>>17078749
I think it's just because its ebin porn with your own dick in it and nothing more. I wouldn't worry about it really but if you've got questions just confront him about it, the least he can do is tell you the truth.

>>17078759
Are you sure?
I have confronted him, he said he only looks at it because he likes their bodies, which (maybe as a girl) doesn't make any sense to me. What about regular porn?

>>17078749
These are not questions you ask 4chan. These are questions to ask your boyfriend. Don't back him into a corner, don't start bawling and throwing fits. Be chill and have a levelheaded conversation. It starts with:

>I thought I was over it, but it still bothers me. I just never understood why you did that. Please help me understand this so I can put this behind me.

Then ask him those questions. Again, not being some sort of emotional wreck or psycho. You'll get more genuine, honest answers the more "cool" you are in the conversation.

You won't get over it in one conversation. So you need to work it out with him over the course of the next few weeks/months. Remember that forgiveness means you don't repeatedly bring it up down the road. If you want to forgive him and make this work, I mean TRULY want to forgive, this is something you two will work toward for a while. Then once you have your closure and you feel you can trust him and that the issue is resolved, you can't bring it up again.

>>17078749
Hey. Another femanon here. I had to deal with something similar with my boyfriend recently. I've come to terms with it for the most part, but I still struggle with it.

think about it this way, you were important enough for him to get rid of it. Most guys would just say "yeah sure ok" and hide it better. If he really got rid of them, then he cares about you, and how it makes you feel. He respects you, and wants you to be happy. He was probably just doing it in the first place because porn with your own dick like other anon said.

If he didn't want to be with you, chances are he wouldn't. Don't think too much in to it.

>>17078749
Theres only one reasonable solution, fuck him till he cant fap to anything but thinking of you.
but seriously as >>17078766 this is not exactly a great place to ask serious relationship problems. could be your boyfriend just has an overactoive limbido and needs to release often, after all remembering events that did happen is probably easier than imagining them, thus hence my advice, fuk him till he cant fap no more.
Bring ice packs for crushed pelvis just in case. Yours and/or his

>>17078771
He never really got rid of it. If I were him, I would have never done that, and I would have multiple backups.

>>17078766
Yes, I've had those conversations with him before, but I still can't make sense of it.. I am terrified that if I forgive him he'll take that as I forgot about it, which is not the case.

>>17078771
How did you feel about yourself afterwards? Do you still feel special to him?
How would you feel about him for example looking up his exes on Facebook considering everything?

>>17078779
Why would it be so important for you to keep them even though you know you shouldn't?

>>17078781
>How did you feel about yourself afterwards? Do you still feel special to him?
>How would you feel about him for example looking up his exes on Facebook considering everything?


I felt pretty crummy about myself for quite awhile. I was always super open and honest with how I felt though. He was very patient with me (I got lucky). I needed a lot of reassurance. I'd ask him what he liked about me and my body, so he'd point things out. He put forth more effort to try to make me feel good about myself, and would hold me when I wasn't feeling good. We had a few heartfelt conversations about it which reassured me greatly. He told me that I'm he best thing that's ever happened to him and that he doesn't want to lose me. He told me he was afraid of losing me and cried with me for a little bit.
My situation isn't exactly the same. I had a lot of problems with him choosing porn over me. He would wait until I had gone to work to watch porn. Normally not a problem, sometimes you just wanna jerk it. But our sex life was little to none because of his insecurities. So from these conversations, I started understanding how to help him with his insecurities and it improved our sex life greatly, and he dropped the porn.

It would really bother me if I was in your situation and he was looking up his exes. You should confront him about that, and tell him how it makes you feel.

It's all just spank material. I doubt there is any emotion involved with what your bf does. Personally, as a guy, I would understand that it is something that would upset a gf and probably delete that shit (or hide it where it will never been looked at again). A point I would argue though, being married for a couple years now, is that even though you have sex with someone, it is important to maintain your own individual sex life. By that I mean masturbation. I think that it is very healthy for people to get off on their own every once in a while instead of banging each other.

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>>17078797
Not that anon but I keep folders of my ex gfs because I feel they were part of who I am. Looking at these helped me make sense of where I was and where I want to be. That there is a sense of purpose and achievement in all those years and it was not just a waste of time.
Also I have this bitter sweet fantasy that all of my exs and my current gf would become my harem, we live in a dream palace and I am king Louis XIV. That's what I thought of when I fap to them. It's sort of a glamorous and poignant power fantasy.

Good thing my gf never bothered with my porn folders.

>>17078801
Its kinda the same with me, he never shuts me down if I feel upset about it and he'll do his best to make me feel better.. he also agrees with me that he fucked up, and he's said he didn't know I'd be this upset about it. So I give him the benefit of the doubt mostly, but sometimes the thought of him jerking off to those girls just ruins my day.

>>17078822
I don't have a problem with porn, I even forgave him for paying and chatting with MFC girls online behind my back regularly... But ex girlfriends is just a whole new level, they have a back story and they used to be in love (they were as far as I know wife material to him).

>>17078842
I can understand wanting to keep regular vacation photos or whatever of your exes. My bf does this too, and he asked me to let him keep that, which I did. But their nudes? Really? Why is this so important that you'd risk your current relationship for them?

I asked my bf about his nudes, and apparently his exes don't even know he kept them after they broke up, which I also think is douchy behavior.

>>17078842
In your (and my bfs) defense though, my bf says that he struggles to remember things from the past, and keeping pictures help him remember.
But then you could ask why he wants to remember his ex's tits so badly.

>>17078749
Him keeping those could have various reasons. But him doing that definitely means he's unfulfilled with his sexlife. He either needs a change in your routine or just more attention in that aspect in general.
If you don't want him to run off, you might want to spice things up between the both of you and then address it and your concerns at some point after having introduced this 'novelty'.

>>17079141
Is this serious?
He told me not long after we started dating that I was the best sex he ever had, and if anything he's the one turning ME down. Which does actually frustrate me at times, but I'd never dream of jerking off to my ex's nudes to compensate, at least I have the guts to tell him.
He says whenever he's not in the mood his junk is sore or he's too tired after drinking.

No emotions involved in this. Porn with your dick is 999 times better. It's like a trophy. I keep them too.

He probably didn't delete them for real, I wouldn't. It doesn't mean that he doesn't love you. You're enough. But girlfriends turn into exes when you break up, and we stop caring. You too if you ever break up.

>>17079141
this is most definitely not true

>>17079223
Would you still keep them if your girlfriend got hurt by it? And if you just didn't want her to find out, what makes them so important you're willing to risk it?

>>17079311
boys are arrogant, im pretty sure i can hide nudes well enough so you will never find them, no risk in his mind. Its indeed like a trophy, you wanna be able to look back and say 'look at these hot chicks i fucked' but without emotion involved

>>17079223
Another thing is the fact that he's not even in most of them, they were mostly pictures they sent him from home. Some are with their faces in the foreground, body background..

>>17079321
So you'd still fap to them and feel nothing after when you know you'd break her heart if she knew what you were doing?
Or do you know to yourself that it's nothing to get hurt about and you choose to hide it for that reason?

Sorry for all the questions

>>17079348
yeah i would basically just assume youd never find out because, well, you dont assume your gf will find your masturbation folders.

and hes really nice that he said he deleted them because he really doesnt want you to get hurt, but youre basically asking him to throw away his Real Madrid trophies because he plays for Barcelona now...

>>17078749
>which he did
he just moved them to a hidden & encrypted folder.
Like he should have in the first place.


>Did he keep them because he misses them?
>Did he keep them because he likes their bodies better than mine?
>Did he keep them because it gives him a feeling of power?
Most likely power.


>Will he do a similar thing again?
If you will break up, you will end up in an folder as well. And rightfully so.

Why would you ever delete such folders unless you get married? Relationships often fail, and it is nice still being able top have nude souvenirs.

i can almost guarantee you it doesnt mean anything regarding his commitment towards your relationship

>>17078867
>I even forgave him for paying and chatting with MFC girls online behind my back regularly

Now unlike his ex pics THAT is a real issue.
He shouldn't be doing that. If a dude is willing to spend money on fantasies of other women he as well is willing to cheat on U usually.

It is kinda like prostitution.

>>17079387
I totally agree:/ at one point he would actually say "my girlfriend is being not great tonight" to some girl and pay her to give him a show to cheer him up.. I think that's what hurt the most. I told him to stop doing it, and he said he would.

>>17079364
>rightfully so
Why do you say that?

He did actually have a folder with me.. the crazy part? I made a point of never sending him anything, and I never did. How did he get the pictures? By secretly recording me when we were on video on Skype. I found that out all by myself later after he had 3-4 videos.
I told him I could arrest him for that shit and told him to stop that too, and I deleted my pictures myself. Thank God I found out.

>>17078749
maybe you should satisfy his sexual needs so he doesnt have to do that sort of thing
a good gf is one whos bf does not need to fap

This is funny shit for ex3 to be askin...

>>17079419
>I told him I could arrest him for that shit
As long as he doesn't share them, and you did consent to the skype show itself? Hardly.

That being said: Why are you still with him, if all that stuff is so bad to you?

Just break up.

>>17079311
Yes, there is no way she'll ever find them. You finding them was probably a massive oversight on his part, and that's the lesson he learned, not that he's supposed to delete them.

I obviously don't want her to see them, but girls get needlessly worried about all kind of stuff. "why are you so late?" "were there girls at the party?" "is the new coworker pretty?" "you only said you'd go to XY, but the fuel is half empty". My boss is only allowed to hire fat secretaries because of his wife.
I don't cheat, for God's sake. But all they do is worry. You too, you're worried over this when it means nothing. And because it means nothing, there is nothing that needs to be changed. The only thing that needs to happen is to stop the baseless concerns, by not telling them.
I should stop drinking coffee, because she's worried I'll get cancer? n.o.p.e. I'm just not gonna tell her.

>>17079587
I see where you're coming from, girls can definitely feel naggy, but I think the problem is that we disagree on what is a big deal and not in this ex situation. I can't tell you if it's cultural, a gender thing or emotional, but I can not for the life of me understand how someone can separate feelings from sex in the way you describe, even if he indeed can.
So if he keeps doing it even after I've asked him not to, that would be a serious issue, and it'd imply that those nudes are more important than me in the sense that he won't just delete them and find something else, and instead doesn't care how I feel for his own interest.

>>17079552
You mean in the same way he could secretly record me when I willingly get into the shower at his place?

The reason I stay with him is because
1 I don't want to over exaggerate if there's no reason for it, and if I learn that I do then I want to try hard not to and stay with the guy I love.
2 I'll probably still have trust issues due to this with any future boyfriends and I'd hate to bring that onward to someone else for no reason.

>>17078749
>Half a year ago I told him to get rid of it, which he did
Haha, no. Guaranteed that he still has copies stashed away. He's just doing a better job of keeping it hidden from you. He's probably also got a folder started for you.

>>17079693
:/ come on, is it that laughable that'd he'd delete it?
I've asked him several times basically bawling if he's sure if he did and I promised not to get mad if he'd just tell me, and he swears he did.

>>17079720
Absolutely.

>>17079720
Maybe he did because you're literally begging him for it, but otherwise he'd just keep it.

I kept all the physical things of all my exes in boxes stashed I my garage. It includes digital files of them naked, too. These things are part of my life and I wouldn't part of them if a new girlfriend asked, but I also don't mention nor do I dig them up occasionally. I would only jerk off to that stuff in case I was completely over the girl anyway, otherwise I wouldn't even get close to the box.

>>17079738
Thats what I mean, he's free to keep anything from them if he really wants, they were a huge part of his life.
But when he regularly jerks off to their nudes and hides it from me he's abusing my trust.

>>17079720
Tell him a bunch of guys online said it was bullshit then.

But your question should be, is it really that unimaginable that on 4chan guys would intentionally try to fuck with you by telling you not to trust your boyfriend and that there's no way he deleted the pictures?
If that's enough for you though, 4chan also says all women are cheaters and whores. So don't feel too bad, you'll get even eventually. /adv/ knows all.

>>17079720
Bitch I don't know you and I KNOW you lie when you say you wouldn't get mad. Unless he's a retard, he knows it too and lied. But you might be the lucky lady who's dating an honest retard! ;-)

>>17078749

Hes reliving past experiences, and thinking of them. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you, or that he still wants them.

But if hes jeering off, you aren't giving him nearly enough sex. There would be no reason to if you were.

Be a good girlfriend, and take care of your man, and rock his world so that he never thinks about another woman.

>>17079754
No I do take advice here with a grain of salt, and I refuse to look at this thing as black/white because i love my dude. The only reason I ask you is because my bf regularly browses 4chan and I thought you'd have a similar point of view as him on this whole topic.

And yeah I actually did tell him i asked you guys. He said he understands I worry, and as long as i don't get mad he'll explain whatever I ask.
But he also said its bullshit and he did delete it, and I have no reason to not believe that desu, because even though he'll hide things from me, when I ask him outright about anything he never lies to me.

It just sucks that I have to find out things like this by myself.

>>17079754
This. People take /adv/ too seriously
It's not as RETARDEDLY ridiculous as /b/ and the robot circle jerk, but a lot of these threads are trolls, and people get on here and regularly fuck with people. Plus this demographic of people is fap-crazed and more bitter/less respectful towards women.
If you got on Reddit they would assure you that they would have been honest with their bfs and condemned his behavior for the most part.
If you asked tumblr that would effectively try to doxx your bf and tell him he should be thrown in jail. My advice would be to talk to him more and ask your RL friends that know you guys and your relationship better

>>17079820
Been honest with their gfs* oopzie

>>17079684
I think you put it very well, it's a disagreement over what's a big deal. And because he doesn't think it's a big deal, he'll feel wronged if you keep pushing the conflict. He'll get the same doubt about you. I'd feel like I'm forced to abandon something tangible over "feels".

I don't feel like I'm choosing something over her, because this conflict only exists in her head. I don't even think it's fair to ask me to give up all my past exploits because this one *might* be the one. I might delete them myself when I feel I no longer want them, possibly when I'm married with children (not sure, because I'm not there though).
Something like that would be your ideal situation too, if he deleted them willingly (even if you never knew), not because you blackmailed him. If you think this can still be saved, pushing into the opposite direction could be a better solution in the long term. Are you committed to this, or should only he be committed to you?

And it's not sex if it's my right hand.

>>17079820
You know, I have 4-5 really good girlfriends from elementary school who would definitely listen.
The only reason I don't wanna tell them is that I want them to like him because I wanna stay with him if possible (we're very close and he's really special to me), and if I tell them about this stuff I will not only embarrass him but also myself.. so I really don't want anyone to talk to right now except random people online, which is kinda frustrating as well. I feel like I'll never really get a good objective view of this situation, especially since i want both male and female point of view. Fuck asking my parents for advice as well.

>>17079855
Just realize at the end of the day, you're looking to someone else to tell if he's lying. The person you're looking to is just as capable of lying, and you have even less reason to trust them
And if you ask "Do guys really do x in situation y?" The right answer is some do, some don't.

If you're looking for an answer, /adv/ is the wrong place. If you want to get perspectives and make your own decision, it can be helpful.

>>17079172
I'm leaving for work soon and haven't finished reading this thread but as someone who has pictures of his ex and is in a fantastic relationship that is the best sex of my life although I have yet to masterbate to my pictures I know I will eventually.

Having sex with different people, even if one is better then the other, are different experiences. Different body types and different really small bedroom behaviors like noises and smells and stuff and all desirable but I recognize that I can't have both. Masterbation is a fantasy. I masterbate to my petite black ex because I don't have patite black girl sex anymore. I have sex with my busty white girlfriend because she's physical and there.

Your boyfriend enjoys having great sex with you but also misses having with his ex. He recognizes he can't have both and is all in on you but he still masterbate to the ex photos. It's like tastes. He likes chocolate more then vanilla but sometimes he crave a bit of vanilla and will like his photo of his ex to settle the craving.

I'm not spellchecking or reading through what I typed out so if it doesn't make sense I'm sorry.

>>17079845
>I don't feel like I'm choosing something over her, because this conflict only exists in her head.
Well if it exists in her head it's worth talking about.
Just because she thinks about things differently doesn't mean it's not valid. Women do tend to over analyze, but guys also tend over simplify. Both tend to frustrate the other gender.

>I don't even think it's fair to ask me to give up all my past exploits because this one *might* be the one.
That's fine, but don't keep your gf in the dark about that, if you're not willing to get rid of that stuff then just break up with her when she asks you to. At least give her a choice and have the guts to face the consequences when you make a choice like that.

>Something like that would be your ideal situation too, if he deleted them willingly (even if you never knew), not because you blackmailed him.
"Blackmail" seems like a strong word. I'm not forcing him to do anything, I'm saying our relationship will be at risk if you decide to keep those nudes.
And no, if my bf jerked off to his exes for 20 years and then decided to stop for his own sake, then that would not be my ideal situation at all, it'd make me feel really stupid and shitty if i knew that happened.

>If you think this can still be saved, pushing into the opposite direction could be a better solution in the long term. Are you committed to this, or should only he be committed to you?
What?

>And it's not sex if it's my right hand.
Its not sex, but that's not a very good case to make.

>>17079887
Did you enjoy one "type" over another? Does it influence you and your girlfriend a lot?
Also why do you assume you'll want to look at your exes' nudes?

Both of my bf's exes were short and dark, and I'm more tall and blondish.. every time I see some short dark girls on the street I worry my bf will fantasize about and prefer those girls.. which I can't do anything about:/ and it tears me apart.

>>17079684
>You mean in the same way he could secretly record me when I willingly get into the shower at his place?
Obviously not. But recording online conversations for private use is a different legal case cause you consented to the "conversation" itself.

>>17078749
I don't masturbate anymore and haven't for the past five years since I've been with my current fiancé. But before her yes I used two to about three or four prior exes. Mostly pictures and there were a few sex tapes. Mostly it was really having something that was real and tangible from my past that is what excited me. These were breasts I felt and sex that I had actually had and blowjobs I had received. That really was the exciting part of all of it because on the other hand all of these relationships ended and I don't speak to any of these women anymore. Not to mention they ended for perfectly good reasons and I pretty much never would want to see those women again. Although to be honest with my current partner I have no desire even to do that anymore so it might be worth asking yourself if there something is truly lacking in your relationship that this guy seems to be longing for. I would be very careful because you don't want him to get defensive and some men get really defensive about their masturbatory habits.

>>17078749
First, don't feel guilty. I know that's almost impossible, but it's not really doing you any good, and it's not your fault that you feel the way you do.

Second, you really need to reframe your entire understanding of what masturbation means.

Here's the thing: at the root of your desire to make him stop jerking off to his exes is the idea that you are *more desirable* than them, and therefore that he shouldn't still find them attractive.

This is not how people work. People are like art. You may decide that you love a painting, and take it home and look at it every day and explore the infinite complexity therein, but you still appreciate other paintings. I know that's a shitty analogy, but it's kind of hard to explain otherwise.

You will never, ever, ever be able to control your boyfriend's mind. It's just not possible. You will never, ever know if he's thinking about someone else when he's having sex with you (unless/until we can experience life through someone else's mind, but that'll likely be a while technologically speaking). Trying to take ownership of his attraction to other people will drive you mad. Like, literally. And it will break you up, because he will react by hiding things from you out of fear of judgment.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but it's the truth.

Focus on the fact that he cares about your feelings, and let him have private time and space to do what he wants with himself. Pictures are not people. They are memories. They are concepts. If you attach more meaning to it than that, then you are going down the rabbit-hole, and it doesn't end well.

He loves you, anon. Let that be enough.

>>17079909
>Did you enjoy one "type" over another?
There are so many categories and combinations it's hard to say I enjoy one type over another. Like maybe there is some optimized combination of the things I like and some perfect women out there but I don't know what that would be. Like I really enjoy a women with pale white skin and a women with dark black skin. I enjoy short hair and long hair tied into a ponytail. My current GF has short hair and is really pale and that's awesome but there are a bunch of black girls with there hair in ponytails and that shit is awesome too. And then I super dig asian girls and the whole scene style and there is no way you can put all of this shit into one girl and have it look good.

>Does it influence you and your girlfriend a lot?
Nothing I have picked up on. The subject of bust sizes came up and I told her that I actually much prefer flat to small breasts but I also assured her that I really like her breasts too and nothing has come from that.

>Also why do you assume you'll want to look at your exes' nudes?
I already masturbate to the very little amount of petite black women that there are on the internet and while I'm doing that I think about my history and sex with a petite black women and when I fill in the blanks with the small details like facial expressions and tastes and positions it's just a far more satisfying jack off sesh. The pics will only make it better.

>>17080024
>>17080143
Thanks for the input guys, appreciate it.

>>17080084
Thanks for the input.
I do want him to have his private life private, I'm a shut in myself, I like having things private just because I'm like that by nature.
I also enjoy porn as much as anyone. I know porn is fantasy, I enjoy lesbian porn but don't consider myself gay etc.

I appreciate your first point, and your second point hits home hard.
I think I'm the type to never be able to decide anything definitively, so I'll dwell on things a lot more than normal.
Thanks a lot for your post, I'll come back to it more than once.

>>17079820
Reddit cares about approval and reputation so the honesty you get there is about the same as irl

I've never been to Tumblr before but from what you described it sounds worse than /r9k/

The fact that no one here disagrees with you shows that this place is quite tame when it comes to gender bias.