My GF and I just got a place together and things have been really good so far. We get along so well and love each other a lot. Her parents even told me the other day that they want me to marry her and its just been good vibes all around. However, a couple of months ago we really hit a rough patch and last night some of those old feelings came up again.
>be few months ago
>relationship was getting stale on my end
>tell this to gf after a long conversation and she's devastated
>breaks up with me a few days later
>we get back together shortly for reasons i dont remember
>things go badly for a while
>not in a good spot mentally and take it out on her a lot (not physically)
>gets pretty bad at times making her cry a lot, nearly breaking up at times
>find out she's talking to another guy behind my back
>break up with her
>still communicate though and talk daily
>talk about getting back together but we need to work on things
>even though we weren't together it still felt like we were
>after about a month i ask her to by gf again
>find out about a week later she was talking to two other guys at the time and even went on a date with one
>this really tore me apart and took me a long time to get over
>decided that i really loved this girl and she loved me and that we just needed to stay together despite what happened
Things have been really great with us since. I started going to a therapist and taking medication and I no longer get depressed or take my anger out on her. All around its just been positive vibes and living together has been great. However, last night my depression did kick in and I had those jealous and paranoid feelings all over again. She's says that were past all that bad stuff and we're stronger than ever but I still just get scared about her talking to other people while we're together.
I love her so much and I don't want to lose her. Is it possible for us to really be together forever? Will I ever fully get over what happened? Will she cheat again?
She'll cheat again. You didn't see other women. Her character is flawed. She has different values on these things. Not compatible. Sad!
>>17066613
I should also clarify that when she went on her date we weren't together. She said it was shitty and nothing happened but I don't know if that's the truth. She's genuinely good person who did a bad thing and it's the only reason I'm still with her. I dont believe she's have any reason to still lie about it.
>>17066613
more of your gf bruh
>>17066622
What makes you say that? We're both very young and it was a confusing time. She's really not a bad person and what she did seems so out of character for her.
>>17066630
pic isn't my gf
>>17066613
>>break up with her
>>still communicate though and talk daily
I never understand why people do this.
>>17066649
Because I still loved her/wasn't over her. She's also one of my best friends and couldn't stand the thought of not talking to her.
>>17066613
>Is it possible for us to really be together forever?
Sure, plenty of fucked up relationships last forever. Will it be healthy though? Fuck no.
>Will I ever fully get over what happened?
Probably not.
>Will she cheat again?
All signs point to yes.
Look OP, you two clearly have a lot of issues, and at the same time it seems your gf does not really respect you anymore and is probably with you again out of comfort.
>>17066663
Comfort for who? Why would she move in with me if she didn't have the intentions to stay with me?
>>17066669
For her. She does have these intentions, but not out of love (otherwise she would not be over you so quickly, as shown by the fact that she was dating).
See, most people like being in relationships more than being alone, even if they're not going well. And then they get more involved, start having a family - all this for the sake of trying to rekindle old passions and it being easier than finding someone you're actually a good match for. If you do not mind being in such a dead-end relationship that will surely have lots of lows and very few highs, go for it! But do not be deluded that it will go well.
What COULD work is if you both completely stopped talking to each other, moved on, matured, then years later met again, saw that you made mistakes but you both wanted to get together and try anew. But right now? You're just both gonna resent each other because you haven't taken the time to forgive your faults.
>>17066679
What if we did already give it time thought? As i said it took me a long time to get over. We talked about it A LOT. We both agreed that we both fucked up in this relationship, and that maybe it took us going through some shit to realize that we need each other. She said only talked to other guys to numb the pain. She couldn't stand the idea of being in another relationship after getting a long term one with me. She said those guys were duds and she only did it for attention. I have forgiven her but some of those old feelings come back up every once in a while.
She seems unreliable if she keeps sniffing around for other men. if you keep going back you're just her fall back guy what she shops around for an upgrade.
>>17066684
Nah, talking about it is a first step to moving on.
Actually doing it requires not being in love anymore, and being able to love other people, but also not thinking about the wrong she's done to you.
You're just both insecure because you've been out of your first long term relationship and you have no idea how to deal with being single again. I'm gonna give it straight to you: most people have done that and gotten out of it just fine. You don't "need" each other, you don't need anyone.
>>17066704
>>17066717
Then what am I supposed to do now? We literally just moved in together. I'm renting from my grandmother and she said she trusted us with this place. Her parents love and respect me too and want me to marry their daughter. I'm in really deep if I were to back out now.
>>17066733
Enjoy a boring life with a woman you married out of fear for the unknown.
>>17066733
You're even in deeper shit if you marry a cheater.
>>17066736
>>17066737
Man this is fucked. I was hoping to come here hear you guys say that mistakes we're made but we can move on.
Now I just feel helpless and just completely fucked. Thanks /adv/
>>17066746
Anymore advice? I can feel a wave of depression coming on now. I feel nothing other than I've made a horrible mistake that I have to live with now. Do I just wait for her to cheat on me again so I can end things? Should I just kill myself?
>>17066777
Dude, just move on. No, seriously, you'll be okay.
Actually, she could be with the other guys just because she couldnt bear the pain between you two, if she hadnt slept with them, she shouldnt be considered a cheater
>>17066777
Here's a tip for life: you can end a relationship at any time for any reason whatsoever.
>>17066785
This is almost exactly her reasoning. As far as I know, nothing physical happened. In fact two of the guys she was talking to lived pretty far away. She during her date nothing happened and it was lame, but she was planning a second one until we got back together. During the time she was talking to these guys I was pushing her away and telling her we should just be friends and stuff.
>>17066613
Seems to me like you two get along pretty well, honestly. Nobody is perfect and you two fuck up a lot, but you get over it and stay together. That's what all long term relationships look like, so you just gotta stop dumping each other and you'll be golden.
And youre surprised? If you told her you dont want her, she just wanted it to be less painfull. These guys are usually called "bridges" girls are not really with them, but they talk and go out with them because they feel better.
>>17066795
Ah, if you make excuses for her then it didn't happen :^)
>>17066795
Talking and having dinner together aren't cheating on you, especially when you're broken up. That was her trying to cope with loss, and when you got back together she dropped that immediately for what she preferred: you.
It's really your call.
Put yourself in her shoes. You are in a good relationship, where you constantly feel love and acceptance. Then things turn South, and it ends.
She doesn't want to destroy any chance of fixing things, but she feels lonely and distraught. She tries to move on while being careful not to destroy the chances of fixing her relationship. She meets with two guys, realizes she made a mistake, and you guys get back together.
As long as she didn't have sex with them, I would accept it.
>>17066613
Women talk to other dudes behind your back when they feel the relationship is going south. They do it to keep an emotional safety net - "if x doesn't treat me right, I can go to y". It's common amongst women.
Now, if you want this relationship to last you're going to have to get rid of those negative emotions you have. You're going to a therapist so that's a start. Keep at it.
>>17066795
If it took her less than a week to start replacing you, she obviously never gave a fuck about you. Like other people said, it could've been a boring convenience relationship she was just as tired of.
Of course she's not actually going to tell you if she fucked them, and think about it, how did she line up TWO dates so quickly after you split up? She's had those dicks in her minds for months I bet.
Also, wouldn't fucking a guy you'll only see once who lives to far away too question, be perfect the one night stand? I can't believe you fell for that "nothing happened" crap.
>>17066795
It doesn't matter WHY she did it, it matters that she did it. Because every time you get into a fight you're gonna think about the time she cheated on you then the people she dated in the mean time and it will eat away at your trust.
Also keep in mind that she might not have told you the whole truth to not hurt you. If they had scheduled a second date she probably got physical with him even if she might not have gone the whole way.
>>17066810
>>17066825
I'm not making excuses, I'm just explaining what happened. I have no idea if she did anything with that guy or not and I probably never will. But I do know that she's a good person and she's never slept around before (We lost our V cards to each other). So I have no choice but to take her word cause I love her. I also confronted the guy she went on the date with and he said the same thing but who knows.
>>17066825
>If it took her less than a week to start replacing you, she obviously never gave a fuck about you
This. And all the other faggots saying otherwise are in obvious denial of the facts.
She is back with you - if she wanted the other guys, she would be with them, therefore there is no reason to be with you. And why would she fuck with them if she wanted you?
been through a similar situation
I recommend ending it things like that are never things you full recover from and you'll constantly have to have the thought that she may do it again lingering in your mind
>>17066841
Can you elaborate on your situation please?
>>17066840
This has always been my thought process
>>17066832
A good person wouldn't go straight into dating after a major break up. Maybe she'd wanted to try something different for a long time and seized the opportunity. Women have sex drives too you know.
Also the guy wouldn't tell you he fucked your girl. You might be crazy and looking to kill him, or he might just not want her anymore and wants to be nice so you can have her. There is literally ZERO motivation for either her or the people she probably fucked to ever tell you the truth. So you have to assume the worst.
Try to make trust between you two, if it wont work, and you will still feel shitty about that, then its nosense, it would just annoy you both
>>17066622
How the hell did she cheat? Stop spreading your red-pill anti-women shit to clearly naive and accepting people.
And OP don't get relationship advice from 4chan, people here take too much pleasure in fucking with others
Relationships are like diamonds, if you dont work on it, its still a shitty piece of rock, the work its hard and often painfull, but its worth it.
>>17066815
I like this post. It's pretty much what she had told me.
>>17066864
While I agree with what you said about getting advice from here, it's one of the only places for me to get anonymous advice. I posted on reddit a while back but my GF found the post and it was bad. It really upset her.
But I do believe what she did was cheating. Even if she didn't fuck she knew what she was doing and that it was wrong and kept doing it.
Also to those who keep saying she fucked them, I should mention I went through all her texts and nothing stood out to me that she was banging them. It was just mild flirting.
>>17066864
>find out she's talking to another guy behind my back
>break up with her
That's called cheating.
itt: these niggas so insecure, talking to someone is cheating.
>>17066896
>emotional cheating is not cheating
It's okay honey :) I really think about him every time we fuck and I'm bored of you but hey, I didn't fuck him yet :)
>>17066896
talking with someone means flirting with someone when it comes to guy and girl convos over text. To be more clear she was flirting with them and went on a date with one. She was talking with one her friends saying "oh I think so and so likes me". So yes, its on a very fine line of cheating.
>>17066904
>>17066905
lul, they weren't even together when this 'cheating' happend.
>>17066912
This is before op's gf dated guys during their break, lrn2read
>>17066912
Reread the thread. You're making an ass of yourself.
>>17066613
Thread is honestly retarded. No offense OP. Mainly the replies, but also you.
She never cheated on you, unless you have just not specified the extent of her actions.
Is it possible for you two to be together forever? Sure, anything is possible. Is it likely? Fuck no.
Honestly like 99/100 people who marry young either completely fail, have a shitty relationship, or are just generally boring, generic human beings who have no personality traits to speak of that have the potential to clash.
You are blowing everything way out of proportion. People get back together and live together happily after fucking each others' siblings ffs, and you are going all Bold and the Beautiful because she texted someone.
Clear your head of all this bullshit. The sooner you realise you need to enter into relationships completely ready for what might happen the better. Getting caught up in all this "oh my golly, what if my feelings get hurt" shit does nothing but waste your time and make you miserable. Spend time with her and keep it going as long as you are still happy. If it crashes and burns you will still look back at it as a positive experience, even if it is just a learning one.
OP here
Thanks for the advice everyone. There seems to be two distinct sides here, she's a cheater and leave her, and mistakes were made and she was hurt and its up to me to move on.
Right now I'm deep with her. I've been very happy and we both love each other a lot. If she wasn't in this for the long run she would've left while she could. She's not dumb and she's not a slut. We get a long great and she hasn't given me reason to not trust her since we got back together.
Thank you for the advice everyone and I feel I just needed people to here my situation to help clear my head. I'm going to stay with her and if that's the wrong choice I'll figure it out the hard way.
Thanks to everyone again and I'll stick around in the thread to listen to anyone else's opinions.
OP,you fool, even fucking with people is not cheating, if you arent in relationship. And she werent. Because YOU left her.
>>17066930
Enjoy the next year of hell, then. You deserve it. Because you're a moron.
>>17066963
lol if it's hell we won't be together long. nobody deserves to be cheated on.
>>17066613
top kek does the pussy have this much power and control over you op? this is why relationships are a complete waste of time.
She does not deserve you OP.
>>17067022
Why do you say that? Sometimes I feel I don't deserve her. I'm just grateful to still have her.
She does not deserve jerk as you, that i meant.
You are telling everywhere she cheated - but you left her, so she was free. Maybe she didnt even count with that you will want her back.
>>17067053
She did cheat though. Maybe not in the conventional sense but I would say what she did is cheating and she even agrees.
Thats why people should think before breaking up. If you take this as cheating, you must admit youve been together all the time. If not, then it cant be cheating. And the girl defenitely didnt get it.
>>17067053
Fuck off.
I recommend waiting at least 5 years til marriage
>>17066929
>Honestly like 99/100 people who marry young either completely fail, have a shitty relationship, or are just generally boring, generic human beings who have no personality traits to speak of that have the potential to clash.
This is very unconvincing, do you want to include more ill defined categories into your theory ?
What about young/old couples? Like 20 and 40
So basically OP, you went out of your way to make your girlfriend feel like you didn't want to be in a relationship with her. You didn't break up with her, but you gave her a ton of shit until she broke up with you. And you wonder why, after sort of getting back together, she's not really committed to that and is talking to other guys. Because why would she take staying in a relationship with you seriously? At that point, what got resolved in your feeling the relationship was "stale" or in being an asshole to her?
I agree with you that she shouldn't have been flirting with another guy that first time. Apparently she recognizes that too. She should have just said fuck it and left. After that though, when you weren't together, what's the problem? You "felt like" you were in a committed relationship with her again? Why the fuck do you think that SHE would feel like that? No one reasonable would expect that.
What I fault her the most for is being foolish enough for being half-hearted about accepting that you're not someone worth being in a relationship with and giving herself the time to get over you and to move on. The big problem with her going on dates with other guys isn't that she went on dates. It's that she didn't give herself time to get over her relationship with you, and after only meeting two people who weren't suitable, instead of continuing to search for someone good to be with, she fell back to being with you.
You know why being with you is bad for her? Even though you claim things are "good", you're still dissatisfied and you're about to start shit for the fifth time. You apparently just love turmoil and drama, and you're going to keep doing the same shit over and over until she finally wises up and cuts you out of her life.
Save both of you some time and either cut that shit out or end it.
>>17067192
Interesting perspective as me as the bad guy. Yea I'm a dick, or at least I was. School got to me really bad last semester and took a lot of it out on her. That's the only reason I can give for my actions. But I'd like to direct you to this comment:
>>17066815
That one really tells what happened pretty accurately. While you made me the bad guy, she really did a worse thing.
