I used to share a lot of the same personality traits and behaviors that you have now. I had a similar upbringing, very abusive and hateful, sadistic parents.

What helped me more than anything was to meditate. Guided and Vipassana meditations are good, so are the 'root chakra' ones on youtube. If you do a chakra meditation, only do the 'root' or 'heart' chakra ones, as they are designed to help you balance yourself and become more steady. You do not need to do the other ones, they can in fact be harmful when you're in the place that you are now. The idea behind meditation is that it raises your awareness. A heightened awareness is the key to making life changes, becoming a better person, and being content in life. Raising your awareness can help you to heal many mental illnesses, as it allows you to examine your thoughts, and rather than becoming upset by them, let them pass. With time and practice, you can gain the ability to control your emotions completely. Then, rather than being depressed, you will be able to fully experience happiness, and appreciate true sadness as well. Our emotions happen after we have a thought. It is not an event itself that makes us feel some way, it is our thoughts about it. This idea has been incorporated into a therapy called CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy). I highly suggest you find a therapist who specializes in it. They can help you isolate the flaws in your thinking that lead you to feel upset/not good frequently. The fact that you've already noticed all these things you do is a really good indication that you can change. I used to be diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, and I have cured myself by doing the above, and working very hard to change. You can too. You can make yourself into that admirable person you want to be, and instead of making a fake profile and pretending, or lying to people, you can actually be a person that people look up to as an example.

Also, buy a copy of Feeling Good by David Burns

Don't think so little of yourself, feel more important and spire to do well. But from what I've read, don't ever fucking think you're more important than anyone else or that the very people who you only cross while walking somewhere aren't living beings too, you sound fucking dangerous like the people who go out and shoot up innocent people.

>>17100775
I will try this out for sure,only of I could find a physical copy,I hate reading in pdf version
>>17100825

>>17100825
I dont know,I despise everyone around me actually...When I manipulate peoples feelings,its like playing with a toys,its just amusing how I become a drama queen because of boringness I experience...Its shallow,to be honest,I used to,par example,ace one class without any problems but later barely pass the same one,I just get bored very easily...I onve opened the deepest of my conscience and thoughts to one person to which I was fixed totally,and she said that by these,Iam most likely a sociopath and she tried to help me,but I dumped her...Whats most important,that was the first time someone gave me a little bit of insight which I was never able to do in a self-altered way...

>>17100703
Bump

>>17101025
Don't ever think you're special for thibking like this, there's been sickos like you before and there will be till the end of time. If you want I can help you, I personally know how to cure people who are psychopaths. Just give me your name and address.

Just kidding, I know someone like you would never let anyone else know their demoralized and when people do see the dark side, you drop them out of your life. This is a wrong way of thinking and you have any morals left in you, embrace that the people around you, the good people, can help you if you just tell them how you truly feel. I'm talking about the dark shit in the deep part of your mind, the shit you've never told anyone. If you're willing to wipe your own slate clean so you can better yourself, do it.

I still know a cure if you don't feel like telling a doctor or family and friends. Give me your address and I'll come see you, and since you're not willing to get actual help I'll help you real fucking good. Psychopaths who have said literally the exact same shit you wrote, all think the same, and I've helped them before.

They and yourself, depending on if you take responsibility for the dangeroous way you think, can be cured with a good beating. They all need to be beaten till they bleed and even more after that, from there they can be helped. Once you experience real pain, which I know you haven't you fucking faggot, you won't want to put out of the people around you because you know it hurts! Pain brings understanding, I could never hurt anyone innocent after I got my first beating. You wanna know something too? Before the beating, I had tortured small animals like turtles and fish. I still feel bad for doing that too them, they didn't deserve that shit from me and I didn't deserve three niggers beating the fuck out of me, taking my shit, and throwing me in a dumpster. I'm glad they did though, maybe if you hadn't id ended up like you, disconnected from reality and from humanity.

>>17101456
Very funny of you anon,I choked actually.I wear my licensed firearm at all times but Ive never to this day actually fired from it,because Iam not a total psycho,still...
>Embrace the good people
What is good and who is good today in this sadistic society?What do people want from me,to be an excellent member,to fit in?Well,I can admit that I had tried,but damn,always the same circle over again,Iam sick of it,I cant stand with people more than 5 hours a day.It hurts me to wear this damn mask whole damn day,to fake damn smiles,to fake everything to get on with them...I imagine unthinkable scenarios in my damn head on what I would do them...Maybe I was a good person once,maybe I would to be again,but,Iam afraid that I will go through all the shit Ive been put if I change myself to what I was once,maybe it isnt worth it!?Maybe it is?!I dont know anymore why I didnt finished this damn ride a long ago...

>>17101667
You're weak and you didn't read a single thing I said except the part about pain, fucking typical. I can help you if you tell me where you live, fucking bet I'll come see you too. People like you make me sick, you think you're better and don't tell me or yourself you don't, because even if you don't believe you're better you'll always make sure you're on top. Just you you you and you. I'll show you the real you motherfucker and I gurantee its a scared little fuck. I'm not expecting you to feel intimated, you're behind the safety of your screen and a real pyscho like you would never give out info to ruin your perfect little reputation, just know how sick you make the rest of us feel. And just know that'll you'll end up hurting people who don't deserve it one day, you will be hurting a person who did nothing to anyone else, you can either realize that or relish that.

And if you're not gonna get help, which seems very likely after you rambled on some bullshit about how you don't fit in, then enlighten yourself with how none of what you do matters and fucking kill yourself.