Her behavior is inappropriate. Everything is always 'innocent' until it isn't. If it really were no big deal to her, she'd not get defensive and wouldn't have a problem cutting him out.

Welcome to the failed marriage club. It hurts at first, but you'll be glad to be free later. I'll buy you your first drink when you show up to the meeting.

>>17092609
I appreciate the input, I really do. I love this girl but its like she lacks any empathy for my point of view. I am just dumbfounded as to how she thinks that this ISN'T a problem

>>17092597
To be brutally honest. Your wife is fucking him for years. They probably even fucked when you were engaged. Save money for a good lawyer because you will need a fucking divorce. Never ever let your girl be 'friends' with someone she already had sexual relations with.

>Save money for a good lawyer because you will need a fucking divorce.

If they have no kids and no serious finances they don't need to pay much.

I got my first divorce for like less than a hundred I believe. We walked into a government building, signed the paperwork and bickity-bam over.

Keep yo hoe in check nigga. Tell her some real shit like why would she insist on texting and skyping a dude who took her card from her on the regs? He's probably fuckin her in the low b..
Either do what I said or suffer for the rest of your days. Just be happy you didn't have kids.

>>17092621
>>17092618
>>17092616
I would believe that she had been fucking him for years but he lives in Connecticut and we are in Virginia. She moved here with me when we first started dating out of college. She has had a lot of BPD and Bi polar problems and I made the fatal mistake of being the white knight to her, getting nothing but heartbreak in return. She seems pissed that I am actually standing up for myself about this, but when she's in one of her episodes she yells at me that I'm not man enough. Fuck I can't win.

I really wish that Mike would die in a motorcycle crash so I can just comfort my wife and inwardly cheer about his death. Last time we went to visit her family in CT she wanted to see him, and I said no. She didn't fight it and I thought that would be the end of it.

>>17092597
No advice for ya bro, sorry.
My missus would never do that shit.

>>17092635

There is a problem with her. If you know she is still friends with the dude who took her virginity then whatever, but there is no excuse for her to be lying to you about texting him. She made a choice between her relationship with him and her honesty to you and she chose him. That says a lot for me. I would leave a girl for that but I would have made sure she knew I wasn't fucking around either. I've made clear over time to my wife that there are certain things I would leave her for and she believes me and has never done them. I tell her if she gets away with them and I don't find out cool, then I don't give a fuck. If it ends up affecting me though, then I'm fucking OUT. I wish I would find out she did some shit so I could leave her. She's an adult. She's not a kid, she knows the difference between right and wrong (or should). There are things about her that I deal with and up with but I know to myself that they're not worth splitting up over. Her texting some dude I told her not to text is a reason to break up.

>>17092635
Step up woman! Take action! WTF "I hope that the situation resolves itself without my having to do a thing" is this pussy speak?

Fuck you! Grow some balls!

>>17092658
My other inclination was to drive up to CT to go kick his ass but I would think that would make me a pussy for not getting her to end it. So do I drop her, keep fighting with her to end it, or go kick this guys ass all over New England?

>>17092635
Holy shit. Telling you you're not man enough for standing up for yourself and asking normal things that should be addressed in a relationship ship? Just the fact that she's telling you "You're not man enough" should say something g..
Why tf would she want to see him in the first place knowing that she's married to you and that she's had some history with that dude? I'm telling you b, you gotta keep her in check or get out of this shit before it's too late for you. Damn the BPD, I feel like she's a trifling ass hoe to say the least

>>17092670

Seriously bro, and I'm not even fucking joking. If you are going to do it please continue this thread and start new ones continuously if need be posting pics of your drive and shit and also take the time to livestream it and put the link exclusively here on 4chan so we can see you get arrested, or whoop the shit out of him, or get beat up whatever. It's not like you wouldn't get caught by the cops if they looked for you anyways.

>>17092597
Tell your lady friend either Mike is out of the picture or you are. Maybe you should start making friend girls, see if her bipolar ass likes that one lol

>>17092682
Thats a concern for me, its probably not smart to post about kicking his ass because court evidence and other such shit
>>17092686
And I appreciate it, she would absolutely not be ok with me talking to other women, shes incredibly jealous over the simplest shit like merely mentioning that I talked to a female classmate about an assigned group project (grad school)

>>17092614
You're dating a psycho. You said it yourself, she has no empathy, she can't love you. She fills her vacuitous soul with different dramatic emotions. Your marriage created stability so she had to do something to kick up some drama

>>17092711

If you kick his ass they're going to find out WITHOUT video evidence dude. They'll notice your cell phone wasn't pinging your typical routes, nobody witnessed you at home that week especially at work. Your car will be en route there or the mileage hasn't increased because you weren't using it. They'll get your plates by toll booths. If you rent a car they'll have the debit card transaction. If you pay cash they'll still find out. Just post a link please.

She just goes on and on about all that shes done for me moving down here apparently away from her "friends and family" but shes always had a shit relationship with her parents and the only "friend" she still has up there is this cumstain. So what the fuck? She did me such a huge favor moving down here and marrying me. Like it shouldn't be something that she would do for herself and us, she just did it for me, which is bullshit because yesterday I was fucking dying of foodpoisoning and she wouldn't even get me a damn glass of water from the kitchen, refused to get dinner (I had to) and whined until I rubbed her feet. Like fuck, I'm sick and this is all I get?

I'm at work now, and yesterday they were texting back and forth and I admit it I looked at her text messages because its been a week since I know they texted the last time and she still hasn't told me about it.

Transparency my ass.

Apparently they are skyping while I am at work, right now.

>>17092723
So I'm fucked no matter what I do in regards to beating this guy to a bloody pulp? It might be worth the jail time in exchange for my back bone. If it helps paint a picture this guy is a fucking scumbag, got kicked out of the National Guard for stealing a humvee and trying to flee to Canada. He's a fucking leach on society and constantly depressed and suicidal and self destructive and she still wants to talk to him.

He says that he is the only one that understands her crazy. I call bullshit because I have been loyally by he side since day 1 helping her with he problems, taking off work for her panic attacks, taking her to the psychiatrist and being VERY involved in helping her. I feel like I just can't anymore when after all I do, I'm still terrible and he's the only one that "understands" her

>>17092753

This post says it all. You're with the wrong girl and your girl should be with him.

You're too blinded by your emotions to see that. The smartest compromise would be at this point to ask your girl for what she wants and let her know she can tell you ANYTHING so you can see out of all this shit going on how you want to handle it and make the next move. If she says she wants to fuck him and be with him let her go. If she says she wants to text him and that's IT then let her do that but let her know you have to monitor certain things because she already lied to you once. Either way come up with an exit path. You decide what's the next thing to happen that will make you say "that's it" and follow through. If she breaks a promise to quit calling him then she left you not the other way around. That's how I see it.

You will grow up one day and realize that you can't beat the shit out of everybody who pisses you off. Sure you could and I know you could but that should be enough to stop you from doing it. Don't prove it to yourself. It's not worth your time.

>>17092597
>I talked about marriage counselling but she just gets defensive and yells at me about my insecurity.

Man, that's fucked up. Reminds me of the movie "The Informant" where Matt Damon is a pathological liar, and every time someone gets close to questioning him on it he flares up and starts yelling defensively and shuts them down.

Anyhoo, dude, you're beyond reasonable to the point where you're being a huge pussy to accommodate your wife. It's extremely reasonable for you to ask her to break off regular contact with people she's had close emotional AND sexual relationships with in the past, because humans don't/can't just turn that shit off and pretend it didn't happen. If I started corresponding with my former lays I'd expect my wife to feel betrayed/pissed.

Ya need to sprout some nuts and stop talking about counselling and demand it.

>>17092736
>She just goes on and on about all that shes done for me moving down here apparently away from her "friends and family" but shes always had a shit relationship with her parents and the only "friend" she still has up there is this cumstain. So what the fuck? She did me such a huge favor moving down here and marrying me. Like it shouldn't be something that she would do for herself and us, she just did it for me, which is bullshit because yesterday I was fucking dying of foodpoisoning and she wouldn't even get me a damn glass of water from the kitchen, refused to get dinner (I had to) and whined until I rubbed her feet. Like fuck, I'm sick and this is all I get?
>I'm at work now, and yesterday they were texting back and forth and I admit it I looked at her text messages because its been a week since I know they texted the last time and she still hasn't told me about it.
>Transparency my ass.
>Apparently they are skyping while I am at work, right now.


Dude, either you're one of those regular cuckfags who make up bullshit to jerk off, or this is pathetic, or both. This is fucking retarded. I don't even.

>I
>don't
>even

>>17092812
Thanks for the tough love anons I just put so much damn time and energy into this marriage trying to make it work, getting really close to what little family she is close to and bringing her 100% into mine, but here I am, crying and dying inside. I appreciate the Man-Up speech because that is really what I need.

So my take away is that I am pathetic and my wife is trash and those are both of the things that I secretly feared were true, but I never wanted to consciously admit it.

>>17092842

If this is the only serious issue then give her another shot. Nothing wrong with that. Just know to yourself that it will be the last shot you give her. I always refer to that Offspring song "self-esteem" where he says "the more you suffer, the more it shows you really care". Put yourself through one more risk at ruin. Tell her she gets one more shot. If she breaks it (plan on her breaking it) then walk away knowing at least that she did it to herself and not just you dumping her without a fair opportunity.

>>17092855
Thats more or less where I'm at now, emotions aside. I really want to go to counseling because I think it would maybe help to get a perspective that wasn't from me (god knows shes been getting Mike's opinions on shit) but she goes to counseling already for the bipolar and refuses to bring it up with her therpist because "it shouldn't be a big deal and you shouldn't try to control who I am friends with".

I agree with that, and I am fine with her other male friends, but to reasons that seem pretty damn obvious to me, I don't want this guy around and how the fuck does she not see why I don't like their relationship? How do I get her to see my perspective? Is it a lost cause?

she yells at you that you're not man enough because you are indeed not man enough.

Im 22 and I swear im 10x more man that you'll ever be you cucklord.

you think im wrong? go and talk to her like man would then. tell her who's alpha, and tell her what you want. she will either do that or you can kick her out of house like a man would.
"but mi luv dis gurl" - then continue being a cuck and dont ever talk about manhood.

>>17092871

Well, if you love her you can accept her for who she is if you don't mind what she does. Not bullshitting either. I always "when I'm drunk" listen to that song by Hootie and the Blowfish let her cry. I think to myself how much crap I have put my wife through and I am getting better and better but I always know that people have to sacrifice for things. I sometimes think to myself my wife might possibly be cheating on me but I say "whatever". I don't have enough evidence and if it is true that she FUCKS HIM (you said yourself you're sure she's not fucking) then I"m done. I would let them chat and shit knowing I myself and a pretty shitty husband. Point is that I don't mind having a less than perfect woman and truth be told hardships are what build memories and characters. What are you going to do when you leave her? There are no perfect women. That you can be sure of. You will sacrifice her bad qualities for some other bad qualities carried by your next girlfriend. Think this through harder than up til now. You're getting there but don't come to a conclusion yet because we still don't know all the details so it's impossible for us to advice you on what to do.

>>17092871
>How do I get her to see my perspective? Is it a lost cause?


Let me tell you what I gradually realized about relationships.

I like to fuck my wife.
She likes dates.

I don't get what's so great about dates.
She doesn't get why I like fucking so much (she likes it, just nowhere near as much as me).

In a healthy relationship you figure out the things that are meaningful to the other person, and you do those things for that reason, whether or not they are meaningful to you, because ideally you want them to be happy.

If your partner is only really into accommodating your shit if it happens to be her shit too, then
>she's selfish

>>17092894
Thats an excellent point. You guys really don't know her and you're only getting my perspective. I really don't think I'm being the asshole here, but I think someone once said that you can't decide if you're being an asshole or not, thats for other people to decide.

I didn't think that we had vastly different ideas about monogamy, and for the most part we don't, but she has a blind spot for this guy. So do I just suck it up and accept it? I mean I won cause I get to sleep with her on a regular basis right guys? And I'm worried about nothing right?

Oh, and she cheated on her last fiance when he went to join the army. So theres that.

I don't know guys, I feel like I'm writing a damn blog here, I just feel that no matter which path I choose, either through pushing this issue with her or letting it happen I am fucking up my life and marriage either way

Fuck

>>17092909

Bro, haven't you gotten the memo? marriages are fucked NO MATTER WHAT. Beyonce and Jay-z this, commonfolk getting divorced after 32 years of marriage. My parents got divorced after 16 years of marriage. They're broken from the getgo which is why I personally don't see the point of marriages anymore. I got married AGAIN to please my second girl. I told her straight up I don't give a fuck what the paper says, I'm leaving you if you fuck shit up. We might legally still be married but i'll be damned if I stay with her.

Learning takes time and patience. This is a blog of use if you accept input. You have a lot to learn and /adv/ can help give you that. We actually care. I go to a psychologist and she makes people pay. I don't pay because I'm ex-military so I go free but it's almost impossible to find people that care who will trade that information for free. Keep it up and seek advice from those who care to give it because nowadays the world is full of people that hold the idea "knowledge is money" and not "knowledge is power".

>>17092903
>she's selfish

It really seems that way

>>17092931
I was a hopeless romantic at heart that believed in soul mates and life long marriage and all that, fucking Disney. We are just two adults trying to live life

>>17092943

Sometimes it turns out like that, but if it does it's because you happened to be the pair to match. It's like lotto though. You can't say the winner until after you win. You only get the honor of saying your'e partners 'til the end if you actually are partners until the end. My grandparents are that way but keep in mind decades ago religion had influence. I personally think people stayed married longer/forever long ago because society would burn them at the stake (metaphorically speaking) if they divorced and not because people actually loved each other.