27 here with the same problem. Although I'm even worse off and don't have any real close friends anymore, due to me moving around lots like a nomad over the years. My closest relationships had been with girls online in long distance relationships. I mean I'm not a virgin, I've had girlfriends I've lived with, but the closest connection was online. Actually, most of my best friends are online.

>>17097618
>>17097618

>how did you meet your significant other

i met my most recent girlfriend at the 'no pants' train ride. she was wearing some nerdy looking shit tucked into her panties. i was just wearing really plain boxers. we checked each other out the whole ride. went to the same bar for the after parties and i was working up the nerve to talk to her, started by nodding at her from across the room. she came right up to me and introduced herself (brazilians are apparently upfront abotu this sort of thing) soi asked her to dance. we saw each other casually for a month, then i took her out to dinner and asked to make it official.


>have a ton of stories and interests

literally no one cares about this. having interests does not equal being interesting, and being interesting is a pretty varied thing unless you 'game' situations and that tends to lead to rather shallow shit. that being said, having stories and interests doesn't hurt.

>i never seem to click

theres your problem. you are picky. and htats okay. its good to be picky in my opinion. so many people date for the sake of dating. the only real requirement they have to fall in love with someone is for someone to take interest in them. its pathetic. that being said, you can't play the 'chemistry' card and then whine about it. if you only 'click' with certain people, you ahve to be willing to wait it out.

co workers arent a horrible option depending on the circumstance. most women consider the work place to be their hunting ground. waittresses arent bad either cuz its REALLY easy to flirt with them.

the reason people dated a lot in school is cuz we were forced to interact so its easy to meet. these two situations emulate that to a degree. however it sounds to me that 'clicking' isn't the issue, cuz you admit that you are only interested in women who are forced to interact with you. ergo, interact with more women in the wild and you'll catch some sparks.

>>17097618
>>17097638

>dont just hit on a woman

its no secret that women are the ones who are approached, and they make decisions on which men to keep in their lives. that being said, desperately drooling over each and every girl as if they are a potential love interest is silly.

give yourself more value by not letting a woman sway you on first impressions alone. before you ever begin to say anything remotely flirtatious, talk to the girl. see what she actually acts like when you interact with her. have a normal conversation. if there isnt anything special there beyond her looks, friendzone her. or simply stop talking to her. you do not need to hit on each and every girl that looks good enough to be your partner.

doing this gives you more value, and the psychological effects are great. in addition, women will take you more seriously. instead of being 1 of 500 men in new york who went straight for the kill, you took the time to get to know them. whether it goes anywhere or not, this approach also just gives you practice talking to girls in a casual context. its less pressure than trying to impress them.

>>17097643

>only ever use dating apps as a supplement to your real life dating.

dating apps are toxic. consider the following
>people use dating apps because they arent having much luck in real life
>they go to a dating app where they are introduced to an entire smorgasbord of men who want nothing more than to bang and/or date them
>after just one day they will have seen everyone in their area
>within one week they would have talked to everyone they are interested in

so anyone who has been using the app for more than a few weeks clearly has some sort of issue. likely, they are the female equivelent of what i discussed in my first post.

they want a 'bf' but because they have a very specific idea of what a bf is, they arent finding it anywhere. instead of seeing if they have real chemistry, they are simply walking down the aisle, trying to figure out what is the ONE thing at the groccery store they can buy, based solely on pictures and labels.

if a woman is on tinder for too long, they are losing their ability to feel chemistry.

you as a man can fall into a very similar pattern here, but with the added harshness of constant rejection.

it is an app made for people who want to date, yet no one seems to have success there for very long. that should tell you something.

>>17097651


>but anon, how do i use it as a supplement to an existing dating life if i dont have a dating life.

effort. lots and lots of effort. and also, doing what you like. going out is in no way restricted to bars and clubs, though if that is what you enjoy, by all means, go to bars and clubs.

the truest way to find chemistry is to experience your life in the most enjoyable way, and see how you match with the people who come into it. interacting with someone in a casual way shows you how you ACTUALLY get along, not how you hope to get along cuz you really want this to work cuz you need a gf.

so write down a list of all your hobbies, and find a way to externalize them. most people live at least near a city these days.

go to any and all hobby shops and ask about local events. gun shops might have hunting trips. or you can just go to a shooting range. comic book stores have game nights. or live commentary movie nights. if these shops do not host events, offer to host one through them, after all it will only lead to more money through them.

you can even go to a more casual store, lets say, a book store, and stand in your favorite aisle (lets say, horror). talk to everyone who comes by looking for a book. ask what book they are looking for. tell them what book you are looking at. try to spark a conversation abotu your favorite author. maybe take some suggestions. if you really hit it off, try to trade numbers.

its okay if it doesnt pan out. this isnt a scoring system. there is no man in a cloack in space making down on a cosmic chalkboard how many failed conversations you had. 99% of interaction is dumb. you are waiting for the 1% and enjoying talking about your favorite things with strangers until then.

>>17097656

>but anon, going outside somewhere to find out if maybe they have an event doesnt suit my lazy lifestyle!!1!

and for those who simply cannot bring themselves to get up out of the house without a guarantee go to meetup.com and look for something of your interest. no matter what your interest it is on there in a group you can meet with. and if not, you can start your own meet up.

Now, some of you may argue that these sorts of tailored events are attended mostly by men. yes. mostly. but some women too. whats important here is you will be doing something you love, with people who love what you love, and when the right ladies come along you'll know they love it too. you will have that common ground.

>>17097638

>literally no one cares about this. having interests does not equal being interesting, and being interesting is a pretty varied thing unless you 'game' situations and that tends to lead to rather shallow shit. that being said, having stories and interests doesn't hurt.

I can carry a conversation and make people laugh. My interests overlap with others' interests. I'm not some sperg building model trains and claiming that as an interest... Just trying to show I'm not a boring shut-in.

>you can't play the 'chemistry' card and then whine about it. if you only 'click' with certain people, you ahve to be willing to wait it out.

I'm not really intending to whine here - I'm aware that I'm picky, and that it's a good thing. I'm not desperately pursuing a relationship because I'm lonely, just interested in widening my scope and finding some girls who might be worth spending time, whether that develops or not. I interact with a lot of women "in the wild," but not the right ones.

>>17097643

I rarely come in swinging on girls in the sense that I'm immediately like "sup girl what's your number." The thing is, sometimes I think that might be a disadvantage for me. I'm not afraid of asking anyone out and getting rejected, but there's also a limited amount of time to get to know someone in a really short interaction. I guess I'm looking for places where this interaction is easier and longer to build that isn't work or a restaurant I frequent.

>>17097651

I was in a relationship with a girl I met on a dating app and I ended up dumping her, since it became apparent she was trying to impress me and wasn't the kind of girl at heart that she claimed to be.

>>17097686

>i can carry ona conversation and make people laugh

yes, that is good for interaction. but that doesnt make your stories worth hearing or your 'interests' relevant. again, these help, but i have tons of stories that no one gives a single shit about and plenty of interests that very few people will 'get'. all im saying is that these dont factor into the actual meeting of girls unless you reverse engineer it and meet girls with that specific interest.

again, not calling you out and saying you're shit, just that those two things arent going to help you as much as you presume.

>im not really intending to whien here

im actually not saying you are, but i do realizei t soudns that way. yours is one of the least whiny posts i have ever read on this board. i just meant it as a general advice and im sorry if it came off otherwise. people just tend to start out hopeful but grow resentful.

you have the right / good mind set and i think you'll use the advice ebtter htan most people.

>sometimes it might be a disadvantage for me

its a hard balance to strike but you do got to put some sort of effort in while avoiding the pick up routine. it can be hard as fuck. there is a way to essentially do both, to invite someone to hang out with out seeming like its too 'IM ALREADY PLANNING OUR WEDDING' sort of deal. you'll find the balance as oyu use the advice htough.

>looking for places where the itneraction is easier and longer to build

like i said,
hobby shops
meetup.com
or your favorite aisle of any store.

meetup.com will especially give oyu the chance.

>i dated a girl on an app and dumped her

it happens.

>>17097656

I know you're adding a bunch of commentary, which I do appreciate, but I'm thinking you have the wrong conception of the kind of person I am, which is also fine - it's an anonymous message board.

I live in a city, but I don't want to pack things into my already busy schedule that are hobby related in the hopes that "omg a girl might be there." I love comic books, but I honestly don't give two shits if a girl I'm dating likes them. I shoot guns, but I don't care if the girl I'm with does. I do care that she travels, but that's a tough hobby to "meet someone" on.

I'm basically not looking to troll the waters here and just go post up at a store and wait for someone to walk up I might like - I don't have enough time in my life for it.

Bars are the only thing I can think of that make any sense (I live in the tourist capital of the world, all going to a club is going to do for me is make me drop $3,000 on booze and take home some sleazy chick from Duluth, MN). But even those are loud and difficult to build any chemistry off of. If I just wanted to get laid, I'm sure I could make that happen on any given night by hook or crook.

I'm just trying to figure out how I can put myself in environments where I can get to know girls a little bit better and maybe go on some casual dates. My dating pool is just so narrow these days. In high school and college, I just killed it with women, but that's because there was always some party or something going on and I'd see these girls on a recurring basis. Now I'm nowhere near as frequent.

>>17097714

the first post was me actually responding to you, the follow up posts were actually just something i copy paste from one really comprehensive thread i made. so when i say things from your point of view calling you lazy or whatever, its not an actual judgement on you, its just a way to transition while also addressing the kind of people who do whine about each option.

>i dont want to pack htings into my already busy schedule

see now were getting to that whine stage.
>HOW CAN I MEET MORE GIRLS OUTSIDE OF WORK AND RESTAURANTS
>WITHOUT ACTUALLY HAVING TO TAKE MORE TIME TO MEET THEM

this is now what you are asking anon. at least with my advice you are sitll doing something you already enjoy.

>omg a girl might be there

life isnt so extreme. you can enjoy an event and keep an eye out for girls. its dnot one or the other.

>i dont give two sihts if a girl im dating likes them

you know who does give two shits? girls. When a rando comes up to you at the store and hits on you it can be flattering but for the most part difficult, because hes just one of many men who randomly approach you and you dont know what to judge him on other than a 5 minute interaction in a public setting.

but when a guy hits on you at an event you love you immediately have the chemistry and connection of the reason you are there. if a girl likes guns shes way more likely to like a guy who likes guns.

and at the end of hte day even if they DONT care, you are still in a situation where you meet like minded girls while already doing something you enjoy. how is that not preferable?


>im just trying to figure out how i can put myself in enviornments where i can get to know girls a little bit better
but also you say
>i dont want to pack things into my already busy schedule

pick one and only one. the only options you have outside of this is speed dating, but even that wil ltake some time and it has the same pitfalls as online dating.

31 here. Don't really have advice but I'll commiserate.

Bit afraid of online dating since I hear it's a drag (and secondhand evidence supports this), but apparently nowadays a full half of marrying couples met online. So keep trucking I guess?

I'm not a naturally social person though I've developed the ability to fake it. So I do have some options through friend networks, if i wanted to get into the other sorts of hobbies they do. I've never really had platonic female friends, but now I think that's important.

There are a few QTs at work but I think dating at work is kinda ehh, especially when somebody's skill set is similar to yours.

I dunno OP, it's tough.

>>17097737

Don't get me wrong, I'm more than willing to cut out some time if someone has a good suggestion, but I don't want to shoehorn my way into a hobby or a hobby culture if I'm not organically enjoying it... like I said, I love comics, but I'd be very concerned about meeting a comic book nerd and finding out she wants to stay inside all day and read comics all day. I enjoy hiking, but I don't want to meet someone whose only idea of fun is weekend hikes. I really, truly, want to find someone who shares diverse interests that I'll like to explore too.

I guess I'm just not wholly passionate about one thing enough to let it define me.

I've found that when I fall too much in love with one specific trait of someone, like their hobby, I end up disappointed in the rest. That's why event-based things don't even sound fun or like a good way to meet a girl.

My biggest "hobby" is conversation and laughter. I love a nice, casual, fun discourse, where you learn about other people. More than I like comics, videogames, cooking, etc.

The long and short of it is just that I want to meet interesting people in a relaxed environment, where people aren't there to do specific things, like play their game, make a purchase, climb a peak... it's distracting if I'm bugging them while they're trying to accomplish something.

>>17097757

Thanks for the commiseration, buddy. I have a ton of female friends, and always have, but that connection with dating their friends is always harder than you'd think. They take offense if you aren't attracted to their BFF for whatever reason, or you can damage your relationship if you're gonna dump the girl or something.

Dating at work is definitely rough. I've done it before, and you have to be pretty sure they're into you. I wouldn't have a hard time dating someone in another department really, but at the same time, you don't interact with them much, and it's a fine line if you swing by and ask them out and make them feel uncomfortable.

I dated a coworker's friend at a previous job and when I wasn't interested in her anymore, I immediately became enemy #1 in the office.

>>17097766

>id be concerend meeting a comic book nerd and finding out she wants to stay inside all day and read comics

you are writing off literally every girl with hobbies before you even meet them. i go to / run a horror movie meet up group that meets at a bar to have dirnks once a month and talk spooks. that does not mean i am defined by horror.

you dont have to let something define you to go to a few events or stores. my ex loved magic the gathering. she only played it once every week or two at a tournament. that didnt define her. she loved game of thrones, btu she only watched the new seasons, she didnt marathon it all day.

again, you are writing off anyone who shares any interests of yours before meting them.

you are also entering the whine zone. you are contradicting yourself left adn right one what you are willing to do.

if conversation is your biggest hobby then just go out and start talking to people. there are plenty of bars that arent party bars. there are plenty of coffee shops. there are plenty of cafes. there are plenty of plenty ofs.

good luck, but it sounds like you arent really going to put yourself out there.

>>17097777

Nice quads, first off. I'm not trying to write anyone off, I just don't want to push myself into a hobby with an ulterior motive. I already go to stores, I go to events when the timing is right.

There's an opportunity cost here. For every event I go and sit at that I don't really enjoy, I'm missing a sporting event or time with friends that I actually enjoy.

I do appreciate your advice, but for as much as I'm entering "the whine zone," I'm unsure of how experienced you are with being this age and having a full set of responsibilities/commitments. I work 50-55 hours a week, try to keep in shape at the gym, have meetings and dinners outside of work hours, and have friend & family commitments that are important too.

This sounds like a fantastic strategy if you want to make new friends, but not necessarily the strongest to meet women worth taking on a casual date or two and see if you're compatible.

>>17097618
only turning 30? the secret to finding someone for you?
>stop looking
>dont worry about it, the more you worry the more depresssed you will feel.

so you are the only one who is single in your group of friends? so what it means you can do the things they cant because they are tied down with a partner.
if you dont want to be the guy who bitches on at work: just dont be THAT guy. if someone else brings it up then you can talk about it just dont bring it up at every oppertunity. just makes you sound desperate.

not everybody goes through the same way to meet there partners. there are other options: such as mail order brides or another country all together. it does just have to be russia or china or phillipines.

>>17097853

I'm not depressed about it, but I'd like to go out on some dates. I'm not panicked about being single. But "stop looking" (which I did for a year or so) has led me where I'm at right now, which is dateless for the past year. The only girl I've had a solid connection with has been someone I absolutely can't date, and the rest have been girls who like me that I have zero interest in.

I'm not the only single one of my friends, thankfully, and even the guys & girls that are in relationships are pretty fluid about us all going out and doing things together, so that's cool.

I have zero fuckin' interest in a mail order bride. I'd rather jerk myself off with the wrong side of a brush up my asshole than do something like that.

To repeat, I'm not lonely, I just wanna get back in the dating game more.