Hi /adv/
30 year old female here. My fiancé called off the engagement and packed his stuff and left after he started raging like a berserk.
Thing is, he asked how many men I have slept with before we met and I gave him the correct answer, which is a lot more than he apparently is comfortable with.
I never lied to him, I never said it was "just a few", but obviously I did not feel the need to rub it in his face unless he specifically asked.
Ironically, he was the one who lied to me, initially. When we first had sex he told me he had fucked a lot of women. He is extremely tall, very handsome, green eyes, athletic and very educated and articulate so I thought it figured, but he lied. I may have had sex with lots of other guys during the past years, but I have never felt that way for any of them. I deeply love this man and now he left me and called off the wedding for something that has nothing to do with our relationship.
He says he can't trust me anymore, even though I never lied or cheated on him and that he couldn't imagine having children with a person with such a sexual past.
Is there any way I can bring him back to reason? I want this man, he and I fit so perfectly together and I just can't understand how this can be such a dealbreaker to him. We've had such intense connection right from the moment we first met which is why he asked me to marry him only after 4 months into the relationship. I just don't want to lose him...
4 months, is this shit for real?
you're better off without this idiot and you're an idiot too for overlooking such obvious red flags
>>17054547
you can't post this and not tell us the number. He may be overreacting or he may not be.
this dudes a fucking nutjob lady. nobody in there right mind would marry someone after 4 months. you havent even gotten out of the honeymoon phase. are you happy to be married to an insecure manchild for the rest of your life sans divorce? hes going to question every relationship with a male you ever have. baka get rid of this jabroni
>he asked me to marry him only after 4 months into the relationship.
This is bait or you're retarded. Not sure which is worse.
>>17054559
>this dudes a fucking nutjob lady. nobody in there right mind would marry someone after 4 months.
It's not like she's any better if she accepted the proposal.
>>17054554
>>17054559
Actually, I sort of asked him to marry me. And yes, everyone around us thinks we are insane.
>>17054557
I've had 40, he's had 1.
>>17054547
There is so much that is wrong with your post op that I am just gonna look at this cuty kitty.
Got any more?
>>17054571
>I've had 40, he's had 1.
please tell us this is bait.
>>17054571
>40
You seriously made me chuckle and smurk at the same time. Good god no wonder he freaked out, even if he is a man child.
>>17054585
It's not bait.
I had been single for 4 years before we met. He's had one girlfriend for 9 years and had been single for 6 months after that. He is 33 years old now, I'm 30, we met about a year ago.
he's probably going to the doc to get checked for STDs rn
>>17054605
Why even settle down if you pull so many other dudes? You NEVER met someone like the current manchild in those 40 men?
>>17054605
I hate being rude in /adv/, but, do you happened to be in spectrum? Did you ever think, that 40 guys just use you because they'll get away with it, if it's with you?
>>17054622
He isn't really a manchild though. He has his shit together.
>>17054624
I don't complain about the other guys. I willingly had sex with them, because I like sex a lot and I enjoy trying out different things. My (now ex) fiancé has an even higher sex drive than me, it's ridiculous.
>>17054547
You only want him because you've been a slut and rode the cock carousel and now you want a "good guy".
You got what you deserved, he has a right to his own standards.
>>17054662
Thanks for the insight, but how do I get him back?
>>17054673
you don't
>>17054673
You honestly dont. He has a right to his own opinion.
Personally for me a couple of people would have been okay with me. But when I hear 40 men in ANY given amount of time I would begin to guestion where you really are.
please don't be bait
this is the shit I live for
>>17054634
>I willingly had sex with them, because I like sex a lot and I enjoy trying out different things.
So you like a sex a lot; why not have sex with the same guy every day instead of 40 different guys?
>>17054695
Because she's a fucking confused whore.
Seriously someone doesn't go through FOURTY MOTHER FUCKING MEN and doesnt find one before this dude. She's in it for easy dick, not relationships.
You made your bed now lay in it
>>17054547
It doesn't matter how many men you've BEEN with, he's being a fucking child about your PAST. Does he not know the definition of that word? Good Lord.
>>17054713
40 is a pretty big number to just glance over. There is something going on with her that probably isn't quite fixed yet.
>>17054728
How do you know it's not "fixed yet"? Do you personally know her?
Being judgmental over someone's past is harsh, and most people learn from mistakes and move on which is what OP seemed to be doing.
>>17054737
>Being judgmental over someone's past is harsh, and most people learn from mistakes and move on which is what OP seemed to be doing.
There's no indication of that whatsoever.
>>17054737
>most people learn from mistakes and move on
No they don't, sluts never stop slutting and in 15 years she'd cheat on him and still make out with the kids house and half his money anyway. Decent people don't fuck up in the first place.
>>17054741
So wanting to get into a committed relationships holds no meaning to you?
>>17054746
Lol. You must be perfect, then. Never made a mistake in your life. Good for you! But sadly, not everyone is like that; some learn through actions, and sometimes it takes a lot of those actions to get things on the right track.
>>17054547
yeah 40 dudes would seriously gross me out
>>17054762
there is no indication that she is "fixed" either. it's a risk most men are not willing to take. she admitted she pressured the guy to marry her in the first 4 months. she only stopped slutting around because she is old and busted and now she is desperate because no decent man wants her. her only options are some r9k tier desperate betas lol
>>17054762
>So wanting to get into a committed relationships holds no meaning to you?
No. WHY did she fuck 40 dudes? That's a lot of dudes. Is she insecure, is she a nymphomaniac (a mental disorder), etc?
I mean a guy fucking 40 women I'd have to ask the same questions.
But for a woman, who normally would want to associate sex and a relationship, to fuck 40 guys, I'd say there was at least a whiff of some mental issues.
Perhaps not; it's POSSIBLE that she is just a free spirit who is child-like (not necessarily childish). Not likely, but possible.
>>17054547
You would must have taken an *obscene* amount of dicks to get this type of extreme reaction.
Depending on the number he might have done the right thing. In a way he could do better, and in a way you could do better, so that's that.
>>17054571
>>17054547
Unfortunately there is nothing you can do. It was his fault for not asking you something that is apparently very important to him sooner. You are not in the wrong here, and I am sorry that this was a deal breaker in this situation.
Keep in mind that he is not wrong for having that number be a deal breaker, he is wrong for not asking sooner. He wasted your time and got your hopes up, but you and he are fundamentally incompatable unless he has some huge therapeutic breakthrough.
Your choices are not objectivly "wrong", but there are some people who will see it as a deal breaker. That is simply a consequence of living in the society that we do and making the choices that you have. Do not give up though. You will be able to find a nice guy who does not care as much about sexual history. Just make sure you talk about it before you get engaged next time so you don't repeat this situation.
>>17054796
>Depending on the number he might have done the right thing.
Her number is 40.
>>17054737
>yes, I did murder that man but I learned from it I promise.
>why are you judging me for my past? Why do my actions have consequences?
>>17054799
>You will be able to find a nice guy who does not care as much about sexual history
You mean she'll be able to find a pathetic limp-wristed beta loser pushover that hates his own gender and has a chip on his shoulder and submits to women? Yeah, probably. She'll never find a decent guy though.
>>17054823
Well, I think that's a little excessive. I myself abstain from sex because I think self-control is an admirable trait, and I look for similar qualities in a partner.
That being said, I don't look down on people who don't share my values or choices. Op may have chosen to sleep around, but that doesn't necissarily make her bad person overall. It's likely that she will find someone similar to herself- someone nice but who has a promiscuous sexual history.
People usually look for partners who have a similar amount of experience as they do.
I have been in his shoes.
My boyfriend used to fuck around a lot (35 partners) before we met and I have been with one guy only.
It took me 6 months to trust him enough to go on a date, one year before something remotely sexual happened.
I didn't want to be just the 36th. It took me some time to accept he loved me.
I think your best chance is doing what my boyfriend did with me. Calm down, accept that for someone it is a deal breaker and prove him that you're truly in love and he is special.
Don't be pushy. Be kind. Be extremely calm. Accept that he will be mad for a while. Don't make drama out of this.
Good luck, OP.
>>17054837
>People usually look for partners who have a similar amount of experience as they do.
Maybe she'll read that and stop bitching, because she said herself that her guy only had 1 partner before her and she had 40.
She rode the cock carousel and now she wants a "good guy", this is very typical. Women like her usually end up going on the Internet and ranting endlessly about how they are "shamed", because they can't comprehend a guy saying "No" to them.
Hey op, sorry to hear that. Pretty rough situation for you on all counts. Personally I don't think you did anything wrong and I don't think there is anything wrong with you being with a 40 men as it were.
As long as your faithful and committed in the relationship, the past is the past. If your partner can't see past that then maybe he's not the one. It is also a possibility that he's got cold feet after rushing the proposal and is using this as an excuse to create some distance.
Either way I wouldn't be begging him for forgiveness if I were you, after all you have cheated on him; these things happened before you met. If he can't get past this by himself I would try and move on, either that or send him a message outline how you feel about him, etc and leave the ball in his court for awhile.
If he does'nt get back to you well at least you tried. As to the manchildren insulting you on this board, I would'nt worry about them - most have probably never even had a relationship, they just bag people for the lols. If a guy sleeps with 40 men he's a legend, if a girl does people call her a whore. It's bullshit double standard crap, pay it no mind.
As long as your true to your partner throughout the relationship I think you can hold your head up high.
>>17054898
>If a guy sleeps with 40 men he's a legend
Among other guys.
But no woman would accept that. There's no double standard. People don't want slutty partners period.
>>17054902
According to you. You don't speak for an entire gender, so stop making yourself look like a tool by telling me you know how 3.5 billion women think.
>>17054898
Woah, don't tip dat FEDORA too hard there, boy. You get triggered at guys on the Internet criticizing a woman because you put women on a pedestal. Take OFF the fedora and stop worshiping women, sperg.
>>17054934
Stop acting like a baby, my advice would have been the same regardless of whether OP was a man or a woman. Try harder internet tough guy, you've got nothing on me.
>>17054902
This. Pretty sure my wife would kill me if I told her that I fucked 40 women before her.
>>17054571
>I've had 40, he's had 1.
If you're not joking then you should really just kill yourself. You're a fucking whore.
>>17054959
>>17054963
Well you don't have to kill yourself but you fucked 40 guys, that is ridiculous and disgusting. There are women in porn who have fucked less men than you.
>>17054970
>>17054974
Your picture doesn't change the truth of what I said.
>>17054982
Not OP and you really need to get out more.
>>17054987
Why is fucking 40 guys considered normal in the real world? I don't think I want to visit if that's the case.
OP here, back, had to take care of stuff at work.
>>17054687
It's not bait.
>>17054695
Because I like having a lot of sex with different men. 10-15 were one night stands over the course of 15 years, a few boyfriends and a couple of fuckbuddies. It's just sex, no more, no less.
>>17054796
I still don't see what the problem is.
>>17054799
But I want him. I have been with enough men to know who I want.
>>17054855
Why was it a problem to you? As long as he is exclusively fucking you, what is the problem here?
>>17054959
I'm not a whore.
Please keep it civil. I made my own choices and can stand behind them.
>>17055014
>I'm not a whore.
Yes you are. You are an entitled loser. You think you can do whatever you want and then pick whatever guy you want in the end. It doesn't work like that. You're just another slut with a princess complex that was raised to see men as your slaves.
I hope he yells at you again, you filthy fucking slut whore.
>>17055021
>I'm mad because I can't get laid and the world is so unfair that women just have to hang around a bar for 20 minutes in order to get dicked: the post.
>>17055021
You are a disgrace as a human being. Not OP, but figured you should know, seeing as we're sharing opinions and all.
>>17054948
More tipping of the fedora, I see.
You obviously have some type of issue with guys having their own standards - furthermore, you have an issue with guys being honest to women on the Internet.
I know you're just another victim of feminism, but perhaps you should take off the fedora and step back a bit here. Why do you think women are above criticism? Why must you be a white knight on the Internet? Introspect, look in the mirror and ask yourself these questions.
>>17055014
>its just sex
Alright op since your are back here it is. He does not view sex the same way you do okay. PERIOD! You obviously have a very open view towards sex, something this guy might not see. If that is the case and he is bothered by it this much then let him go.
Why dont you just start fucking other people again and see if you find any like this guy?
>>17055024
>I get triggered when women get criticized on the Internet because I have an unexplained angst against guys of which I have not gotten therapy for
>>17055026
Why? Because I said something you don't like? Awww, have a cookie, you miserably little crybaby.
It's funny how people don't realize that sex is free for women and not for men.
This is why the "double standard" exists. It's like participating in a car race in a ferrari vs. a bunch of kids on big wheels and then bragging about how you've won.
It just takes literally zero effort for women to get laid and that is what makes men mad about sluts.
>>17055028
>>17054987
OP getting defensive
lets be real, 40 guys is not wife material
>>17055036
>can only respond with maymays
Jesus christ your such an insuffurable cunt.
>>17055028
I don't think women are above criticism, I just see nothing to criticize in this instance. I'm not being a white knight, I just call it like I see it and I see a lot of assholes bagging one person unfairly. You can make you own opinions, but your not entitled to speak for everyone.
>>17055026
Stop whiteknighting you huge faggot. The biggest disgrace here is the OP.
OP here. Can r9k please leave?
>>17055053
maybe you can be number 42 friend!
>>17055042
>>17055046
>op comes to /adv/
>creates a thread about a specific problem
>people call her a whore
>"hurr come on dudes, there's nothing wrong"
She created a discussion, everything about her is up for discussion and criticism.
>>17054547
>extremely tall, very handsome, green eyes, athletic and very educated and articulate
> I sort of asked him to marry me.
>40 - 1
HA HA
too bad OP, it seems you will never have that good gene inside you ever again. People who call him idiot or manchild are bitter uggos and probably have never been in vicinity of someone that good so of course they will never understand how it feels to carry good gene like your ex.
There is no way to """"" fix""""" this
>>17055057
I'm good, thank you for your concern!
>>17055014
>Why was it a problem to you? As long as he is exclusively fucking you, what is the problem here?
Becase to me "just sex" doesn't exist.
Every single time I did something sexual, it was because I loved my partner. I happened to love two people (my current and my ex boyfriend) so they are the only people I've ever kissed, touched or wanted.
The fact that we see sex so differently (I am the first person he ever loved, everyone else was FWB/ONS) and the idea that something so special for me was so unimportant for him stopped m from dating him.
He had to prove me he changed his mind when we met, and that he was going to respect me.
Also it made me feel very insecure that my boyfriend had so much experience, I want to be the best experience possible and he has a lot of people to compare me with.
I never doubted his honesty (he is not a cheater, he is very upfront and blunt about things) or his commitment to me, but I want to be the love of his life, not the 36th on his list.
>>17055021
>You are an entitled loser
this summed up the thread nicely.
It's over, everyone get back to your life.
>>17054547
This thread is likely b8, if only for that fact that "she" hasn't gone back to her original question about how to "get her man back".
That said, 40 partners is a lot for a man or a woman. And the fact is that for most women, sex is not a casual thing. They conflate sex and relationships.
This is why most women don't have one-night stands, even though they could: it's because they don't want to. Having casual sex is just not that appealing for a lot of women.
For a woman to have 40 partners, a majority of the time the woman is going to have some kind of mental issue: insecurity, or just wanting to have sex to prove that she can/is a "modern" woman, or some other stupidity. It's possible she is a free spirit who doesn't conflate sex and relationships, but highly unlikely.
Is she a whore? No. A whore has sex for money, there's no indication of that.
Is she promiscuous? I think most people would say yes.
The guy didn't like that she had 40 partners; if he knew her and loved her for who she is, then having that many partners isn't really an issue. Was she insecure in the past, but has matured over the years? Then what would the number of partners matter?
If she had sex 500 times with one partner, or 500 times with 40, it's still 500 times. She can have sex for decades longer.
Like most things, you have to pay attention to the nuance to really understand things.
You have done NOTHING wrong, don´t feel bad about yourself because of it.
I just never get why people here are so judgemental of women with bigger sexual past. As long as noone cheats, it shouldn´t be a problem for anyone.
Then again, I don´t get why they have a need to ask. What´s the difference, really? The question should be: Have you ever cheated? Abused etc?
Having sex with more people is NOT wrong. we are not in eighteenth fucking century.
>>17055078
Yeah I mean c'mon, it's 2016 people
>>17055014
Seems like the actual problem is you don't see your problem.
That's why I suspect you're on spectrum.
>>17055071
>This is why most women don't have one-night stands
Why are you lying though
>>17055078
it's not wrong but you can't expect others to like it. you are free to stay unwashed for months but you can't expect others to not get disgusted by you. tolerance does not mean approval
>>17055071
It is not bait, mate. I am genuinely asking for insights and I want to know if there is any way of fixing this.
I want this man and I want him bad. I know he loves me, maybe if he didn't he wouldn't have freaked out so much, I don't know.
OP, keep in mind that most posters here are teenagers. They won't understand the situation of someone who is 30.
Nothing to do but move on. Start dating again and hope you find someone less insecure. Hell, start with /soc/.
And despite what teenagers here say, you're still young. You're in your prime. Plenty of quality single males in their 30s are out there who wouldn't care about your sexual past.
>>17055138
My fiancé is 19, but I really love him and I want to be with him for the rest of my life.
>>17055148
kek
>>17054547
>Nothing to do with our relationship.
If that's how you handled his reaction it's no wonder he left.
>>17055080
>2016
C U R R E N T Y E A R
U
R
R
E
N
T
Y
E
A
R
>>17055148
Huh?
OP is 30 for fucks sake, that means averagely she's had like sex three times a year.
That being said OP is a stupid and/or baiting bitch for coming to robot central with such a problem.
OP here, I thought about it, and some of these posts are right; if he's not okay with my sexual past, fuck him. I guess he's number 41. I suppose I'll just cut ties with him and keep on dating. Maybe number 45 will be the one. Or 50. Who knows!
Time to reinstall Tinder, which is how I met him.
>>17055178
I'm in my 30s and wouldn't mind dating someone like you. Good luck!
>>17054956
You lie duh
>>17055178
Good luck OP I hope you find true love on your hook up app.
Yes, I get that nothing posted in this thread was real.
>>17055178
Stupid bitch go outside. And pick up a guy that you like by flirting not an app.
App = free pussy for us
>>17055178
not OP.
>>17055178
I just read the entire thread, OP. If I dated a woman who'd had 40 guys before me I would be ...baffled for about six seconds and then proceed dating her. But as opposed to most posters in here, I'm not in my teenage or twenties.
What I do wonder though, is whether cultural differences might enter into it. Just out of curiosity- where are you from?
(Thread is right though, your ex-fiancé is insecure and partner-counting wouldn't be the only thing that would blow up.)
>>17055220
>I just read the entire thread
then you probably know her fiance is 19....
>>17055230
She first said 33. Which is correct?
>>17054571
U fkn wot m8
That's not "a few".
>>17054571
Thank you op, these threads are cathartic.
>>17055220
I'm from France
>>17055232
He is 33.
This thread is not getting us anywhere. Just let it die. Thanks to those who provided helpful insight.
>>17055036
You suck at memeing. Holy shit that was horrible.
>>17055046
I speak for myself, if people want to agree with me then fine. You were caught putting women on a pedestal. Have you taken off your fedora yet? It's hard to tell.
Men are allowed to have their own standards. Men are allowed to criticize women. Stop being an edgy fedora tipping leftist "male feminist" type. There is plenty to criticize here. OP feels like she is entitled to have a top-tier guy stay with her and he doesn't want to. So what does she do? She spergs out like an entitled slut whore womanchild on 4chan and demands ways to get him back. This is fucking pathetic, and I'm tired of people absolving women of responsibility in things like this.
>>17055166
>OP is 30 for fucks sake, that means averagely she's had like sex three times a year.
>40 sexual partners including relationships
You're a retard.
>>17055242
>France
This explains it. Americunts will never understand.
Make sure you got your tinder active when you visit Norway.
And if you still want your green-eyed guy back in six months time, make a new thread and I'll sort you out.
>>17055242
Also France here. Good luck! Maybe we will even see each other on Tinder.
>>17054547
>My fiancé called off the engagement and packed his stuff and left after he started raging like a berserk.
from your description it definitely seems like he wants his good gene elsewhere. I mean he is a desirable man, why would he want to be stuck to someone like you. There are plenty of hot chicks with more virtues than you, and building a family is a serious matter.
>>17055273
I think even you'll be able to figure out that anon meant average 3 NEW partners.
Stop shitting up threads, and do the math.
>>17055178
>Time to reinstall Tinder, which is how I met him.
kek I know this isn't OP but yeah, after this guy, the best she could get is probably some thirsty betas like ITT
>>17055289
Not that guy but it does sounds really alarming to see the "average" 4 new sexual partners every year consistently for 10 consecutive years as usual, plus that other poster at
>>17055166 seems stupid to me, too, he clearly didn't think it through with the number.
>>17055286
>started raging like a berserk.
>desirable man
I would worry less about OPs number than
>extremely tall, very handsome, green eyes, athletic and very educated and articulate
>only one previous sexual partner
>>17055300
>started raging like a berserk.
that's OP's words, which given the bitter nature of this place shouldn't be taken to heart, or you'd probably go mad.
Also, the previous gf probably set too high a standard :))
I know highschool sweetheart type like that.
>>17055299
What's alarming about sleeping with someone once every three months? Women get as horny as men do, you peanut. I for one, am not looking for a serious relationship right now, at least not monogamous, I got other shit to deal with - but I don't intend on sticking with celibacy, and will get the jitters if I go more than three months without sex. It's no big deal. Having a good time and spending the night in someone else's bed once in a while is what adults do. There's nothing alarming about it.
Get out of your Disney-fantasy, princess.
>>17055304
Oh, but I've already gone mad.
>with anticipation for when /adv will grow up and find peace
She also said she loves him and really wants him. So perhaps infatuation is the real issue here.
>four months
>>17055314
I get your point, in fact I am in a similar situation, but perhaps that is why I am having second thought about all this. For the majority of people, this phase only last one, two years, but if it lasts your entire adulthood until right before marriage, it's definitely frowned upon, regardless of our opinions.
>>17055314
Sluts don't get an opinion.
>>17054547
Bring him back to reason?
Are you fucking crazy!
>>17054547
Some people are really insecure.
This website also brings out a lot of insecurities and fears in people, so asking for advice here on this subject will get you a lot of responses similar to the one your bf gave you.
Personally I would be flattered to know that you went through so many men and gave up your promiscuous life to marry me. I have a deep fear that if the person I'm with never had a time in their life they got to sleep around, they will eventually want that and cheat on me. Sounds silly I know, but I guess I'm a polar opposite of your bf. If you really want him back patience is what you need, he will need time to process what you told him. Be there for him, he doesn't want to be another number so show him he's not.
I literally don't care about how many partners my partner has had in the past, as long as they're free of STDs. What they've done is their own business. It's one thing if they murdered someone, but... fucked someone? Where is my incentive to give a damn?
What the hell is wrong with you people that are so preoccupied with the inconsequential?
>>17054547
Without all the unecessary name-calling, here's my unfedora but polite answer.
While you may think "40 ain't that much" people with higher standards only have sex with those they love. It becomes something very intimate. It's a special thing for them that they may only share with 1-2 people their entire lives. You don't HAVE to have sex with 40 people to get good at it, in that case you're just bad.
You will not get him back. At least not to the same level of committment as before. He will always see you as a whore (not my views, but pretty sure that's what he is thinking) no matter what you do. You will always be the one that was used by 40 other men before him. Used goods. No self-respecting man with standards will go for that.
The funny thing is, quite often it's the princess-entitlement girls that sleep around with many men. Then they want to be treated as a princess by the one they think are the "lucky ones I/we settle with". And that's just it. "Settle with". No, again, self-respecting man will go ahead with a woman that "settles with" them. They want to feel just as special as their "princesses". Getting a used up whore deciding on "settling with" them isn't even close to that.
Now back to reality. I don't judge, I just call it as I see it. (Like the fucking fedora-tippers say all the time)
>>17054547
>only after 4 months
There's your problem.
But seriously, there's never a way to erase those feelings, it'll go two ways; it'll end, he'll always be angry and frustrated wanting to be that special snowflake who's got a doting virgin.
Or...he'll cuck out like my ex and start getting off on the idea, to the point where he's wanting pics and vids of you fucking said guys.
So anyway, take it as a blessing he walked.
>>17055333
>Some people are really insecure.
OP's bf as portrayed by her words really does sound insecure.
But even with all the /r9k/ indoctrination, one thing clear is that couples with similar partners count are always more likely to be happy. You can't call those people who have this as one of their standards "insecure".
>>17054547
Thats a really cute kitten.
>>17055324
I guess there's a difference between desk clerks and artists, and I'm no desk clerk. This marriage you speak of will have to be something that happens naturally, in my case at least, not something set at the end of some imagined adulthood that lasts up until that point.
Just be free man. You can find true love in a lot if places, with less conformity.
>>17054547
>he couldn't imagine having children with a person with such a sexual past
>He is extremely tall, very handsome, green eyes, athletic and very educated
Yeah why would he. Time to get a 22 year old qt with a college degree.
>>17055356
You're right, he could not be insecure, just propped up that way by OP, and I don't necessarily think having that standard makes you insecure. It's just weird to think that a detail like that would really change the way he felt about her, it's hard for me to associate a change like that to anything besides insecurity because if it mattered that much to him he should've asked a hell of a lot sooner. I know 4 months isn't a long time together but getting engaged is a huge step and throwing that all away for the amount of partners she had seems a little silly.
>>17055372
makes a lot of sense actually. Proposing after 4 months is impulsive, so is throwing it all away for a silly reason. The guy is a flake. If it hadn't been this, it'd have been something else.
>>17054571
>I've had 40, he's had 1.
Ahaha, regardless of what 4chan says.
In reality, most men will automatically assign you to "pump and dump" category with that much discrepancy.
Also don't listen to the single moms / sluts ITT who say it's ok to be """""free spirited""""''' and self indulgent your entire adult life and still expect a happy marriage with an traditionally desirable male later, or you are in for a rude awakening, like this engagement. Reality speaks for itself, not the opinions of people on 4chan.
>>17054571
OP just lie from now on. I say nine, in reality i'm at 18.
>>17055377
>implying 40 isn't already an underestimation
Unless she kept their photos in a trophy room there is no way that number is accurate, and very likely has been underestimated.
>>17055382
>implying trophy rooms can't be faked
9/10 don't buy
>>17054571
>40
Lmfao
Good thing he found out before becoming a beta bux
>>17054547
The number is an issue because the disparity is so large and the types of relationships both are accustom. OP nothing serious and bounced around and the ex bf one of 9 years. If anything OP is nothing more than a transition girl for the ex bf and why things moved so fast. He likely came to his senses and knew she wasn't wife material for him also knowing the shelf life for most of her ex bf's was short. What OP didn't tell us is why some of the relationships she did have ended.
>>17054547
>Is there any way I can bring him back to reason?
What is this "back" you speak of? Clearly he has always been psychotically insecure about the possibility that his partner might have more sexual experience than he does. Your task, if you choose, is to bring him to reason for the first time, not the second, and this is much, much harder.
>I want this man, he and I fit so perfectly together and I just can't understand how this can be such a dealbreaker to him.
What I can't understand is why his seeing this as a dealbreaker isn't a dealbreaker to you. Clearly you do not fit together as well as you'd thought.
>We've had such intense connection right from the moment we first met which is why he asked me to marry him only after 4 months into the relationship.
This is why whirlwinds are dangerous. The thrill of the honeymoon phase is indistinguishable from intense connection and true love: these things CAN form that quickly, but they're so overpowered by the raw intensity of limerance that you can't be sure they're there.
>I just don't want to lose him...
You should. This is someone who isn't ready for relationships, or even sex.
Yeeah 4 months is way too early. For anything. I think you dodged a bullet there
He's just looking for an excuse not to marry you, probably because you rushed into it and he was getting overwhelmed. If he lied and you didn't, he's the bad guy in this situation. On some level, he probably knows that, but I think he's just desperate to get out of a marriage that was too hastily agreed to.
>>17055001
It's not. For most people, number of sexual partners never reaches double digits. Stats and shit
>>17055376
Here we go. Another dateless teenager virgin who thinks he knows what adult men want.
>>17055463
It depends largely on how much of the time has been in a relationship. If someone is 30 and had never been in a long term relationship, a number like 40 isn't much at all.
>>17055471
It still remains that if I google "average number of relationships in a lifetime", I don't get 30.
>>17055481
*40
>>17055467
nice projection friendo
losing my virginity at least didn't have a similar impact to my intelligence as in your case then :)))
>>17055481
relationships =/= sexual partners
>>17055491
You remained just as dumb as before when losing your virginity, it seems.
>>17055497
and you became a complete retard who made angry post on 4chan :)))
>>17055494
tru
*sexual relationships
God job, OP. He's your 41st.
>>17054855
>I have been in his shoes.
You and 39 men have been in those shoes.
>>17054571
Gee OP! 40 wieners?
>>17054547
You don't want to get back together because he will never let it go.
>>17055035
kek
>>17055060
Oh, if you sort of, you mean did ask him to marry you he didn't even want to in the first place.
>>17055198
> marrying a guy you met on Tinder....... a hook-up app.
OP is legit scaring me
>>17055279
>And if you still want your green-eyed guy back in six months time, make a new thread and I'll sort you out.
what?
>40 guys
JUST
>>17054547
Why is this so hard to understand? You're a slut and that's why he doesn't want you or trust you.
/thread
>>17055770
You're right but don't /thread yourself.
>>17054571
Well, dude just wants to sleep with other women too, be open to threesomes, i dunno.
Mandatory thread theme
https://youtu.be/epeQwq-aYV0
>>17054547
If you really still want to marry this guy, you're going to need some time in pre-marital counselling with him first. Not because of anything that you did wrong, but because his reaction to what you told him indicates that he's dangerously insecure and has some very skewed priorities.
Anyone who gets as far as planning a wedding before flying into a rage and throwing it all away over something as irrelevant as how many men you dated or had sex with before him has a few screws loose. It's up to you whether you feel like trying to screw them back in there or just letting him fall apart on his own while you find someone less unstable.
>>17054547
>Lies to brag about how many women he's fucked before you
>Flies into a rage and says he can't trust you when finding out how many men you've fucked before him
And you're SURE you want to spend the rest of your life with this guy? That and the four-month proposal sound like a pretty huge red flags to me.
>>17055376
>""""[word]""""
Stop.
>>17055855
>>17055858
remember that OP proposed to him, getting married 4 months in was not this guy's idea. He probably was having second thoughts long before.
Also, according to OP's words this guy sounds impulsive and is a liar, while in reality the 40 guys was probably just a last straw and dude probably just packed his shit and walked away leaving OP bitter and angry. I mean, OP's story doesn't make much sense as far as her ex's description goes.
hell hath no fury as a woman scorned.
Everyone in this thread who is absolutely surprised by the number 40 seems to be pretty socially inept and far up their own asses.
As a guy who isn't socially incompetent as opposed to many of the other people on this board, I want to point out the number isn't the problem. It's the philosophy behind how many people you fuck. I've had flings with girls who have never had sex before and are absolute sluts who wanted to flash, sext, and "woo" every guy they saw.
There are girls in high school who have fucked upwards of 20 guys in the first 17 years of their lives (though they are usually the pregnant Mexicans that are teen moms and have horrible judgement). I just want to point out how many guys girls fuck in college. 40 turns out to be quite low.
My point is that so long as you're clean and disease-free, are devout, and don't have any issues with sex with other guys, it's not really your problem. If it's a deal breaker for him, there's not much you can do. But I implore you to realize that you can't change your past and it's not incumbent upon you to try to do so. Change your future for the better. Stop sleeping with the mailman.
>>17055861
what's wrong ? are you too angry to form a coherent thought ?
You think OP's fiance's reaction is not what would happen majority of cases in real life ? oh well.
>he couldn't imagine having children with a person with such a sexual past.
sounds scary for people like you I guess.
>>17055872
I'm not commenting on OP's situation at all. I really don't care one way or the other. I'm just sick and fucking tired of this new quotation mark spamming fad. Stop.
>>17055863
It is difficult to accurate evaluate the situation when we're only getting one side of the story, but if OP's story isn't a complete farce I'd say the guy still has some issues.
Also, whether she asked for him to marry her or not, he still decided to buy a ring, say "Yes," and start planning a wedding. That didn't just happen around him; he was part of the decision to go forward.
>>17055869
>Everyone in this thread who is absolutely surprised by the number 40 seems to be pretty socially inept and far up their own asses.
>As a guy who isn't socially incompetent as opposed to many of the other people on this board
http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/nsfg/key_statistics/n.htm
kek
memeing aside, what people here are baffled with is that, 40-1 partners count is a clear indication of incompatible life style and yet, OP was clearly thinking her fiance is the issue after he knew this fact.
OP's fiance is entitled to his standards, his previous gf was probably his highschool sweetheart, imagine going from that to OP, must be a shock. If the guy calls it off, so be it, there is no reason to get angry and bitter at him or society ( those people like him who consider 40 sexual partners unusual)
>>17055879
>green text for quoting
>new
Lurk moar.
>>17055376
This guy is right. He's not right because I want him to be right, he's right because that's exactly what men are like. They want a girl with, at most, a handful of partners if that. That's the way they are and you can't change it.
I really think most men would've just pumped and dumped. I'm not surprised by the husband's reaction.
Also I'm 100% sure the OP is baitu but I enjoy the discussion.
>>17055920
Holy fuck do you just lack any and all reading comprehension? I'm not talking about your fucking meme arrows, I'm talking about expressing sarcasm by writing like """""""this""""""" because it's fucking obnoxious.
>>17055920
Because > are definitely quotation marks, right?
>>17055934
that wasn't >>17055376, just some dude shitposting.
>>17055939
Yup
Enjoy your feminism op
>>17055946
"Shitposting" is a pretty generous explanation for what I suspect is actually genuine stupidity.
>>17054571
SLUUUUUUUT
There is no reason for the bf to come back to OP. From what she said he is in his sexual prime and is desirable by a lot of women it would be better for him to go with someone 5-6 even 10 years younger than with op, who not only had an awful lot of partners but is also in he sexual decline.
>>17054571
When you're 30 years old and you've fucked 40 guys.. Let's just say you started fucking at 16. That's 40 guys in 14 years. That's almost 3 a year for 14 years straight. It doesn't sound that bad like that. But, when you are considering entering into a life-long monogamous relationship with someone and they are fucking a new dude every four months, why on Earth would you ever trust that they are going to take the lifestyle they have been living for fourteen years and change it at the drop of a dime? Of course you do not look trustworthy even if it's been a whole four months and you haven't found a new cock yet. You will. He knows that. You know that. You will last maybe a year with this one dude before you start looking for the next one. You should probably just admit to yourself that that is who you are and you don't have the personality type for traditional marriage. Why not just accept your true self and live as that? You're probably happy because you've been doing the same thing for 14 years. Don't get married. There's nothing intrinsically wrong with the lifestyle you've chosen, but please just admit it to yourself that you need to fuck about three different guys annually and go forward from there. Don't waste your time trying to change yourself into a wife because our culture told you it's better. Just be you.
>>17054547
How long has it been? Has he had time to cool off yet? He may just have been under a lot of stress and that was the straw that finally broke him.
If you can get through to him, basically you gotta convince him that you've changed. That it was childish "experimentation", it's in the past, and you're a mature woman now.
If you haven't changed, just forget him, go find someone compatible.
>>17055014
> 10-15 were one night stands over the course of 15 years, a few boyfriends and a couple of fuckbuddies. It's just sex, no more, no less.
Are you sure it's in the past? A lot of femanons like you end up on this board asking how to fix a relationship after a partner catches them cheating. The only sex that's "just sex" is the kind you pay for. And even then...
>>17054970
>There are women in porn who have fucked less men than you.
Ouch.
>>17054898
>If a guy sleeps with 40 men he's a legend
No, he ain't. Ever talked to a gay dude? Ever heard of Grindr?
Fags aren't as hung up on this bedpost-notching shit as you guys.
That's pretty poor advice because she can't keep up with that lifestyle even if she tried. She's a 30 year old woman and at that age her value as a slut starts to nosedive. If she doesn't settle down then she's going to realize very soon how lonely and pathetic she is for wasting all this time slutting it up instead of trying to find a meaningful relationship, she might already know this and that's why she suddenly wants to settle down and keep this guy at all costs.
If you fuck up in the past then you have to live with the consequences. Some people in this thread are saying that she deserves a second chance because she's """""changed""""" from her slutty ways, but that's not how the world works. If you act like that for most of your life then you deserve to be judged for it like anything else you do in life, there shouldn't be an exception to this rule just because it triggers the feminists and white knights to be judged.
>>17056313
Meant to reply to >>17056232
you're a roastie whore
kill yourself
>>17056232
This guy gets it.
OP, 40 sexual partners sound alarming. A ton of assumption fire up about you when a man hears such a big number. You're an adult. I'm sure you can figure this out.
>>17056313
Ok, that's a fair point. She won't be able to bang 3 handsome guys annually, but she can certainly keep it up as long as the drop off in her standards is proportional to the dropoff in her hotness. If she's Asian, she could be hot well into her 40s.
I guess maybe the distribution of the 40 cocks would be an important factor here. If the cock carousel is evenly spaced throughout the estimated 14 years, that's bad news. If she went nuts in her late teens and early 20s but then had like maybe 4 or 5 bf in the last 7 years or so, that's another story. People can and do change when they get older. It is entirely possible that even thought she might have been an EPIC whore when she was young, she might be a totally normal and trustworthy person now. I'm not the same person I was when I was 20.
The lesson to be learned here, and it's one I've learned the hard way just like OP, is that you have to LIE about some things to make people happy. 100% honesty is not compatible with relationships as much as our culture's entertainment pushes on us that it is. You have to tell people what they want to hear sometimes. How would OPs fiancee ever have found out it was 40 and not 12? If she had lied and said 12, or even 8, this thread wouldn't exist. That's what she will learn from this. Never tell the truth about that ever again.
>>17056387
>you have to lie to have a good relationship
You heard it first on /adv/
>>17055014
>But I want him. I have been with enough men to know who I want.
Unfortunately, it doesn't matter what you want. There's nothing you can do to change your past, and your past is a deal breaker for him.
There's nothing objectivly wrong with you sleeping with 40 men, but there's also nothing wrong with him for rejecting you because of your decisions.
>40
aaaaaaahahahahaha
Can't believe he proposed after 4 months. But good on him for dumping you. You're literally a walking tunnel.
>>17054571
That's fucking disgusting.
Engaged or not any human being should feel absolutely ashamed and disgusted with themselves.
Next time try switching semen for fucking bleach, you cum guzzling whore.
>reformed slut : check
>dumped : check
>complaining on a place full of virgins who hate whores: check
>guaranteed replies : check
its impressive how this kind of bait never fails to trigger /adv/ lmao.
>>17056463
>he proposed
That's the funny part, he didn't. She initiated the idea, which explains A LOT, he probably regretted it long before, and OP just gave the information convenient to her side.
>>17056486
it's actually more elaborate than that, it also shows this place is like 60% virgins - 40% sluts, prostitutes, single moms (since we are going for hyperbole here) and assume any sensible replies in this thread belong to either group, the back and forth squabbling propels the thread.
>>17056401
First of all, fuck you for totally misquoting me. You fucking autistic cunt. I didn't say that at all. I said that 100% honesty is not always compatible with healthy relationships. There is a spectrum of what to lie about and how much off from the truth to go. It's not a black and white issue. You have to know how to deal with your own personal situation. If she had said 8 and she was really a nice person who is capable and willing to be a good loyal wife, then what's the harm in the lie? He's happy to hear 8, and they get to go on with their lives.
Again, fuck you for completely misquoting me and not getting it at all. Fuck you very much.
>>17056505
>40% sluts, prostitutes, single moms
>implying that this 40% is not from virgins trolls either.
no time stamp, no thread
/adv/ has this kind of bait way too regularly to be believed on
>>17056514
>say you have 8 partners
>he's cool with it
>fastforward a year or two
>say you've have 11 partners
>he calls out your discrepancy
>admit that it was actually 40
>all trust between these two is destroyed
How is this a good thing? Either you pathetically lie to keep your SO from leaving you because you're scared of being lonely or you take the extra time to find someone who won't get butthurt about an embarrassing number to begin with and live a good life with them because of it. If you build a relationship on little lies all the time eventually it will all fall apart and both parties will feel far worse than if the truth came out in a more civil situation.
>>17056518
I get it, you must really hate virgins, but to think 100% of this thread is virgins, lol... /r9k/ really has a big influence here, much like reddit's influence over /tv/.
>>17056525
>tfw you finally witness /adv/ becoming a meme board with meme insults
>>17054547
Marriage proposals after 4 months? Yikes. That's never a good idea.
>>17056514
Lol. I bet you're the kind of person who cheats and thinks "if he doesn't find out, what harm is done?"
Fuck you bitch. Not my fault you don't know what a healthy relationship actually is.
>>17054547
It takes two to tango. There's likely something you're not telling us or a un-marriageable trait you have that you are unaware of. Sounds like you two have rushed into things. It takes up to 2 years for a couple to decide if they're marriage material-- including a year of living together. You should be old enough to know this.
He jumped in too deep during the shiny "new relationship" phase and is probably freaking out that he allowed it to go this far. It's over, move on.
>>17054571
Youre a liberal lady and he's not. find someone who judges you for your other qualities. virginity isn't a prized possession. you'll regress and change for the worst if you make it work. walk away with your dignity. accept its over and make him crawl back once he realises what a huge moron he is, and you've moved on.
>>17056549
>if someone doesn't share your values they are a moron
Okay.
>>17056525
i'm sorry, i know that /adv/ is not 100% virgins, i was just memeing
but r9k has indeed a big influence here, and i don't hate virgins, just the bitter women hater kind that we have here (specifically in this thread).
>>17056518
>he missed all the working prostitutes/ teen abortion/ myson's dad - threads with time stamps and pics provided
It;s like you visited NYC and have never been to the Statue of Liberty.
These 30 something girls losing their looks but now eager to settle down with a safe beta provider after having had their fill of alpha cock. Would you agree that a 30+ year old guy marring a 30 year old slut is getting a raw deal? The other guys banged her when she was younger and hotter and her physical decline will only become more rapid. She wouldn't have even looked at the beta when they were both 20 and classmates in college but he's worthy of conquering her aging pussy now because he has a job, good looks, some money and is kind to her. She knows her value is lower so she's trying to find a seat in musical chairs before the music stops. After 30, it's a men's world. This was even admitted by her.
Btw chicks worrying about declining fertility are even easier to get then into bed in my experience because most are husbendo hunting and will easily give it up after 2-3 dates because they know the men don't have Father Time really impacting their dating life until their early to mid 40s. 30s is prime time for even the super beta guys here to get even with women and pump and dump.
>>17054547
you dodged a bullet.
>>17056559
Well, this is 4chan, it's either a semi coherent discussion with rationales or memeing, I bet those virginal women haters never have any argument and only them use ad hominems, you can spot them from miles away.
>>17056584
*were the bullet
Honestly, he has a right to be turned off by your past. Everyone is allowed to have deal breakers, and he has done nothing wrong by leaving.
That being said, you haven't done anything wrong also, and you were correct not to hide your past from him. It just means you two have different values and probably shouldn't be together. You shouldn't beg for him back because that would be implying that you need to be ashamed of yourself. You can stay in contact with him, and consider letting him back if you two can talk this out, but otherwise, don't go groveling at his feet. I can tell you right now, holding a degree in behavioral science, this is probably never going to be fixed though. This rift probably won't be mended. Move on. Do some introspection about what you want and just put it behind you.
>4 month relationship
Jesus Christ that's nothing. And you were ENGAGED? You need to re-evaluate your willingness to let people into your life so quickly. Your emotional connection was meaningless if an issue like this ended it completely. You two are just incompatible.
Also don't expect to find husband material on a fucking hook-up app lmao.
>>17054585
No, women are that whorish.
>>17056544
Fuck you nigger.
>>17056523
Why would you say 8 and then say 11 and then say 40? Why would the other person keep asking? Just say it was around 10 and then say around 10 the next time and then say around 10 again. Who the fuck is gonna keep asking the same question? I'm sure she didn't have 40 boyfriends who are going to come up in normal conversations and daily life. If the guy asks her more than twice, there is something wrong with him. Again, it depends on the disbursement. If 30 of the 40 were from age 20-25 because she was an uber slut in college, why bother talking about that? It doesn't change anything. If I had a wife (which I will never do something so stupid as that ever), and she was a huge whore in college, why would want to know that? Just let it go.
>>17054624
>>17054605
>>17054571
Sounds to me like he knows what he's worth and he doesn't want a nasty worn out turd that makes bad decisions because he knows he can do much better.
>>17057099
Lol. Your tears are delicious.
>>17057149
So are yours.
>>17054571
>I've had 40
>>17056232
I swear this is the only sensible answer in this entire thread. It's not like OP fucked 40 guys in a few days. A bunch of young inexperienced faggots in this thread, fuck...
>>17057301
You're wrong. This guy >>17057138 is right.
I want all the woman worshiping autists and slutty femanons to leave.
