Ladies: Why do women become afraid or run away when they meet a guy who is everything they want? Is there crazy long term realizations going on that are hard to handle? It's such a bummer as a guy to find a girl and it go between night and day on how she feels once you get close..

>>17099282
It goes both ways and is 100% subjective. It could be because they thought this before, but something went horribly wrong and now they have to be more cautious. Or they think there's something wrong with them personally and don't want to mess things up. Or a million other reasons.

>>17099282
Maybe you're not what they want after all and it takes getting close to see the real you. If this is a repeating pattern for you take a look at yourself first before blaming women

>>17099298
It's only happened once. And i'm not even 100% sure it's what really happened in this particular case. I met a woman and we fell for each other in less than a week. I wasn't even trying to move things along. We ended up kissing a couple of times at the end of a good night. The next morning she said she was single for 6 months and thought she was ready to be with someone again. It was "too fast" for her. I dont know if she is telling the truth and got scared away or it's something else..

>>17099282
What makes you think you're everything they want?

Male here:

My girlfriend of a year and half and I split up last month because I did something very bad.

We've remained in contact and have been talking about trying again when she feels ready. She says she feels extremely conflicted and doesn't want to get hurt again. Last partner of hers did a real shitshow.

I'm confused. I really do love her and want her in my life and we still talk every single day. It's been 30 days and she still hasn't let me see her yet. Today she sent me a snap of new underwear she bought. Which made me even more confused.

If she were trying to distance herself and stop having feelings for me, why not just go no contact?

>>17099316
It was just a general question. I just posted my situation above

>>17099321
Sounds like she's just as confused as you or she's an evil genius and is plotting an elaborate revenge. What did you do?

>>17099321
>If she were trying to distance herself and stop having feelings for me, why not just go no contact?

because she isn't, and you said so yourself. "She says she feels extremely conflicted and doesn't want to get hurt again"

she is confused too

have a serious conversation with her or gtfo

Why is it so hard for girls to maintain decent facial skin? I mean guys don't use makeup and a lot of us have pretty clear and good looking skin. Not perfect but human and not all gross. Not knocking chicks or make up, just curious.

>>17099200
A question to women, is it possible to start a relationship with someone you know for a while, or do you just brand them as friends and consider moving forward awkward?

I just can't handle hitting on random people and asking them for dates but it seems like people I know are not that into being more than friends.

>>17099338
we have much more defined hormonal cycles which cause monthly acne (at least for me, I get cystic acne 3-4 days a month), and also the makeup itself can often make your face worse if you aren't consistent about removal and using clean brushes

i also believe that women (and maybe men? i don't know) are unintentionally more picky about how women's faces look versus men's faces. we're used to seeing ourselves/other women with our makeup on, both in person and in the media. i hate how i look without my touch of eyeliner and a bb to even out my skin, it barely even looks like my face to me.

>>17099331
I'm mostly confused at her actions. We know we make each other super happy when we share time together and clearly we get along since we talk every day.

In the grand scheme of things I didn't mess up too bad. January through February I didn't see her a single time. Really fucking stupid of me, but I was "busy". I'm not going to make excuses, I messed up.

Her last boyfriend did the same thing before she found out he was cheating on her with his ex-girlfriend so she got in a very insecure place and analyzed everything I did with the lens that I was sneaking around.


>>17099335
We've had serious conversations about it. I'm bullheaded and have a tendency to beat a dead horse. The conversations always end up with "we make each other happy, I (she) am not ready to see you in that capacity yet, I'm sorry, etc"

What really stuck out with me is that she said the more I talk about getting together and push it, she feels like withdrawing because I'm not respecting her wishes. So I've been doing that for a while.

I guess I just need perspective on why she is still feeling conflicting feelings. The way I see it is we can try again and there will be two results: We continue to knock each other's socks off with sappy feelings, love flying everywhere, smiles all the time; or we try again and it doesn't work out and we just stop.

>>17099338
really? How old are you? I haven't met a single guy under 30 who doesn't have a even a little bit of acne, or scars that show he had it at one time. You're a minority if you have fair skin.

>>17099356
Ah, that's really insightful, thank you.
>>17099362
You on the other hand, consider waterplay with bleach, you mongoloid.

>>17099355
Practice on strangers. When you're ready for something real go for a friend

>>17099355
of course it's possible, we get crushes on our friends all the time.

the man i've been with for eight years is my best childhood friend who i've known since I was 13. I dated three guys and he dated two girls [one of which I set him up with] before we realized we were perfect for each other.

>>17099358
You're lucky she's even talking to you. Give it time

>>17099369
I'm really hoping this is what's happening to me..

>>17099372
I'm absurdly lucky she's talking to me. She's an incredible sweetheart and I should probably take solace in the fact that she still IS including me in her life like this.

I know before we broke up she told all of her friends and my friends how much she adored me and us being together. Before I fucked it up I was a real class A partner.

Do you have any advice for me particularly on....how to be more patient about this?

Part of me is scared that if I do drop it and give it time she'll decide to not try again.

Do you girls like it when a guy's dick and balls get sweaty?

>>17099386
Don't drop it, but don't force the issue. Let her know how much she means to you, and that you'll be there when she's ready

>>17099402
Thanks anon. I've told her that before so I'm glad to know I'm not completely messing up.

Give it to me straight. Do you think there's a chance of salvaging this from what you know?

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Women:
If a guy invites you to watch a movie or something with you in his room/house do you just automatically assume he wants to fuck?
Consuming media is like my favorite thing to do with my friends, maybe I want to do it with you too, maybe just hold you. I just want this Netflix and chill meme to die already.

>>17099410
>Do you think there's a chance of salvaging this from what you know?
No clue I don't know her, and can't read her mind but I think you're going in the right direction and wish you luck.

Girls

its a widely common fact that you find people attractive that play guitar and or sing but how do you feel about the violin?

>>17099338
>>17099366
I'm a male and I've got fucking horrible skin. I've probably aggro'd several guys acne on myself.

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>>17099421
>its a widely common fact that you find people attractive that play guitar and or sing
>it's a fact

>>17099414
I appreciate the well-wishes and it's relieving to know from an outsider that I'm not completely off base on feeling there's a chance still.

I hope you have a great night anon

>>17099421
No - we find attractive guys attractive

>>17099411
yes asking a girl to come over alone and watch a movie means you want to jiggle your wiener inside her, are you daft?

if you really just wanted to watch a movie you would do it alone, or have no problem asking a guy friend or two to come over and chill

i'm a dude but I think it would be creepier if a guy just wanted you to come over and cuddle while you watch a movie.... because that's what gfs are for, not booty calls

>>17099394
It's neutral.

>>17099355
Yes, go for it.

>>17099321
>>17099358
She dumped you for not seeing her for a month? You guys have some serious communication issues.
If she was feeling so unloved she should have talked to you about it.

Do you really want to be with someone who's first reaction to an issue is to break up with you?
Or did she give you prior warning that you ignored?

>>17099282
>>17099312
I've bailed on guys who I got too excited with. I realized I was more enamoured with what they represented than who they really were. I recognized that he was head over heels for me, and that I suddenly saw his flaws as something I couldn't get past. Or his lack of what I did want- because it's not necessarily that you were bad. A good relationship isn't just the lack of bad qualities.

>>17099421
>its a widely common fact that you find people attractive that play guitar and or sing
I must have missed that memo

>how do you feel about the violin?
I couldn't care less, just like guys who play guitar or sing.

>>17099424
>implying that dudes apartment doesn't reek like latex and sex

bet hes fuckin ur girl right now tbqhf

>>17099436
It was so night and day with her that I just felt confused. The one thing that I never understood was why she talked about us in the future tense so much. She'd say how I make her smile at her phone, and I'd tell her I felt the same. Always responses like "this is just the beginning", or "just wait until.." In the end I have to respect how she feels, even if I don't understand.

>>17099434
You've encountered a critical error somewhere my friend because that don't make any goddamned sense

>>17099421
>its a widely common fact that you find people attractive that play guitar

Lol did you just come off of a 90s teen movie binge or something? No one gives a shit about that. Mostly because anyone and everyone can be youtube or insta famous with or without musical skills. And that's what it boils down to--are you entertaining/desirable? If your violin does that for you, cool. Otherwise no one gives a shit.

>>17099436
Yeah we had communication issues then. Real bad. She (allegedly) liked me so much she didn't want to confront me with that and let it just keep building up and building up till she couldn't take it and we had our first actual fight and split up.

She should have talked about it and she knows that now. I know that I should have still made an effort to see her. Complacency is a bad thing

I do really want to be with her, yes. Hindsight shows she gave me very very small warnings. After our conversations she realized she should have been far more open about it.

>>17099450
For me, I got a fantasy rolling. I imagined what could be. Which makes sense for her if she was so focused on future tense rather than taking the time to know you right now.

>>17099457
I honestly don't believe that that kind of lesson can be learned completely in just a couple of months.
She is going to have the issue again and again. She'll be a little braver sometimes, but other times she'll still fall back into her normal routine of stewing and not believing that she deserves to speak up.

>>17099459
At this point I'm just taking it as a learning experience. This woman was so beautiful it made me nervous. The fact I did much of anything with her is great for me in the long run..

>>17099474
That's a good way of looking at it!
Don't beat yourself up about this situation. You didn't do anything wrong. You guys had some fun and that'll be nice to look back on.

>>17099469
Well if that's true it's a good thing we aren't getting back together now. I have my own things I'm working on to be a better man for her.

Assuming (by the grace of god) we get back together, do you have any tips on encouraging her to speak her mind about any sort of issues?

>>17099483
I've beat myself up quite a bit over this one I'll admit. If what she said is true I really didn't do anything wrong. Which hurts because there isn't anything I CAN do. I've lived my life with the "good things come to those who wait" state of mind. I thought this was my prize for waiting. Im done waiting though. It's awoken a new drive into me to get out there :)

>>17099452
read it again slower then i guess?

>>17099494
Therapy.

>>17099497
This is a lesson I've learned, after also believing that good things come to those who wait.

>Sometimes you have to stop waiting, and start DOING

>>17099411
I've had platonic movie watches. It's best in the middle of the day and on separate chairs/couches.

Cuddling is not easily platonic. I used to cuddle platonically, but every guy who I cuddled ended up falling in love with me. Which was very annoying.
Now it makes me uncomfortable because I assume he's falling for me.

Im a man,confident,athletic build, pretty face and cool hair, but im 5`4, would you give me a chance at a party?

>>17099565
yes

>>17099565
No, because you're insecure

>>17099555
Checked.
The intent is definitely non-platonic, I'm just not wanting to pressure women into fucking.

From last night before I went to bed.

>>17098781

>Why is this girl in particular so scary? Is she just really hot or does she freak out and snap at anybody that gets physically close to her?

I don't know, she would probably snap if they were unwanted. She's got this kind of air about her. Always keeps herself to herself. She's also 5"9 in her converse and a tom boy. My guy friends, one of whom tried flirting with her abortively, complain that they feel like she's judging them all the time and she could kick their ass.

I mean, one time we had a huge group of much older guys and some girls drinking in our dorm common room at 1am making a racket. She walked through by herself and tore them all a new asshole and made them leave. My other friend from Europe made some comment about her being a warrior woman or something - big with a battle axe or some shit, he said

To be honest, I don't find her that scary, I think she's actually really sweet and a lot more shy than she comes across. I can't believe she likes me as much as she does, but I'm still trying to get over initial anxieties

>>17099565
Do you think that heightism is more of a norm between woman or is just some short guys that bring this up to make up for their own inconpetence?

>Try talking to a super cute girl
>accidentally summon some Eldritch abomination while trying to speak to her

Am I making progress?

Girls:
Can any of you help me with some questions about periods and such?

I'm afraid I'll get beaten up or getting framed as a rapist, wat do?

>>17099582
As a tall guy, there are definitely some women that are retarded about height. Even if they're a minority, it's easy to see how it feeds into their insecurity. Women do the same shit over other topics, and I've yet to see anyone calling them incompetent for it.

>>17099589
Stop using latin

>>17099628
>Stop using latin

Well I can't help it if my tongue automatically speaks gibberish when I get nervous.

Guys in your experience is this normal for a girll?

I have a huge libido and cannot control myself. I can be in love with someone while gladly fucking other people. I want to fuck everything. I'm fucking a dude rn while I'm half in love with his friend and I also want to fuck my future roommate next year really bad. I'm worried because I want to be monogamous with someone but I am afraid I'll cheat. And I know its a bad idea to go for my roommate but I just really need to fuck them but I cant get it out of my system! Wtf is this

>>17099654
masturbate

>>17099596
Depends on what those questions are

>>17099663
I have tried that but It does nothing for me. I don't get particularly turned on by touching myself and would rather read a book. I think this is more about me 'conquering' someone and the triumphant feeling of finally 'getting' them

>>17099671
lets say your period starts on tuesday, then continues until saturday morning, stops and then begins again on sunday, is this normal?

>>17099694
By Saturday, it's probably a really light flow, so it wouldn't have 'stopped', but just really slowed down. Unless you mean it completely begins again with a heavy flow on Sunday, in which case that is not normal.

Any other women here get actually angry if they don't orgasm during sex? Just wondering, because it's been a fairly recent thing with me. I get actually really angry, like, so mad I can't even speak to my SO, even if it's not his fault (because sometimes, it's just not going to happen, let's face it). I don't want to be angry, it's a physiological thing. Just think it's weird, and wondered if any other women here experienced that as well.

>>17099714
i mean it slows down and stops by saturday, then light flow on sunday

My boyfriend finds everything I do "extrmely disrespectful".
No bra if there's a guy (my roommate) at home? It's pretty much cheating. Giving my address to a guy I met at work so he can pick me up? Asking to be raped. Going out for a beer with a male friend? Clearly a date. Going partying? That's what single people do.

Is this common or it's just him?
Is there a way for him to deal with this or I just have to accept it/dump him?

>>17099730
That sounds like youre internalizing your anger/dissatisfaction with him for other things and its coming out now. Its probably the straw that broke the camels back

>>17099746
Why would you date a guy like that

>>17099761
Because he is otherwise very smart, sweet and just an amazing partner overall.
He is just way more jealous than I am used to and I don't know if he is the "standard jealous" and I have been lucky (because both my ex boy friends weren't jealous at all and I know it), or if he is nuts.

>>17099746
Unless you're being literal, then yeah that's a bit intense. If you're using hyperbole to underscore sentiment then that's pretty normal for guys - particularly those that are insecure. Assuming that you and your boyfriend are at least somewhat attractive, how would you react to your boyfriend going out for drinks with a female friend, having a female roommate and/or giving his address to other women?

>>17099750
No, that's absolutely not it. You're over complicating this. It's legit anger that stems directly from not orgasming.

>>17099768
Him being smart, sweet and 'otherwise amazing' isn't worth having a boyfriend who's that possessive and irrational.

>>17099774
Ok-so you're sure you're perfectly happy with him and he's done nothing wrong or lacked anything besides this orgasm thing? It seems a bit excessive and weird if its only the orgasm thing. You haven't talked to him or tried to help him give you more pleasure?

>>17099773
I honestly don't give a shit.
If he doesn't cheat on me, he can do whatever he wants and I'll be fine with it. I trust people I'm in a relationship with, and I kinda prefer if someone is extrmely free but chooses to not cheat because he loves me, instead of having to set weird rules so he doesn't cheat, and fearing he'll do something stupid at some point when I'm not paying attention.

>>17099582
It's really prevalent in online dating, but if you go to a bar/club/sex party it's not a thing at all really

>>17099787
No, it's totally not his fault. And believe me, he has no problem working at giving me pleasure. But, sometimes women just can't get there, for one reason or another, and when that happens to me, I get unreasonably angry now. I don't get mad at him, but I've told him about the anger thing, so he knows. It's just really weird. I'm wondering if it has to do with hormones.

>>17099746
He's insecure, in his mind he's not worthy of having a relationship so in turn he doesn't trust you. He needs therapy to work out these issues. You can't fix him

Am I being unreasonable for being upset that the guy I'm seeing hasn't been in contact for four days?

I'm assuming the worst. This happens every so often and it doesn't make any sense. I feel like an idiot for just assuming everything is fine. It's all I've been focusing on over the weekend despite doing other things to keep myself busy.

I can understand this kind of thing during the dating period but I thought things were more developed than this and wouldn't have thought somebody could go that long without even checking their SO is ok. I appreciate this sounds naggy as fuck, which is why I'm asking if it's justified.

Hey /adv/, sex related question

I was wondering how could I improve the sexual relationships with my girlfriend. Tips on foreplay and such that could help in giving her pleasure.
Mostly foreplay, since, as she tells me, she has rather little sensitivity in the inside of her vagina, thus I'm afraid penetration won't do much. The fact that I'm rather short, about 5 inches, doesn't help either. She has, however, very sensitive neck and nipples

TL;DR, How do I git gud at sex /adv/?

>>17099825
>Am I being unreasonable for being upset that the guy I'm seeing hasn't been in contact for four days?
Is he deployed overseas?

>>17099828
More foreplay
Use your tongue

I've be having a distant relationship with a woman for quite a long time and I've been open to her issues all the time. Now she is having some problems that she hasn't told me about and we don't talk much since then. I wonder why she hasn't told me straight up what her problems are instead of hiding it and telling me some bullshit like "I feel so bad, blahblah...". We haven't spoken for 2 days and i'm planning to bring it up today. Can someone, please, explain to me what lies behind such behaviour, because I, as a logically thinking being, can't find a cohesive explanation.

>>17099654
This is way more than a high libido. It almost sounds like you're trying to get as many notches on your bed post as possible.

>>17099746
I can get being uncomfortable with some of those things. Especially hanging out at the bar with a guy alone. But he's definitely approaching it all wrong.

>>17099825
Have you actually texted him and he just hasnt responded? I could understand some concern in that context.

I've already talked about this in last thread but there was no details since I was in need of quick answers
So, I was in a long distance relationship with this 9/10 girl until october, when she broke up with me
We stayed friend and we are talking around once a month, longer and longer. Yesterday, we talked until late into the night about this and that
She even told me that she'd like to fuck in a car, because she like it when the partners are really close, something I didn't know about
I'm still in love with her, but I'm too scared of talking about our relationship, past (as a couple), present (as friends) or future

TL;DR : Still close friends and in love with my exgf, what do ?

>>17099837
Alright, I'll try, I can't shake off the feeling that she gets off to the situation itself, the feelings and such than what I'm doing, though. I can't blame her, though, I barely have any experience while she has had numerous partners. I guess it's a matter of trying

Is there something that can be done about the lack of vaginal sensitivity or I should just focus on foreplay?

>>17099847
Go out and meet a real girl that you can actually have sex with instead of watching her masturbate on cam. You'll forget about her fast

>>17099849
We live close enough to meet every weekend
We also already lived together

>>17099853
If he's not deployed overseas, and this is an actual relationship, not someone you've slept with a couple of times and think you're in a relationship, then no you are not being unreasonable. 4days without communication, and he hasn't returned your texts or phone calls then somethings wrong

Did I sperg?

I was walking to class and I was almost there when a classmate appeared.

I think she was flipping me off so I got into the class first and shut the door on her..

I hate having autism, I just want to be normie ;_;

>>17099847
You want to be with her in a long term relationship, not just for sex, right?

I'd say, consider your previous one, how it went, why you broke, and the chances of that happening again. If she was the one the broke with you, chances are she'll hesitate less next time when it comes to breaking up.

But, most importantly. Has she shown any interest in getting back together? Any comment that might hint at it? If not, she most likely isn't interested and you should move on

>>17099852
>We live close enough to meet every weekend
That's not long distance

>>17099863
He's ghosting you

>>17099859
>You want to be with her in a long term relationship, not just for sex, right?
Yes
>I'd say, consider your previous one, how it went, why you broke, and the chances of that happening again. If she was the one the broke with you, chances are she'll hesitate less next time when it comes to breaking up.
It was going well, the break-up came from nowhere, for a problem so easy to resolve that I don't get why she thought that breaking up was the best solution
>But, most importantly. Has she shown any interest in getting back together? Any comment that might hint at it? If not, she most likely isn't interested and you should move on
None of us did
We don't talk about our relationship

>>17099865

I did think this but we've known each other a long time (years) and he has been known to do this before where he just goes quiet for a weekend. I'd assume it was ghosting but then it doesn't make sense how he was being earlier in the week, trying to arrange things, etc.

>>17099875
He's done this before? What was his explanation?

>>17099873
>>But, most importantly. Has she shown any interest in getting back together? Any comment that might hint at it? If not, she most likely isn't interested and you should move on
>None of us did
>We don't talk about our relationship
To add something to this
I'm mostly the one that start conversation but she is the one that makes it continue even after I think it's over

>>17099863
If I had to make a guess I'd say he wants to end things but is afraid of telling you so. Kind of shitty, but that's how a lot of people behave.

Question for women
Confidence is the best feature in men, yay or nay?

>>17099878

He has done it before, a few times. Usually he has done something last minute and not bothered to charge his phone. Other times I think he just spends the weekend completely isolated doing whatever he wants to do (tv, video games, etc).

I totally don't mind this, I just can't help but assume the worst when it happens. I'm the type of person who needs to know things are ok and hes well aware of this.

Earlier in the week I had asked him if he wanted to see me this weekend and he said he'd check his plans and let me know. I thought perhaps he just didn't want to give me an answer which is why he hadn't been in touch. Slightly paranoid though.

Two minutes it would have taken for him to let me know he's okay and ask how my weekend was. It hurts so much that I'm not even worth that.

>>17099887

Makes sense. But then why would he try and arrange other things with me days before? It's all so confusing. Maybe I'll just have to get there before him and end things, then if that is his plan then he won't have to feel bad.

>>17099889
I don't know, I don't sit and rank every trait in a man. It's important, but I can't tell you how important it is relative to everything else.

>>17099890
If you've told him this is a problem, and he hasn't corrected it then you have every right to be upset. Someone who is happy in a relationship wouldn't disappear for no reason for several days

>>17099790
>If he doesn't cheat on me, he can do whatever he wants and I'll be fine with it. I trust people I'm in a relationship with, and I kinda prefer if someone is extrmely free but chooses to not cheat because he loves me
See, men generally don't think like that. Men tend to view pretty much every other man as a potential rival and despite our best attempts to think it over our instinctive label for a significant other spending time with another man - particularly an attractive man - is "tantamount to infidelity" because to a man, that potential to be made a cuckold is always there.

>instead of having to set weird rules so he doesn't cheat, and fearing he'll do something stupid at some point when I'm not paying attention.
See, I very much doubt that's it. I would probably bet a hundred bucks that he views it as an issue of courtesy. He isn't the social butterfly you are with the opposite sex because he's following the golden rule and, imagining himself as you, avoiding doing things that would make him (you) potentially uncomfortable. He thinks that you think like he does, and even if you tell him otherwise he'll continue to judge you as I described earlier because he literally can't help it.

>>17099873
>>17099886
Then it seems she values your company, as a friend, at least. Enough to mantain an interest in keeping in touch.

How are your chats? Slightly awkward?
Since you stayed friends, it's safe to assume you ended in good terms. Why do you avoid talking about your relationship that much? You could try making a passing comment and see how she reacts, test the waters

>>17099892
People are strange, I've had similar experiences with women. Sometimes they found someone new they were more interested in, sometimes they were playing games, sometimes they were just unhinged.

In all of those cases, those were grounds to cut them out and move on. I'd refrain from stressing out about it if you can, and ditch him unless he has one hell of a valid reason.

>>17099900

Thank you. I'm trying my very best to be laid back and relaxed about this but there's so obviously something wrong that I can't ignore it. I just wish there was some way I could get in touch with him so I could sort everything and draw a line under it.

>>17099908
>I just wish there was some way I could get in touch with him so I could sort everything and draw a line under it.
Show up on his doorstep and demand answers, or since he can't be bothered to talk to you, just text him that you're done with him.

>>17099904
>How are your chats? Slightly awkward?
Pretty friendly, like good friends that got out of touch because of studies
>Since you stayed friends, it's safe to assume you ended in good terms. Why do you avoid talking about your relationship that much? You could try making a passing comment and see how she reacts, test the waters
I avoid talking about it directly because I'm afraid of scaring her and losing her definitely. I value her friendship a lot (she's one of my few female friends)

>>17099911

That seems a bit mean though. In the tiny chance that something bad has happened or maybe he's not so well, that wouldn't be a nice text to receive. Also, I really don't want things to end, I just don't want to look like an idiot if something isn't right.

>>17099915
Then why don't you call him like a normal person?

>>17099895
Thank you for your input. I've been told confidence is key by many of my friends but I believe it's just to get the ball rolling. Personal behaviors and traits really are the true indicators of attractiveness imo.

>>17099916

Because if he doesn't answer (and he rarely does answer the phone), I'll probably panic even more. If he does, I'd probably sperg out and say something stupid.

>>17099924
Confidence is important even in a well established relationship. If someone is always unsure of what they can do, it will cause significant strain.

I think people just tend to focus on it because it's the trait most easily developed. To become a kinder person, you have to really change the way you approach the world in general for instance.

>>17099926
Neither you nor him are emotionally mature enough to be in a relationship. Get therapy

>>17099924
Both you and your friends are wrong. The whole package is important, you can have one but lack one fundamental trait and be fucked because of it. It's better to have a bit of everything than to have a lot of one thing.

>>17099932
Please enlighten us. Go on and explain the bit of everything needed as you say.

>>17099937
What don't you understand?

>>17099913
That's nice to hear
And, yup, that's understanable, after all you seem to get along really well. However, it makes me wonder, if you get along so well, why would she break up over something easily fixable, as you say?

I'm sorry, but I doubt I'm going to be of much use

Girls

I want to ask someone out, but I don't have my own money and can't get a job until summer. What do I do?

>>17099903
I never cheated in my entire life and I have been sleeping, travelling and living with guys other than my significant other for years. I know how to control myself and I don't hang out with people who are interested in me, and it has always been enough.

I do understand that I have been in very trusting relationships before while he didn't (he has been cheated on) but I literally spent the last 3 weeks arguing with him because everything I do or plan on doing (from seeing a friend while I'm travelling to driving a friend home to not wearing a bra at home if my roommate is here) is absolutely disrespectful to him.
If I wanted to cheat I would, but I don't want to. You don't casually cheat.
I am getting to the point where I'm seriously thinking of breaking up over this, it is so fucking frustrating.

>>17099943
>why would she break up over something easily fixable, as you say?
I don't understand either
The problem was not enough communication
I also think that her studies were taking a tool on her so she thought that "getting rid" of the burden of our relationship would help her getting through
I have in the idea that I'm going to wait for the end of the year to ask her out again

>>17099841
I think so too? I'll meet a new person and the desire to 'have them' is so strong and weirdly distracting it literally cuts off rational thought sometimes. It gives me energy. Im thinking maybe taking anti libido pills will help?

>>17099938
Well for one, I asked a question about confience. But I'm intrigued, what is this 'whole package' you say that's better, and if you don't have this you are automatically 'fucked'. So again, please go on and continue your perfect opinion.

>>17099945
Wait until summer.

>>17099950
I don't really think medication is a good long term solution. I think seeing a professional about your desire to sleep with everyone for the sake of it would be a good idea.

>>17099858
What the fuck, why would you do that? That is so disrespectful and rude. Even if you thought she was flipping you off (which, why would she?) Why would you immediately escalate to shutting the door in her face? Just ignore that shit. Do you have a brain or are you fucking paranoid all the time?

>>17099947
>I do understand that I have been in very trusting relationships before while he didn't (he has been cheated on)
Aaaaand there's the insecurity I mentioned earlier. Once bitten, twice shy. He's never going to trust you without reservations with regards to fidelity , no matter how he tries to reason with himself about it.

If you really think it's going to be some sort of absolutely intractable point of conflict between you two then it might be best to break it off, but at the same time if he's everything you said he is then you might want to consider reducing your contact with other men in the interest of your relationship.

>>17099952
I'm transferring out of this college and might now see her again.

>>17099961
Oh I see, go for it then. Be smart and take her on a date that doesn't require money (good luck with that).

>>17099954
Oops, I should clarify. I wasn't really talking about medication, more like natural supplements that I read could help lower libido. And I don't want to sleep with /everyone/ just the people that im sexually attracted to. But it is a problem because there are still too many people. I'll try to see a therapist this summer, thanks .

>>17099957
>but at the same time if he's everything you said he is then you might want to consider reducing your contact with other men in the interest of your relationship.

He is amazing and I'm really happy with him when we are not arguing. He is one of the more loving and most interesting guys I've ever met.
But while I can negotiate on some things and accept his point of view on, I will always work mostly with men, I will always spend my time around a lot of guys and I do have male friends that I don't want to lose, and this isn't going to change. If he is not comfortable with it, i can't turn my life around to please him.

>>17099411
Yeah i've always wondered how the hell introverts deal with this
If most of your hobbies, entertainment, free time, etc are done at home, how do you invite a girl to do something you like together if she immediately interprets it as "ey bb come over to my place let's fuck"?

>>17099672 >>17099654 >>17099950
Sounds like histrionic.
>Im thinking maybe taking anti libido pills will help?
Probably a bad idea.

>>17099987
Thanks. Dont think its histrionic though since I like criticism if its helpful and absolutely hate being the center of attention. I mean it could be though. I see a psychiatrist for adhd primarily and he told me he was sure I was on the spectrum for personality disorders based on my file, it sounds bad but I've learned how to cope with a lot of it, just not this...

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>>17099964
Even natural supplements would just be attacking the symptoms, rather than the real issue at hand. At the same time I'm a bit biased against medication unless its the last option available, so take it as you will.

>>17099969
I've been reading ur responses from the thread, and I think a compromise is the best solution. I would cut out one on one hanging out with male friends buts that's about it. The other stuff is your life and part of the package of dating you. Try to understand the male perspective here, honestly even though you personally know you wouldn't cheat it doesn't matter, this guy would be like this to any girl he goes out with. Communicate more on how much he and the relationship itself means to you, if he knows you wouldn't jeopardise it over cheating he may become more trusting if not theres not much point in staying together. (I would avoid saying or alluding to the possibility of cheating you may come off as trying to cover your tracks)

>>17100000 (chek'd)
Oh yeah if you've been diagnosed with ADHD that explains it by itself. Taking medication for it?

>he told me he was sure I was on the spectrum for personality disorders based on my file
Did he say which cluster or mention any? They're very different (A = schizo, B = sociopathic, C = anxious) and each is dealt with in very different ways.

>>17100054
Huh? Wait how does adhd explain the sex thing? Yeah I'm taking meds for it but they're not working too well so I want to switch to something else. I think he said cluster b, with a mix of everything. I am actually doing quite well now and have managed to build friendships with good people and things

>>17100059
>Wait how does adhd explain the sex thing?
Well, actually now that you asked, it probably doesn't (it can cause abnormally high sex drive, but it can be temporarily satisfied by repeated masturbation or sex with 1 person since it's all about the dopamine, kind of like sex addiction).
This, on the other hand:
>>17099672
>I don't get particularly turned on by touching myself and would rather read a book. I think this is more about me 'conquering' someone and the triumphant feeling of finally 'getting' them
>>17099950
>I'll meet a new person and the desire to 'have them' is so strong and weirdly distracting it literally cuts off rational thought sometimes. It gives me energy
isn't dopamine stuff, it's cluster-B stuff (which is why i thought histrionic in the first place). It can be totally unrelated to actual libido.

What meds are you taking, and why aren't they working well?
And do they make this better, worse, or no effect at all?

>>17100107
Oh my god you just explained it so well. I'm only taking vyvanse now for adhd and its not helping me focus as much like it used too, it still helps a bit, i just dont want to increase dosage. I used to take 8 meds and stuff like lithium latuda cuz they thought I had bipolar but I think it was the meds causing that. Like I can now think very clearly, am not manic, etc it has been a year since I started only taking vyvanse and my life is good now compared to before.

I think part of it is I still feel very empty and bored inside(always bored), the only positive emotion I think I'm able to feel is excitement. Not happiness(i dunno if i ever felt that). Excitement at good grades, at meeting someone I'm attracted to and excited at the possibility of sleeping with them and lessening my boredom for a little

>>17099366
>You on the other hand, consider waterplay with bleach, you mongoloid.
That seems like an over reaction.

Guys, with unlimited sex/blowjobs, would you still want fapping time?

I have a higher sex drive than my boyfriend.
Yet I'm thinking I should be out of the house more often so he can masturbate if he wants to.

I'm not going to ask for advice, I just want to share my story.
Four months ago I met this girl. At the time I thought she was the one. I was coming out of another unhappy experience with a girl who had some eating disorders and she seemed perfect. I asked for advice here on the board and, after one month and a half, she became my GF. Fast forward to two months and a half later: I had to break up with her. It turned out that she was selfish as fuck, she only cared about her happiness and after the first month she started caring less and less about me. Once again, I asked advice on the board. Everyone told me to dump her, find a better person. I didn't want to do it, but in the end I'm here and I don't even know why I'm writing this stuff. Maybe I just wanted to thank you anons for helping me through this experience of mine. Breaking up sucks. If anyone else is experiencing the same shit, I just want to let you know that I feel you.

Take care, /adv/.

If a girl says she's too sick to come out, where does that sit on a scale of Legit to Bullshit?

>>17100179
I'm this guy:
>>17100200

Anyway, I've never been in a long relationship but I suppose MAYBE some guys might miss the old thrill of finding new exotic porn and just jacking it themselves? Maybe?

Hey fem-anons,two questions: would you ever be a trophy wife and will i need to pick you up or can you fly here?

>>17100200
How the hell could we know whether it is bullshit or not? Sometimes people get ill, it happens

>>17100200
That's a polite way of saying menstrual cramping.

>>17100222
>>17100214
Alright well I guess I'll leave her alone and wait for her to message me again, if she ever does. Thanks everyone.

>>17099890

Your man sounds a lot like me. So he is probably two things.

1)He feels suffocated by his everyday life and needs a break from everything. Everything includes you. A good SO feels responsible for his girlfriend's happiness. And when a man retreats like that it's because he needs to rest from troubles and resposibilities.

2)The guy is fighting with the monsters in his head. He has mental issues. And as strange as it might sound, his not telling you shows how much he loves you, because he doesn't want to burden you with his problems and he is also afraid of you not wanting him anymore.

So unless he is outright cheating on you (which I very much doubt because men reach the point of breaking up long before caring about their SO so little that they don't bother covering their tracks) he loves you a lot.
Sit down and have a talk with him. Don't tell him how much it bothers you because it'll stress him further. Instead tell him that everyone needs a break every now and then but that you're interested in his reasons.
Treat his alone time as your alone time.
Btw, you sound a tiny bit clingey.

Why do women love traveling so much?

>>17100236

Thank you so much for this. Protip: I am a bit clingy.

I normally try my very best to leave him to it, not to crowd him and just wait for him to get in touch with me. However, this is really difficult to do when everything in my head is telling me there's a more insidious reason for it. Right now I've convinced myself it's because he hates me and is trying his best to think of a way to end it.

I know him really well and know he has a history of mental issues. I think I've only recently started to realise exactly how severe they can be though. This only worries me more because I hate the idea of him having to deal with it all by himself.

I don't think he is cheating on me. He's extremely anti-social and before we decided we were going to be together, he really wasn't interested in being with anybody. He could always be banging someone else of course, but that isn't my main concern.

It was really lovely of you to give such a detailed response, as the other suggestions that I was being ghosted just didn't seem to fit. Thank you so much. Could I just ask...what is the best thing for me to do now? Should I wait for him to get in touch again and try and be as supportive as possible? Should I attempt to contact him again to see how he is? I don't want to crowd him but I want him to know everything is ok.

>>17100179

Yes. Even married men masturbate. Sometimes we just want to be done with the urge. It doesn't we don't find you attractive. Only that we are too horny to be impassive about it but at the same time we can't be arsed to go through all the fuss of having sex.

Women:

I haven't had a date in two years. I also don't have a twitter/instagram/tinder and haven't been anywhere near pop culture since around when twerking became a word.

Am I shooting myself in the foot by not being on the celebrity culture IV or does it not matter as much as I'm starting to think it does.

I see my girlfriend once or twice a week on the weekends. Is expecting sex once a week too much in a recently sexually active relationship?

It's not like we can fuck everyday because we don't live together but when we are together sex would be nice.

>>17100237
What, and men don't?

I deleted my Facebook account around 2 weeks ago. Just yesterday I received a text from a friend that lately I've been having some trouble with. She was asking if I hate her, thinking I had blocked her. I didn't have too much of a problem with it until I happened to think about the time in between deleting my fb account and receiving her text and it's bothering me.
Should I confront her about this or am I just making too much of it?

>>17100278
Maybe she just noticed you weren't on her list?

>>17100278

She probably only realise that you'd deleted her recently. I don't check my Facebook every day and several people have probably removed me who I wouldn't know about. You'd only really know if you tried to contact them or see their profile and it never came up.

I hate sappy romance bullshit, can't stand films that star it and if I look up online how to be romantic I cringe at the results. My girl friend I have feelings for is not too romantically inclined either (and hates date nights in general with anyone), but I feel like we never really get anywhere other than a fun day out every now and then. We never manage to have a moment together or whatever. Yet even her parents started pushing me towards her now. What.

How do I turn this relationship romantic-ish and remove the space inbetween girl and friend?

>>17100237
Because it's fun?
You see cool things, you learn a lot of stuff, you meet nice people, you have funny stories to tell.
Like, what shouldn't you love about travelling.

Should I be worried that i still haven't had a girlfriend being a 20 years old? I mean I've gone on dates, tried a thing with a girl for weeks (to no results), have no problem talking with girls. But I still haven't exactly met the right one yet.

Is it because of me and my luck or something?

>>17100366
Relationships aren't necessarily cringey-romantic.
Me and my boyfriend laugh around, play videogames, hike, travel, cook and fuck, and that's it. Sometimes we go out for a beer, sometimes we go out for dinner, but we have never been a romantic couple.
He is kind and sometimes sweet, but never cheesy. I hate that kind of shit.

You can try and get more involved physically, it usually works well.

>>17100259
>through all the fuss of having sex.
What about just wanting masturbation for the sake of masturbation? Do you get that? My guy can be 100% passive when he's too tired, so not sure if your statement applies.

>>17100136
Interesting, I'm also on a stimulant right now (amphetamine 75/25, generic adderall) and same problem, the effect's getting weaker.
I also went to several different shrinks and got misdiagnosed with bipolar at first. Gave me all kinds of meds that made it dramatically worse (was even in the ER at one point with NMS).
It's ridiculous to think back to that speech about how I had to never drink coffee, never drink mountain dew or any other caffeinated soda, always check labels for caffeine, decaf tea, avoid chocolate, etc, and now I'm on fairly high doses of amphetamine the entire day.

Genetic testing later provided a breakthrough, showed susceptibility to low dopamine levels and cluster-A (schizophrenic) risk factors + MTHFR defect, ie that it was cluster-A negative symptoms ("deficit syndrome") and my dopaminergic activity was too low to develop the positive ones (the ones that are characteristic to full schizophrenia). What you're describing (empty inside, always bored, only feeling adrenaline rush, can't remember being happy) applied to me as well up until 2 weeks ago (when i restarted the L-5-MHTF+B6/9/12 regimen at quadruple the ineffective initial dose). Depression + anxiety isn't a lot of fun, but it's better than being dead inside.

So if you haven't told your shrink about those feelings yet, do that. And consider asking about the clinical genetic test, insurance will sometimes cover it.

>>17100420

Dude I'm 25, just six years ago I never had a GF. Then, after my first GF, I started to understand women a little better. Since then I had three main relationships and five or six short experiences. Dumped my last GF last day. Things happen, you just need to give yourself time. Don't forget to be yourself, do the stuff that you love to do, go out with friends and eventually you'll find your GF. She's out there.

>>17100192

I feel you, man. Stay strong.

>>17100252
>This only worries me more because I hate the idea of him having to deal with it all by himself.
>He could always be banging someone else of course, but that isn't my main concern

You're such a sweetheart. But yes, there's always a chance that you're sitting here melting like a lit candle while he is enjoying some alone time, or screwing someone else.

I'm hesitant to elaborate further in case I scare you for no reason.
You see, hell is a mindset. It doesn't matter what happens around you, nothing that reaches you will have an effect. I'm depressed because I don't have money, friends, fuckbuddies and experiences. But I've also come across people who have all that and still feel the same as I. The real problem with us crazies is our perspective. The only ways to tackle that is to

1)See a professional about it
or
2)Go through a number of experiences that will change us as individuals.

Regarding the first, I've seen that no matter how much help you receive, it'll do you no good if you don't commit your own efforts. Like a broken down car, the moment you stop pushing it, it stops moving. Hence why Bruce Lee said that the best help is self help.
And regarding the second, people with such issues lack the motivation or even the means to go through changes. This doesn't mean you should try to force him though. That's fate's job.

>>17100543
cont.

So anyway, here's my advice.
A)Read a bit about introverts.
B)Ask a psychologist's opinion.
C)Look after yourself. Eat healthy, work out, pick up a hobby and focus on your job. If he is cheating on you, then not all your time will have gone to waste. If he isn't, then you'll become a person who inspires confidence and whom he can open up to.

>Right now I've convinced myself it's because he hates me and is trying his best to think of a way to end it.

I doubt that, but in the off chance that he does then that's because he can't, by his very nature, be with other people. Don't blame yourself for everything.

>Should I attempt to contact him again to see how he is?

Does he answer when you do? If he does then let him brood in peace and call rarely. If he doesn't then don't bother. If he does answer then don't be all "where are you". Instead tell him something casual about your day that affects you both like "the phone bill came" or "I ran into your mother today". After some idle chatter you can ask him "so what's new with you?"

Oh, one last thing. People with mental issues are often further stressed because they see themselves as abnormal. What they don't know is that everyone is a bit unhinged. For example, intrusive thoughts lost much of their sting as soon as I learned that everyone has them (though not as bad as I).

>Thank you so much.

My pleasure. I wish you both the best of luck.

>>17100549
>>17100543

You seem like the most sincere, nicest person I've ever come across on /adv/ (and I post here a lot). Thank you.

All I want to do is make him happy, or at least as happy as he can be. If I do this by sticking by him when he wants me to do that, I'm willing to do that. I basically run my life around how he's feeling because my life is pretty structured normally.

Things are really difficult for me at times. He isn't an easy person to be with but I feel so strongly for him that I almost give up my own well-being, which is why it's such a risk for me.

I'm really struggling. I can't go into things in too much detail on here because the parts that are important are just too specific and if he was lurking, he would probably realise and might be offended that I was coming to the internet for advice.

This might sound weird but I'd really appreciate the opportunity to speak to you a bit more about this. My throwaway email is in the subject box. If you don't mind speaking to me for a while, I think I'd really benefit from that.

Obviously if you don't feel comfortable, I'm still grateful for your advice so far. Thank you.

>>17100557

Apologies, it should show up now. I'm not used to the reply boxes on here.

probably the wrong thread, but 2 questons..
a) how rude is it to ask a girl if a kid in one of her pictures is hers
b) how rude is it to ask how tall said girl is

for grils

I'm 25 she is 27. Currently my first ever actual relationship. She still doesn't know that, how would you react to it ? Also never had sex.

>>17100586

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest, same for most people I think.

>>17100589
Would it have any impact on the relationship though ?

>>17100567
>a) how rude is it to ask a girl if a kid in one of her pictures is hers
Not really rude

>b) how rude is it to ask how tall said girl is
It's a little odd if you don't have a reason to ask/it's not relevant to the conversation

for grills

im, 22. i have never really had a proper relationship, i have had a few fling that have lasted from a few weeks to a month, and i honestly dont want a relationship at the moment because i want to concentrate on uni. would it bother a women in a few years time if i explain to her that i havent had a proper relationship because i wanted to work on my studies? thanks

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Female orgasm:

For the ladies:
-Best describe what it feels like in you're body and brain.
-How does you're body react to it (movements)
-Post orgasm but continued sex feels like what? Is the second one less more or equally as pleasurable.

For the Lads:
-Does the vag do anything to the dick during orgasm? (retarded question I know)

Can you post you're age with the reply to? If anyone younger then me knows the answer ill have a chuckle... then be sad.

>>17100599

Not really. I think I'd probably focus a bit more on setting precedents and making the person as happy as I could, seeing as it was their first.

In the longterm, I'd probably be a bit concerned that I'd been their only girlfriend (just because some people have a bit of a mid-life crisis if they haven't had something to compare their partner to) but that wouldn't be for several years.

>>17100622
Female reporting.
>Body - greatest wave of unstoppable pleasure, to the point I become slightly momentarily paralyzed. And I'm known to make gutteral, low kind of growling noise which is completely unintentional and purely physical response.

>Post orgasm - burst of energy, anxious for the second one, but have to wait until the side effects of the first one have died down, otherwise it's not as strong, vaginal muscle clenching and spasming, those are the times when in my head, fantasy is crawling all over my brain wishing for every man I've had any crush on to be there, watching me cum. (That's just a purely physiological mental reaction, though, in the moment). After about 2-3 minutes, I'm ready to go again. And I never stop until I've had at least 3.

How do I stop thinking about girls as princesses?

is it immature if I stop hanging out with a friend I was crushing on for a bit to sort my feelings out

I indirectly asked her out and she indirectly said no and now I'm kind of directly a mess and even though she did nothing wrong I kind of have awkward feelings towards her

I don't really want to be around her and have these feelings bubble up but at the same time I don't want her to think she did something wrong if I just kind of vanish from our friend circle for a while

is there some balance to this that I am not seeing

>>17100622
>what it feels like
like there's this warm, soft, tingling twitchy excitement and joy starting at my clit and spreading very quickly over my body for the duration of about 30 seconds.
>how do you react
vaginal walls twitch like crazy and continue to do so even when the orgasm is over, typical writhing
>post orgasm but continued sex feels like what?
Oh, erm. All of my orgasms are clitoral, I've never had one caused by penis. I mean, I've had sex AFTER a clitoral orgasm and it feels a bit numb at first. Having sex and then an orgasm is hot, too.

>>17100682
>Oh, erm. All of my orgasms are clitoral, I've never had one caused by penis.

so is sex even fun for women?

>>17100607
makes sense.
if it makes you feel any better then you can always just say that you've had a few short-term relationships that fizzled out - only crazies will need details.

>>17100586
The above advice applies to you, too.
I personally am indifferent to virgins (kinda find it cute to dominate them) but if she asks, I wouldn't lie about it. Just say it never really happened and if she's not a cunt, she'll accept that.

>>17100420
No.
See above: older people with similar problems that are easily solved.

>>17100267
Depends on the length of the relationship, but I'd say yes, definitely. You need to discuss eachother's needs, though. I speak from experience when I say ignoring the problem for years is not the way to go about it.

>>17100265
Not being involved with celebrities isn't a problem.
Having no internet/social media presence might end up being one. So many relationships and hookups are done over online dating, etc. so if that's what you're looking for, you should definitely bite the bullet and sign up to okcupid.

>>17100237
This is like me asking 'why do men prefer showers to baths?'

Some girls like traveling because they find it a source of adventure or excitement. Some girls hate traveling because they're happy with routine and prefer to spend their money and time on other leisure.

>>17100205
4chan is not the place to pick up a trophy wife, anon.

>>17100200
that is subjective, depends entirely on the moral compass of the girl

>>17099945
Depends on what you think your chances are of her being satisfied with movies at your house and picnics in the park.

>>17099889
I'd prefer someone introverted and kind rather than confident and abusive, but on the scale of good traits, I'd say it's high up because it tends to affect other aspects of personality. It's easier to project a good sense of humour when you have self belief.

It's not a red flag, though, for sure. My partner of four years is very shy.

Girl told me she doesn't have feelings for me anymore.
But heres the thing. She always looks at me during lectures shows an interest, I heard her friends don't like me because I'm unpopular so it's obviously influenced her not to be with me. It sucks because we spent 3 months talking nonstop and after I heard about her friends she ceased contact mostly.
What can I do? I think I loved her.

>>17100689
Oh yes, yes it is, even if we're just having the clitoral orgasms. Actually, clitoral orgasms can be quite strong and feel different than vaginal orgasms. Every woman would prefer to have both.
And, clitoral orgasms are easier to have in multiples.

Just got friend zoned. Girl says she just wants friends, but seems lonely, how do I convince her that being more than friends will be a lot better in the long run?

>>17100689
I enjoy it because it's intimate and gets my partner off. It's not unpleasant for me by any means.

Porn is extremely misleading.
An astoundingly small number of women actually cum when they have sex, and if they do, it's rarely as good as when they're being eaten out.

Typically, if you want your girlfriend to think you're good in bed, eat like a king.

>>17100726
You do not try to convince her.
If she's 'friendzoned' you it's because you're not her type, that is unrelated to any qualities you might have as a friend.

If she's lonely, talk to her. That will solve the problem.

>>17100717
If she's not dating you because her friends think you're unpopular, then you're not missing out on much.

>>17100681
please advise

>>17100681
>>17100737

It is mature to withdraw slightly from the relationship with as much grace as possible.

It is immature to talk to her about your withdrawal, or to make it any of her business - just because she's not responsible for your feelings, of course.

I hope you can resume your friendship as quickly as possible.

>>17100752
Thanks
I don't really open up to people about feelings much so I don't really know what is the socially acceptable thing for adults to do in situations like this, so I really appreciate the input

Girls,

I've been dating a girl for a few weeks now. Last night she told me she wanted me to be her first. I've had sex with a couple of girls (none of which were virgins) but I don't know anything about taking a girls virginity, is there anything you can tell me to help not make it painful for her?

>>17100736
>You do not try to convince her.

Can I talk with her about my feelings? And why I want to go out with her? I feel like it'll haunt me if I don't try.

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>>17100236 >>17100543 >>17100549
Excellent advice here. To be honest, most guys do this sometimes.
We're taught to withdraw and fight our demons alone rather than reach out for help.
More demons, more withdrawal.

>>17100252
>He's extremely anti-social and before we decided we were going to be together, he really wasn't interested in being with anybody.
heh, sounds like me
>what is the best thing for me to do now?
It's complicated.
>Should I attempt to contact him again to see how he is?
One one hand, it's nice to know somebody cares. On the other, think about how it feels from his side.
Just read what you posted here: >>17099890
>Two minutes it would have taken for him to let me know he's okay and ask how my weekend was. It hurts so much that I'm not even worth that.
When you contact him, his immediate reaction isn't "oh nice, someone cares about me".
It's "oh goddammit, now i have to make up some convincing lie so she doesn't feel like shit".
He not only has to deal with his own emotional problems, but yours as well, while pretending he doesn't have any.
Unfortunately, the truth is usually out of the question. If he's the straight-shootin' type, that hurts.

I'm the guy in one of these situations right now. Last text I got:
>if you received my msgs and don't want to talk to me :(, please at least text me saying "no"...
And the truth is >>17099655 >>17100441 >>17100238.

So there's no use worrying about what he could be going through, could be absolutely anything.
Just try to remind him he's not alone.
You sound like a great gal, and you're probably a godsend for him. Good luck to you two.

>>17100773
You can definitely try, but don't priorotise your romantic feelings over any friendship you have.

>>17100770
Definitely. A lot of foreplay, buy really high quality lube, put the condom on yourself, put a towel down under her (or an extra sheet if you want to be discreet) do missionary very slowly.

:( >>17100660

>>17099654
not normal at all

>>17099746
he is the jealous/insecure type or you do things in a way that brings that out of a guy or most likely a bit of both. depending on how much of it is the way you act... it might be super common. but no matter what its not crazy uncommon

he can't deal with it without your help, support, communication. don't try to accept it, bc you'll just end up cheating when you get super fed up and that's mean and will make him feel justified in his behavior. so if working on it together sounds like a chore you shouldn't have to do, just dump him.

>>17099825
you aren't unreasonable but this is a thing that guys do. the best method my gf's have ever had to combat this has been to send a text to me saying "i just need to know you are alive" and its a real dick move to not respond to that. eventually the guy needs to be told (and learn) that its ok to go off the radar, but as his SO you should be warned that its happening and given some clue as to why. talk to the guy. make sure he can see your side and that you understand why he does it.

Guys:
This morning, i had sex with my bf and when we finished, he told me:
"you could make a lot of money in porn". W-what?

>>17100958
Is this a trick question?
It seems pretty straight forward.

>>17100962
Straight forward, as in?

>>17100958
He's saying you're beautiful and a good lay. What do you think he's saying?

>>17100972
Oh, ok. Well that's what i got out of it too. It just stuck with me trough the day so i wanted to ask you guys. He's not implying that he wants to make home-vids or anything, r-right?

>>17100970
You could make a lot of money doing porn.

If I asked a girl out once or twice and she made some excuse or said I'll see, but didn't say "no", it means I can/should ask again right?
What's the worse that can happen if I annoy her too much?

>>17101002
>What's the worse that can happen if I annoy her too much?

She'll dislike you, and tell her circle of friends that she doesn't like you.

>>17101010
Ah well thanks I think I can deal with that. I'm closer to our mutual friends than she is and I don't mind not being friends with her if it means I would never be her boyfriend anyway.

>>17100622
For me it's impossible to give one blanket answer. I've had orgasms where you feel your desire fizzle out and that's about it. I've had orgasms where it felt like my head went blank except for this WOW-feeling for at least half a minute, and I kept having new waves of intense pleasure one after another while twitching. It depends on how turned on you are, amount of edging/build up and no doubt hormones and what not.
A typical one though, my whole body flexes when it hits, there's this big sensation of pleasure and fulfilment that centers in my crotch but sort of spreads to the rest of my body. It's like for a moment you forget you even have a body because there's this great feeling, and the next moment you regain awareness of yourself and feel a more mellow very pleasant sensation flood your bodyparts. If it's a particularly good orgasm with a lot of build up, after the initial fading out of nowhere there's another wave, and I feel a couple of them in a row before it calms down. That's the good stuff.

My muscles stiffen (though I typically clench my thighs and buttocks already if I'm close) but otherwise I grow quiet. Depending on the case I moan/sigh/quiver or make no noise at all. If I had not already closed my eyes, I prefer them closed with the exception of being able to look a partner in the face while it hits.

I'll need a moment to get back in the mood but that usually takes me in between a few seconds and a minute or two. Again it depends, second orgasm can be better, I feel especially if you were -extremely- anxious (like after a long time of no fap or not having seen a partner) the first one is too hurried and frantic, during the second one I am more relaxed and mellow and enjoy it more, it also feels deeper and more like satisfying a deep physical desire instead of a physical urge. But if I was not that turned on the second one will be weaker. There's also women who can't have/dislike consecutive orgasms.

>>17100981
No, you could make a lot of money doing it, though.
You must be hot as fuck. 10/10 would bang.

>>17101056
Also should clarify that I am talking about clitoral orgasms here. I only realized after reading the second response you got that with sex you probably mean penetration. Not really experienced there.

>>17101002
Nope. She finds it awkward to flat out tell you no, that's why she hopes you'll get the hint. Protip: if someone really can't make it but wants to, they'll stress how much they like being invited, or how sorry they are that they can't make it, they'll suggest an alternative time or date and so on. If they only say they can't more than once without follow up on their part, they just don't want to.

As for the worst that could happen, that she shittalks you as being pushy and dense.

>She voices interest
>is okay to meet
> she probably has something else and can't, but she comes to talk regularly and behaves the same, and she says she'll try
>suddenly nothing for days
>no sign of life when i send messages (no "seen" either) though she's active on Facebook
>manage to get her to answer text messages and they're cold and short, then silent

Does that happen often or did I just stumble upon a bad person? I'm kind of losing motivation and faith here.

Guys and girls (specify).

>when and why do you ask someone out online or irl? (time before the act, motivations for doing it/signs you think look good for you)
>how do you do it (things you say or do) online/irl?
>how often does it work and leads to something?
>do you sometimes go through phases where you feel no one likes you and you should just drop it and become a monk?

>>17101078
Thanks! Well, she sort of vaguely suggested a generic other time in the sense that I invited her to an event near our town that will be open for a few weeks and she said she's busy now but asked me until when will the event be open. She didn't specifically say "let's go some other time" but also said she's still busy with college by the time the event closes (she sounded frustrated when I said it ends soon). I know this doesn't necessarily mean she wants to go later, but since she was vague I'm having trouble with this.

I started talking to and seeing this girl a week ago. I feel kind of awkward because I think she's way more into me than I am into her. I like her, but I'm still getting to know her and I don't feel like I'm on the same 'level', and I feel kind of guilty about it. Should I just wait and see?

>>17101111
I feel you. You point a pickle I sometimes get in and I'd like an answer too.

In this situation you could
>propose another time and she might be busy again

>tell her to tell you when she's free and get a "I'll tell you" and sometimes even interested people forget

I guess if she isn't showing that much assertiveness about it and can't find the motivation to actually help you in this, she's not interested all that much and you should move on, but I always hear about how as the guy you should propose something definitive at a precise time and place and such because you be strong decisive guy...Shit's annoying.

>>17101111
Hmmm. Yeah I can understand. This is a difficult case because it could be that she is really just interested in the event and it could be that she likes the idea of going somewhere with you. Is there any chance of something similar coming up? Because then you have a shot of asking her again while keeping it a bit more casual - "hey girl x, this event is coming up and is similar to the one I talked to you about earlier that you couldn't attend, I'm going so if you're interested in coming along let me know" or something similar. This way you leave it open ended and don't put pressure on her, but if she was interested in you she'll have another chance to spend time with you.

If that doesn't work out though, I'd just give up. By that point it seems way more likely to me that she's avoiding you than anything else, and even if she isn't, why bother trying to warm someone up who shows zero initiative? As I said in the former post, most people will enthusiastically work with you if they want to spend time with you, not passively let you reel them in.

>>17101109
guy here, early 20's.

>when and why do you ask someone out online or irl?
I ask online when I can't see the person again irl for a long time. I would rather ask irl if I have the chance because I'm very awkward online and I really need to sense the tone of voice and body language.
My motivations is that I have a crush on the person and I get along with the person. I only make efforts when I'm strongly attracted to the person. If I like the person but we don't have much to talk about or don't get along very well I don't. I aim to go on a date, get closer and hopefully have a relationship. I don't like casual sex, personally. And I'm too lazy to make an effort for someone I'm not going crazy for. I don't mind if this is an unhealthy lifestyle.

>how do you do it?
I chat first about other topics, if I make her laugh once I try to direct the topic to something related to where I want to go with her and suggest we go there.

>how often it works?
For me I've asked out 3 girls in my life. It worked once, failed the other 2.

>phases when you feel no one likes you and give up
Yes, but it doesn't make me want to become a monk, it makes me consider trying to chase guys instead. I'm pansexual but I only care about people I have a strong crush on and I don't want to be openly gay because my area is very conservative. And it's okay as long as I meet girls I like. I don't mind being alone and to be honest I'd only want to be with someone I have a crush on because I like the passionate side of it. Even if I know the crush goes away eventually.

>>17101137
>>17101128
Thanks! Well I don't know about a similar event yet but I'm always on the lookout for these things. Like there was a free concert in my town last month that I asked her to go to with me but she got the message too late (most likely legit, because everyone knows her phone is almost always off), and said she was really sorry about getting my message late (maybe just being polite, obs).
I guess keeping it casual is a good idea though it can take more patience (like I would want to ask her for coffee or something otherwise but I guess it may not be the right time now).
I'm ready to give up if I get a more clear indicator that she's not interested and I understand I'd probably be vague as well if someone I weren't interested in asked me to do something together.

There's this girl I barley know who I want to ask to come with me and a common friend to an event in town later this week.
How do I phrase this? I was going with "I'm going to ....with ..... on thursday, and I wanted to get to know you, so I'm asking if you'd like to come with us."

>>17101170
You didn't specify how well you know her... Asking someone out for coffee when you've sought each other out at uni events/assignments/parties to chat, is very different from asking someone out for coffee when you occasionally sit next to each other during lectures but don't talk beyond that.

In my experience there is no universal dating advice. I can understand why guys usually hamper on grabbing the first window of opportunity, and of course especially if you play the numbers' game this is very true. But the thing is that it also puts a bit of pressure on the girl to go on a date with someone who's shown clear romantic interest. They have to decide on the spot whether or not they see themselves with you - most girls do not grant themselves the time to take this slowly and in a relaxed manner, because they know either from personal experience or horror stories from friends that guys can blow up about being strung along or already being deep in if they wait too long with rejecting someone. And, sadly, people of her (likely) age category are too inexperienced and nervous to be open about this and actually flat out say they don't know, they need time, is that okay etc. So chances are that if she's in doubt, she'll say she's not interested. Whereas on a "non date", the atmosphere is more relaxed and she can see you as a person in her company, not just as a guy vying for her attention and for her to judge whether he's good enough for her or not. Makes you more two individuals instead of the chasing guy and chased girl in a set social dynamic. This is also why one of the few PUA tricks I believe in works, which is pretending that you're about to leave any moment when striking up conversation with a strange girl: it doesn't give her the chance to get in the position of jury member, and gives her the time to safely establish for herself whether she thinks you're cool looking, seem pleasant, how she feels around you.

>tl;dr low key if you don't know her well

>>17101192
Do you have any indication that she'll like this event? If so, latch onto that.
Also, with common friend do you mean mutual friend? If that is the case, let him ask it for you.

The way you phrased it now seems pretty intense... kind of like you're asking her on a date you have great expectations for, with an awkward third wheel present. At the very least swap your example for "I'm going to ... with ... on Thursday, [from what little I know] you seem cool, care to join us?" You can alter it of course but I guess you get the main idea, be more laid back sounding about it.

>>17101194
Thanks for the advice! As for how well I know her, well we are both part of a charity group. I see her about once every week. We've been to a concert and something similar before but with the rest of our mutual friends, though I stayed with her most of the time then. We get along well though she's an easygoing person in general.

Guys or girls

This past few weeks I've been seeing this guy and all was going quite well. However, a few days ago I got ridiculously drunk and drunk text him. Normally drunk texting doesn't bother me too much but this time I was really bad, I spammed him and all of it was pretty much illegible gibberish. When I sobered up I quickly apologised and said how embarrassed I was etc, but it's been several days and he hasn't even opened the apology and I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm a psychopath or something....

So basically my question is can I fix this?

>>17101203
The common friend is a girl, and I'd rather ask myself if that's okay.

The event might interest her, as in I don't know if she's specifically into it, but she likes things attached to it and it's one of those social events that people go to here.

I understand what you mean. i'll try something more chill. Thing is we rarely interact at all and it would be odd of me to ask her specifically so it seemed more honest of me to admit that I'd like to get to know her, but I don't want to put any pressure on her.

"Hey I'm going to ....with .... on thursday, and wondered if you'd like to come with us?" is nice I guess? Though as I said, kind of unexpected since we barely interact. Giving the reason felt more honest to me.

>>17101208
No problem at all. Alright, that's pretty regularly, given that this isn't a very recent arrangement (aka you've started this charity thing a few weeks ago or something), I'd say just go for it and ask her out for coffee. She'll most likely know by now whether she thinks you're promising or not, and if she doesn't I think you're still better off trying for another girl than betting on the off chance that she's just not realized yet that she might be interested.

Good luck!!

>>17101223
Yeah, I understand you feel that way, that is why I suggested letting the friend ask. Then you'll be on the safe side, but it's your choice and you probably have reasons for wanting to do it yourself.

I get that, but if you say that she seems like a cool person, you're already getting the point across that you'd like to see more of her, just not spelling it out. Kind of like how asking someone if they want to grab a drink or if they want to go on a date can be pretty much the same in a lot of contexts, but the former still sounds less serious. At least to me, saying she seems nice is like saying you noticed her in a positive way, whereas saying you want to get to know her better sounds a bit more like you're already invested in her being a specific way, you two being compatible, whatever. This might be a subjective thing but that's my input, I would try to avoid making it that explicit.

But yeah, apart from whether you want to include that or not your current phrasing works fine.

How do I help a bipolar girl I am close with while not encouraging feelings?

>>17101237
I totally get it.

Thanks for helping my autistic self. have a great day!

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>>17101220
>he hasn't even opened the apology

what ?

Are you like Mickey from Love ?

>>17101220
unlikely.
you spaghetti'd and/or let your crazy show too soon, most dudes are going to get while the getting is good at that point.

>>17101247
No problem at all, I hope she agrees and you have a good time!

>>17100958
he meant to compliment you, guys are stupid, sexually satisfied guys are extra stupid, he probably watched some really good porn recently and sex w/ you made him think of it

>>17101220
yes ofc you can, unless you can't but if you can't its more to do with the meta-situation of his life most likely.

you should call him. and tell him either on a VM or over the phone. that you've been stressed and so embarrassed about that night and you are rarely that trashed and you would very much like to have lunch/coffee/whatever you guys' thing usually is with him because you care about you guys' friendship/relationship etc etc

you just need to get him to want to listen to your explanations/excuses/apologies

this may involve getting him to open up about why they turned him off so much or made him so mad

but yeah, if you call him and leave a VM and he never responds... well i guess that is that until/unless he decides to stop being such a dramaqueen about shit

thing is, you've gotta remember, he may have had an ex who did horrible shit who drunk texted like that, or his mom might be an alcoholic, fuck if i know. his emotional response might make sense, all you can do is make it very clear that you care about why it bothers him so much, you want to make it better and you are sorry and see if he'll let you back into his life

>>17099969
I'm not saying to cut contact with all other men (especially your friends) out of your life, I'm saying that you might want to consider just not hanging out with them one-on-one in the interest of your relationship.

>>17101335
>>17100036

Pretty much all my friends moved away, so if they're in town we mostly hang out one on one. If we can we go out in groups, but it happens sometimes.

Anyways we talked, he realised he is jealous mostly because his ex cheated on him and I didn't do anything bad, and he asked me to try to be a bit more understanding till he gets used to it.
We agreed that if we keep arguing over this we will, eventually, move on and date someone different, because all the arguments are killing all the fun.

Thanks guys, you've been great, helped me a lot.

>uni
>really really really like this girl
>really
>rejected
>she's "ace"
>she really wants to be my friend, let each other be vulnerable, thinks I'm cute etc
>feel so devistated
>it was the first and maybe last time I've found someone I truly like
>might become ace myself

how should I go about dealing with this?

>>17101430
Glad to help.

>>17101439
99.999% chance it's a phase. Roll with it and try to warm her up to something more intimate.

>you ask someone to go on a casual event with you
>they say no, or are busy or w/e
>you see them there with friends and might have to interact
>wat do

Do you act with them like you normally would if they had come with you? (being friendly but maybe not flirty)

Do you interact with others but not them, because they obviously didn't want to be with you so why bother? Even if it means looking like an angry guy who can't take rejection.

>>17101447
from the way she describes it she has legitimate fear of people and forces herself into a corner at lunch. She thinks everyone has an agenda when they talk to her, she seems fine-ish with me but just doesn't want to date... people.

>>17101453
So in other words she got hurt so badly that she turned into a turtle but she likes you enough to drop her guard around you.

I mean shit, man, even if you can't be with her the way you'd like for the foreseeable future it sounds like she needs a friend in a big way.

>>17101462
Not him, but staying with someone you really really like, because they're weak and vulnerable, while holding your love inside sounds like a recipe for disaster.

I have to mention what happened to me when I was a teen
>like this girl like crazy
>she remains friends with me and I accept it even though i'm hurting like hell
>she's into another guy I have to listen about sometimes
>she's vulnerable and not social
>until some day she starts being social
>she basically disappeared to hang and date popular people
>even the popular people we had as common friends started saying she was basically dropping them for more popular people.I got over it, but it was painful.
Also it's easy for anyone to get someone who loves you to stay by your side because you're weak, until the day you feel better and leave them for others.

>>17101462
she says
"I've learned that people are selfish, and a lot of the time friendship, love, and sex are selfish endeavors"

>>17101507
Yeah, pretty much what I said then. She's still licking some emotional wounds.

>>17101511
but she "has not experience" and after asking about trauma she says no.

I think I'm on the way to understanding, but is there hope a relationship can come from this?

Why won't girls just be honest instead of giving fake flaky replies and going silent?

I'm starting to wonder if I'm the shitty worthless person, being interested and nice (I don't mean "nice guy") or if I just pick shitty worthless people and give them too much credit.

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>>17101523
>and after asking about trauma
What the fuck did you think she was going to say?

>but is there hope a relationship can come from this?
Eventually, but bear in mind that she'll always be fragile.

How do I deal with the fact I will remain alone my whole life?

Reposting this:
Is it weird to hang out with your best friend and his gf?

It's always my bro that's inviting me to come and hang out with them, I try not to hang out too much with both of them. Im pretty close friends with his gf as well but i can't shake the feeling that it's a bit weird even though we all have fun together.

It's even more awkward when she's drunk as fuck and starts kissing me on the cheek.

>>17101562
They want a 3some. Go with it

>>17100557

I'm actually a socially awkward, cynical, bitter, misanthropic...thing. Sorry for not responding earlier btw. I was kinda busy.

I don't know if I'll be able to help you further and I do kinda mind chatting over the email for a number of reasons. Still, check your email.

>>17101543
Bumping this.

Happens to me sometimes and still I'm the common denominator I wonder if I'm doing something wrong.
I don't have friends to compare my success ratio with or compare experiences. They're either in a relationship or don't try anything with anyone.

>>17101576

Thank you. Check yours.

Women: if your boyfriend has a best friend and they always hang together, do you feel bad for said best friend for always being the third wheel?