>>17058697
Femanons, how important is confidence to you?

>>17058703
i think it's more important that our confidence is at about the same level than just "have loads of it". i'm rather shy and awkward. so is my bf. we go together pretty perfectly thanks to this.

OP, please add the cuddle guy and Brandon back into the FAQ. If they're not there, they start shitposting again

>>17058705
Thank you thank you. This explains a lot for me.

>>17058707
i think brandon died

>>17058703
It's important, but it's not the only important thing. You can be the most confident person in the world, but if you're an ugly fucker, it's not going to save you for most girls

>>17058710
Brandon imposter will shitpost instead then

>>17058713
>Brandon imposter will shitpost instead then
i think that meme is over

How skinny is too skinny? Question for both genders.

>>17058722
if it gets unhealthy, you should see a doc. calculate your bmi for (not 100% accurately) reference.

>>17058710
There must always be a Brandon.

>>17058722
Depends on each person. I tend to prefer women a bit thicker, others more slim. If your doctor expresses concern you're probably fucking up majorly though.

I keep thinking of my ex (about an 9 month relationship and my first girlfriend) , we broke up together because she was going to collage and i felt that i was neglected and i didnt want to get more frustrated with lack of time on her part. We both left it open to continue the relationship after a year when her schedule changed to be a lot more free. I miss her a lot and im getting super depressed because i keep thinking of her but i dont want to get back into a relationship if it means frustration. I havent talked to her since we broke up 3 months ago and im wondering if i should talk to her about it or just try to forget about her, and if i was going to talk to her about it how would i bring something like that up out of the blue? Thanks. I understand if you cant help.

>>17058707

Haven't seen either in like 2-3 months. but sure whatever, next time I'll throw it back in if I get a chance.

>>17058722
One of my best friends sister growing up.. her diet literally consisted of 1 egg and water. For the entire day.

Every time I saw her I really just kind of wanted to sigh, just hug her and tell her she was beautiful the way she was--that didn't need to lose weight, and put a sandwich in her hand.

I think she was like 80-90 pounds 5'10".

Go ahead and be skinny, but be healthy.

Girls: under what conditions would you fart in a guy's face?

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I want to make it clear to the girl that I got a crush on, that I like her.
In the last thread, I was told to "physically escalate" things, however I got no clue on how to do that. I don't even know when it is appropriate to touch her even just casually.
I don't want to act like some horny perv trying to get into her pants.

>>17058752
read the sticky dickhead

What are your brutally truthful thoughts on friends with benefits? Do you ever think about catching feelings with them or is it usually just straight sex and whatever else?

>>17058762
it can work. but 99% of the time it doesn't. problem is that it needs two mature, intelligent, emotionally secure and sexually confident people to pull this off. those people usually have realized that sex, paired with love is the real deal and don't pursue fwb realtionships. that's the whole problem there is.

>>17058760
>i made the sticky
W-wow.

>>17058759
Just start by casual touches. Bump your leg into hers, or hand her something and linger there. Small things like that aren't creepy.

>>17058771
>>Fart guy
>Stop. Just stop.

then you must be nxt lvl idiotic

>>17058777
just because I wish I could shrink to bug-size and climb between a girl's butt cheeks while she has to fart doesnt make me an idiot

>>17058762

The second one of you catches feelings, that relationship is over.

You either have to end it, or transition to something more because if you try and continue it as it is, one or both of you is going to get hurt. Bad.

If you don't think you can handle that, don't do it.

>>17058748
Bump

>>17058783
posting in a thread where it states in the OP that fart guy should stop, makes you an idiot, idiot...

If a girl offers to send you pictures of her feet is that a possible situation where she'd like to escalate things into more sexual territory?

>>17058783
I'll fart on your face for $5

>>17058798
definitely

>>17058801
cheap. i'd take 200$

>>17058793
Thats scary to think about for someone who's never had one before. She's also my best friend and we're a couple of strung emotional college kids who are high constantly.

Would it be worth the excitement of staying with her you think or is it going to get me into too much shit?

>>17058796
just hit her up. Its a chance, sure, but if you don't acknowledge the subject then she'll fade from you.

>>17058775
We sorta have that level of thing going on. Like for example, when we are sitting together on the sofa, watching tv in the common room of the apartment complex, our legs occasionally press together etc. It is just that I dunno how to escalate things further. I am afraid of touching her desu.

>>17058820
Just start being more obvious about it, a little at a time. Touch her leg with your hand.

>>17058748

This is going to sound harsh but: You're too needy and immature.

Move on. Live life. Grow up.

What would you talking to her accomplish? Nothing. It would just allow you to string yourself along and try to maintain the status quot--which is you holding yourself back and being miserable.

Even if you do get back together in a year, if you continue to pine as you are, you will never grow and be in the exact same place, but in the year that she'd been gone she'll have matured that much more, and you'll end up in the exact same situation you're in now--except worse.

>>17058806
Depends on your emotional maturity.

I was FWB's with my best friend for a bit.
She caught feels. As soon as it happened though, she came to the same conclusion I did without me almost having to say anything--we would never work. We actually wound up being closer friend than before we were FWB's.

But we were also in our mid 20's, have lived life, know what heartbreak and passion feels like, and know what we want in relationships.

Do you have that maturity?

When you give someone your number, when do they usually text/call you?
It's been almost 3 weeks. I don't know if she's busy or lost my number, but it's killing me.

>>17058697
>What are your brutally truthful thoughts on friends with benefits? Do you ever think about catching feelings with them or is it usually just straight sex and whatever else?
In my experience, >>17058768 got it quite well. I've had one FWB relationship in my life and luckily we managed to pull this off. We're still good friends to this day.

On a related note, guys and gals: Last month, my gf and I had a threesome involving her. I've been thinking about having sex with her again occasionally lately. Last time we talked about it, gf said that next time she simply wants to watch, not join us.

How would you about initiating this/testing the waters?

>>17058824
But wouldn't that be creepy?
And what if she reacts negatively?
Again, I am god damn afraid of touching her outside of casual shit that could be brushed off as accidental.

>>17058826
Yeah, if they don't call/text within 3-4 days, they aren't interested

>>17058803
Even if she has a boyfriend? She talks to me about leaving him a lot, and honestly I would be fine with staying friends but apparently he says some shit about me when im not around so I kind of want to at least go in on this, but I'm worried about embarrassing myself.

>>17058833
If she allows you to have these casual touches, she isn't creeped out by you. You just need to take it a step further.

>>17058825
Very little to he honest. This was planned to give myself a taste of what it's like to in such an open position and get a different shade of relationship under my belt.

>>17058830
>How would you about initiating this/testing the waters?
if you two where able to handle a threesome without damaging your relationship, i'd say you are ready for experimenting with your sexuality even more. i can totally see the appeal in voyeurism. definietly keep the conversation lines WIDE open. especially after. make it clear that she can stop any actions immediately if she suddenly changes her mind. have a safeword. maybe make sure she knows that she is welcome to join at any point. make her feel wanted and not excluded, but let her explore that side of her. ofc only if YOU and the other person are comfortable with that too.

>meet girl last summer
>she had just been dumped by her fiancee two weeks before (she'd been with him since 17 and was then 19)
>talk a lot, fall for her, flirting in both directions
>don't want to be comeback guy and she wasn't ready, we drift apart for 9 months
>start talking again a few weeks ago
>major flirting both directions, no mistaking it
>find out she was not over her ex, and he asked her out again a few days after we started talking again
>dated for one week and then dumped her again
>I told her I wasn't going to pretend or be coy, I liked her
>legitimately (I believe) surprised, swears she just has a flirty personality, and that she's never even considered anyone but him
>hates him but says she loves him just a little bit more than she hates him and would do anything for him
>they've been broken up for a second time for a few weeks now
>continues to flirt, is well aware I like her, continues to assert she's still in love with her ex

How can I maximize my chances of having a relationship with her eventually? Cut off contact for a while? Stop flirting and cut contact to minimum? Just be friends for a while before trying to have a relationship in a year or two?

I recognize the chances of this working are slim. But I have to try.

>>17058836
ugh
abandone ship. you don't want to get sucked into their own reality drama show. find some other girl willing to jerk you off with her soles.

>>17058798
Did you ask for pictures of her feet? Does she know you like feet?

>>17058840
It is that the situation is so god damn ambiguous, that I dunno if she is really "allowing" them.
Like sometimes, she would move her legs away from mine, etc, after I brushed of on them, but I dunno. I could be over-analyzing this shit.

>>17058825
(first guy you responded to) Thanks for telling me how it is man, i appreciate you being down to earth with me.

>>17058847
Thanks for your answer, but I guess I was too fishy about it. I was talking about my ex-FWB. Can't judge her stance on this at al.

>>17058826
Bro, you get her number, you don't give her yours. She's never going to call or text first.

How common is it for a woman to not want kids?

>>17058853
Dude, you just have to go for it. Just don't like grab her boob or something. Brush your hand against her leg, or touch hands. Be casual.

>>17058859
oh, reread youur post and i just didn't get that.

i'd say it sounds like she'd be down for that since she already agreed on a threesome. discuss the possibility together and maybe you can have a threesome again, evolving from that to let your gf watch. she could join in again later on for starters.

>>17058868
Bump for this

>>17058697
why can't she get over it?

my classmate ghosted me 2 months ago after we went out for a drink together. I haven't spoken to her since. I haven't acted creepy in any way, and she has plenty of space from me, but she will still awkwardly overreact if I see her in person.

>>17058868
i think it's pretty uncommon. i know two girls/woman who say they don't want kids. one is 30, the other is around 40. if you dig deeper and ask them about it they usually say they WOULD have kids if they found the right guy, so there's that

>>17058869
I guess there is nothing else I can really do.
I am still scared as fuck about touching her though. I fear that she will react negatively, and no longer want to spend time with me.

>>17058872
Thanks again, follow-up question: How would you set up this meeting?

The first threesome was really spontaneous (the three of us were a tad drunk), so planning one sounds kinda awkward to me.

>>17058884
You just have to decide if you would be okay being her friend or if you can't handle it and need to make a move.

>>17058853
Why not just put your arm around her when you're sitting on the sofa watching tv with her? It's not really sexual or inappropriate in any way, but she will know you want to be more physical with her.

>>17058888
checked

well, yeah, it does sound awkward, agreed. but that's the whole point. if you want to have a liberated sex life, you need to be very liberal in communication too or this might not work. if talking about esx, emotions, intimacy, bonding, and so on, is awkward between the three of you, it will end in drama. especially in your sitation. you had loads of sex with your ex-FWB already. and your gf might catch the jealouse at some point. make this a purely sexual thing. it IS possible. but it takes a lot. i'm not sure if this might help, but i just started reading "exhibitionism for the shy" and so far it seems like it might be a beneficial read to your situation aswell.

>>17058891
I don't want to be just friends with her, that much is for sure. I want her. It is just that I dunno how to make it apparent, and I am also super afraid of her rejecting me.

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>>17058749
>I think she was like 80-90 pounds 5'10".

>>17058899
Talking about sex isn't awkward at all betwen the three of us. In fact, I'm the most awkward/shy in our group.
I agree though, communication is the sole key for this to work, I am fully aware. I'm just afraid of majorly fucking this up.

Thanks for the recommendation, I'll be sure to check it out!

>>17058924
>I'm just afraid of majorly fucking this up.

well, there's a good chance it will break the relationship with your gf. if she's the one you intend to marry and bear your kids, i'd not risk it. if she's just somebody you want to spend this part of your life with, go for it.

why this girl i asked to go out with told me that she would like that and now she barely ignore me (i.e. when we chat each other on fb she just reply to my question without add anything else)? why girls do stuff like these?

i don't understand, she cuold have just told me that she won't go out with me, and i would be ok, but she said that she would like that and now this? damn, i don't understand...

>>17058697
>well, there's a good chance it will break the relationship with your gf. if she's the one you intend to marry and bear your kids, i'd not risk it. if she's just somebody you want to spend this part of your life with, go for it.
I'm actually less afraid about breaking the relationship with my gf, because she's the one who proposed this after all. I'm more afraid about breaking the relationship with my ex-FWB for either of us (she's my gf's best friend).

>>17058947
>she's my gf's best friend
dude... what are you even getting yourself into?
smells like drama desu.
how old are all of you?
why not just have a 3-way relationship?
and just because the gf proposed this doesn't mean that she backpedals later. sometimes you think you are sure you can handle something just to find out you can't. she would need the opportunity to voice that if it happens and not hold it back and get bitter over it.

>>17058951
*won't backpedal...

>>17058697
>dude... what are you even getting yourself into?
>smells like drama desu.
I know that iur relationships with each other are kinda strange to outsiders. Just know that we're all fine with it and there are no strange feelings involved.

>how old are all of you?
I'm 24, ex FWB is 25 and gf is 26.
>why not just have a 3-way relationship?
Because I don't have romantic feelings for ex-FWB. I simply enjoy having sex with her, almost as much as having sex with my gf.
>and just because the gf proposed this doesn't mean that she backpedals later. sometimes you think you are sure you can handle something just to find out you can't. she would need the opportunity to voice that if it happens and not hold it back and get bitter over it.
I'm aware of this as well and should this thing ever come to a second round, I'll be sure to give her a permanent veto right in case she wants to end this at any point. But as of now, I'm not quite sure how to even get there.

I like going to Asia. Massage places. The older Asian milf woman really knows how to massage the buttocks and their touch is erotic

How do I find massage spa that gives hj? I don't need sex or bj

I asked this in an old thread, but I will try again.

Guys - what could your girlfriend do to make you less nervous?

My boyfriend is going through a lot of stress at work and he is being a bitch. He is picking up fights with me for no reason.
I already try my best to please him in bed, take care of the house and cook every meal. I took him on small trip last weekend.

Would it be a good idea to start doing a sport together?
He refuses to go out with his friends because "he needs to work".

>>17058824
>Touch her leg with your hand.

Reminds me of that image of the chickens foot on a girls leg with the caption
>how it feels when a nice guy touches you

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>>17059048
lost

>>17059043
Guys don't operate like girls do. When a guy -- and I do mean a GUY, not a metrosexual fruit -- gets frustrated or pissed off, he doesn't want to talk about it, he doesn't want the situation even brought up. All he needs is help, but he doesn't want anyone ASKING how they can help. Let him think; basically, you cooking for him and cleaning the house is a GOOD thing because it allows him to operate on auto-pilot without having to think, and while I can't be the judge on whether or not your relationship needs sex I know that when I was dealing for a merger with another business I kicked my girlfriend out of our bed because she kept trying to get frisky when I wanted some goddamn sleep.

When he "needs to work" he quite literally NEEDS to work. There are no ulterior motives. Let him do his own thing, stay in the background, and keep your sanity by stop worrying about him other than making sure he has food and a clean home and do whatever you want to do. Don't let his frustrations become your frustrations; he wouldn't want them to become your problems, anyways, which is why he doesn't talk about it in great detail.

So I have to take out my coworker sometime next week. The problem is that I like her, and I think she likes me, but she has a boyfriend. I don't really want to break that up (even though the dude is a bit of a douche) and i don't want to make anything weird between us. Where do I take her, and how do I not look like I'm trying to steal his girl?

>>17059115
Why even take her out then

>>17059096
I told him I'm here if he needs to vent when he started this project, and then never even talked about this.
I try to not stress him and just say yes to whatever he asks me.
When it comes to sex I don't initiate, but if he does I drop everything and try to please him.
Only concern I have is that I am getting pissed off and upset by his attitude and I really need him to calm down. He yells at me constantly, he gets mad at me when I'm not even at home, he starts fucking me and then leaves halfway because he can't concenttate. This far I have always managed to stay calm and comfort him if he needed, but I am a bit pissed off.
I can take care of the house and him, but I have a stressing life too and I am starting to get annoyed when he behaves like a little bitch.
I feel like he is not respecting me and my efforts, and I need to find a way for him to unwind before I get mad and do something I'd regret

>>17059126
Sounds like he needs a wake-up call. I wasn't aware it was this severe.

Put a hand-written note saying you're "out" for the day somewhere he can read it and do whatever you want for a day without talking or responding to him. If / When he confronts you in person, remain level-headed despite how much he might yell and scream and simply say you want to SUPPORT (not help! Don't say help!) him, not be ABUSED by him.

If that doesn't shake him up, come back to us. In the meantime, enjoy a day with Thelma and Louise.

>>17059121
She asked me to. Troubles at home and such.

>>17058762
>>17058768
honestly, this.

I was in this kind of relationship and caught feelings, wanted to start a ~real relationship with my fwb, he didn't want to commit; finally with me really hurt we ended it; soon after I started dating another guy in a more traditional way and suddenly my former fwb realises the whole time he had feelings for me but didn't commit bc the situation was convenient for him, wants to be together seriously, but I don't want him after all we've been through plus I like the new guy

IMO: stay away from this mess. If you want to have sex, have one night stands or start dating. Fwb sounds like a good idea bc you get the benefits of fucking someone for a longer time (knowing each other bodies etc.) while remaining casual but from what I experienced and saw from other people, it has always ended up with one or both people hurt

And yes sex with actual feelings for someone feels much better

>>17059048
>>17059053
So touching her is a bad idea?

>>17058937
Bump

>>17058852
I mentioned that I wish I had a foot fetish because it seems like being turned on by feet would make the world a way more fun place to be in. I then mentioned that she had small feet

The girl i (was) dating went full cold hearted on me.
We were supposed to go out together on the weekend, but she didnt answer her phone. Since then (few days later on) she wrote a message telling me some family related shit happened and shes not feeling well, and shes not sure what to do anymore.
I tried to call her but she didnt answer again, then i wrote to her that we should meet up and talk, but she said no, shed rather be alone.
Im i right to be pissed off? I mean, i dont even know what exactly happened, but she went from everything is fine i like you a lot, to i dont even want to talk to you.
The worst os that there is no real closure, since her message to be left alone i didint write her anything nor did she.
What should i do?

Ok so guys,

You know when you reallly have a crush on someone, and whenever you try to approach them, you get really bad stomach butterflies, it's hard to talk, essentially highschool level "crush" feels.

Is it bad that I stop getting these feels after being around my crush for a while? I mean, obviously she's my friend now, but there isn't that same intensity of pressure of messing something up (There still is, but it's not nearly as impossible to deal with).

Maybe we're just getting more comfortable with each other? Idk.

>>17059285
Its natural.
You get used to being around Her, so the feeling fades.

>>17059285

That's how it is. Infatuation doesn't last forever, and that overwhelming sensation in particular is something that's a direct consequence of inexperience (though butterflies still exist).

>>17059131
Thanks anon, I will try to do it. My best friend has a day off work this weekend so I might go away with her.

I also thoguht to start working out with him, maybe he will get less frustrated after an hour at the gym.

>>17059239
Might have been something serious like a close relative dying (or worse), if you two aren't close yet then just leave her alone for a while like she said.

>>17058937
Stop overthinking it, stop analyzing every single thing she does and worrying about whether it means she doesn't like you anymore. It is absolutely never helpful.

>>17058759
>I don't want to act like some horny perv trying to get into her pants.
Then don't.

i was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and since getting my meds, I am going through a second puberty.
I am seeing women I didn't see before and lust about fucking, licking, kissing them like a rabid, horny dog that has been freed from a cage since its birth.
That's how it feels to me, compared to my old self.
In addition, I am also much more driven,can think more clearly and can continue to work throughout the day.
All in all, I stopped feeling like a sad cunt.
Today I woke up at 5am and started jogging, just wear some sturdy clothes and shoes and go.
Unbelievable.

I am visiting a friend tomorrow in order to get some counseling over a bottle of beer.

But one question remains:
How the hell do I get into the dating life?
I never, EVER had any real interest throughout my childhood, youth and now as a young adult in his mid-twenties I imagine things which are over the top in comparison to what I called my imagination.

I imagine it like a decade long build up of blueballs with interests and interests.


help.

>>17059326
>Then don't.
Well, in the last thread, the only advice I was given boiled down to "acting like a horny perv trying to get into her pants."

Shit like "grab her ass" , "do whatever you want with her" etc.

I wasn't really given any other advice which is why I asked further here.

>>17059326
Yeah, but i know that its not death or something like that, more like a quarrel with other family members.

>>17059335
maybe it's not that complicated, there is no trick or a manual for success, just do the most intuitive thing and if she reciprocates she would meet you halfway.

i have a general question i guess, my gf is fat and i dont feel as sexually attracted to her as i would like, of course you cant actually talk to a woman about her weight, even in a health sense they will take you to the cleaners, so my question is do i just have to ride the wave and hope she figures out its not good what shes doing?

>>17059338
I got no experience with this type of shit, and I don't really know what to even do in the situations where we are together.
Obviously, I sorta want to touch her, wrap my arm around her etc, but I am so damn scared of her potentially reacting negatively, that I don't dare to do any of that.

Hey, any gender

So the girl I like, she's super outgoing and semi like a tomboy, jokes around, hangs around alot of guys.

How do I make someone with so many guy friends see me as something more?

>>17059368
Ask to suck her dick

>>17059345
I'm a fat girl myself. It's always some underlying issue that makes you get fat in the first place. That might be psycological. Like emotional eating or stress. But it might also be a physical problem, like insuline level issues or lack of sleep. Try to find out WHAT is causing her overweight and then adress THAT issue. This is the better approach because of two things: you don't have to adress the weight directly, which migh make her be offended or feel insecure/unattractive. Secondly, even if she loses weight, if the root that caused it is still there, it will come back. People need balance. If they work too much, or sleep too little, if they have childhood issues that still need adressing, and so on. It will show in one way or another. With your gf, it shows in her weight.

Women what was the reason for you breaking up with your previous boyfriends / divorcing your husband if applicable.

>>17059239
Bumping this shit, additionall question:
Her birthday is in a few days, should i wrote something for her on it, or completely cut off contact as long as shes not reaching out to me?

>>17059411
Say I've been a frequent gym-goer for years and the gf knows this. Would you recommend suggesting she come work out with me?

>>17059413
My first bf was a neat guy when we started dating. Sadly, my sister was dating a neo nazi at that time. Since i'm very close with my sister, the 4 of us spent a lot of time doing stuff together. Slowly but surely, my bf started to adopt that fascist mindset untill it got so bad he shaved his head and hung a swatsika over our bed. That was the moment i had to go.
My second bf got homesick and moved back to the other side of the world.
I now hope things work out with my current bf

>>17059416
How long have you been dating. Sounds like she moved on. Just let it be. Maybe reach out to her one more time so you later don't regret letting it slip just like that, bur don't expect her to answer. If she doesn't, she's a really mean cunt. Sorry, anon

>>17059413
I broke up with my only serious bf because we had different plans for the next few years which would have implied both of us being very unhappy in a LDR.
It was mutual, and we still love each other very much.

Other guys I have been seeing... They turned out to be an asshole, mentally ill, a cheater or uninteresting.

Anyone, I was joking around with a girl calling her a trash monster about 3 days ago

Today she posted a status and she was calling another one of her friends a trash monster....

w-what does it mean?

>>17059411

yeah that sounds about right, she tells me she eats of of boredom sometimes, something i still dont understand, like why would food make you not bored, it doesnt take long to eat things

anyway she doesnt eat properly, far to many sugary snacks and not enough exercise, i think she wants to do the right thing but isnt really putting in a concerted effort, and i love her, i really do, which is why i wont be shallow and leave her because of it, but id love if she tried harder

>>17059420
I wouldn't want to go to the gym, especially not with my bf. I'd be too selfconscious and embarassed. I prefer to run alone in the woods, hoping to not come across anybody. Maybe get YOURSELF a threadmill? So she has access to cardio without having to fear the judgement of strangers. Don't say anything, just tell her you want to get one for when you don't feel like going to the gym on a lazy day or to do something beneficial whilst bingewatching netflix. Use it and maybe she will get into it too.

>>17059411
This is so true. When I started therapy I lost maybe 40 kg in a year.

>>17059420
No, anon. Try to help her understand what makes her overeat. Then, eventually, when she deals with her psychological problem help her lose the weight if she wants. Address that problem and not the weight itself.

>>17059426
She thinks you're awesome

>>17059413
Last time I broke with a bf was in hs. The reason for that was: I was depressed and though the relationship had something todowith it. Also no sex.Regretting it in hindsight but then again I wasn't in the state and we faught constantly. And his parents were cunts towards me.

>>17059426
From the FAQ

>Someone did something insignificant. What does it mean?
Nothing significant. Stop overthinking it.

>>17059429
Does everything have to be some psychological hullabaloo though. I didn't eat pizza 3 nights a week and sit on my ass all day because of some unresolved childhood trauma I did it because I was lazy and didn't care. Then I decided I was sick of being fat and with a year of effort I cut 8 inches off my waist.

But then I'm a guy.

>>17059427
Sure, it doesn't really help with being bored for a long time. It's not that she is "hm, i could aso read a book or go for a walk or watch a movie"-bored. It's when your mouth is bored. I can't describe it. Probably only fat people know what it feels like. What i do in situations like this is munch on something that satisfies my "need to chew" without adding huge amounts of calories. Carrots, apples and chewing gum are my go-to. Or i drink small sips of water. But sometimes, nothing helps. Maybe distract her if you watch her going back to the kitchen over and over again. Suggest to go grab a coffee. (even if she then orders a croissant with it, it will be better than eating a whole box of cookies over the afternoon...). Or have sex with her!

>>17059441
Not necessarily some childhood trauma, I didn't mean that.
But there is something wrong if you don't care about yourself enough to eat healthy and be your best self.
I used food for comfort. When I started therapy and I talked about my issuses I didn't need comfort from food. Started losing weight and then I was like "well whatever, already lost most of it, could as well exercise and get healthy".
I didn't respect myself and I was in a sort of spiral - I didn't feel lovable because I was fat and ate too much to comfort myself for being fat.
Now I'm happy with myself and I would never get back to it, but there is something wrong if you don't take care of yourself.

>>17059441
Nope. But sometimes it does.I used to be fat as a kid and grew fatter as a result of bullying. When I was shedding weight I found all the reasons why I was fat before I got too low self-esteem to go out(my mother was getting in my progress, telling me how I'm overdoing it, or I'll hurt myself - I just tuned her out at some point but not all kids can do that).
Now I live alone and I'm skinnyfat going to skinny. I'll always think I'm too fat though.

>>17059422
Around 2 months.
I just cant understand, i mean literally everYthing was good, and then suddenly this complete cutoff.
At least she could tell me her reasoning, but no.
Also, our circle of friends is the same, so its not like she can just disappear forever, sooner or later we will bump into each other, and it will be fuckin awkward. Its in her interest too to resolve this situation before that happens.

I can't take care of myself on my own and daily chores and paper work and stuff without some tutors/caretakers help, should I bother trying to find a woman in my life?

I wish I was joking about this but the fact is I'm not, I will never be able to take care of myself without extensive help every single day.

I like this guy I am friends with but he's sort of awkward and so am I.

Can I just ask him 'Hey, just wondering, are you romantically interested in me or are you just friendly?" (because I cannot tell and it could go either way i think)

I don't want to ask him on a date quite yet. I just want to know. It's ok for me if he's not interested since there's some mutual friends of ours that I'M kinda interested in, so...

>>17059480
live a natural life. grow your own food, make your own toiletries. not everyone is cut out for the urban grind

Chatting with a playful chick, she's like that with alot of people, very boyish

How do I get her to see me as a romantic option?

>>17059507
>How do I get her to see me as a romantic option?

How do I get him/her to see me as a romantic option?

This should be in the OP because this is one of the many reasons why we come to these threads in the first place.

>>17059494
Be forward, ask if he wants to go for lunch soon and talk to him

So on monday I started chatting to a girl in my bio classes

She's cute and all, seems comfortable talking to me but during breaks she wanders off to be with her friends.

So it's like we've talked a ton over facebook but hardly in person, how do I make the leap without her just saying yes to make everyone happy/?

>"No, but he’s really hot," translates to "How did you trick someone like that into having sex with you?"

Is this really true?

>>17059529
really depends on the context

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/adv/ help me, I'm all butterflyish and it's killing me.
There's this girl I play volleyball with (and we study together, too) and we've sorta became good friends in the last few months. We spend a lot of time together and she'd hold my hand while walking about and all that stuff.
Now, she knows I'm lesbian and we've talked about this sort of thing before (she said it's something she's "given some thought" before) but she has a long-term boyfriend with whom she used to share an apartment, but she rented that off to someone else while she was abroad for a semester and had him find a new place, which to me seems either horrible or as if their relationship isn't all that serious.
Question is, what do I do? I feel like I'm 15 again around her, I blush and stutter like a little girl but she's incredibly sweet and cool and lately I've been daydreaming about her constantly.

Pic sorta related, she looks a bit like Gemma Arterton.

>>17058759
Dude. You forgot the first part of that guy's story. You start slow, and if she doesn't move away, try more. I'll lay out an order of reasonable deniability to plsfuckme:

>When walking next to each other, walk a little bit closer than you normally do
>When getting her attention from behind, place your hand on her shoulder. Let it linger as she turns, don't tap
>She says a joke and while you laugh, you lightly touch her with the flat of your fingers for a few seconds
>She says something cute/stupid, you laugh and pat her head or ruffle her hair
>Quick and distant hug for hellos and goodbyes
>Longer, closer hugs for hellos and goodbyes.
>When sitting next to each other, sit a little closer than usual
>When sitting next to each other, sit even closer, and let your thighs/knees touch hers
This is the most obvious turning point. She will readjust herself and scootch away if she doesn't want you to touch her any more. If she lets your thighs touch, that is a green light.
>When sitting next to each other, wrap your arm around the back of her chair/couch without actually touching her.
>When sitting next to each other, wrap your arm around the back of her chair/couch but be lightly touching her.
>When sitting next to each other, wrap your arm around her shoulders.
If she leans into you, outs her head on your chest/shoulder, you're in!!
>While your thighs are touching, put your hand on your own leg. Let it slip so that the side of your hand touches her leg
Depending on your style, you could do one of two things:

>>17059535
>>17058759
>1 put your hand on her thigh
>2 take her hand in yours
After the hand hold you can go in for a cutesy kiss.
If you want to get her more turned on and possibly have the sex, here's your progression past hand-thigh.
>Fidget with your thumb, drawing slow circles while you keep your fingers on her thigh
Listen to her breath here, see if she breathes faster/more heavily. If she lets out audible exhales, that's good. She might make a very small sound that is similar to a cut off moan. Very very good. She should probably lean into you more at this point, unless she's too nervous.
>For a couple seconds, rub your hand on her thigh, and rest again a little higher up.
>Slightly grip a little tighter for a beat and then slacken up.
Once you've got your hand closer to her hip than her knee, you've essentially just won a game of are you nervous.
You could creep up to her crotch and rub her through her clothes, or go in for the kiss, or both. Congrats.

(Disclaimer: order may change based off of culture, intoxication status, and her social disorder status)

I've watched as this has been done to me, and every shift closer or away is calculated on how much I want the guy to progress. I've done a version of this as a girl, and though with slight variations, it's nearly the same.

Does it make sense now?

I think I put off getting closer to this girl for too long. We still talk plenty because we work together, but now when we talk about doing stuff together she mentions bringing her friends. She also told me she has a crush on a guy after I told her about a girl that hit on me. Am I too late to do anything?

>>17059538
>after I told her about a girl that hit on me
do you already have a diagnosis to go with that autism?

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>>17059538
>told me she has a crush on a guy after I told her about a girl that hit on me.
you cant make this shit up..

>>17059535
>>17059536
Dude what the fuck , are you autistic? This is some real PUA shit here, If you don't know what the fuck you're doing this shit becomes super creepy

>>17059540
>>17059544
I am p autistic, tell me how im fucked up though

>>17059553
by not making a fucking move first and then by trying to "up your worth with fake tales of attention".

>>17059553
By telling her about a girl that hit on you, you effectively communicated your disinterest in the girl you were talking to. Were you expecting to see her get jealous? Most people would assume you were interested in the girl who hit on you and expected the other person to tell you about their love life as well

>>17059549
What? Honestly this is pretty fucking normal, and comes natural to most guys. If you're close to a girl, and you're relaxed and confident around her, it shouldn't be a big deal and it's not creepy as all.
Getting physical is the most normal way to switch a friendship into a relationship.

>>17059549
I'm a chick. What's wrong with it? You move on to the next step when she shows signs that she likes it, or if she doesn't move away.
This has always been my definition of "escalating physically." I've seen it mirrored in my conversations with friends on how to flirt.

>>17059567
You document the whole thing...you're way overthinking it...things should be natural not 'step 5 you rub circles on her shoulders' 'step 6 inch your hand to her crotch and her breathing should speed up' . You could just ask her out instead of setting the precedent for the relationship to be sexual not just romantic

I don't deny that some of those things work but again, it should just be natural not PUA manual you rely on

>>17058697
Talking with a girl online. She just sent me this:
"Hm.. nice .i think youre busy person based on your message.. Me? My hobbies are singing, sketching when i feel bored .sometimes swimming . "
I was thinking of replying with this:
"You draw? That's awesome! What's your favorite thing to draw? Nature, landscapes, people, et. c.? I drew once, too, but apparently dueling's outlawed here :( ;)
Swimming is lots of fun. I wish it was warm enough to swim year-round here.
AND YOU SING?! Woah! I'd love to hear you sing sometime. ;) I bet you're great."
Is that response acceptable?

>>17059581
"you draw? that's awesome! Me too - except I draw blood...." (because I cut myself) ... this way to /r9k/ ...

>>17059581
it's a bit overentuhsiastical...

>>17059593
"What could I do to tone it down? Just remove some exclamation marks?
Also, I changed it a bit:
You draw? That's awesome! What's your favorite thing to draw? Nature, landscapes, people, et. c.? I drew once, too, but apparently dueling's outlawed here :( ;)
Jokes aside, I'm fairly good at drawing myself! :)
Swimming is lots of fun. I wish it was warm enough to swim year-round here.
AND YOU SING?! I'd love to hear you sing sometime. ;) I bet you're great."

>>17059579
I'm telling this to a guy who doesn't understand how to do this naturally.

It comes to me naturally. I know instinctually what level of closeness I'm at with a guy without having to go through check marks. This interaction is mostly based off of what a guy did to me one night.

But I need to lay it out for someone who needs to artificially learn those instincts.

If you want it to be romantic, that's where you stop at the thigh touch, hold her hand instead and go in for the kiss. Or you could ask her on a date or to be his girlfriend, if he hasn't already done so. I assumed that the sitting-alone-with-each-other would be during a date, but I should have specified.

Since this guy is clueless, I wanted to show him the entire process of intimacy. If he doesn't actually want to have a make out session or sex with her yet, he shouldn't go past where I say "do this next part if you want the sex"

>>17059579
I am not the anon who wrote the two posts, I am a random girl.

Of course things should come natural, but if the other anon is here asking how to escalate physically, he doesn't know how to do it naturally.
That is actually a good idea of what he should do to make things physical.

You eventually do have to make a move to develop a relationship. You don't just ask someone out on a date, sit there, wait and end up married because magic.
After you're comfortable with a girl and you ask them out, getting closer to them doing pretty much exactly what the other anon said is a good way to make your relationship turn into something romantic and sexual. Showing your interest physically is the most normal way to turn a platonic relationship into something more, it is a way of flirting.
Nothing PUA in that.

>>17058868
I think most women do. I'm 21 and I've never had the desire to have any, but I accept that I probably will when I'm older and the maternal instincts start kicking in big time.

>>17059599
Anon that's one super lenghty message.
Take one thing at time. Send the first message
>You draw? That's awesome! What's your favorite thing to draw? Nature, landscapes, people, etc?
And eventually when the conversation about drawing runs out ask the other things.
Also - don't overdo the emoticons. They're pretty unmanly.

>>17059567
>>17059604
Thanks for backing me up. I started to wonder if everything I knew was a lie.

>>17059599
meh... she sounds like she doesn't really draw, just threw that in to make her look interesting desu.
she first mentioned singin, so that might be her pet pevee. ask her if she takes lessons or just does it by herself. what she's currently working on, what her favorite singer are, and so on. don't really mention that you'd like to hear her sing. she might be shy to do so infront of people and drop the topic to avoid that.
you can still do that drawing/drew joke and mention that you draw yourself. (be prepared to send pics of scetches...)
tell her what sporty activity you like to do or tell her a funny little sotry that you got "reminded off" by her hobbie.

>>17059413
I've had a few short term relationships end just because I didn't find the guy that interesting. My only long term relationship ended because we were moving away from each other for university, and neither one of us wanted an LDR.

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>>17059535
>>17059536

I don't want just to fuck her. In fact, the main reason I am interested in her is because I really enjoy her company. She is fun to be around, and I actually find myself truly enjoying just chatting with her, or doing stupid shit like watching silly videos from youtube, or playing friggin Kimble with her. This is the first time I have actually felt this sort of kinship with a girl, which is also the main reason why I developed my crush on her.
Not to say that she is unattractive in any way. It is just that my feelings for her stem for far more than just some sexual urges towards her. I have pretty low sex drive in general anyways. I have never had any desire to approach chicks just so that I can get in their pants, which is why I am still a virgin at age of 22. I am also somewhat uncomfortable with sexual stuff in general I guess. I hate it when my friends, or my cousin bring up the topic as it makes me uncomfortable. All I can do in those situations is just sit there awkwardly and hope they change the topic.


In any case, we have already sat together pretty close, with our legs touching etc, and I have rested my hand on her leg a couple of times, but I fear that I am too awkward, clueless and nervous to really do anything besides that.

>no memes

>>17059616
>>17059611
Okay. Which of you is a girl so that I know whose advice to hold higher?
These both sound pretty good, though.
Right now, I've shortened the message to this:
"You draw? That's awesome! I drew once, too, but apparently dueling's outlawed here ;)
Jokes aside, I'm fairly good at drawing myself! What's your favorite thing to draw? Nature, landscapes, people, et. c.?
I changed "decent" to "good" to project a bit more confidence without seeming too cocky.
I was thinking that I would then flow the conversation into other things after that.
Or I could start off by only mentioning singing first and then bring back drawing later.
Wat do?

>>17059616
>she first mentioned singin, so that might be her pet pevee
I don't think pet peeve means what you think it means.
I've always heard it as something that annoys you. "My pet peeve is when people leave the light on when they leave a room!"

>>17059636
That is what it means. A pet peeve is an annoyance.
I think he meant to say that that's her favorite one.

>>17059603
>>17059604
I guess we deal with different sorts of people then.It's interesting. I'm friends with girls who would be weirded out if a guy they liked tried touching their thigh/arm across shoulders/ or pulling this stuff. I'm a girl too and I get weirded out as well when guys do this even if i'm attracted.

Just hold my hand talk to me and kiss me. but you're right the principle is the same, of making moves

>>17059624
Then stop at the hand hold like I said. Use that time to look in her eyes and ask her to be your girlfriend.

How about this. Tell me what you would like. What's your ideal for who you are to this girl and what she would be to you. What do you want?

>>17059636
yeah, might be. english is not my first language. thanks for clearing that up. lernt something new. however, you got what i meant, right?

>>17059624
It is not a matter of satisfying your sexual urges, but anon you have to find a way to turn a platonic relationship into something romantic and sexual.
You asked her out. It went well. You should try to find a way to make things more and more intimate, and, really, what the other anon said is accurate.
Take your time, do the same thing many times before moving further (rest your hand on her thigh a few times), but move in that direction. Be confident in your actions, once you decide to go with it do it.
It is important to give her a sign that you're interested in her, and you have to flirt both with words and with actions.
Anon gave you some EXTREMELY good advice on how to escalate physically.
You could start complimenting her, or asking her out too.
But actions speak louder than words.

>>17059615
No worries! You gave some extremely solid advice to the guy.

>>17059630
diff anon but i'm a girl. definitely don't use all caps. You wouldn't shout at her irl right? And cool it with the exclamation marks because you come off as too excited and clingy. don't ask too many questions per message because no one likes typing out long things and forgetting which question they're answering

>>17059647
Out of curiosity, where are you located? Sounds like a cultural thing, like I mentioned in my disclaimer.
I'm on the United States west coast. Here, friends can hug hello/good bye and being physical is more normal.

I'd hope the original anon would know how to scale if to what's appropriate and normal for his area, but I suppose that lack of knowledge is why we're having this conversation.

>>17059604
Where are you located too?

>>17059653
>>17059611
Anyways, again - this is what I've got so far:

"You draw? That's awesome! I drew once, too, but apparently dueling's outlawed here ;)
Jokes aside, I'm fairly good at drawing myself! What's your favorite thing to draw? Nature, landscapes, people, et. c.?"

If singing's her main thing, how could I go about asking her about it and engaging her without creeping her out. I want to make it clear I'm interested in her, but not be overbearing.

"You sing?! That's awesome! Do you do it on your own, or have you ever taken lessons for it?"
I'd like to make a flirty joke, or joke how I've got a terrible voice without seeming inconfident. Maybe something like "I personally couldn't carry a tune if it was in a bucket! But I admire those who can." Or does that come off as super Beta?

>>17058833
God damn, you are good for making excuses.
That's why "nice guys"are in friendzoned for being spineless beta.

She is worth it?

TAKE RISKS

>>17059660
Alright. Thanks. So - how is the revised message, then?
The one where I removed some exclamation points and cut out the other questions.

>>17058853
>
Most women know what's happening, she already with you do something

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>>17059648
I guess that I want her to be my gf.
I dunno, I have never had this sort of emotions before.
I like her really much, and I hope that she likes me too. Unfortunately, I do not know if she sees me as anything more than a friend. I don't consider myself particularly attractive, smart, or witty, which is partially why I am having massive doubts about if she actually likes me the way I like her.

Obviously she doesn't utterly dislike me, or find me repulsive, due to the fact that she keeps spending time with me, and has agreed to come with me to the movies, just to hang around in the city, or and to store trips multiple times already. Nor would she probably invite me to her room to spend time with her, like she did yesterday.
When I asked her if she would like to come to a museum with me earlier this week, she agreed to it, but the trip will probably happen next week at it's earliest, due to her being busy and leaving to her home for the weekend.

I am just super afraid of fucking something up, or appearing to be some sort of awkward creep, and most of all, rejection. I mean, if she has only seen me as a friend this whole time, I would basically ruin our friendship by trying to escalate things.

>>17059657
> you have to find a way to turn a platonic relationship into something romantic and sexual.
Well, if I knew any such way, I wouldn't be here.

The problem is that when I have asked her out, I dunno if they have really been dates. To her, they could have just been her spending time with her friend.
Also, how can I be confident in my actions, when I got zero fucking clue about what I am doing?

>>17058801
If you're a gril I'd give you $5/fart and pay for your lunch beforehand.

>>17058803
You think your farts are worth that much? lololol what a princess

Also, I'm thinking I could do the drawing message later.
Since she mentioned singing first, how about this message:

"I've always liked people who could sing. Do you do it on your own, or have you ever taken lessons for it? I personally couldn't carry a tune if it was in a bucket, but I greatly admire those who can."

How is that? I don't think the bucket joke projects confidence, though, so I might change that.

>>17059669
Take out this exclamation point after 'sing'. It makes you seem like you are shocked and confused that someone like her would sing.
>"You sing? That's awesome! Do you do it on your own, or have you ever taken lessons for it?"

I'm an idiot and didn't understand your duel joke until I read it a billion times. Do you mean like a gun duel?

Also et cetera is typically abbreviated to etc.

Also how good are you really? For some reason I get the feeling that you're over exaggerating your talents.

>"You draw? That's awesome! I drew a gun once, but apparently dueling's outlawed here ;)
>Jokes aside, I'm fairly good at drawing myself. What's your favorite thing to draw? Nature, landscapes, people, etc?"


It doesn't matter which route you go.

>>17059681
>You think your farts are worth that much?
my dignity is worth even more. you couldn't afford it bb

>>17059687
No, I really am fairly good/decent. I'm not going to exaggerate my talents; I'm very modest.
I'm certainly no Picasso, but I can do a decent drawing. I don't have any with me to upload pics of, but others have always told me I'm pretty good.

>>17059678
>Well, if I knew any such way, I wouldn't be here.

WE ARE FUCKING TELLING YOU.
We have been telling you for weeks now.

Make a move. Worst that can possibly happen, she doesn't like it and you go back to being her friend.
She invited you to her room. She spends ton of time with you. She agreed on hanging out, just the two of you, may times. She clearly has something for you.
Try to do something or you'll regret it forever. Stop finding excuses.

>>17059667
Italy. We are pretty physical too, I guess.

>>17059669
you could go with: "i only sing in the shower, but i always dreamed of finding a duet partner."

>>17059678
You take away ambiguity by saying "will you go on a date with me?"
You can still do the physical escalations. Stop at an arm around her shoulder or holding her hand.

The reason why this is so great is that it allows quiet rejections. If you put your arm around her shoulder and she stiffens up or moves away, she isn't interested in progressing your friendship. But now you don't have to deal with an awkward conversation about actually being rejected.

You have to put yourself out there to get that feedback, though.

Instead of progressing to sex, imagine it as progressing to cuddling.

>>17059699
That seems a bit creepy.
But the dubs of truth conflict.

>>17059703
alirght, then you're not in that territory yet. just make the "i only sing in the shower" joke then. followed by, maybe you can teach me a thing or two?

>>17059693
Cool, that's good then. I'm a girl too, since you wanted to know our genders.

>>17059684
I like the bucket, it's funny. Saying you like people who sing might be coming on a little strong, but if you're at that point, go for it.

>>17059692
Your dignity? I am the one getting farted on by a qtpie, it's more about you humiliating me.

>>17059533
Anybody?

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is the size of a load very important? I feel like as I get older my loads are much smaller and they don't shoot out nearly as hard as they used to.
they used to pop off and almost hit me in the face, now they just sorta dribble out onto my hand

>>17059699
>i only sing in the shower, but i always dreamed of finding a duet partner
pervy-chic

>>17059720
kek. atleast i tried, right?

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>>17059694
>Make a move.
Doesn't actually tell me much about what I should do. Again, I have zero fucking experience with this shit. How am I supposed to "make a move" when I don't even know if I can touch her without doing something wrong?
Also, all her behavior, could still be her considering me to be merely her friend.

>>17059702
The problem with asking her to a flat out date, is that I got zero clue where to take her. I don't want to bore her, and right now, the stuff we have done when we have "gone out" together, has, outside of the two movie trips, been basically just walking around in the town, going to a bunch of stores, and then getting back to the apartment complex.

I have tried putting my hand over her shoulder a few times, but I have always chickened out, and instead rested it on the back of the chair.
I would love to cuddle with her desu.

>>17059712
well, doing stuff for money always comes at the cost of your dignity.

>>17059709
>>17059708
Alright. I'll go with the bucket one, then.
That's good. Thanks very much lassies. Much appreciated.
Though you're saying the "I've always liked people who could sing" is coming on a little strong. Since I only just started chatting with her like a week ago, do you have any ideas on how I could tone it down?
I don't want to completely back off. I just don't want to scare her away, either.

>>17059533
She has a boyfriend. You can't really do anything until she's done with that.
Deciding not to live together anymore isn't necessarily horrible.

I'd be cautious. Has she been with a girl before? Sounds like you'd be her tester. I don't like being in that position with someone I really care about.

You can't do anything until she splits with her bf, though

>>17059722
No, I mean that could work with some girls.
I attracted my gf with this kind of accidental sleaziness, but I don't think most girls would go for it

>>17059718
If you cum in an orfice, it doesn't really matter.

>>17059718
bf cums inside me 8/10 times, so i don't even notice. 1/10 might be me swallowing and then i also don't really notice/it might be harder to swallow a HUGE load.
1/10 he cums on my boobs, belly, ass, whatever. i don't really care about the size of the load. don't worry about it too much, anon. if you want, there are guides on how to get bigger loads. and you can do kegels to enhance your "shooting range".

>>17059720
>>17059722
>>17059729
In that case, I'll save this and potentially use it later on if things in the chat go well.

>>17059725
It's not like that, it's like I'm paying for the honor of getting covered in your qtpie farts.

>>17059729
it would have probably worked on me, so that's why i used that example...
>>17059733
sure thing! good luck

>>17059724
>when I don't even know if I can touch her without doing something wrong?
>I have tried putting my hand over her shoulder a few times, but I have always chickened out

This is your hang up. Stop chickening out. You'll know you've done it wrong when she stops the physical interaction. Just try.

A date doesn't have to be fancy. The main attraction is you two together. Take her for a dinner. Bring her home for a movie. Use the word "date"

Stop shooting yourself in the foot. These are flimsy excuses. You're just scared. Push through.

I talk to a girl often, I like her obviously, she usually writes long responses and questions back etc when we talk.

I want to talk to her more often, and she engages conversation about 1/3 times now.

I heard women can have a problem with engaging conversation with guys they like. Should I just keep engaging conversations, even if its once per day? Until she doesnt respond enthusiastically anymore?

Im shit at this....

>>17059734
what's the appeal? why not just let her piss on you?

>>17058697
Ladies, why won't you date Asian men or men that even look remotely Asian?

>>17059727
Yeah, I know, it's just that when she talks about her boyfriend, if at all, it seems very...unromantic, I guess. Like he's a roommate she's just gotten used to. But maybe I'm biased.

I'm not sure. I don't think she's ever been with a girl, at least she seemed to be very interested in hearing more about my sex life, in a "scientific curiosity" kind of way.
And you're right, I don't just want to be the "experiment" for her, been there, done that. But like I said I can't help myself around her, she's just unbearably cute.

>>17059741
because i don't know any desu

>>17059742
There's nothing you can do until they're actually broken up.

>>17059739
You have the right idea. You're still good.
Invite her in a date.

Alright, one last question.
I'm probably going to tell her:

>"I've always liked people who could sing. Do you do it on your own, or have you ever taken lessons for it? I personally couldn't carry a tune if it was in a bucket, but I greatly admire those who can."

If the "I've always liked people who could sing" is coming on too strong since we've only been talking for a week, should I add a "haha" to the front or a ";)" to the end? Would that make it better?

>haha I've always liked people who could sing. ;) Do you do it on your own, or have you ever taken lessons for it? I personally couldn't carry a tune if it was in a bucket, but I greatly admire those who can.

>>17059752
>should I add a "haha" to the front or a ";)" to the end? Would that make it better?
No. A wink would make it even more suggestive. If you're worried about it, just cut that sentence. The rest of your reply stands alone just fine.

>>17059752
cut it out completely. you already say that you like people who can sing in the last sentence. if you repeat it in the beginning, it sounds a bit over the top.

>>17059741
I do. But it took 10 years after my first try (10th grade) to find one I could connect with.

Part of it is because of what this anon said >>17059746

For me, it was very hard to get them to talk to me. The Asian guys I knew in high school and college were largely standoff-ish. They hung out with other Asians and that was it. None of them were particularly outgoing. The couple of them who were, had girlfriends already.

I met an Asian guy in Hawaii on a business trip when I was 26. We've been together for 3 years now. He was super outgoing, but I noticed that most people in Hawaii were that way. So my assumption, for my experiences, is that the comfort level for Asians to be are open to dating non-Asian women, depends on the culture they were raised.

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>>17059724
Making excuses.
How the fuck you going to have experiencie of clue if you dont anything

Do something or live alone, unhappy and with regrets for being a fucking coward.

Fucking pussy die, i whish i was there to take your girlfriend from you . I bet you will do nothing like the bitch you are.
I know why is she losing her time with faggot like you.

>>17059738
>Stop chickening out.
Easier said than done m8, but I see your point.
And hell yeah I am scared. I didn't deny that at any point.
This is the first time I have felt this sort feelings towards someone, and I don't want to fuck it up. I also fear that if I get rejected, I'll cocoon up back into my utterly introverted self, and never open up to anyone again.

>>17059764
Yeah, hate me for being shy and awkward, it is sure as hell gonna help.
Also, learn to write properly m8.

>>17059748
Yeah, you're right I guess. I'm just not being rational about it.

>>17059757
>>17059760
Alright. If I just started the message with "Do", I fear it might be odd.
So - how's this:

>On singing - do you do it on your own, or have you ever taken lessons for it? I personally couldn't carry a tune if it was in a bucket, but I greatly admire those who can.

Now that I've cut the first sentence, would it be too far to add the wink, now?

>but I greatly admire those who can ;)

>>17059779
No wink. Please.

>>17059788
Point taken

>>17059766
Fear keeps us from living. I know that it's hard, but you'll always wonder what if.

These techniques allow for a soft rejection, so not a full on in your face painful rejection. It's safer. It has plausable deniability. You're safe.

>>17059772
>shy and awkward

Nope, making excuses like a faggot.
Being coward and let happines go away for really stupid toughts. You don't want to get out of your comfort zone and you want everything on a silver platter. FUCK YOU . Life is good to you, but you don't anything to deserve.

>>17059775
I know exactly what you're going through. It's easy to get caught up in, "well they're gonna break up any second now!" But you can't live like that.
Plus the dance of "is she straight? Is she bi?" Is just painful. She can't even do the full dance with you yet.

I hope the best for you.

>>17059779
remodel the sentence to: have you ever taken lessons for it or bla bla. i wouldn't mind the wink personaly. however... anon! you're so overthinking this...

>>17059806
I only overthink it because I like her... ;-;
I also already sent the message. Oh, well. We'll see.

>>17059799
>>17059764
Dude, I don't know if you understand how hostile you sound right now. English has a lot of nuances and all of yours say "rage".

Anon's case is a very typical one. He is not going to be motivated by hatred.

You really need a date. Your jealousy is out of hand. He has a friendship with this girl that he cherishes. He wants to be careful not to lose that.

>>17059814
we've all been there. don't worry. it's cute!
that's alright. it sounds good like that too.

>>17059804
I know, I know. I've tried my best to avoid straight crushes all my life but I'm really head over heels into her unfortunately.
Doesn't help that she is super nice and cuddly constantly, I'm not used to so much affection, ugh.

bit in a pickle:

>bf cums pretty fast
>i can't cum regularly, it happens maybe 1/10 times when he gives me oral or a handjob
>bf is convinced that he "needs to last longer"

i'd rather have him relax and not focus on "lasting longer". and also, i really love sleeping with him, even if i'm not cumming... it seems like he isn't convinced. how can i make him relax about this a bit more?

>>17059740
I dunno, I like butts.

>>17059724
>>17059678
>The problem is that when I have asked her out, I dunno if they have really been dates. To her, they could have just been her spending time with her friend.
Escalate slowly to more and more "romantic" activities. If she's not romantically interested in you, she'll become more and more hesitant and eventually decline.
That's the safe way to go about it, at least.

>how can I be confident in my actions, when I got zero fucking clue about what I am doing?
You can't, really. If you're the kind of guy i'm thinking of, unless you see a scientific study confirming the efficacy of a certain action, you're unlikely to be able to do it with confidence. This isn't something you can change. Just keep in mind that it's normal to have doubts (only idiots and sociopaths never doubt their actions). You just have to judge the best course of action, and take it.

Don't get too hung up on the simple "just do what comes naturally" advice from people here who don't understand the situation. To them, these things actually do come naturally, so they haven't ever had to deal with such problems.

>The problem with asking her to a flat out date, is that I got zero clue where to take her.
Food, drinks, movies. If you have a movie theater with dining in your area (eg Alamo Drafthouse) that's always great.
Do you both drink? If so, inviting her somewhere where it's expected to have a beer or two with a meal is a good first step, since it will help her loosen up and speak more freely about how she feels towards you. (it will also help you do the same if you're just anxious; if you're autistic it probably won't, but do it anyway).
After that, try another 1 or 2 casual outings (coffee, lunch, common interest), then ask her to a dinner at a nice restaurant (the kind where you wear something nice and ask the waiter about the wine selection). At this point, she'll know you're interested in more than friendship. Good luck.

>>17059827
Tell him exactly that? That you enjoy the sex even if you don't cum, that it's not a sine qua non for you and you want him to relax and focus on his enjoyment a bit too?

>>17059835
i did. multiple times...

>>17059832
ok then. but damn, the smells...

>>17059818
Thanks.
If this thread is still up when she responds (our conversation has been super slow, with about 12 hours between most things we say), I'll likely post her response and ask for further advice

>>17059850
that'll be neat!

>>17059833
Romantic activities like what?
I don't know what romance even is desu.

>Don't get too hung up on the simple "just do what comes naturally" advice from people here who don't understand the situation.
It is just pretty annoying when these people react with such hostility, when I ask them to elaborate.

Anyways, neither of us actually drink alcohol, which is pretty bad from the whole dating perspective, seeing how here in Finland, social outings tend to revolve around alcohol even more than they do in the rest of the world.

Also, we are both poor as shit students, we can't afford to go to some fancy restaurant.

In any case, I guess I'll just try to keep spending time with her.
I know that she is here in the apartment complex right now, as I just talked to her briefly. Would have talked to her more, if her room mate hadn't just arrived there, making me a bit too uncomfortable to chat further. I don't know her room mate well, and she is sorta intimidating to me.

Finally, I am not friggin autistic, I am just socially awkward, and inexperienced.

>>17059840
And he doesn't believe you? I mean if you've talked to him about it I'm not sure what else can be done.

I'm nervous about my new relationship because the girl and I share some of the same friends. Also I've been told by several friends that my new girlfriends best friend hates me because now she "has to compete" or something g strange like that, like I take up some of my girlfriends time god forbid.

My close friends and family tell me that since it's a smart, cute, and healthy relationship, that I shouldn't give her best friend too much thought.

Also my girlfriend has told me "I'm supposed to be an adult now and this is my decision, if she has a problem then she has to work it out on her own" when I brought up this whole thing to her.

What do you guys think?

>>17059864
that's why i wanted to ask you guys...i mean, he sometimes seriously APPOLOGIZES if he cums very fast. i'm at a loss here.

>>17059827
>>17059889
Hard to do. If he's a devoted guy, he'll feel like it's his personal duty to make sure you get off too.
"It's fine" sounds to him like "it's fine if you aren't good enough to get me to the top 9/10 times": that you're forgiving him for failing to fulfill his duty.

Help him get better at pleasing you, if he can do it 1/10 times then there's no inherent problem with either of you. It'll be easier than convincing him that you don't need it, and will make both of you feel better in the long run.

>>17059861
>Would have talked to her more, if her room mate hadn't just arrived there, making me a bit too uncomfortable to chat further. I don't know her room mate well, and she is sorta intimidating to me.
Improve this. A good relationship with her roommate will help a lot. (don't get too friendly though, girls get jealous and she may think you like her roommate instead of her)

>>17059868
>Also my girlfriend has told me "I'm supposed to be an adult now and this is my decision, if she has a problem then she has to work it out on her own
Clarify?

>>17059891
>"It's fine" sounds to him like "it's fine if you aren't good enough to get me to the top 9/10 times"
i don't tell him "it's fine". i tell him that i love sleeping with him. that i DO have a hard time to get to that point of no return but are often VERY close and enjoy that immensely. it has nothing to do with him not doing "the right things" or not knowing "how to please me". it's my own problem. but i can't force myself to get over it. i'm working on it, but it might take time. i told him to be patient and he really tries to not put any pressure on me. but i can tell that it bothers him. and i hate that it does. i don't want him to brrod over our sex. i think it's fantastic. i wouldn't want it any other way... but i can't seem to make him believe me.

>>17059891
I brought up my concerns with her about how her best friend definitely hates me, and that was her response.

I'm not even sure if I'm titling this friend of hers correctly by saying "best friend", because according to my girlfriend, who I've been friends with for years btw, her best friend is another girl who I get along swimmingly with.

I'm just nervous that this bitch of a friend of hers is going to stir the pot of us being together and cause stress for no reason.

>>17059889
Then I guess you just have to practice with him. Communicate, tell him what gets you off, what feels good, things like that.
Do you have general problems getting off, I mean if he gets you off sometimes and you usually can get off, too, it's not unfixable.

>>17059905
>if he gets you off sometimes and you usually can get off, too, it's not unfixable
i can get off when masturbating, but even then, sometimes i start and never finish cause i can't get myself over the edge. we're only dating since half a year, so there is still a lot of room to communicate better and learn about each others preferences. any general tips on how i could learn about my own preferences? i'm actually a bit at a loss. i don't know what i should even tell him if he asks me. he does ask. but i have no idea "what i like". even though i do masturbate.

>>17059924
I figure that's a good start? Tell him how you masturbate, what you think about etc.
On a related note, just as he should not beat himself up over it, neither should you, it's not your fault. I can't orgasm occasionally either, no matter how hard I try, but it gets better with practice and, above all, relaxation.

>>17059942
>Tell him how you masturbate, what you think about etc
it's really nothing special. i usually don't even think about anything and instead try to focus on the sensations. and even the way i masturbate is pretty "bland". i just play with myself a bit till i'm horny enough to go "all in" and then i rub my clit in circular motions till i cum. not much to "tell him about" that he doesn't already do.
problem is, that if i feel like i "should have cummed as of now", that's it. it's over. i try to relax and instead tense up, trying to "chase that orgasm" and that, ofc, never works. i'm also pretty shy and awkward, so that plays a role too. but i told him that i can only cum when i'm feeling VERY safe and relaxed. i was actually hugely surprised how "early and fast" he was able to make me cum. with my ex, it took me 3 years to get there...but thanks for your help, anon. i'll keep at it and we'll figure something out in time, i'm sure.

>>17059956
Well then you can really just keep trying Anon. Especially if it's been much "worse" with your past boyfriends.
Practice makes perfect, sure it's a bit of an uphill battle but it seems like you're doing fine! Fingers crossed.

>>17059973
>seems like you're doing fine
i hope so. but after all, "keep trying" is a lot of fun, so no harm done. thanks, anon!

>>17059861
>seeing how here in Finland
Wait, you two are Finnish? gg no re. Sorry man.
Get drunk and go to a sauna, I guess. Fucking good luck.

>>17059861
Bottom line senpai, if she likes you, even if you mess up, she'll see it as cute, dorky and adorable. If she doesn't like you, the most skillfully done things will seem annoying. In most cases, unless you shit in her sink and shave a swastika into her hair, she'll probably think it's cool/funny/great. Stop overthinking shit and do it. I'm sure you've had thoughts about touching her. Escalate it slowly. If she resists then backoff.

>>17059868
>Also my girlfriend has told me "I'm supposed to be an adult now and this is my decision, if she has a problem then she has to work it out on her own" when I brought up this whole thing to her.
Your girlfriend is very mature. Her friend is very immature.
You'll be ok because your girlfriend has a good head on her shoulders.

>>17060003
Adding on to this: I have a friend who went to Finland on exchange. I'll mail her for culturally relevant tips.

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Went on 2 dates with a girl and I thought they went well

monday I asked her when she was free so we could go to this brewpub we had talked about going to during the week
she said she'd check her schedule and let me know
havent heard from her since

girls, does she not want to see me anymore? i know she is busy with work and shit but cmon
she couldve just said hey sorry but I don't see this going any further
what should I do/say?

>>17060057
Message her tomorrow and be like hey you still up for the brewpub today/tomorrow/sunday.

>>17060063
Yea I guess I'll do that
I didn't want to be the guy who can't take a hint but I'm going to keep asking to hangout until she has to say I don't want to see you anymore

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>>17059816
>You really need a date. Your jealousy

Pff implying with some stupid mental judgment i don't have a woman. Or have jealousy.

I already pass that case a long time ago( i don't know you) , and the only way to overcome it , is just do it (it does't matter the mistakes, you do it again), and stop making dumb excuses. Is always the same solution for overcome all the challenges life throws at you . You have to face them and take risks.

If you get stuck in "what if this or that""i am going to fail""me loser" . Good things in life slip away, and that is a sin.

And anybody with this kind of mentality without the desire to get out and change themselves, deserve suffering because is exactly what they attract

Life hate weak, life love the brave (even if he /she fail)

And in reality is not that hard, just do what your heart desires and have faith that always be a good thing not matter the result.


.

>>17060076
>I didn't want to be the guy who can't take a hint
>I'm going to keep asking to hangout until she has to say I don't want to see you anymore
Choose one.

Just message her one more time like the other reply said and if she doesn't commit to a time and place to meet then give up and stop messaging her.

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hi again everyone, I asked in the other thread about if a girl could be attracted to me after I improved myself

I just wanted to report. I yesterday I sent a text and asked the girl I like if she wanted to go have lunch with me today. She never answered me and I was feeling pretty bad about myself.

then this morning she texted me back and apologized for not responding sooner, and if I had made plans because she did want to meet me today. I was very excited and went over there to meet up with her and I got totally stood up. I waited around for 2 hours and she didn't answer my call or text or anything. I got completely stone walled and I feel really fucking shitty right now.

why would she do this?

>>17060298
did you reply that you wanted to? Or did you go assuming you replied?

>>17060298
Because she's a horrible person
Pick up the pieces and move on. If she apologizes, don't buy into it. You can do better. Don't be a jerk to her because of it, though.
Just find someone better and don't give her another chance to hurt you.

>>17060312
I said "I'm free now, I can meet you in 40 minutes"

>>17060324
Did she reply that'd she'd be there?

>>17060324
that's not a confirmed appointment, anon... wtf

>was interested in that girl
>finally ask her out to get to know her (too little time at school and loads of people around. She's never alone)
>vague "I'll tell you" answer
>friend asks her what she thinks. She's aware I'm interested but she isn't
>common friend thinks she should at least get to know me before deciding that, and that she's really losing
>friend is about to tell her that

I told her to do it if she wants to, but the lack of honesty (I'd rather she said no instead of a "I will tell you") made me reconsider. I always had more respect for those who just said no. Even became friends with some.

I'm a bit disappointed, but eh. Just sad that she didn't even have the curiosity to see how well we get along, but too bad. I'm not gonna chase after her.

Anyway, anyone rejected recently? How did it go? How do you feel?

>>17060324
You shouldn't have gone without a confirmation that she'd be there.
Then again she went "I want to see you" and stopped answering then it's kinda dumb.

Both of you were being dumbasses I guess.

>>17059816
>You really need a date.

Man, I agree that the guy was being a douche, but I fucking hate seeing people say this. "Dude, go get laid." "Go get a date, man."

Oh, yeah, I'll just go down to the date store and pick one off the shelf.