Sometimes I wonder if there really is anyone for me out there.
I'm honestly not all that interesting. Kinda a blank slate, I kinda spend most of my free time sitting around the house playing games or listening to music. Most new people I meet think I'm really boring because I don't really have much to talk about. I've tried picking up new hobbies but I've been very hard pressed to find new things that interest me (plus I'm really really bad at teaching myself new things).
On top of that, I'm not the easiest person to put up with either, whoever ends up with me is going to require a lot of patience. In relationships I tend to need constant reassurance that I'm not doing anything upsetting or hurtful, I can be pretty neglectful without even realizing it, I'm really selfish and needy too. I've tried working on all this, but I can never actually make myself better.
I honestly feel like an extremely boring trainwreck some days. I recognize that I'm exaggerating a little bit, but lately I just haven't been able to get these thoughts and worries out of my head.
p.s. I'm only 20, so I know this whole "searching for a soulmate" mindset is a little silly, I've just been in a really shitty place emotionally lately and shit like this is all I've been able to think about lately for some reason.
You can be my gf I suppose
>>17089515
I'm a guy tho, thanks for the offer I guess
OK, look, OP, get over yourself.
If you've got a shitty self-image, you need to do something that you can be proud of. I'd suggest doing that through work or a hobby, and mastering it.
If you're going to float through life, and it sounds like you are, so far, you're not going to get shit, because you haven't earned it.
... and i know that you totally understand. You're obviously not an idiot. But you ARE going to have to get up off your ass and make some sort of changes, perhaps starting with not opening up by listing exactly why you can't make positive changes in your own life, and seeing why and where you can do so.
I'm not a fucking motivational speaker, OP. I'm a ship's captain, so I currently have 21 male children ranging from a 78-year old Filipino to a 19-year old black kid from Detroit who grew up in group homes and has spent more time behind bars than the rest of us combined.
People CAN make changes. the kid I'm talking about will make a great engineer if he stays with us for a few years. He's got the gift.
... thing is, you won't know where your passion or where your gifts lie without seeking them out. Doing what you are doing obviously isn't working for you. Why continue? "Because it's easy' is a cunty answer, and not really workable over a long enough timeline. Eventually you're going to have to make changes anyhow, and the results will be better if you do so voluntarily, ahead of time.
Go do something today you don't normally do. Go for a walk, go clean something, or buy something you have to build. Go experiment. Walk into a bar with a book and sit down, have a beer and read your book at the bar. It's not scary, and it's not rocket science. Just get off your ass, and try to move, and try to do things you haven't done before. You'll learn more about who you are and who you aren't, and that's never a bad thing.
YOU have value, just by being. You can enhance that value by being interesting and happy.
>>17089530
Literally screen capping this for whenever I'm feeling down, this is great.
Too be fair, I'm not exactly doing nothing with my life. I just finished my first year of college, in for programming. I could talk about that with girls but really the only girls who think it's cool that I'm into programming is other girls taking programming (There's like 8, pretty sure half of them are lesbians and the rest are taken, shame too, one of them's a super qt).
I do have a shitty self-image, and I have friends that have been dealing with social anxiety for almost their whole lives who are almost certain I'm struggling with it too.
I think I'm gonna take a walk up to a coffee shop somewhere and read for a little bit now, see what happens. I wanna say it's been a solid year or so since I've actually picked up a book so it should be a nice change of pace.
Unfortunately I live in a smallish town where pretty much everyone my age already knows me, but I guess picking up women can't be my motivation behind everything now can it.
>>17089565
OP, you don't have to be just one thing. You can hang your hat on your job title, and that will help for a while as you seek to find where you fit in and a title for who you are- you're working towards a goal, as a student, which is positive, and I know from experience, not super-rewarding. You don't have to be just one thing, just a programmer. I'm not just a professional mariner. I learned how to build boats and grow orchids, make wine and be a decent husband and father- mostly by accident on all those things, but that doesn't negate their value to me as a person.
I mentioned the beer at a bar thing for a reason. I was very shy and anxious and nerdy as an undergrad, and commuted from my parents' house to university, and meeting people outside of work and school wasn't easy. So, I started taking a good book, one of the classics, to bars during the week, in the evenings, and having 2-3 beers, and read my book. Rarely did I get more than 5-10 pages in before someone would wander over and ask about what I was reading. I met some great people that way, had some adventures. Stepping outside your comfort zone comes with rewards, OP.
OP here again, with a new, kinda relevant question.
The biggest issue for me when it comes to women (hell, people in general) is the approach. Bringing myself to say hi to someone new always terrifies me and just feels really intrusive, and I'm terrible at making awkward introductory small talk turn into an actual conversation.
Can anyone think of any ways I can deal with this? I'll be at a bar/party with my friends and they'll be trying to encourage me to go talk to people but I can rarely ever bring myself to actually do anything
I'm a social mess, holy fuck.
>>17089621
I'm really not much of a drinker (I hate how most alcohol tastes, can really only stomach "girly" drinks). I only really brought up the coffee shop thing instead because I just like coffee more.
It just kinda occurred to me I could just drive to the next town over and grab some coffee there. It's only a 15 minute drive and I don't know very many people who live there.
>>17089505
nothing is wrong with being needy, if your girlfriend doesnt want to message you tell them to go fuck them self. as for being selfish, both of you should be thinking about each other and if you try to make that a habit itll come naturally.
>>17089625
How about doing some sport or hobby?
I made so many friends and girlfriends when i used to skate, it was ridiculous, get out of your house and shit will happen i guess
>>17089505
>playing games or listening to music. Most new people I meet think I'm really boring because I don't really have much to talk about.
uh.
what the shit, find some gamers in ur area, make a okcupid profile and list ur music tastes, set filter to 'just lookin 4 friends' and meet people. go to a gaming or comic store.
i honestly stopped reading after that sentence. 'nothing to talk about'??
>>17089505
>Sometimes I wonder if there really is anyone for me out there.
So do I. But what's the use worrying about it?
The answer to that question will always be "maybe".
You just have to keep going until you find out.
>>17089625
>just feels really intrusive
This is a hard one to get over. It helps when you have friends to remind you that you're not bothering anyone, that other people really do enjoy talking to you. Listen to them when they say that.
>I'm terrible at making awkward introductory small talk turn into an actual conversation.
Practice.
>>17089680
> make a okcupid profile
>set filter to 'just lookin 4 friends'
Do people actually do this?
Just got to the coffee shop. Chatted up the qt working the til and made her laugh a few times. Things are going pretty alright so far I guess
Not OP but I know the feeling, man
>Trying to break out of my shell
>Look up a bar with good reviews and go over around 8pm
>Tiny bar, completely packed
>Loud as fuck and no place to sit
>How would I even start a conversation with someone here?
>Trying to scope out someone I could initiate conversation with while waiting for my drink
>Nope
>Stand awkwardly near the bar and sip my drink, starting to get weird looks
>Chug the rest and go sit outside, then leave
I tell myself that it was worth it because at least I went out somewhere, but shit I don't waste money on gas and booze sitting at home lmao
>Hi anon, watcha reading?
>Y
>So you are into Z? What's your opinion on X?
>Never heard of it
>...
>>17089785
Do you not have any friends you can go with? Even if you don't meet anyone having a few drinks with a bro is never a bad time. Plus having a buddy with you can do nothing but raise your confidence
>>17089873
Literally waiting for that to happen ;_;
>>17089881
>Do you not have any friends you can go with?
Not that anon but some of us don't
>>17089916
Sometimes I forget there are literally people without friends on here.
>>17089785
Sorry anon.
>>17089662
That reminds me, I really need to start exercises. I'm getting pretty out of shape. Not fat or anything, just not in good shape.
Just got back from the coffee shop. Aside from joking around with the girl who took my order nothing really happened.
It was a refreshing experience though. Will probably go back in a few days
>>17089730
yes ppl actually find friendsgroups through okcupid.
you have to dodge creepy swingers, but i move a lot and this was how i made friends in new towns. not just okcupid, craigslist and even facebook groups for specific bands or games or movies will have a "where you live" thread.
but you could also just go to gathering places like concerts ir conventions. having lowkey or specific interests does not make you uninteresting.
hell, just search the web for same interest forums, post your city in your intro thread, viola
>>17089774
witness
>Be in OPs position
>Do essentially what Bob Loblaw suggested
>Go to bar/coffee shop/whatever and do something that other people might inquire about
>After months of doing this not a single person stops to ask about what I'm reading/writing/doing
It just doesn't work like that guys, unless the guy is absolutely gorgeous the girl NEVER approaches the guy.
What I did and stopped being a little bitch about everything and just started talking to people. It's the mans job to make the first move, not the womans.
>>17090105
huh?
>>17089621
>So, I started taking a good book, one of the classics, to bars during the week, in the evenings, and having 2-3 beers, and read my book. Rarely did I get more than 5-10 pages in before someone would wander over and ask about what I was reading
I read this and immediately knew that it was exactly the sort of thing I want to avoid. The last thing I want to have to do is explain my choice in reading material to a stranger. I just want to read my book, that's why I don't usually do it in public, because people are well meaning and nosy. There's just no hope for some people I guess.
