This is nagging at me, and I don't know what to do. Am I wrong to dwell on this? How do I move on?
Knew my GF since begging of college. We were good friends, and in last year of college we hooked up and started dating at end of college. Now wrapping up grad school and thinking about moving in together and taking it to next step.
I can't stop thinking about her past. She was somewhat slutty in college, and definitely did somethings in the past that hurt me - slept with a close friend for example. I keep thinking of stories she told me about before we started dating and even at the very start - sleeping with and making a sex tape with some super hung dude, banging some exchange student behind a shed after just meeting him at a party that night (I fucking still have a vivid memory of her dancing on him and them leaving then coming back to that party). I mean, she wasn't my girlfriend at the time so logically I feel like I can't get mad, but still I can't stop thinking about things she did in the past. She still has these flirty, slutty tendencies, and there was a rocky period where she got super close to some utter, ugly loser from work. I keep wondering if this is someone I want to get super serious with, potentially marry.
How do I move forward? Do I talk to her about my feelings? I've been having a really hard time recently reconciling this.
>>17070884
There's higher quality girls out there, dude.
Don't be a cuck.
Sounds like you need some basic talk therapy.
Who someone is yesterday doesn't mean they will be or are that person tomorrow. People change. Their opinion on how to live changes. Their values in lif change. If the current person your partner is is someone that fits very well with you, then that is what's really important.
Now, if she hasnt changed, if she still has more than just a nagging fantasy every now and then about fucking some new guy behind a shed, or getting plowed by big black Darrell, then you have grounds for ending the relationship. That's up to you to decide.
You move forward by accepting the person as who they are. Acceptance and wanting to be with someone is key.
As far as talking to her about your feelings, I would suggest you do so in a way that allows her to tell the truth about who she is now. "I still have thoughts of you making a sex tape. How do you feel about that?" Of course, if she is a different person, it will just come off as insecurity on your end. But, really, it is insecurity on your end.
My advice is that if you believe she's with you and you want to be with her, to stay with her and set her past aside.
>trying to wife a slut
What could possibly go wrong? Listen to your instinct OP, run the fuck away.
>>17070884
not worth it OP. As the other anon correctly stated there are better women out there. You don't have to settle
>>17070884
kek, and men decide to gf girls like this over decent girls.
you're the reason women get away with this party life bullshit. you're supposed to pump and dump these bitches
this idea is a dystopian fiction placed in your own mind, secluded away in the canvas of your own self. The entire narrative is one which embodies the cuck in yourself. The idea of this person from your description is that you yourself find this women in essence very repulsive and/or disgusting. This women is like someone who fell for the feminism meme but did not know in doing so made you loose your dignity.
>making video with hung man
take out the trash, disgusting
>>17070898
>There's higher quality girls out there, dude.
Not trolling but where do they exist?
Activities such as yoga, church and non profit volunteering ends up finding girls that look great on the outside but are major covert whores, speaking from experience
Holy shit you're beyond cuck. Just end it, man. It's not worth it.
>>17070884
>We were good friends
you mean you wanted her and hung around and finally got a shot but this girl is not wife material.
In b4 tumblrina's and SJW's say it doesn't matter if your gf did interracial, bukkake, midget porn, its in her past and you should love her for the beautiful person she is. lulz
This girl sounds a LOT like my ex. Get out ASAP. Girls like this don't really change, they just learn to hide the inner party ho to seem like relationship material. Do not settle, there are WAY better girls out there.
>>17070884
People are going to give you shit for this OP, but your feeling are completely valid.
When you hit a rocky spot in your relationship, or your gf is having a hard time at work/school or whatever, she is prone, like anyone, to slip into old habits. For some people this means overeating, or playing vidya all day, for her, this might mean getting drunk and hooking up with some dude.
No guarentee this will happen, it might never happen, but if you stay with her you have to take that risk.
Anyone telling you otherwise have probably done things like your gf and don't want to take responsibility for how their past actions might influence the opinions of others in the future.
All the memeposters are from /r9k/ and are likely to be the same person shitposting repeatedly.
>>17070908
this is good advice.
As a female who's had sex with over 100 men, I can tell you that some women will still try to sleep with other people while married. But there's also the kind that enjoys casual sex and also has empathy for their partner, and would never cheat or want to cheat.
There is way too much generalizing when it comes to people who sleep around... I know of women with only three sexual partners ever who have cheated on their husbands, and I am personally a woman with over 100 sexual partners, and I would LITERALLY NEVER cheat. It would make me sick. So if the idea that she may cheat on you is the issue here, there's about as much a chance that she would as anyone else would.
If it's just the thoughts of her sleeping around in the past... I think you need to see a therapist and figure out what the root of your discomfort with it is. And that's not to say you're the one that 'has a problem' or anything, it's just that if you want the relationship to work you will have to figure out specifically why you feel this way and how to change that feeling.
>>17070884
Why would you jump through hoops, treat her special, and be a caring bf when all some random had to do was say the right things and BAM, she spread her legs in one night. You'd be wifing someone's notch in their belt, the proverbial jizz-sock that gets talked about over a round of beers with your buddies. Bro have some more respect for yourself, leave her.
I had started typing out this whole advice thing but honestly, it doesn't sound worth it to me. It's just too much issues, not just that she doesn't have a conservative number.
>>17071051
I don't disagree that OP shouldn't bother with his current girlfriend but I think stuff like
>You'd be wifing someone's notch in their belt
is really immature. If you think someone is an amazing person, who cares what they were to someone else? Everyone has been looked down upon by someone in their life. Doesn't mean that that opinion was valid or actually accurate for who they are as a person.
This isn't relevant if you meant it strictly within the context of OP's girl fucking around, but I've heard it in general about non-virgin girls or girls who've at some point had a one night stand and think that's just silly.
>>17070884
Your chick is a slut with loose morals.
What the fuck did you expect
I just can't stop thinking about it sometimes.
I'm like positive she slept with a good friend of mine but she never admitted it - still nags me to this day. Also, Like she told me, drunkenly very early on, about her fling with another super hung guy. About how she was floored at the size of his dick, about how he made her cum "EVERY time", and about how I was second best (this was while we were fucking but not dating a long tie ago) etc. I'm filled with fucking rage just typing that. She's still friends with that dude on FB, stopped talking to him a few years ago when I demanded she stopped (they skyped, although he lived halfway across the country), but she recently liked his FB profile pic.
What do I do? Confront her? Ask her if she's banging anyone on the side now? Can't imagine that'd put me in a good light at all. I know the past is the past, but this keeps nagging me and I don't know how to make it go away. Thinking about it just hurts. I feel it's important as it could guide her future behavior...
Also, should I demand she cut contact with this dude and prior fuckbuddies?
>>17071129
Just break up with her already. You should not be with someone whose past antics evoke "fucking rage" in you. You won't make each other happy.
>>17071129
I think what's nagging me the most is the worry of her cheating on me, having cheated on me, or continuing to be slutty and a pain to deal with the rest of our lives.
Like I don't/wouldn't get mad at the idea of a girl having had sex before me - logically, it's only natural if they're super attractive, and I would likely have done the same to some degree.
But asking her/her telling me in graphic detail was a huge mistake.
>>17071084
Its all about how they conduct themselves. Some people don't find girls who give themselves up so easily to be very respectable or valuable. This is usually based on the fact that dating and sex is skewed heavily in favor of women.
>>17071157
DUDE. Your relationship is doomed. She made you feel emasculated and inferior, you suspect she fucked a friend of yours, you suspect she was close to cheating at some point, you suspect she's going to cheat in the future and you are disgusted with ther overshare of her sexual history. This is not all going to magically go away. Not sure what ex machina solution you're looking for here...
>>17071170
If I wanted to attempt to confront the feelings and talk it out with her first, how would I approach it? How should I lead off? How candid should I be?
>>17071167
There's a difference between having the stance that you don't want to be with someone who has had (casual) sex because of your personal outlook on that, and being specifically bothered by the idea that someone who barely knew your partner thought lowly of them. You should care about whether your partner has an outlook on life that you can get on the same page with, you should not care whether other people think someone you love is particularly cool. Dragging other people's judgment into it makes it seem like that's something to account for.
>>17071129
If you need to demand she cuts contact, you're fighting a losing battle. If you don't trust her talking to these people, why exactly would you trust her to tell the truth that she's STOPPED talking to them? From then on you need to always check messages, accounts, etc. Doesn't matter how long it's been, because your method of dealing with your partner is controlling them, not trusting them.
>>17071180
I would not advise outright telling her that you have issues with how she behaved in the past. By doing that you are saying that a problem in your relationship is something to do with her that she has, at this point, zero control over and cannot undo. This will more than likely just make her defensive and insecure and angry and won't be beneficial at all.
What you COULD try to tell her is what she told you while drunk, and how that affected the way you feel about your sex life. This also has potential for improvement because she might say that while she felt that way back then, her growing feelings and the two of you becoming more in synch and experienced with each other has now topped the other experiences.
The whether or not she will cheat is a separate conversation. Again, insinuating that she will probably cheat because she's been around will just set her off whether you're right or wrong. Keep it limited to your feelings and how you perceive her behavior: that you feel she's too inviting towards others, are unsure of her dedication to just you.
It's your life, but keep in mind this is not going to be an easy ride even if everything develops in the best possible ways.
>>17071206
Bringing up that drunk conversation would be completely out of nowhere - I don't know how to bring it up without being jarring. Like we haven't talked about it in years...
>>17071263
Doesn't matter. If you can't sit her down and tell her that this is bothering you, there's no hope for salvation anyway. She's your partner, what matters to you and impacts your relationship should matter to her, whether it's the most logical or not. You bring it up by clearly introducing it within the context of your personal insecurities in the relationship.
>>17071042
You have the nerve to call others samefagging memers, yet you post this bait.
>>17071157
I was in a relationship with a girl like this for two years. She detailed to me in graphic detail pretty much everything about her sex life which began the fall of our relationship. Not only that but I caught her many times talking with dudes in ways that you shouldn't talk to when you're in a relationship. I finally ended the relationship a few months ago and I feel great. My advice to you is to break up with her and realize that there are other women out there.
>>17070966
I'm fucking waiting here man
