Just wanna know how it is to suffer from depression. that's all. On the interwebs all I find are catchy af Stories no one wants to hear about. Gimme the truth.
>>17094403
It sucks then you die or you get over it
>>17094403
i imagine for everyone its different.
for me it was this sensation of absolute hopelessness. life was more or less the same it has always been when i was happy, but all i could think about is how it'd be better to just slit my wrist and be done with it.
mine was chemically induced though so didnt last long. had similar feelings in teen years but nothing that dramatic.
>>17094403
I feel like there's nothing inside. Completely alone, with only your own self loathing as company. I can't stand being alive, and I can't bring myself to commit suicide. Maybe a few months down the line I'll have the guts.
It's different for everyone. For me, it's a big, gaping black hole in my life. A dark cloud above my head on the sunny days. An oddly comfortable misery, in which I am trapped and I know nothing else after 9 years of it.
I either feel nothing or feel miserable, lately to the point of not being able to cope with the feeling anymore. I feel like hollow, largely defined by nothing but depression. It goes beyond feeling or a mindset, it's like some cruel mental illness, always finding ways to drag you down or rob you of any pleasure. Not to mention I am always tired, irritated and struck by a feeling of hopelessness.
I'm currently reaching for extreme ways to try to comfort myself. I am starving myself, cutting, skipping sleep, gaming all day and drinking. They calm me more than anything remotely positive. I think I am not far from being suicidal, though as much as I feel like shit, fortunately, I shiver at the thought.
>>17094425
no, you're not going to kill yourself. Stop thinking about that. I know we're all anons here yet fuck it, no one wants you to be gone from this planet forever.
It's too much to put into a few sentences for me. I'm really glad you don't have to feel it though. I think humanity would fall apart in a matter of days from a complete lack of action if we all felt like this.
>>17094432
Thank you for telling your story. Hope you can get over all of this and have a normal life. Even though we're anons, I wish you the best of luck.
>>17094403
I have depression and anxiety and for me it's like one part just wants to lie in bed and do nothing because nothing mattered. And the other part is this constant restlessness and fear.
Depression just feels like I'm nothing.
>>17094453
Thanks anon. I hope I will get well eventually. Somewhere in the next 2 weeks, I will be visiting a psychologist for a full evaluation for treatment. Hope I won't be put away into a ward or any nasty therapy, cause right now I feel like I'm a danger to myself. But it can only get better from here.
>>17094462
I wish you nothing less than the best for you to recover.
>>17094447
It's not that anyone wants me dead. I never want to feel how I feel again. And it doesn't matter how I am, people just pass me by. Everyone I've ever known, like I'm some child's toy. I'm discarded eventually. I hate it. But you're right in that I'm probably not going to kill myself. I know I don't have it in me.
It really blows. It's an all-pervading gloom; a sickness of the heart. Everything feels so finite, as if a black dog is stalking you at your every turn. The one remaining pleasure left, is sleep. All else is pointless -- why bother?
Just imagine all the things you enjoy but now the fire is gone. You can't enjoy it anymore. All your dreams, you just give up because you don't have the motivation anymore.
My head felt gripped by blackness, I wanted to kilo myself to end it. Nothing ever felt good. I was a zombie pretending to be normal. No one really likes to talk about it. All I can do is make jokes. There must be more to life than this pain, I feel it in everyone. I feel Everyone's pain plus my own in this pointless life. I need to die.
That's what it was like for me OP, but I'm better now cause I found god (not even joking)
Was lurking, I'm one of you guys and although I don't wish it on anyone, reading and relating to your experiences brought some comfort that I'm not alone
>>17094403
you feel empty and almost bored with everything and everyone around you and it almost feels like nothing would change if you disappear
>>17094403
For me, I just feel very lost and numb. I don't know how to feel emotions genuinely. I tread carefully, or have too much restraint, or something. I play pretend, and try to imitate how other people feel. Like, when when my friend laughs at something, I laugh.
But, I try to distance myself. I don't like lying to people about how I feel. I don't mind being alone at times. I think it's for the best. I'm avoiding relationships because of it. But yeah, it's very dull. If I had to describe it, its like life is obscured by TV static noise. I can't enjoy anything it seems. Only keep myself distracted with things, like the internet for example.
>>17094403
Everything seems too hard, so you just sit and do nothing all day. Nothing really excites you except the idea of finding something that will bring you out of it. You're bored no matter what. People stop inviting you to shit because you're no longer any fun to be around. Your parents tell you to get a job and you tell yourself you'll do it tomorrow but nothing ever happens. You don't invest yourself in uni and barely pass. I tend to worry about cancer and illness all the time and get psychosomatic symptoms (hands feel weird, head pains, eyes don't focus correctly, etc) because of that. I tell myself I'm going to schedule an MRI to confirm there's nothing wrong but the call is never made to the doctor.
I constantly feel tired and worn out, like the feeling you get after a really long and busy day, but its all the time. I sleep until the afternoon most days that I have free, because as long as I am asleep I don't have to be awake and feel like shit. I don't have to motivation to do anything, even things that I used to enjoy. As long as I am barely passing at uni, I have no desire to put the effort in to actually do well. Pretty small issues that most people might be sad about for a few days can make me deeply, deeply distraught and upset for really long periods of time. Most of the time I feel hopeless, like I am going to be sad forever so there is no point in trying to accomplish anything.
To all you depressed folk out there, I want you to realize something:
No matter how 'worthless', 'hopeless', and 'helpless' you feel or are, just know that all of you are far better than this fucktard.
A man that advocates Nazi treatment involving either pedos or sex offenders.
>>17094403
Have you ever lost a loved one? A close family member, perhaps? Think back, not exactly to the point where they died, but to two days later. The initial shock was over, but no one could say you were all right: it still weighed heavy on your heaet, affecting everything you did. When you could bring yourself to do anything in the first place.
Now, take this feeling, and imagine that it gets stuck in your head like a song. You can't get it out, or even if you do manage to get it out briefly, it comes back with no discernible reason.
Now, imagine that this last, not just for a few days like songs do, but indefinitely. That is depression.
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com.au/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com.au/2013/05/depression-part-two.html
How depression feels
youtube.com/watch?v=Rs_6fQrUKSU
Like being underwater. Or submerged in treacle. Everything's muffled, everything takes so much more effort, and there's nothing down there with you.
Perception of time is the weirdest. Every day feels like an eternity, but at the same time it feels like your entire life is zipping by without you.
The dementors in Harry Potter were metaphors for depression, and very aptly so, the way they just suck out all of the happiness and motivation inside you. You might know logically that you must have been happy at some point in life to still be alive all this time later, but you just can't access it. It just feels like this feeling is all there is, all there ever will be, and at a certain point it's just like "why bother?"
I recently read an article that depression (at least in some instances) might actually relate to physical inflammation, and that the desire to do nothing but lie in bed all day may actually be a sort of survival mechanism, the same way we want to crawl in bed when we have as much as a common cold - because that's how we heal. But in depression, it just keeps going because it's our body glitching out and there's no sickness it's waiting to heal, so it's waiting for an all clear that isn't coming. And starts to drift in the territory of "cat getting really quiet and crawling under the house to die".
Paraphrasing from memory, might be butchering that, but it was interesting.
>>17094403
Imagine a scale of 1 - 10
1 being rock bottom
10 being at your emotional peak
You sit at a level of 3 - 5 most days, you might have some good news that perks you up for a few hours, but even when you are supposed to be enjoying yourself, you only feel around a 6.
It stops you from expressing yourself, you don't want to do shit, you just exist, even going out with friends feels more like a chore than actually enjoying yourself.
That's my experience of it anyway
I don't have depression, but I do experience depression when I'm sleep deprived. The key aspect that I experience differently from normalcy is the preferential processing of negative thoughts.
When I'm normal and I'm thinking about something I think about both positive and negative aspects to things. When I have fatigue induced depression I think almost entirely pessimistically.
In short, it's kinda like getting down with a really bad cold or fever except you can't have sick days, there are no doctors that can give you antibiotics for a few days and it passes, nobody really cares that your sick and are often angry why can't you function just like when your well and on top of all that you know some small ways that can make you feel better (not cured) but all of these things get in your way of doing that.
Since you can't treat yourself you just try to go on doing the best you can (which is never as good as a healthy person) and your very sad and tired but you have to hide it because of the reasons mentioned.
Ofcourse since you are sick you can't really enjoy much of anything and you always feel hopeless/anxious cuz your sick, need to get better asap yet alot of things are in your way and you have to continue your life normally despite all of this.
Really, no wonder so many people kill themselves because of this.
it's like a cycle of you don't do stuff because you don't have motivation, you feel sad because you don't do stuff, you have no motivation because you feel sad.
And when you walk and move your body it feels really heavy. And you are tired all the time.
