i feel like i'm not bringing NEARLY enough to the table to justify my bf's enthusiasm over me. am i just insecure af or does this sound fishy to you too?
>single mom, chubby/borderline fat, average to low income
he on the other side is
>just getting his degree, makes very good money, is /fit/ as fuck, most selfless and caring guy i have ever come across
i can't relax. i always think that this must be some sort of really mean joke or that it's all just a huge misundertanding.
He's definitely a sucker, hold onto him tight and never let go.
>>17092142
>hold onto him tight and never let go
that's what i plan to do. but then again i feel like he could do so much better and feel guilty...
>>17092134
maybe he just sees more in you than you see in yourself?
Add "low self esteem" to your self-description.
Seriously, the fact that you only listed negative qualities for yourself and only positive ones for him is telling (Also, he might see chubby as a plus, even if you don't). He obviously sees something in you that he likes, else he wouldn't be with you.
>>17092134
>>17092144
Don't look a gift horse in the mouth, fatty.
Someone gives you some good shit you don't bitch about where it came from, you ride the gravy train until it kicks you off.
Enjoy the shit and stop ruining it with your over analyzation. People bat out of their league all of the time. An insecure poor fat girl with a kid is ten times worse than a regular poor fat girl with a kid.
Don't make this more complicated than it has to be.
>>17092156
>Add "low self esteem" to your self-description
i'm aware.
i can see that there are some qualities that he might value in me. (i'm loyal, we have a lot in common, i'm not high maintainance at all, i'm attentive and caring,...)
but it just doesn't seem enough to counterweight the obvious flaws...
You know what possible traits the guy sees in you?
>maturity/worldliness and a relaxed, non-competitive attitude
>by not dating within his educational/professional circles, he's not muddying his own waters and complicating his future
>a stable, self-sufficient lifestyle. I assume most girls his age are probably still living off daddy's trust fund money or working too much to give emotional commitment. Despite your average to low income, you consistently make ends meet and you are also there for him at the hours he needs you to be.
>You're already a mother, he doesn't have to deal with bullshit everyone-has-a-rock-why-won't-you-propose or some biological clock business or the need to commit to anything past just continuing to be there for you.
I'm also not going to discount this:
>easy stepping stone for Fisher-Price Babby's First Pussy-Slaying, since society has this idea that single moms are eager to please, can be treated however they like in bed and disposable
> Your boyfriend is an ugly duckling who completed his transformation some months prior to meeting you and has his own insecurities and neuroses.
>>17092159
>until it kicks you off
yeah, that's my fear. i'm not making decisions just for myself. if i was, i'd go with that mentality too.
i try to not overanalie. but it's hard. maybe i just spent too much time on 4chan, where "single mom" is about the biggest red flag in existence and can't be balanced out with anything.
>>17092172
>I assume most girls his age are probably still living off daddy's trust fund money or working too much to give emotional commitment
that makes a lot of sense.
also, i strongly lean to the side of this being true:
> Your boyfriend is an ugly duckling who completed his transformation some months prior to meeting you and has his own insecurities and neuroses.
he was a hungry skeleton in school with "nerdy" interests. he has had gf's in the past, so he wasn't a true KV. but he has mentioned a few times that he would have NEVER thought he has a "chance with me"... wtf
>>17092179
That's partly why single moms are considered a red flag.
Nevermind the kid, what the heck happened to the dad? The single mom is almost always still pinning over the old flame that knocked her up, so not only are you competing with a kid, you're competing with an ex that pulled a home run and you're just sloppy seconds.
That guy probably has just as many self-esteem issues that you do, what a great fit.
>>17092174
>Spend too much time on 4chan
Jesus. Look, spend as much time here as you want, but don't take any fucking thing anyone says here to heart. This place is a cesspool.
>>17092197
>what the heck happened to the dad?
i dated him for half a year when i got pregnant. he had plans to move back to his country before we met and i knew that. when i got pregnant, he offered to stay. but i knew he was fucking unhappy and wanted to go home. it would have ended with him going back a few years later. i figured it was better for the baby to not get attached if he'll move away some day anyways. so he went back and i got the kid on my own. i have very little contact. sending a mail with a few pics once a year. he sends a gift on my sons bday, but that's about it. there is no drama and no hard feelings. i also talk very honestly and open about any questions my bf has, concerning my son's biological dad.
so far, the only "issues" my bf seems to have is that he is a bit awkward at times. i don't think we are a "clusterfuck of issues", but i might be biased
>>17092199
well, i have to agree that the decisions i made that lead to me being a single mom DO point out issues i HAVE. it's not just a hatefull meme. but i think i might overestimate the impact this has irl
>>17092197
>The single mom is almost always still pinning over the old flame that knocked her up, so not only are you competing with a kid, you're competing with an ex that pulled a home run and you're just sloppy seconds.
I get that this is not necessarily your own views and you are making a blunt point out of various generalised views of single mothers, but I find this logic incredibly infantile in that the whole thing always implies there is nothing wrong with the deadbeat dad (so a woman can't leave her abusive partner lest some internet virgin thinks she is "sloppy seconds") and plays into the greater
>it's always the fault of the wimmenz
trope that plagues the average internet male opinion.
>>17092207
Yep, imagine how your bf feels, that the ex is probably ready to drop any day now to sweep you away...that's probably why he feels so anxious.
definitely not my cup of tea, that.
>captcha; tea
>>17092239
OP's talking about her own anxiety, not her boyfriend's. Can you please stop gaslighting her.
>ready to drop any day now
He's in another bloody country
>to sweep you away
The two of them mutually decided marriage and coparenting were impossible, I doubt this guy has come up with any gamechangers now.
>>17092238
>it's always the fault of the wimmenz
Let me just begin by making a few statements in my defense:
-Women can have abortions.
-Women should use protection when they don't want to have children.
-Women should have children with a man who is ready to become a father and support her, not someone who is about to leaving the effing country.
So no, it's not always the woman's fault...but god damn do they hold the majority of the cards when it comes to their responsibility.
>>17092239
>ready to drop any day now to sweep you away
kek no. he's now married with a kid of his own. and even in the highly unlikely case that would happen, i would not be interested in him in any way
>>17092241
I'm not saying it's gonna happen, I'm just explaining why the bf might be an anxious mess who considers himself lucky.
If he really had self-confidence, he'd know the OP is far from a great catch, no offense OP.
>>17092247
OP here, and this anon is absoloutely right. see >>17092212
that's why i'm so unsure about all this. i never tried to find an exuse for why i'm a single mom (boohoo, men are assholes, "i don't know how that happened" and shit). i fucked up atleast trice in a row for a fact (wrong guy, not using good enough birthcontrole, keeping the baby)
>>17092239
The ex left to whatever sand pebble he's from. He obviously didn't give a fuck about her - otherwise he would have stayed no matter what and been an actual father to his son.
She's with a cool guy now, and this thread is her asking why he likes her/how to keep him. The answer is: he likes you because he likes you, and just keep doing whatever it is you've been doing from the beginning in order to keep him.
>>17092256
i hope you're very right, anon... i really hope so
>>17092134
>this must be some sort of really mean joke
Yes, he goes through all this to post ebin greentext on /fit/. There's specific thread there where you might even find your story.
>>17092274
>those are the only girls /fit/ can get
>>17092247
>Women can have abortions.
Abortions are not trips to the day spa where you call them up 2 hrs ahead for a spot. Depending on where you are, abortions are illegal, inaccessible, or entire planetary alignments must shift in your favour for a window of opportunity. Saying "women can have abortions" are pretty much on par with saying "you can falcon punch your pregnant partner into a miscarriage". It's a ridiculously farfetched statement.
>Women should use protection when they don't want to have children.
So should men. Do you know how fucking easy a condom is as opposed to a hormonal control medication that you have to take daily for 2 weeks to take effect, provided you don't even take over the counter cold medication in between?
>Women should have children with a man who is ready to become a father and support her, not someone who is about to leaving the effing country.
How the fuck would anyone know that about anyone else? Men should stick their dick in a woman they are willing to spend the next two decades with. Guess what is not happening here.
>So no, it's not always the woman's fault...but god damn do they hold the majority of the cards when it comes to their responsibility.
All these cards, the men hold just as much. He stuck it in her because he liked it and he thought he could get away with the odds. This isn't some bullshit entrapment game where she pierced his condom and shredded his passport. Regardless of what personal hangups and issues OP may lead herself into believing it's her fault, that kid's genes are proof that it took 2 people with equal blame.
>>17092287
>took 2 people
agree 100%
>with equal blame.
disagree 100%
anyway, im not gonna debate this further because i dont want to shit up OP's thread, any arguments we will make will be subjective at best.
Good luck with your man OP, treat him good and he'll be yours for a long time. Everyone has red flags more or less, the best you can do is make sure you keep your winning features and improve on other areas and your other issues will ultimately be irrelevant, maybe start working out with him?
>>17092286
well judging from the reaction in that image clearly the opposite is true.
>>17092274
oh my god...
kek
well, he only fucked her once. nobody will find out. i think it's a bit different with my bf and me. also, i'm not THAT fat. around pic related i'd say. but that guy in the pics is about the /fit/ level my bf is at. maybe he's a bit bigger even.
>>17092293
>maybe start working out with him?
i do work out. but obviously, i can't keep up with him.
You must have something good that you don't realize about. Besides, keep in mind he may not hold as high standards as you do. Reality works in a way in which depending of your situation you might be really thankful for having food on your plate so you can survive, or real bitchy and pissy about not having your favorite color of iPhone bought by your parents.
Be thankful and stop thinking about it.
>>17092328
sure, i might have other priorities than other girls my age. but they can't all be THAT shallow and self-centered.
>>17092332
No, not all, but enough. Goes both ways too. Basically it has come to the point where some people are getting mighty greedy.
But in any case, if you feel bad about it you could just do better from time to time. The response to "I'm not being as good" is going to be "get good, then". You can feel you're not bringing enough to the table, but that can get in the way of actually bringing something, so try to do it. You don't need to get a better income, you don't need to stop being a single mom (I actually don't know how you would go around doing that) and you don't need to lose weight (though keep in mind being healthy is objectively better than not being healthy). Just go and do something nice for him from time to time. Remind him that both of you are human beings.
It's time to stop over thinking OP.
My partner is a single mother who's a bit chubby. Idgaf. She's real, amazing and perfect to me.
>>17092366
thanks for giving me hope, anon.
this thread was rather uplifting.
>>17092134
Don't worry anon, this board is literally full of fat single moms and their relationships seem fine seeing that they are offering relationship advice and all.
