, especially because our timetables are also very different.
Interesting trivia:
>Her sister is my best friends girlfriend. Quite a funny situation if it were to work out.
>>17102032
No one expects you to fall head over heals for her.
You like this girl, so take it at that.
But most of all:
>Do something about it!
>>17102032
Love conquers all mate. It's a bullshit saying, love conquers as much as you have the stomach to conquer via love. If you two are serious, then at least temporarily you can make it happen until you engineer a better situation.
>>17101719
Don't know why the name Emily always comes in context with hot/nice girls.
>Emily Rata.
>Emily Rudd (best)
>Emily Shaw
>Emily Bloom
>...
The universe loves Emilys
>>17101989
Exactly anon.
I have been pondering this for a while and for me this is mostly about just getting it 'over and done with' (as cruel as it sounds).
It is rare (for me) to actually like a girl and she is the most un-fussy, humble, chill girl i know.
The problem is the distance between us. This is obviously not something one could do over skype. We rarely have time and pushing her to find time is quite hard.
>>17102055
That head-over-heal thing has never happened to me anyway. I wonder whether there are people who never experience that.
>>17102065
>two are serious
Well, that I am not sure with as she doesn't seem to flirt back. One never knows till one tries.
---
The issue is also that I just recently starting talking to her again. We hadn't really talked in about a year, due to uni and stuff (I also kinda expected her to contact me at some stage - just noticed that she would not do that).
Confessing to someone, more or less after you just re-established contact must be really bad and seem out of place.
>How long to wait?
>>17102101
I disagree about it seeming out of place. Infact I think it's the best place for it. You didn't speak for a while, now you are and you're realising how attractive you find her, bodily and in character. So you tell her. Natural as.
>>17102109
Thanks anon.
Any other opinions?
Even then...i'd have to find the time to drive over to her and confess to her. From what I know she is still single.
>>17102125
One last opinion before I go visit my own cutie -
Express every sane feeling you have. Don't hold shit in, don't feeling stifled by inhibition or uncertainty. If you go their and speak to her there are two outcomes; Either she digs it and you figure out how this is gonna work, or she doesn't dig it and you go home and probably cry in the fetal position. Either way you're out of your misery and you can look at the next thing on your list. If you're uncertain of when to do it, find a time that suits your schedule and ask if she's free for dinner that night then just go H.A.M.
Goodluck m8.
>>17102143
Thanks anon.
Better get her to my city or go to her place?
Getting dinner, mainly works at my place, because I know the restaurants, have never been in her town.
>>17102125
>>17102164
you are just putting this off and inventing uncertainties now anon. the setting isn't going to matter beyond how comfortable are you both in it. you know her and more importantly yourself best. you can do this.
>>17102202
This is clearly something I have to get behind me.
Even if it not very clear and how things seem now, it is a shot in the dark, I really have to find the time to do it.
Up to this point nobody has said not to do it...(which is rare here i feel) usually /adv/ results in yes/no struggle.
anymore tips and experiences beyond
>Just do it?
>What to say?
>How to say?
>When yes, initiate kiss?
>...
