my first serious long term relationship ever.
>a month ago the girl i've known and been dating for a year confessed to me she had slept with my best friend 4 times in the past three weeks leading up to that.
>she claims i was emotionally distant, in-affectionate towards her, we were fighting, and figured feared I was going to break up with her.
>she acknowledges and stresses that this is no excuse. claims she was weak, vulnerable and caught up.
>childhood friend claimed he too was vulnerable. he was coming out of crippling break up and found solace in me and her who supported him
>fought him. he's out of the picture. tell her to cut ties with him for now that i'm figuring shit out. i'm an erratic wreck.
>at first claims it's controlling but agrees
>her mom finds out. sides with me
>the past month has been a roller coaster of tension and emotions but have leveled out.
>she begs for me to stay. saying she wants to start over and is willing to deal with any shit from my end.
>i've been cold and distant from her, showing little signs of intimacy
>i tried cutting her off completely the first 3 days after she confessed but realized that it didn't feel right and was too hurtful for me as well. realize despite this shit, it wasn't easy to just cut her out
>i've been seeing her every now and then since and have even let her sleep at my place a couple nights when she's been in a bad place.
>>17093546
>>17093546
fast forward to today
>i officially broke up with her two weeks ago and had sex with a girl from class three days later. it wasn't right but i was trying to move on the only way i knew how. wasn't done out of spite..
>she finds out, goes beserk, but accepts it and says she'll live with it. she still is shitty and indignant about it from time to time ironically though. she judges me and the girl's art/character/physicality and is threatening to message her but i don't think she will.
>sleeping/seeing other people feels too rushed so i take it easy
>she keeps popping around. we both go to the same school/live in the same area
>she says she has realized in this time i am her true love, is willing to marry me, etc....
>she is suicidal -walked other night and tried killing herself by eating klonopin but stopped her
i still love her. to say i don't at all is a straight up lie. I've never loved anybody as much as i love this person. we were domestic
however, i resent the shit out of her. i'll have mood swings around her when we hang out and be distant/cold towards her. she claims she is willing to put up with this as long as it takes as she feels we'll eventually get better... i don't know what i want.
i feel hurt, cheap, humiliated, angry, depressed, hopeful, etc . a mixture/cycle of emotions every time shes in the picture.
for now i'm choosing to be gray area friends-monogamous with her while i figure/ground my shit out
i don't know what to do in the long term
her for advice because i just don't know
any one give their cheating partner a second chance?
she is remorseful and torn and not good. i can tell she is sincere but it's bullshit.
don't know.
>>17093546
get out now OP. You stay and it will only prolong your misery
why the fuck would you stay??? i swear "love" blinds people much more than anger
>>17093570
this person has forced themselves in my life in the past month. like I said i still have feelings for her ultimately. they're different from what they used to be but i do. despite all of my anger and resentment towards her, even hate yes, I still can't stay away.. I want to pick up and move but I'm a post college grad and need to save money.
i need to get away.
>>17093604
Just because you have feelings for someone doesn't mean you should be together. You think the feelings are just supposed to go away if you're being treated like shit? Doesn't work like that. It's supposed to hurt.
Once you dump someone you're not supposed to keep talking to them like a friend. You're not friends and it's SUPPOSED to hurt.
>>17093604
>>17093570
>>17093609
>>17093558
>>17093604
i'll try to leave but she always manages to force herself back in.
yeah it sucks, I cut her a straight week after I officially broke up w/ her but a week and a half later we were hanging out again.
she says she knows I still love her and is kinda manipulative in that sense
shit is fucked, I don't know
>>17093546
First thread I saw about relationships, but I've got a question.
>many years ago
>first serious relationship
>lost virginity to this girl
>she slowly starts becoming abusive
>i probably got clingy and jealous too, which didn't help
>eventually cheats on me with guy, then on him with another one
>all cheating happened after the two year mark in both our relationships
>depressed and anxious constantly because of the break-up
>eventually turn myself around, start bodybuilding and lose 100+lbs
Why can't I get her off my mind, /adv/? I don't even think about her obsessively like I used to, but it's just like, whenever I see her pop-up or even mentioned, my mind just gets real quippy if that makes sense? I just get really snide in my head, but then I just pull myself out of that thought and continue on with my happy life. Is there a point where you just stop thinking about them or what?
>>17093632
dealt with something similar
dude time is just gonna have to do the work for you. eventually you'll get involved with someone and then involved with someone worthwhile seriously after. next thing you know, you'll look at the toll time has had on the person you still have feelings about. either, most likely, they'll be a person that is significantly different than the person you were once into or you'll still have some feelings for them. if the latter, then you have to reevaluate what you want/the person.
>>17093632
>first serious relationship
>Why can't I get her off my mind, /adv/?
grow up
>>17093546
Hey OP, I know the feel. The thing you need to realize is that no matter what, no matter what she says, or what she does, you will never have the same relationship you once had. It's been spoiled due to her stupidity. You will not be happy with her again. Maybe sometimes you can forget about it for an hour or two and enjoy your time with her again, but you will never trust her again. Make this easier on yourself. Cut ties. Go no contact. Distract yourself with the other girl if needed but be up front and honest with her about not being in a position to start a serious relationship. God speed OP.
>>17093632
Ehh dude, you just need a distraction. Go find another girl and focus on her. It's been enough time, you just need other avenues to explore.
>>17093632
>>17093644 here
wait missed the many years ago..
dude. distract yourself, relocate, start new circles, take a risk and get a job you're actually interested in regardless the pay
>>17093656
op here
yeah, this is what i'm figuring.
god fucking dammit this sucks
also this girl did message the girl I was talking to. she is weirded out and texted me she is not trying to get caught up in any ex bs. she knew my situation, we had talked about it obviously, I am not one to be shady or self serving like that. I guess this just did it..... lol fuck
>>17093644
>>17093667
Time has been real good to me, because I'm not thinking about her constantly or even daily. I have no interest in her any more, and the most I would like to do is say some shit to her that would probably not be relevant to who she is now. I've tried with other girls, but people tend to be better at woo-ing them than I am. I'm just kind of off in my own world constantly, which is hard for someone to really get down with.
>>17093678
I'm two states away with mostly new friends and a job that guarantees relatively good pay. She just finds a way to pop-up, and it's probably because the cheating and my pussy moralfag nature at the time got in the way of me being actually angry and saying what I thought at the time. She's initiated conversation with me a few times since then, ranging from apologies and wishing me well, to saying that I'm a liar and a shit person.
>>17093654
Thanks anon, you really gave me some sound /adv/ice. I mean serious as in lasting almost half a decade, compared to one year bullshit, you fuck.
>>17093693
Aye, sorry that you gotta deal with this shit, but glad your going with my advice. It's good you mentioned that to the new girl so it didnt broadside her. I would just apologize to the new chick that she did that and say that she'll hopefully calm the fuck down as your going no contact.
>>17093711
yeah she blocked me?
sent her a long apology on snap that she saw, awaiting response
>>17093727
ehh that sucks. even more of a reason to go no contact with the ex, she will cockblock you every chance she can it seems. better she knows nothing about you and what you are doing.
>>17093727
>>17093740
lol leave bruhhh
>>17093693
hang in there op
>>17093554
that's rough man, in most situations I'd say don;t forgive her and cut ties. But this seems like a very different situation and she seems sincere and It's not deffinate that the relationship will be the sign. there is no clear answer here. but if you do decide to stay don't become distant just be kind and caring. seeing as her cheating was because she wanted emotional solace with someone else it's a bit more complex than if it were purely sexual
>>17094388
fuck this. she slept with his best friend multiple times over multiple weeks. this isnt some one time shit. This was calculated and intentional. Not some ohh shit we got drunk and it just happend, im so sorry! What happend to OP is is unforgivable. He needs to get far away from this chick that clearly will fuck anyone when she feels emotionally deprived.
she ruined the relationship when she cheated on you ditch the scummy bitch
don't let her try to convince you that you made her cheat because that's just plain bullshit. also to think that having an agreement to not see the guy she cheated on you with is controlling, even for a fucking minute, is a huge red flag, to me it makes me think she has a warped perception of what she is entitled to.
>>17094529
This
>>17093546
Fuck and chuck OP
