>>17099428

>whats the best way to find a therapist, /adv/?

generally speaking you should go to your isnurance providers website, put in the proper information, and it will pull up a list of nearby therapists who are covered by your insurance. others may also be covered, but these ones often get you the smallest copays. go in and try each one for three sessions. quit if they arent good and move on to the next. im not saying quit if you dont see improvement, cuz it takes time. but if your therapists seems inattentive, unsupported or simply suggests you 'live with' whatever your problems are, ditch him/her. a good therapist helps you pinpoint hte problems, and find ways to tackle them.

>lost the love of my life to it

heres a big problem. there is no real 'love of your life'. subjectively sure, you can look back and say that, but ur fucking 30 mate. in another 30 years you may be single agian, but you wont be thinking of this particular girl as the love of oyur life.

>lost my job to it

ur on a slippery slope

>had to move in with parents
>dropped my classes

if its clinical you should ahve been seeing a psychiatrist already. it sounds to me that you like having depression as a scapegoat though

>>17099510
I don't really have an insurance provider, just state Obamacare shit.

>heres a big problem. there is no real 'love of your life'. subjectively sure, you can look back and say that, but ur fucking 30 mate. in another 30 years you may be single agian, but you wont be thinking of this particular girl as the love of oyur life.

Yeah, I know what you mean, and honestly she was toxic as fuck anyway. I still can't help but beat myself up over it, though.

>if its clinical you should ahve been seeing a psychiatrist already. it sounds to me that you like having depression as a scapegoat though

I saw several shrinks when I was in my teens, was diagnosed as clinically depressed, and was put on various antidepressants, none of which worked for me. My father is also clinically depressed, as was his mother.

I've spent the last 10 years denying that I have a problem and trying to fix things myself, and nothing has worked. I'm really at the end of my rope.

>>17099428
You can ask trusted friends - more of them will have experience of this than you suspect. Or ask your doctor for a reference (That might have the added bonus of making it covered by insurance)

>>17099584

>meds dont work
>but ive been denying im clinically depressed

if meds dont work than you arent clinically depressed. truth be told clinical depression is a lot more rare than people give it credit for. and cases where meds dont treat it are even rarer.

you are human. and you are scared. and you arent exactly sure how to fit into this world. finding your own way and thikning about what would make YOU happy instead of what hte world expects of you might help.

its a silly sounding philosophy but if you can find a clinical way to execute it, you will be surprised. I somehow manage to be the happiest person i know wiht only 1400 dollars a month.

>>17099428

So I'm 28 and this is basically what I'm going through OP. I haven't had a girlfriend since high school, I got fired from my job 3 years ago, I had to move back in with my parents, I've been feeling stuck ever since. Every day feels like this never ending game I play with my body of being overweight, trying to find motivation to do just anything but playing on steam and sitting here for 16 hours just browsing.

I'm telling you all of this cause I've spent the last 13 years as a recluse. I'm not saying I woke up one day and I have an answer for you. I honestly don't but there's this stupid sign in my bathroom I have to stare at every day that my mom put up years ago. "Do one thing everyday that makes you happy" I'm a fucking college dropout that still believes I have a chance to make music/film. It hasn't been an easy process at all. Tomorrow I have an appointment with a social worker. I too am on obamacare. I have a therapist appointment on friday. Do I have high hopes for them? Not really, but I'm willing to take a chance on myself again after 13 years of lost efforts and lost time. Sure I feel like shit cause 13 years of my life is gone and I just sat here and went through the motions, only to have a mental breakdown.

But I know things will get better. It's just one day at a time. You're already here on a board asking for help or a listening ear. I hear you man. It's going to be okay. Take a chance on yourself again. Is there any hobbies you used to like doing? Try to explore it, no matter how silly it makes you feel at first.

>>17099603
None of them do, sadly. I also don't have a doctor. I have a family friend who's a therapist but I know her too well to go to her, and I haven't been able to ask her for advice really.

>>17099605
You have to realize that I'm talking about meds from 15 years ago, which have been replaced by newer ones which are supposedly much better. If they worked well for everybody they'd still be using the same ones, and hell, maybe they existed back then too and I just didn't go to the right psychiatrists. The only medication that has ever worked well for me was MDMA, and I'm not going to make a habit of abusing it.

I've tried all the advice and self-help shit I can get. It doesn't work. I suspect that I might actually have an anxiety disorder and not clinical depression, but I'm not going to live based on a self-diagnosis either.

>>17099622
Thanks man.

You know, it sucks, like I'm actually good at what I do for work and enjoy doing it. I need a degree to get a job that will actually pay enough to let me be independent and will have hours and conditions that don't make me want to kill myself, though. I'm trying to grind through but I keep having meltdowns and falling out of my classes - this time it was forced group interaction with people from class, and I was too overwhelmed by anxiety to call my classmates after missing their calls.

I wish I still had hobbies. There's stuff I enjoy but it's all too expensive or dangerous to do, and I've grown up to the point where I just can't be that irresponsible, or it's stuff where I feel totally inadequate like in gaming. (FML I didn't play CS for a year and got deranked to silver and can't get out.)