Let it out.
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
Let it out.
I overthink everything. I just want class to be over so I have less contact with her.
Every time I speak to her, I analyze the conversation. Every Goddamn Time.
Once they end, I'll still message her and be friendly. But I just want less contact in class. 4 Days left of Class, 4 Days that I see her.
I really wonder why I'm depressed. Like,I don't have it hard core but I know I'm not happy like I always have been. Probably because I don't know what exactly what I want to do after highschool and the fact that the girl that I love are trying to have a thing with each other even though we're in different states (I'm a migrant). Really sucks ass
I wish you'd be honest with me. I know exactly what you're doing with the free time you claim to not have. And the thing is–I'm okay with it. In fact, if anyone would understand it'd be me. But you keep making half-honest excuses.
Why won't you just end the relationship if it's too difficult to communicate more than once a week? I won't do it because I'm dumb and insecure, and despite the lack of communication this is the best relationship I've had. You're incredible. I want more of you, and that's selfish of me.
Expecting a relationship to be 50/50 is unrealistic, but I can't keep giving 90/10. That's why I've been slowly distancing myself. I don't want to lose you, but this relationship won't last if it continues in this direction.
I've tried talking to you about this, and you promised change. I don't expect anyone to change, and certainly not for someone else. If you don't want to put effort into this relationship, maybe you're better off without it. And maybe you already know this.
I hope you find happiness.
I'm not a bad son. In fact, I'm more considerate than most people my age. I have to be because it's the only way I get an ounce of affection from you.
Your marriage may be failing, your grandad may be dying, but that's not my fault. I understand that you're stressed, but you're not fulfilling on an emotional level; you act like you hate me over the smallest of arguments, and speak like you've given up all hope on our relationship.
I just pray that if I ever have children I don't turn out like you, venting my emotional problems on them like you do to the both of us. I feel bad leaving my brother alone with you to go to uni.
I didn't want to end up to be the person you hated in the end. I made my decision because i felt like you deserve someone that will be able to treat you like a princess or whatever you want to see fit. I just feel like im not that guy for you.
I'll never forget the memories you & me have shared together and you know that i'll never forget you. I hope you have a beautiful life & i mean that from the bottom of my heart.
Where the fuck are you? I don't get it. What's so hard?
I dunno whether you don't write to me because you have nothing to tell me, or because you are occupied with your other friends, or because you wait for me to message you first. I won't message you first though, and you know why. I'm sorry.
I raped my cousin when we were around 13-14. I always thought "she didn't try to stop me" and "she let me do it" but thinking back on it now I'm sure it was rape. On one hand I want to apologize but in the other hand I'm perfectly fine with taking this to my grave. LMAO I don't deserve to be happy.
>>17093823
You can send a message that says "hey, how are you?" though. You can send that, and even if you don't get a reply that's just fine.
So do it.
Too many people are waiting for someone else to speak first and break the lengthening silence. It's fucking painful.
Send the damn message. No matter what reasons you have not to do so.
Life is too fucking short.
Send it.
>>17093787
Holy shit, that is EXACTLY my situation. Of course, she broke up with me and is seeing someone else now. Hope that doesn't happen to you.
>>17093848
Sorry to hear that bro. It's a shitty situation to be in. Hope you're doing better now.
This is the worst day of my life.
I can't even write about it. If I do I'll start crying again.
All I wanted was someone to love me. I had that for about 6 years. Now it's completely gone and we hate each other. He has a girlfriend and she's going to take my place with my children. I want to die.
If I die he killed me.
If anyone in 4chan land will pray for me. Please pray for me. I am close to the end and I have a LOT of pills I can take.
My life is worthless. No one will ever love me again. I am a complete failure. Oh shit I'm crying.
>>17093658
Once I thought about dying by means of vsed, but I dropped the attempt after a few days - it's not painless as people say, and those who do it are usually some kind of medical care (morphine or a similar painkiller).
I don't consider it a suicide attempt, but I've never mentioned to my therapist because I'm afraid she might see it that way.
>>17093831
Omg story pls sounds hot
>>17093796
Whatever
>>17093842
I promised myself not bother this person without a solid reason, and since they didn't message I assume it means they don't want to talk to me, so I'll leave it as it is.
I'm being purposefully distant and i hate it. Overall i don't care about anybody but myself. In the end it wont even matter because we will all be dead.
>>17093857
Chill, it's just a break up. You'll live.
>>17093842
I sent a message to someone and they completely ignored it.
It was very humiiating and painful. After that I sent a mean message and he blocked me.
This person targeted me, fucked me, and then dumped me. It's the worst feeling. It really hurt.
>>17093857
>she's going to take my place with my children.
It's odd that you don't have the custody.
>>17093796
I hope you told the person this at least and didn't leave them hanging.
Made a promise to myself today. I wont come looking for you, I won't call you, text you, or bargin with myself to go crawling back to you. I miss you when I'm blue, and that's okay, because I will not reach out for you. I promised myself that I would withhold all contact for a year, and if I was to brake that promise I would have to apologize to J in person for wanting to murder him. You twisted me up so bad that I thought I was gonna break. All of my rage has finally been silenced. I can't believe it myself, but I'm finally in a place where I can move on. If I saw you or J in person it might set me off again, but not to the extreme like it would have been 2 months ago.
More importantly, I want to thank you for helping me believe in love again. Even after the breakups, I still believe in love.
There's a couple ladies Ive been talking to, you know them both. I think you're jealous of one of them. That would be nice, you being jealous for a change.
I've got to assume you've already been seeing J again, probably even moved on to other guys. I just wish you would have put a 10th of that energy you used to be sneaky into trying to make things workout between us. In then end, you somehow lost who you were and I thought I had found someone I was going to be with for the long haul. Life is going to be so hard for you, and I hate what you did, but you still have a piece of my heart with you. Stay safe out there baby.
Hey. I'm sorry I've not written to you for three weeks now. I really, really want to but I just don't know how to open things back up again without it all being too weird. I'm worried about what you think of me. You've not contacted me the whole time except that weird work thing, and that doesn't count. Are you giving me space to sort myself out? Or are you giving me the cold shoulder because you don't like me anymore? Or have you just not thought about me at all this whole time because you have stuff going on and I'm just not important? Or.... Etc.
I have no idea what's up. All I know is that we aren't talking, and that makes me feel as though I'm missing a limb. You matter to me. But I don't know what to do now.
If you were giving me space than please, it's fine, you can stop now. I need to hear from you.
If there's a problem that I'm too blind to see than please, tell me. The uncertainty is driving me insane.
Each day without you I'm in sackcloth and ashes. Breathe some life back into me.
I wish I could speak to her about non-school stuff. But I just cant. I want a friendship and maybe more to come of this, but as it stands we are just barely friends.
We talk about school shit mostly and not much personal or fun stuff.
This is driving me nuts
>>17093875
Initials anon?
And please message them. Because they might be waiting too. They may have gone through the same thought process as you. And now both of you are going to fuck it up waiting for the other person.
I say this because same thing happened to me and I regret it so much.
>>17093862
My family used to all go to my aunt's house for the weekend cause she lived in the desert and most of my family liked to gamble. The cousin in question, let's call her B, and I were the oldest so we were put in charge of the kids while the adults went to gamble. Being a creepy little faggot I offered massages that started at the shoulders but pretty quickly ended at her breasts. We did while no one was looking. The kids wanted to all sleep together in the living room watching tv so we did and after they fell asleep I couldn't hold my boner in anymore. I got on top of her and pulled her pants down. I remember specifically thinking "wow her pants are really tight." she was wearing those sweatpants with the cord thing to tighten at the waist. I went at it for what was probably 4-5 minutes and I finished and went to the couch and went to sleep. The thing I regret the most was that I only pleased myself instead of her too. She probably thinks "wow this asshole raped but couldn't be bothered to make me I'm too." hope you enjoyed it.
>>17093900
It's because I'm tired of making an effort when the outcome is always the same.
>>17093891
We're sharing custody.
>>17093914
This is not a helpful post.
You are not a good person.
>>17093902
G is one of the letters
And yeah, I suppose they could go through the same thought process as me, but knowing that person, it's highly unlikely. Me, on the other hand, I gotta be as self-suficient and non-clingy as I can.
>>17093909
Thanks, and I'm sorry. Maybe you can confront the issue with her at some point. Maybe you might learn that she didn't hate it, or forgave you a while ago. Burying the hatchet may bring you peace of mind that you can't quite achieve through anon boards
>>17093930
No, I'm just projecting.
>>17093875
Agree with the other reply: please message them.
>>17093934
Well I hope it works out for you better than how it did for me. Good luck anon :)
>>17093861
>Once I thought about dying by means of vsed
>But that's not a suicide attempt
Then what the fuck is that?
I am so obsessed with my ex that I bought myself a ticket to a fetty wap concert that I heard she wanted to go to just to find her there.
>>17093901
dude just bring something up that isn't about school. maybe if you find you have similar interests you can find ways to start hanging out with her and then from there work your way up. no relationship starts at first sight it all takes time, and if you stay subtle and become a good and trusted part of her life she'll develop her own feelings for you
>>17093787
Same situation with my boyfriend. I feel like the man in this relationship half the time lol
>>17093823
Yeah, if you broke their heart the chances are they don't give a shit and,
1) have new friends
2) have a new partner
3) have a better life without you
>>17093900
Maybe I don't know if I am wanted.
Right now I need someone to do the reaching out for once. I'm alone tonight.
>>17093997
Who says I broke their heart, anon? Maybe they broke mine?
You fucking idiot, I don't want you to get a DUI, but you need to somehow learn that any kind of driving after drinking hard liquor counts as one. I have to come up with excuses to not drink with you so I don't have to see you ruin your life with one very large mistake.
>>17093972
True, true. I guess I can do something like that
>>17093961
I didn't cut my veins nor I tried to shoot myself.
It had no harm at all whatsoever.
>>17094045
Regardless of the method, if you try to kill yourself that's a suicide attempt.
I keep falling for it.
I wanted to achieve something in life. I wanted to move forward and I wanted to be in good terms with some people. Stop the anxiety. Make friends. Socialize. I managed that. I went there, made some friends. Most people who knew me didn't ever treat me badly. I got a lot of praise. I had people chase me. Teachers. My teacher. The person I wanted to be like.
I took off. 2 years I spent on that place, two years I loved. And for what? For me to throw it all out the window. For people to be disappointed in me, even if they don't tell. For those friends I made to see me as nothing but a machine where you put praise and receive favors. I can't get enough of people acting around me like I'm the better person around. Like I'm worth something. All the fucking praise. It's like a cancer. It's all lies on top of lies, on top of lies. Nobody believes in me this way. Emotional support for people, for problems I can't even solve when nobody is there for me to even say a fucking thing.
I met so many people who treated me like a king. Yet I'm perhaps as alone as I was before all of this happened. These 4 years didn't mean shit.
Every time I see a post on /r9k/ about how "I just got laid" or "I just got a girls number" or even just "someone smiled at me", and then they end the post with "We're all gonna make it", I get filled with a sort of melancholy.
At first I laugh, they don't know what they don't know. But then I feel sad for them.
That's because they don't know that no matter what happens, some of us are beyond saving. No one is gonna suddenly swoop in and and boom! life fixed.
And not one of us can just "undo" damage that has been done.
If I had any amount of money for every-time I thought something along the lines of "we're all gonna make it", I'd be doing cocaine and hookers all night every night and it'd be legal because I'd own my own fucking nation.
The truth is, sometimes good things happen. To think it'll ever cancel out the shit is just a sad delusion.
We'll go through a stage where we'll be "normal", as much as we can be. But, we soon realise it's not for us, maybe we don't trust them - after all, people turned on us before - or we decide that being alone is less drama, and stress.
Or maybe we just decide, stupidly, to let them text first, just to see if they actually care. They might, but when they realise you never text first, they'll stop.
Maybe we'll be too stubborn, maybe we'll give in, for a while.
But ultimately, there is a reason robots are robots. It's just who we are. Either misanthropic or Anthropophobic.
Whatever it is, we just don't mix well with people. But every now and then, we'd like to. I think we idolise being a "people" person too much. We need to just accept what we are instead.
I don't care how good you supposedly are at math. If you lack even the most basic communication skills, then you might as well be retarded. If you don't know how to express yourself in a way that is effective and intelligent, then fuck off out of my face.
T., I'm going to let you go.
I know you like me and I like you too. I didn't know how to react when you say that I'm your soulmate. If you still want to be together with me you have to first break off from your old life. Right now I can't be with you. I don't want to cause you any trouble and I hope that you will understand. You bring me feelings that I didn't know I still have. I been broken, crush before but I'm keep going. I think you should too not matter how hard life is for you. We are human after all. We were born from nothing and will disappeared into nothingness but our love is forever. I'll see you around. I wish I could say more but keeping it short its for the best.
C.
P.S. Please stop smoking. Its hurts me when you do.
Fuck you
You really wanted to make it work?
All this time
Yeah,,so did I!
And you treat me like this?
No
If you love me
You'll be there for me
>>17094120
Further initials?
This is literally the worst thing I've ever gone through in my life and that's saying something. This is torture. This is like some next level soul eating shit. I wish I could see where the threads became tangled on this journey. I'm sure I'll make it through. Hopefully in the end me and the people I love will be happy. I think about suicide a lot but I know for a fact I'll never do it. I'm capable of way too much. There are ways to survive. I just hope I'll do it with a smile on my face. Also rip my heart out already if that's your intention. I don't know why it would be but whatever. I love you.
I was about to go further
Than I could go
Over you
Over you
You'll never leave my head
Are we in bed?
Yet, are we dead yet?
I wouldn't hurt you
I can't cope
Each time
I die I die
I live I live
IT'S ALMOST FUCKING MAY
WHEN IS THE GOD DAMN GOOD WEATHER GOING TO COME
He said he would stay this time
I think he's left me
Like everything I've ever known
I'll never love again
I'm lonely and everyone is taken.
I can't live without him
An empty soul
I walk alone
Until
>>17094237
You type like a fag.
Can you at least send me some pics to fap to or something? Jesus I'm struggling. Email me.
Some attachment problem I know
And I stayed away
I held myself in
Then fell in love
Led for all to see
As far as the eye treads
And wait for
Him to never care about me
All my life
I dreamed.and
The words
Where we were
Lies
All those people waiting
To hear
They didn't know anything
I thought we
Unspoken
We have
Take me take me from here
Let us live
Please
I'm coming now. I'm sorry I was confused I thought it was a cruel joke. I always think the worst I guess.
>>17094247
So?
Moron
I want to see the best in people
They say it's naive
They take advantage
I never knew how to be that way
So they tried to kill me first
Peace
She is probably too kind hearted for her own good.
Volunteering for Special Olympics, at Soup Kitchens and Hospitals.
And makes me feel like an idiot. She only needs like a 66 on her final to end with an A- average in the class, while I'll need to get like 82 on the final for the same grade.
Someone on my mental health chatroom keeps referring to my brothers and I as twins when in fact we are triplets. This annoys me way more than it should.
"So are you and your twins fraternal?"
"WE ARE TRIPLETS."
I've just started getting used to people freaking out every time I mention I'm a triplet (as in someone in the medical room where I get ECT went "he's a triplet!" and the whole rest of the room was like "REALLY?!?!?!" -- it's the weirdest thing ever), so my chances of getting used to someone calling me a twin is 0%.
On the plus side, I just realized that it's a week until Mother's Day, so now I can go buy stuff for my mom. >.> I'm such a good son. *rolls eyes*
>>17094254
Keep crying.
>>17094289
I cry when crying happens
That's it
>>17093892
Hell yeah i did. Broke up earlier today but she knows the deal. Just wanted to say what i had wished was the last thing i said to her since it got emotional and shit.
I barely notice the oneitis anymore and it feels great, at the start i needed to force myself to speak to girls but now it is easy.
I love you more than anything
To me you are everything
And that's a forever thing
There are many things left unsaid
I love you
Never ever think I don't
I just can't find you
I want to find you
Where is this place
This safe place for us to stay
>>17094330
Ok Belize
>>17094330
Your haikus suck.
>>17094368
No shit
I, a 20 year old male, started writing shipping fanfiction. I think I'm at least an okay writer, but seeing other people who get tons of favorites/positive reviews fills me with dread. I just wish I had a friend I could be comfortable enough with that they could provide feedback on them, but I'm honestly so embarrassed by it that I can't even tell my therapist.
I have to work with a lot of Korean people. I'm really hoping this is something I will get used to but... I hate the way the Korean language sounds.
It's just, it sounds like whining and complaining no matter what they are saying.
It's irritating me so damn much I want to quit. Good lord.
>>17094330
You're there?
Nevermind, I get it. You want to exhaust your chances with all these fake tumbler girls before you give someone real a chance. That's cool. Have fun with that.
I want my husband to be to
Be faithful to me
Such a big fucking ask in this age
With so many whores
Waiting to take my love
My life
My everything
From me
Why do they
Put us in matching
Garments
Even when we're apart
Why don't you just fucking marry me,?!
I'm dying
>>17093658
I was raised in a small town of 1100 people in the midwest that was 99.99% white. (there was one hispanic family) I was super liberal and believed that skin color didn't matter and everyone was the same.
I moved out when I was 18 to a city of more than am million people. I am now incredibly racist and I cannot stand black people. They are fucking disgusting and don't deserve to be treated as equals. Anytime there was a mugging or robbery or any sorta of assault on campus it was a black person doing it. Going online and seeing all the dumbshit BLM idiots post just cements in my these views.
Way to go blacks, you're the worst thing to ever happen to your race.
>>17094433
why would you leave aryan paradise for the city?
baka family
>>17094151
>>17094219
>>17094222
>>17094237
>>17094257
>>17094330
>>17094404
>>17094419
I'm gonna have to skip this thread this time. You faggots are the most annoying idiots I have come across here. Even worse than the "INITIALS!?" people.
>>17094442
I think it's the same faggot. Holy fuck, that's as annoying as it gets.
>>17094442
Initials?
>>17094484
Too easy man. I knew someone was going to do it the second I said it.
Also, initials?
Why did you say
Our love
Was magic
Like we had something no one believed in and kiss me, ask to marry me, it wasn't a part, to hold me and ask me, and cut me out
I'm dead, I'm dead without you
>>17094442
initials??
pls it's me I love you
I'm slipping on doing any work because I have no self worth, no friends, and a desire to see my own failure and death. I'm so close to entering this life of useless toil, so close to having more freedom and yet so close to being even more depressed.
And if I do go down the fuck up my chance for "life" path noone will care or know until it's permanently fucked.
But it doesn't matter, the opinions of others. It matters that no option is a good option. I could get a well-paying job that makes me seek death each day, I could get a shit-paying job that works me to death, or I can say fuck it and walk until I have no more energy to walk and die. What the fuck does it matter?
Say that death could be far away if I did seek employment, but it will still come, and time only moves faster each day.
I fucking hate that I will have to sell my soul to corporate slavery one way or another, and that this is my only way to have enough money to go out enjoying myself.
And I have no clue how long it would take to have enough to go out, but I know when I do, it will be the one time in my life I live, that small fraction before I die when I cast aside care and blew my savings from slavings.
fuck this whole existence. Why must I die to be happy?
My 20s are gone. I spent all of it breaking out of my family's poverty. But now I'm just a worker zombie. Not even happy even though I'm not at risk of being homeless anymore.
I've given up on having fun and my hobbies. I've lived off takeout for long enough that I've completely forgotten how to cook.
I just work, and go to college for work. When I'm home I do research on how to do my job better.
Spent most of my teenage years as a gamer. Can't even remember the last time I sat down and played a video game. I know it's been at least 9 months since that was when I moved and haven't even unpacked my consoles. Never even plugged my TV in.
What am I doing...
I realized how much I like her about a month before she moves away. Fuck
I enjoy being in a serious relationship and having a professional career, but being honest part of me misses living alone and still being in school. Its like, my biggest worries then were grades and nothing else. I could hang out with my friends anytime, stay up as late as I wanted, eat pizza for breakfast, and drive around for no fucking reason late at night listening to music if I felt like it.
Now, my life has a more structured, rigid feel to it. I do recognize this has benefits, but damned if I don't miss video gaming with friends into the wee hours of the night with pizza boxes stacked around me (or us, if I was over at their place). There's just something about that kind of lifestyle that was beautifully simplistic to me, and it gave me a kind of fulfillment nothing else has. I guess its part of growing older and taking on more responsibilities :(
>>17094711
You don't have to give up what you love just because you're an adult, anon.
I'm in a similar situation, and set aside one weekend each month to just let loose. It keeps me sane. You can absolutely incorporate fun into your busy lifestyle.
I don't think he loves me anymore.
>>17093658
I never get responded to in /tv/ about got discussions and it pisses me off, yeah im a big asoiaf fan of both book and show (not a fan Stannises shitty offscreen death, and those cringeworthy sandsneks) but seriously why do i never get a simple response?
I got dumped for the first time, by some asshole who won't grow up and doesnt see me as a very special person. Fuck him!
>>17094736
Waawaaaa I'm special and unique!
If that was true you wouldn't have been dumped, you fucking twat.
>>17094736
World is overpopulated, you'll meet someone else
>>17094751
That's such a great, logical way of looking at it. Legit thanks
>>17093658
So much shit everywhere. I sleep less and less day after day. I've been walking up in the middle of the night. Depression is hitting hard.
I should go back to writing it out. But I got so sad I can't write or read. And don't have enough time to watch Netflix or anything.
I don't feel like doing so either. I feel alone. I don't want a movie or a book. I want a real person. I need to kiss and cuddle. I'm also positive I won't get any being this sad sack of fuck I'm right now. Only if doing drugs wasn't so easy. Even now, my ego is telling me " You can manage someway most people can't. Ooooh, so they get high to get over all of it? Well, you're gonna endure and find the hardest way. You're gonna succed and then you're gonna be happy."
I know happiness will only last for a brief period of time, though.
>>17094762
Your welcome
>>17094777
Smoke a joint, eat sum ben and jerrys or chinese and watch a good movie, workout, go out, put yourself out there, cant find someone on 4chan
I've suffered from two major concussions in my life, the latter caused me permanent amnesia. Had a third one this year and it's been rough (I know, people have it worse), it's just that I don't have anyone to talk to about it. Right around Valentines day this year, I hit a patch of ice which caused me to wrap my car around a telephone pole. I suffered head trauma which caused me to have random adrenaline spikes, black out and concussive brain bruising. It gets worse because I start remembering who I was before the concussions and it's fucking with my identity.
Within the course of one week I had to buy a new car, get back on track with school and rest assured my girlfriend (ex now) that I was ok. Met her in person, went into shock right in front of her. She breaks it off just as I'm about to start my first day at my new job. We had been together for a year and I loved her, did everything I could. Grandma then passed away, found out one of my friends is a pedophile, and now I'm going through an identity crisis. All my friends left me because I told them I would no longer be their crutch or enabler, now I'm doing everything all alone. My plan is for me to move out west within a year. I should be angry about everything; my ex, my friends, and losing family but right now I just feel happy to have a chance to pick myself up to go forward.
Fuck you, I love you so goddamn much. If I can't talk to you soon, I think I might just lose my mind.
You're not even half as bad as you think you are. And I'm not even half as good or well put together as you think I am. We'll both make it, and I hope you come back around soon.
"Of course I’ll hurt you. Of course you’ll hurt me. Of course we will hurt each other. But this is the very condition of existence. To become spring, means accepting the risk of winter. To become presence, means accepting the risk of absence."
>>17094883
Where is this quote from anon
>>17094899
The Little Prince. Never read it but my mom loved it. And i love this quote. Always found it to be really true.
>>17094883
fuck that book desu
>Cheaper school
>School with better academic reputation and a more appealing academic program
Which do I pick, /adv/?
I do love you, I just don't think we're going to go anywhere and I don't think we are that compatible. Maybe I'm wrong and I can't see what you can. We're just not right for each other, but I miss you. I'm sorry, it's killing me and I can't imagine what it's doing to you. If we do ever work things out, we both need to change our behaviors to make this work. I care about you a great deal and in another life I can see us living out the life we've been dreaming of. I just don't know how we're going to get there.
>>17094989
Jeezuz some of these posts sound so familiar, i almost want to say "####" is that you but then realize chances of that are astronomical
>>17094989
Start working on your behaviors and let the person know how they need to work on theirs too. If you miss them and its killing you than its worth the work.
I am lonely all of the time
>>17094989
Yeah, I wish it was you. All we can do in these threads is have terrible hope that our fantasies are real. Fuck this place.
I wish I could just finally get over you...but more so, I wish you would stop coming into my life when I'm vulnerable...or give me so many fucking mixed signals...but I can't bring myself to be straight up after what happened 3 years ago...but now I invite you to a concert, and you accept without even askin who's playing? I just don't get it. Do you honestly think I would just never fall for you again? Is this a game, or are you honestly so goddamn oblivious out don't realize I might still have slight feelings? I just don't think I'll ever really get over you. We've never dated, barely even hugged, but I swear you were my first love, before my first girlfriend.
There will alway always be a spot in my heart for you. I tell my friends all the time that I don't care how this turns out but of course I fucking do. I want to be with you, I want you to give me a chance, and now I'm playing these games and testing you and every single thing points to you liking me...but after what you did, and what you said...how could I ever put myself out there again? Please...just give me one clear sign, just something and I promise I'll act on it.
I should have transitioned four years ago when I had the chance. The only thing that keeps me alive is not wanting to upset my family with suicide. That and the possibility of a Trump presidency, mostly just to see what would happen.
I let things slip out of my control because I believe that I'm unable to control them at all when I first encounter them. I keep doing it on a small scale, everyday
I feel very alone because my friends don't have it and I don't even know how to explain how my mind works and they don't understand it the way I do. It's particularly bad tonight.
To my cat: I'm sorry for being mad and not wanting to cuddle you at first when I came home. I've been stressed tonight
Why the fuck can I never be happy? Why is it right now I should be happy I have time to myself and instead I'm fucking alone trying to masturbate because me and my girlfriend never have sex anymore. I fucking like a girl who I think we'd be great together but doesn't even like me nor is attracted to me. I feel like a piece of shit fat fucking slob and honestly just want to off myself simply because of the fact I just don't fucking care. I'm always so angry that I sometimes want to just hit someone because everything pisses me off these days. I don't know why I'm not dead, because I'm a useless fuck who is probably going nowhere and the only time I ever smile anymore is when I think about leaving my life and everyone behind to be alone somewhere or killing myself. Fuck man can I just catch a break?1
>>17095115
Any friend worth their salt will empathise and be there for you even if they don't understand everything going on in your head.
i love you, you selfish asshole
The truth is you're the best girlfriend I've had yet , I hope it stays that way
I love you
I just haven't told you that Bc we're about to make 2 months so that'd be kinda awkward and I want it to be special
I feel like a fucking loser for not being able to get over my ex, he was an abusive asshole but he's the only person I ever loved. It's been a year and a half already, I should be able to forget about him.
i loved her..but then again...
what was inside that communist jacket you worn?
I'm a self-loathing Narcisist. I refuse to accept the fact that I can be wrong about things or been tought wrong.
Even mundane facts I require a reliable source for accepting something as true.
I go back and read old forum posts I made years ago.
Although the spelling is lackluster and embarasing to look back at.
I still giggle and get a big grin on my face and think of how witty and clever I am, how utterly stupid everyone else is, etc.
I get angry at myself for not performing up to an imagined standard of what I should be capable of.
E.g Not being the start player in a game/sport I've never played before.
I get depressed by looking at attractive women, knowing that I am to blame for fact that they aren't interested in me.
I tell myself to change and fail within a few days.
I've been in a relationship for awhile, and while I really care about her I might have fucked up. Before the relationship I had an amazing night with an incredible girl who blew my mind more than anybody ever had. I dropped her for somebody that I thought I wanted but now after a few months I can't help but wonder if I made a mistake.
i have been same-fagging for 4 years on this site, every thread i have ever made, any reply......i.. need help..ill prolly same fag this reply.......
Fell for someone who fell in love with me but was already in a relationship, and now she wants to be loyal to her current other which I respect. I keep clinging to the desperate possibility that when I finally get home in two years from being stationed in Japan that she won't even want to talk to me anymore.
I hate it.
I have achieved the impossible.
The rest is just timing.
>>17093658
K.
Fuck you. Fuck. You. All this time I was trying to be the forgiving guy. I was someone who is willing to forgive anyone no matter how bad you hurt me. But what you pulled, "hun", is fucking bullshit. I forgave you when you slept with that fucker G who you swore was just a friend you weren't attracted too. You fucked him. You fucked him and I forgave you. I believed you when you said you love me and not him. Now all those promises you made me and all that effort I put trying to make us work out is gone. Because not only have you fucked our friend while still "in love" with me, but now you found someone who you "truly are in love with" even though I thought that someone was me. Fuck you. I hate you. And I love you. I wish you the best K. Even after all the shit you put me through, I still wish you hapiness. Don't fuck up this relationship with that other guy, for the sake of what we had.
I keep going back to the genmai cha, because once you said it would be our own special weeaboo thing.
I haven't cut my hair and I keep buying all kinds of hair decorations and feeling like a tool when other adults look at me. I wonder if they think I look as dumb as I feel.
I have gained some weight back from eating instant noodle bowls, rice, and sweets with tea.
I can't talk to you and I can't talk to anyone about you. I can't talk to anyone. I can't talk.
The only things I enjoy are mind numbing sessions of drawing, eating, or reading. I want to go back to the beginning, before you, before them, before her, before me.
I don't really want to die, but I hate having conscious thought. No, more accurately, I hate having to exist. If I could just disappear, turn invisible, turn into vapour and disperse, I could go to where you are, where all the people I ever cared about are, and I could exist near them while they carry on. I would be there, but I wouldn't be in the way.
I wanted to be noticed, but I'm always in the way. So if I could just get out of the way, maybe I would be fine going unnoticed.
I'm ashamed of my desire to eat. I'm ashamed of my desire for attention. I'm ashamed of my desire to be part of anything. But I am so stalwart for others. However - however - inside, I am in tatters. People always say how cool I am, how collected and independent I am.
Idiots. It's just a show, so I can keep the focus on them instead of me. Oh no, I don't need help, let ~me~ help ~you~.
Fucking kill me already
For the past few months, I've been contemplating putting a round in the chamber, holding the thing up under my chin and just letting it go. But I know I won't ever do it, not anytime soon. There are only a very few people in my life that I know care about me anymore and I don't want to hurt them with that. I've gone from gaining some self confidence slowly to recently feeling it all slip away again. I've felt so cripplingly lonely, but that's partly my fault, though it seems that anyone I try to pursue something with has absolutely not interest in me beyond a friendship. I guess there's just something wrong with me. But it's those few people I have left in my life that I just can't hurt with something like that. I stick around for them at this point, I think. Worst part is, none of them can really know that, puts too much pressure on them and that's the last thing I want.
>>17094017
I 'm too afraid. Afraid that this would be the final push and I'd lose you forever.
I expect that I'll wait until after the thing with the helicopters and then try to pretend that nothing has changed - just walk back into a conversation halfway through.
This is killing me.
>>17095529
>I don't really want to die, but I hate having conscious thought. No, more accurately, I hate having to exist. If I could just disappear, turn invisible, turn into vapour and disperse, I could go to where you are, where all the people I ever cared about are, and I could exist near them while they carry on. I would be there, but I wouldn't be in the way.
Try meditation. You don't have to sit doing nothing to meditate, just stop making these 'conscious thoughts' that cause you suffering for a while. Focus completely on your breathing 100% and listen carefully to all the sounds around you, and they will stop. You can do this while walking, working etc.
Try a book on meditation at the library, a guided meditation on YouTube, or check your community noticeboard for meditation workshops and events.
Alright. Let's get this poison out.
How fucking dare you, you gigantic slut. I gave you fucking everything, the best years of my life. Ones I'll never get back. I lost friends defending you, I lost in touch with family because I was with you. I did everything - I went above and beyond what any motherfucker would do to prove to you that I cared. You lost all feeling in your legs for 6 months, and I all but moved in with you to help you get to your uni classes. When your friends were cunts, I stepped up and took you to places you'd never been before. When you were horny- I sent you screaming to heaven and back every damn time. I took you to meet my family, and I should have fucking listened to them when they told me you'd break me. When you started to loose your libido, I respected it wholeheartedly. I all but stopped even jacking off in case you were uncomfortable. When you asked me to marry you - I was the happiest man on earth. I said yes in a heartbeat. But if God had any sympathy at that moment, he'd of taken that heart and stopped it beating there and then. For 2 years you were unsure about sex. And when we left for our years abroad, you told me that you thought you were asexual. Little did I fucking know you had 4 other guys on call who had been knee fucking deep inside you for months. Cheating is despicable. Using me is all out treachery. But to use a minority group as an excuse to do it all? Unforgivable. Disgusting. Every time I see your face I want to just kill someone. Myself, probably for having fallen for you hook, line & sinker. And the worst bit of it all, the most despicable thing out of all of this? If you asked me to come back, I probably would. Cause nobody in the world gives a shit about me. So I might as well accept that even any partner I'll have will just use me.
Thanks for letting me rant op. Hope you have a good day.
You're not simple or easy and that's okay. A lot of people think that's a good thing. I think it's a good thing. I've always appreciated depth, and everything that comes with it, good and bad. So don't feel bad for being yourself. The good things take work.
After years of being a complete dumbass, I've finally come to terms that I am in an abusive, narcissistic relationship. I need to start learning about narcissism and how to deal with it, start the long road to recovery in order to get my own self confidence back, and hopefully, help him to realize that the relationship he had with his mother affected him far more than he wants to admit.
If the relationship goes nowhere in the next six months, then I will finally give in and break it off for my own mental health, but I don't want to be the type to abandon him without ever even trying. I understand that he acts the way he does because he has his own issues and he needs to deal with them, and I need to have a certain amount of acceptance for this. I also need to admit that it has hurt me far more than I wanted to admit in the past. I must learn to deflect his attacks and his insecurities and hopefully, find a way to help him realize what he's doing.
He gave me a chance to realize that I was hurting him. It's my turn to return the favour, and I pray that this will help us grow together and form a stronger, healthier bond.
...
Fuck me this is going to hurt like fucking hell shoved into a shit oven and turned to 'hit the fan'.
>>17095420
You need to either get yourself a book, or get into therapy hun. It's not something that is going to change over night, and you have to be ok with that. You have to either choose to stay this way for the next 30-however many years of your life, or you have to make the conscious decision to spend a few years trying to get better.
Narcissism doesn't just effect you, it effects anyone who ever gets close to you. And it is NOT something that you want to pass along to your children if you ever have them. It hurts, but you are an adult now, and you have to be responsible for stopping the cycle and making yourself better. There isn't a pill for this, but even if there was, you would still have to make the decision to swallow it.
Y'know just cuz i suggested that someone's gay doesn't mean it's a bad thing or that i'm poking fun. He said something and I corrected him with what I thought was more plausible circumstances. There's nothing wrong with being gay and in an ideal world people wouldn't have to hide it from anyone or stress about it.
Girl I went out on a date with once told me afterwards she had a good time but wasn't looking for a relationship. I really liked her so I stupidly kept chasing her, asking her out 'as a friend' (yeah I know its cringy) and trying to ignore her saying or doing shitty things to me. Right now, I wish I could get over her since she hurt me and brought out the worst in me in a lot of ways, but something about her means I can't stop thinking again about her after having spent months happily ignoring her
I love my ex I can't thinking about her and how I fucked mine and her life up .I just want to message her to hold her again but know she's better off with out me in her life .I love you Ti....
Stop fucking demanding attention like a brat, Jose.
finally started seriously considering to off myself,im to tiered of everything.
frankly i don't feel like im the depressed one i really believe everyone just really good at lying to themselves and that's how people keep going on.
i don't know if its just me being a bitch but i just don't see the point of keep going like that.
probably going to try for once to get my life in order but i really doubt i will actually be able to do that and doubt even more that even i will manage to do it it will make any difference.
>>17096033
>I fucked mine and her life up
Yeah she's better without you.
>>17096049
I know and it just that just eats at me
I'm made of problems and suspect there is something deeply, and irreconcilably wrong with me. Maybe I have some form of brain damage, maybe chronic pain and how I've lived most of my life has withered and atrophied my mind. I don't know.
I'm high on phenylethylamine and whatever else is in cocoa beans again. Driving down cAMP seems to help as well. I can't tell if I feel frustration, misery, or apathy most of the time. I tried to brute force my way out, but an exit doesn't exist. I am like Sisyphus, and eventually I will do it all again. Life is all about the moderate climates, the inbetween, the maintainance, but here I am trying to force the walls in my mind down by returning to the extremes. Again, and again, and again. With no end in sight.
It's about time for me to die. Childhood is what makes you, and something is intrinsically wrong with me to begin with. I lost before the game even began. I have cycles of selective amnesia and can feel a few clusters of memory my mind keeps me out of. I can't force my way in and trying tends to scramble things. If I locked something away, I probably did it for a reason. I might have engineered myself for something. I'm terrified of change, and maybe I don't want what's hidden away, but soon it might be time to accept it back. I am afraid. I don't know how to live.
You know I seem to have deep inside my heart a burning hatred toward the whole entire world
>>17096104
i feel you deeply man.
>>17096112
Any sane and honest human being has a streak of misanthropy.
Why are you friends with some 17yo girl when you are 26?
I guess you met her on that online game.
I wouldn't be surprised if you were hitting on her given how we started.
The manchild and the dumb teen that thought she was mature for going out with you.
To be honest, I'd wish you were cheating on me.
I don't love you anymore.
You don't want to change your reckless habits.
But I do. I truly do.
I also want to stop lying about your age to my family.
I've been tolerating this for a year but I just can't anymore...
Though I still care for you enough to pretend everything's alright since you just overcame depression.
Is it too soon? Am I doing more harm than good by lying to you and myself? Probably. But I can't help being so fucking insecure and depending of what others feel about my decisions.
I'm not gonna lie.
It might hurt my pride since you were my first love but deep inside, I want my assumptions to be real.
It would make things way too easier.
>>17096104
Fucking hell anon.
I've lived like this for years.
I partied last night, and cried like a baby for hours.
I'll probably never be as happy as I was last summer. Nothings new to me anymore. Im afraid this will make me bitter as I get older. I really hope I didn't actually peak at 17 but I think I did.
I love you.
Why did you play me? I didn't have feelings for you but you gave them to me and now I feel dirty.
>>17096310
Might be, i peaked in happiness at 19 and its only been downhill from there
cherish the memory
I hate myself because you're probably fucking anything that offers
>>17096328
Jokes on you, nothing is offering.
>>17096005
Quick, what's 5^5?
I finally snapped. That fake account kept on bugging me, and I was over it, cause I knew it was you. I left a voicemail telling you to stop because it was pissing me off. You instantly messaged me on Facebook, you know, after you'd previously said 'reply to this message and ill block you'.. You denied it, and you spoke with fear as if you thought i'd hunt you down for it lol. The account suddenly deleted all of it's posts and history, of course not by coincidence, it was you. You who kept saying 'i want you out of my life', when i finally left, you wouldn't leave me alone... Man.. You get angry when people say you send 'mixed signals', but you really do. You're a confusing guy. But its okay. Confusing is what made you so interesting to me.
We talked and we argued and you said some horrible things to me the other night. But then you told me you were proud of me, that i was your 'masterpiece' and that i would go on to do big things.. I said it sounded like we were saying our final goodbyes. We've said final goodbyes so many times now and it never works out, no matter how hard we both try. But you agreed to meet with me at the end of this month and spend one last night together and make fun memories. Then never speak again.
It makes me sad, but the night is going to be very fun. And I'm going to give you some 'goodbye gifts', to let you know it's for real this time. Cause.. really..I want you to stay, and I think you will try to come back into my life. But.. fuck, I don't know. You hurt me too much. I started drinking and smoking to cope, and I almost died in hospital a few nights ago cause of how messy you made my life. I'm gonna make this one last night feel like a beautiful dream, and then it's up to you. I'm bad at goodbyes. But i'm gonna try. Maybe.
Why, of all people, am I starting to like you?
I mean, I wasn't even expecting that I'd like you.
Apathy is killing my life. It cages me. I want to escape but never seem to be able to muster the effort.
Fuck this family. How many hours do I have to work until it makes up for the fact that my parents' first kids were fucking failures? Why do I have to feel like a fucking layabout just for wanting to take some goddamn time off, just because Thing 1 and Thing 2 spend all day getting high? How fucking insane do I have to become before I'm allowed a fucking break?
I miss you so fucking bad. It tears me up inside to not have you next to me, and I'm spiraling back down into a dark place without you here. I know it isn't long until you'll be back, but after that our living situation is uncertain. If I can barely handle you being on vacation, I don't know how I'm going to handle us having to live in seperate homes, if it comes to that. I know it's for financial reasons and they'll be better living situations, but I'm scared. I'm scared you'll take it so much easier than me, that you'll just move on from me all together and not ever want to live together again. We're engaged, I shouldn't be having this kind of paranoia, I know. But we shouldn't have to be split up, either. I miss you so much.
I killed so many illuminatis...
>>17096461
For me?
>>17096597
Depends who you are.
>>17096470
Same feels here.
Initials?
I think you like men. Once you finally accept that you can move on with your life. You are a closet homo. Your ideal body type is the exact description of a teenage boy's body. You're not attractive and when aggravated take on the persona of a catty flaming fag. You have beety eyes and the only positive feature about you is your hair. That's not even a compliment and you we be bald in like 54321. You have the personality of a serial killer with whatever personality you even have because you don't have one. You are a subpar human. Your face looks as if your mother was either punched in the stomach, thrown down a flight of stair a drunk a whole bottle of draino while pregnant. You look like the discarded brother and are a total reject. Your face is off putting. Your body is gross and vanilla. You have no muscle definition, loose nipples and seem like you like to finger your own butthole on your down time. One word describes you"Yuck!"
>>17096630
initials to?
You wish you were in the Illuminati. That is an elite group. You are just a bunch of busted bums with too much time, foodstamps and hennesy. You don't have enough intellect brain power, status or money to be a part of that organization. Have several seats you are clearly delusional.
>>17096581
Kill me then!
>>17096630
>thrown down a flight of stairs or drunk a whole bottle of draino while pregnant with you!!!!
You are so lame and ignorant next door. You are so hateful and jealous on top of being highly illiterate. You live a dead end life. Your younger relatives will grow up to be useless, trash, do nothings, freeloading off of society, delusional in your true status in life. You are ghetto, classless, crass and so unbelievably transparent in your envy. You are clear stalkers which your internet stalking is remedial and you resemble the behavior of a pest. You are insignificant and worthless. The world would truly be a better place after your death. You throw around jargon here and there like its supposed to impress someone. You are the gum and the shit at the bottom of my shoes. I could never ever in my life be jealous or envious of you. You are Pathetic as Fuck!!!!! Get a job, get some friends, how about not be a loser because you fail at life like always since you were born. Foreclosure 54321!!! Poof be gone cockroach!!!!!
>>17095830
Jfc I wish my partner would realise this and would commit the same effort to our relationship. I can't keep doing this anymore if he doesn't at least try to be better.
Good luck anon, I hope things work out for you.
I just wanna find cute girls on the internet to talk dirty with that will help me get better at it while appreciating my company is that too much to ask?
Why is it that I can feel so totally fine, and then a single ignorant comment from my completely clueless dad who has no fucking idea what's going on can suddenly make me feel like complete shit?
Tried to get with a gross friend while drunk last night. She rejected me. I have a gf. Kill me.
>>17093658
every fucking time i'm in a new relationship i have this phase of thinking that it's not good for me and i doubt my feelings for anyone. I wonder if that's normal. just for two weeks or something, but it annoys me.
thankfully I'm through that in my current relationship, but it still bothers me.
sure it's risky to date a girl who's been to orgies and loves threesomes etc.
but I'd lie if i said, that i didn't enjoy the threesomes i had.... actually I'm happy. just overthinking things too much.
>>17093796
initials?
It'll be 3 months soon since you left me on Valentine's. I asked you if you saw a future with us - you decided becoming a drug dealer and hating the world was your future.
I tried my very hardest to be a girlfriend you could be proud of. I would have died for you if you asked that of me. I just loved making you smile.
The thought of you with another woman makes me want to vomit. I love you still. I was happy being your servant if that's what you wanted. I just wanted to make you happy.
H
>>17094053
You are talking about school right? I know how that feels. All their praise is s lie.
Stop living for them. You aren't a slave. If you are intelligent you know the right path.
Fuck it.
I still feel a desperate urge to wander off into the woods and get drunk and kill myself even though my I know its selfish as I have a son and daughter who love me alot. This feeling gets stronger and stronger each passing day/week/month/year and only gets worse not better. I wish I didn't feel this way for my kids sake and the sake of my family.
I don't even know how to say it, but I'm feeling pretty sure this is going to be an inevitability
>>17097046
>tfw beer goggles almost gets you a devil's three way
lol gotta watch those beer goggles m8
I am so over you, seriously I don't give a fuck about your new boyfriend. He seems like a great guy. but I genuinely don't care to meet him. What we had is over and will never happen again, I fucked up I'll admit it but I need to let go of you.
I might seem angry but I think I just not sure how to deal with this, obviously you seem to be good at it.
>janitor has gone full cancer frog posting
christ died for this
You tried giving me oneitis and failed, now i want to break you completely for fun HAHAHAHA.
>>17097109
I'm right there, too.
I have two daughters I love but I just want to die right now.
I hope I can continue to loose weight at about 20lbs a month for about 3 more months. That would get me down to 180 @ 5' 10, from 270 that I was was about a month ago. (sitting at 244 currently)
>>17093658
I am so sick and fucking tired of being injured. Every fucking step I take to rehabilitate myself ends up in brief hopes and positivity and is nigh instantaneously met with crushing set backs. My only form of expression that was my perfect outlet is gone. I can no longer run, I can no longer skateboard for more than 10-15 minutes, I can no longer do anything I enjoy. My energy levels are plummeting and it's making it hell trying to finish school. Guitar, music, videogames, people, reading; all of these things are slowly losing the ability to even get me through the day. I sincerely hate my life.
Getting violent thoughts again, and this time kinda wanna act on them
This could potentially be my first relationship ever, she's perfect, I really enjoy spending time with her but I'm going to fuck this up because I'm autistic. I worry too much about texting her too much or too little, I overthink everything, I worry I'm not escalating enough, I worry I am way out of my depth, I expect her to turn around tomorrow and say "Anon sorry I thought about this and it would be too awkward"
I really want this to work, I really do
>>17093658
My boyfriend is about to fail a class right before graduation and all I can do is blame myself for it even though it's not my fault.
I'm leaving in 2 weeks for the entire summer and known future and we were going to try long distance. But now I'm here graduating with honors and my boyfriend is just hoping he will walk.
How do you deal with this kind of shit? Am I really supposed to just let it go? He's failed classes before and he still does, how is he going to hold a job? Maintain a relationship?
And here I am thinking I don't want to break up with him, I want to continue supporting him. I want to stay with him even though when he fucks up like this I feel like shit.
Fuck you, B.
You know full well that I am in love with you and you still fuck with me. You're selfish. You never thought that what you're doing isn't fair on me. I meant it when I said you only think of yourself. Remember that night you told me that you really liked me and missed me but then said I shouldn't get my hopes up because you'll never be with me, then went on to sleep with me? Great, thanks for that. You never cared if you cause somebody else pain, you only care if you're in pain, which you constantly are because you refuse to allow yourself to be happy. Thanks for dragging me into the messed up situation with your ex, who we are both aware you're still in love with. Stop using me to fulfill your physical and emotional needs. I don't exist for when you're feeling lonely. I wish I could stop thinking about you. You're no good.
For months, I have been having this weird feeling in my chest, like someone is holding my guts in their fists. And I just realized that it is because of some bottled-up feelings or thoughts, though I still don't really know what it is about. It is something subconscious that I have yet to undo. I have been told to do some profound meditation.
Does anyone have any idea how to? Is it really just sitting by myself, breathing and trying to let go of thoughts? Any tips?
>>17097613
I get the same feeling every now and then. Have you had a good cry lately? Sometimes it's tension building up along with the feelings. Try journaling, breathing, working on things as they bother you rather than letting them fester, etc
Oh and I want to set one thing straight. You are not Ghost clearly I have stated in the past that BlueandI is ghost because she is an irrelevant vapid Rat Bitch!! Bitch who are you??? You ashy lame ass bitch. You sat online for like a year popping mad junk while half way up what...my Roastie??? You are the definition of a Stan and a Fan. No you are not attractive yes you petty and a downright annoying ass Bitch!!!! You bald ass scalywag gutter butt think you know it all trash can roach. You and your entire family are the very definition of trifling, worthless, good for nothing ghetto trash. You too have an over inflated ego and for some reason think I'm supposed to call some bum bitch nothing little girl pretty???? You also fail at life!!! You are a pussy like you aunt mother ...I don't give a fuck who and wack as hell.
To this one guy:
Look, friend, I want to talk with you but you really don't give me many options for holding the conversation when you answer with xd. It makes me feel like you don't want to talk with me. And dunno, maybe you don't, but then why message me? I'm slowly starting to give up, seriously. I try to stay in my lane and not to bother you, and yet you manage to make me feel like I'm bothering you anyway. That shit sucks. Also fuck off from my dreams.
Dude no. 2
Yesterday date was fine, and I'm sure our meeting tomorrow will be fine too. The thing is, I don't think we fit together well. I can't put a finger on it, but there's something off, like I feel myself turning fake whenever I talk with you, and it's just not alright. Alas, there is the kiss problem too. I don't want to kiss you, I have never kissed a boy and the thought of you being my kiss (despite the fact that you are a lovely, smart and attractive guy) makes me wanna cry. That might be because I was (am???) so into the this one guy, but whatever it is, I can't imagine myself kissing you. It's not gonna fly. I'm sorry; I'm aware I'm in no position to reject any guy at the moment, but I'd rather be alone that with someone who doesn't feel quite right. The only problem is that I don't know how to convey it to you. Or when. I really hope it will rain tomorrow, making it impossible for us to meet.
A,
Darling dearest freundin, I will NEVER take your suggestions seriously esp when u tell me to look for a bf on tinder or ok cupid or whatever other trash site. I told you that I do not need a bf because I'm fine with living in a permanent state of an urequired love. Any new potential love interest is a new problem/grievance. I either fear that someone's gonna rape or murder me on a first date or that I'm an evil cunt because a mere thought of kissing a guy makes me weep. FUCK that. I can be forever single cat lady, who cares? not me
>>17097645
I haven't cried in a long time. Maybe it's just that.
Funny thing, I study drama. The most common thing is daily breakdowns from everybody. But recently I noticed that, since I started this course, I haven't cried.
I don't know. It seems something more... "personal". It's not just keeping my feelings to myself. Seems more like I have the constant need to boycott myself and I don't know why.
Thanks anyway, mate. I really needed someone to hear.
No one knows you from a hole in the wall you ashy ass knuckle dragger!!! But yet you got a man. Fucking clit riding wanna be me lame jealous ass bitch!!! Dingbat
Ugly passive aggressive Ho
Bitch no one can take you serious. "That's why you don't have friends!!!''' Was that you crying outside Ho. Shouldn't you be out having fun no you are clearly disabled in the brain!! Why don't you go cry to your fake best friends across the street about how they are phony and how only Tony the Tiger can truly beat fear "Pussy!!!" Bitch Please!!! Fucking sit on that stoop tongue kiss and take a picture you wack irrelevant crack whore!!! Wanna be down like Brandy in the 90's ass Ho!!!
BlueandI suck a Nut!!!! You craigslist living whore ass degenerate loser!!! You and Fredo from God Father would make an excellent pairing!! Can't wait to see the Mother's Day pics you phony wannabe like your Mom but can never be!!! You are the great pretender, fake it until you make ass Bitch!!! Bum Bitch Internet Persona online Escort Prostitute!!
>>17097325
What injury you got? I'm going in for back surgery tomorrow to repair herniated risk pinching a nerve. They told me live with it or try surgery. It's cliche but I dont recognize myself anymore and can't live like this. Of course surgery won't heal everything. We all need to make changes cuz unfortunately, we are just getting older now.
I don't know if I just have a fetish, am gay, or trans or some bullshit. I typed out a big wall of text that was too long so this is everything condensed. I can make my fiancee orgasm during sex but I only have once and I have a hard time even staying aroused, the only way I can is by thinking really hard about other stuff. I've been into crossdressing since I was very young, I used to only do it while masturbating but lately I've been doing it, wearing makeup etc just because it feels good. If crossdressing was socially acceptable I'd do it almost 24/7, if I could be reborn as a girl but keep my dick that would be perfect lol. I've never been able to orgasm without crossdressing or at least thinking about it. I'm romantically attracted to women and think they're beautiful as long as they have clothes on, tits don't do a whole lot for me and I've always found vaginas repulsive, I can't even finger my fiancee without cringing. When I first started masturbating I fantasized about fucking girls in the ass, then fucking guys, then being a girl getting fucked by guys, then just getting fucked by guys. I'm pretty submissive and so is my fiancee, I can be dominant when we have sex but it doesn't do anything for me at all. As much as the idea of getting gangbanged by a bunch of men turns me on, I've tried starting relationships with men and always felt really awkward and turned off by it, and I don't find men physically attractive at all. Without getting into a bunch of bs I guess I don't feel very masculine, or I at least feel very different from other men. My personality, interests etc are different from most guys I've met. On the other hand I don't feel I have a very feminine personality either, but obviously I can't know how girls think since I'm not one. I feel like I'd kind of rather be a woman but I'm fine being a guy too.
>>17097779
If I have gender dysphoria I'm not transitioning since my family and fiancee wouldn't accept it. If I'm gay I know the APA says it's possible for some people to change their sexuality through therapy, so I would want to try that. It would be very distressing losing a part of me but I'd give up crossdressing if I had to. I just want to have relatively normal sex with my fiancee. I'm probably going to see a therapist soon if my insurance covers it, still trying to get over feeling like therapy is for pussies and crazy people. I was raised in a conservative family and have tried to ignore this my entire life, but now that's interfering with sex I can't ignore it anymore.
>>17097707
>ashy ass knuckle dragger
>>17096406
I like to put my hair in my pussy then pull it back out
For the second or third time this month (past 30 days), this girl i've been talking to has slowly been replying to my texts, snapchats, etc. less and less and at certain points she'll just not reply at all for days on end and it's driving me fucking insane
I assured myself it was just cause she was busy and not cause i'm unlikeable but she still regularly updates her snapchat story and opens my snaps, just doesn't respond to them until like a week or so later
There are many things I'd like to know only from you though. I want to find you and I know you know. You're fucking my shit up, really. Why? I love you woman. You need love. I need love from you. This is special. Why do you run? I never ran I just didn't understand. You're like fucking Carmen Sandiego. You took your feelings and ran. I held back but I'm coming. I'm sure I was oblivious to some of the signs. Doesn't mean I don't care. You're the one who doesn't care. You're the one hiding from me. I'll give chase though. I have things I want you to have spectator. I can't give you what you need if I can't find you.
I may have an issue with my ability to express myself.
Take for instance 2 of my friends. Let's call them Kelly and Katie. I've known Kelly for a long time, I always pick on her, make her laugh a lot. Pretty good friend I must say. Then Katie is a friend of hers but she's cool with me.
So when Kelly has to leave Katie and me alone, I'm not extremely good at keeping a conversation alive. I don't know her that much, I know she's pretty alright, noticed that she's the kind of person to make a hell of a lot of questions if something's not strictly logical. But she's pretty fine.
However when I'm either with Kelly or both, I'm pretty different myself. I'm pretty expressive, which almost turns me into a clown. I'm not sure whether this is good or bad but basically this is how it goes:
>Kelly tells a story
>9 out of 10 times there's either some bullshit to it or she starts making very little sense
>Katie starts looking at me smirking because I don't happen to notice my expression of disbelief
>This happens every fucking time
Like I can't control myself there. I think that the only reason Katie is alright with me hanging around is because he gets a few laughs out of my weird expressions. I feel like Kelly is Penn Gillette and I'm Teller or some shit.
The parallels you made are not completely synced up...
the only thing I hope for is a quick death, I don't want to see it coming. for everything else I've lost hope.
I think I'm having a quarter life crisis. My life can be summed up as uneventful. I have enough money saved to live comfortably for many years but I am realizing now that I'll be middle class no matter how hard I work. I haven't accomplished anything of note and I spend all my time wasting it on the internet. I just wanted to rant. Thanks.
I cant take the anxiety anymore
It controls every aspect of my life
I hope that I haven't seen you for the last time.
And one last thing you are the biggest Fag I've ever met. You talk about cry-a-babies but when you saw my father you were a jealous depressed cry-a-baby!!! You clearly have identity issues. Meaning you have trouble identifying as a man. It's not my fault as soon as you see a man in uniform you shit your pussy pants. Fucking Pansy!!! Go make some ice cream you uber loser!!!!
It makes me glad that my life is not as depressing as half of the people here.
The influx of /r9k/ to this board is upsetting.
I am upset.
That is all.
>>17097577
J? M you dislike here.
I finally told him I loved him and he responded in kind. I am so happy when I am with him!
I just wish I wasn't a basket case.
You're all really really stupid.
Reality needs to slap you all the face, it's gonna happen soon.
I'm guessing a week shall suffice.
And the sooner I can get £15k together for a mortgage deposit the better.
>>17098036
>The influx of /r9k/ to this board is upsetting.
that was moots original purpose for this board, just saying.
>>17094810
Your life is a Christopher Nolan movie
Tonight, I have to go to bed, knowing that there is someone that could have easily been saved from committing suicide If I had gotten those in contact with him to call the police.
I don't know his full name. I have tried to get others who know him well to call the police for him. It has not worked, and they have gone to be only worrying about themselves and their sleep pattern.
I should have done more. But I don't know anything about him. And I don't think I ever will.
I had a chance to have a girlfriend. Fuck me. I am retarded and I don't know how to flirt. So she thought I was friendly and I became a friend.
So when I asked her out she didn't want to ruin our friendship.
I learned a valuable lesson from this one. I shouldn't give so much attention to the women I like.
It's a truly terrible thing that I'm the only one responsible for my own happiness, good for everyone else it's not their burden, but terrible for me.
I feel so lonely at night i can't help it.
I can't stop swinging between absolutely hating everything I create, thinking its derivative and or boring, and absolutely loving it and thinking people would really enjoy it.
I wish I could actually find the motivation to finish things so I could actually find out. I'll probably take everything to the grave with me out of fear/procrastination. Why am I such a fucking coward?
i have an addiction problem that has begun to metasticize from just prescription meds and alcohol to hard party drugs, and i think it's only a matter of time before i turn to opiates
i want to deal not only to earn extra cash on the side but also to fuel the adrenaline rush that comes with skirting the law - deep down, i sometimes hope that i end up on the receiving end of our horrible drug policies so that i finally have a genuine excuse to kill myself
i'm still a virgin but lie about it constantly, stating that the girl who passed out drunk in my arms went all the way with me while in reality i just left her in bed to avoid the moral agony of becoming a rapist
i fear returning to school for the third time after depression smothered two prior attempts, but i at least have an idea of what i want to do with myself; should i fail in this third attempt, i cannot see myself moving forward without some sort of divine intervention and will likely kill myself
i oscillate monthly from intoxication with the potential grandeur of life to morose, malaise lows in which all the strength i have is barely enough to prevent suicide, but i fear discussing such with anyone who can help after my last disasterous attempt at establishing a dialog regarding another mental illness
i want someone with whom i can share these things without fear of dejection but at the same time want to spare any such soul from my mass of malignant emotional tumors
i want to die so much lmao
WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO
>>17094970
go to the better school, then leave the country to avoid your debts
>>17098305
I hate to tell you this but it's not because she doesn't want to ruin the friendship. We want to be with our best friends. Its because she isn't attracted to you or doesn't see you as boyfriend material. I'm not saying this as a bad thing, not everyone is meant to be together. Find someone else, maybe she has a friend!
INITIALS? INITIALS? TELL ME THE INITIALS? SHIEEEEEEEEEET
>>17098454
About what anon?
Why are you doing this to me..? I've waited a lifetime for a women of your caliber to fall into my lap. You came and left so fast..I feel stripped of myself.
A once in a lifetime woman came into my life and we fell for each other within a week. It was all too fast for her; unfortunately it's everything I wanted.
Never even got to experience your body once girl..
>>17098320
iktf
I'm a Femanon, very straight (8-9 on Kinsey scale). I've never even kissed a girl on the mouth. Tonight I realized that I have GREAT taste in women, but horrible taste in men. I'm also more (potentially) successful with women. I meet a lot of beautiful young girls whom I like very much. And not only do they have to be beautiful (to me), but they must be stylish, intelligent, intellectually curious, have a good sense of humor and it doesn't hurt if they have great boobs or a really cute ass. I can honestly say I've met many many women who fit this description or most of it.
But I have no real desire to sleep with a woman. I like them aesthetically and sensually, but not sexually.
Still, the men I've encountered lately are a sorry bunch. There was one guy who was decently sexy but he was selfish and stupid, and he insisted on talking, which killed my boner so to speak.
I like boys and dick so much, I can't help it. But I don't get any action at all except from these people. Actually, the truth is that I've had a couple very acceptable men ask me out and I just feel nothing toward them. I seem to only be attracted to total assholes.
Fuck.
>>17097653
I need the story behind this! Literally the best thing so far on this thread.
>>17098639
If you were presented with your ideal woman and man at the same time which would you pick?
>>17097707
>>17097709
>>17097722
>>17097736
>>17097760
I STILL need more information!!! Fredo from The Godfather??? the hell? Brandy in the 90's?
I need to know more about this situation with the ashy-ass-degenerate-craigslist-living-loser ho!
Fucking third time I try nofap, today is third day I didnt fap I quit my job fuck I need girlfriend? Anyone know how to know if girl has a boyfriend?
>>17098032
"uber loser" LMAO
I don't know exactly what that means, but I love it and am stealing *yoink!*
She's everything I've ever wanted and I can have her if I want but I have a sweet innocent girlfriend I don't love I have to dump first and I cant bring myself to do it for the second time.
>>17098639
You sound like most women darling
>>17093683
Are you me anon
>>17098497
It makes sense... It's so hard to forget what I feel. We talked everyday, now not anymore, since I asked her out for a walk. She handled it pretty badly, you know, haha.
She agreed but then she changed her mind and... It sucks so much. This hurted more than a simple no.
So I find myself to be... Well, I'm not sad. But I'm unsatisfied with myself.
I'll surely find someone else. I was just thinking that maybe I could have done something differently - acting more confident, or maybe not giving so much attention to her, I don't know.
I was thinking if I can do something about this. If I can change her mind.
But I don't know if it is determination anymore.
>>17098701
The longer you wait the more it'll eat at you. If you really want to let the current girl go and you truly care about her; do it now. Don't keep her around when you know she could be off finding true happiness. Which is what you want right?
At my job I glanced upon a literal 10/10 woman that made me unusually nervous to even say hello or introduce myself. Felt like a movie. Fast forward a couple of days; she added me on Facebook and even ended up messaging me first. She saw I was interested in basketball and whatnot. We talked all night. We liked the same sport, team; had the same ideas,goals, morals etc. It was too good to be true, and I knew it. We linked up and played ball. Everything turned very flirtatious from here on out. She told me the way I talked to her was making her fall as it was. She said I had her smiling at her phone night and day. She liked to talk about us in the future tense a lot I noticed too. All positive signs.
I took her out to the sunset. We held hands. We kissed. I thought I had it in the bag.
The next morning I woke up to the dreaded friendzone text. She explained she'd been single for so long and the fact we moved this quick within 5 days was all too much for her to handle. She said it gave her anxiety thinking about truly being together with someone again.
She wanted to remain friends etc; simply wasn't an option for me. Too compatible. Since then our conversations have dwindled slowly to nothing. It was too night and day to me. Why did she put so much effort into everything just to have a change of heart at the last second..?
>>17098670
Being a total fucking hetero-faggot, I'd chose the man. However, the man need to be rich. Like, for a real relationship. With the woman don't matter.
>>17098723
Yeah it is, but as much of a faggot as it makes me sound: its haaaaaaaaaaaaaaard
>>17098720
Don't fret about it. Give her space and be her friend. Of it is meant to be it will be. Please don't get stuck in her.
>>17098735
I completely understand man. It's one of those situations where you know 100% exactly what needs to be done but the steps are near impossible to complete mentally
>>17098735
It will just get harder as time goes by. Its truth
>>17098734
A man has to be rich for you but not a woman? I'm confused
