Alright so I really fucked up.
My best friend has had a crush on me for a long time now and I used to like her. But shes super sexually active so I find that incredibly disgusting and brush off her advances.
We once had a long talk about dating and I tried to passively reject her but she kept harping on about how good we were as friends and how we might as well change our 'title' without changing anything.
About 2 nights ago and a party/gathering and somehow people started making jokes how we should be together because we are 'perfect' and I spilled spaghetti.
I said we wouldnt even like each other because Im weird and shes dirty.
Now the guy teasing me was a normie and tried to joke off my comment but I immediately realized what I said and Im pretty sure everyone else did. Its especially bad because shes been dealing with being called a slut and whore a lot recently at our uni and its been eating at her.
Yesterday when I saw her I got bitter ex wife vibes from her and Im afraid she might actually stab me in the back. Like shes pretending not to be mad and its only making me more afraid that something is terribly wrong and will go wrong.
How do I fix the status quo? More time?
>>17054042
She was in denial about her behaviours and thought she had everyone else fooled too. Either she'll come around or sink back into deluding herself. Either way, hold your ground and stay true to yourself
>spilled spaghetti
jizzed or puked?
yo as a girl and a slut: you fucked up. Like shit, she probably was pretty insecure to begin with and now you have absolutely crushed her self cofidence. You should probably apologize because the attention would make her fell less weird but if you do apologize make it clear you are not interested otherwise she will think you are in love with her and cling fo sho
Tell her you love her
>>17054092
>Sluts have low confidence
Of course they do. And no he shouldn't apologize. He doesn't have to be with a girl if he doesn't want to be.
Tell her what you said and how it wasn't what you meant. Apologize.
Your being not interested in dating her is your call, but it's an entirely seperate situation from you being an asshole in conversation.
Don't apologize for calling her a slut.
I'd understand apologizing for that if you were just name calling because you were bitter, but from what you say, you knows her very well, and you're far from the only person holding that opinion.
I'm not an autist, I think you should definitely apologize for hurting her feelings if you're really her friend. hell maybe even for embarrassing her in front of a crowd of people. But don't be that guy that bends over and convinces her she's not a slut just to make her feel better.
if she really hates being seen as a slut, she should maybe stop slutting around.
>>17054042
If she is your "best friend" and you think and talk about her in this way, then you're a pretty shit friend. If you really did care about her at all, you wouldn't shit on her in conversation, and you would accept her for who she is as a person. As long as her behaviour isn't hurting you, or actively hurting herself, then it's really none of your business. And if it is actually causing harm, then you could sit down with her, like a "best friend" would do, and speak to her about it compassionately. You obviously are more worried about your own reputation in your group of friends because you don't agree with her actions, and you don't want to be associated with them. I'm surprised she was even interested in you in the first place.
>>17054092
>As long as her behaviour isn't hurting you, or actively hurting herself, then it's really none of your business
Hey go feed your morals to some other piece of shit.
>>17054105
>>17054092
>>17054158
Don't apologize Op, don't. She will look at you even less of a man
Follow this >>17054183
Continue on as if nothing happened and be your old self. Once she sees that you aren't phased by her and that you're engaging with her normally she will think "shit this guy just spoke his mind and still treats me as his friend, that's a real man"
Never apologize. Don't feel weirded out and don't be phased by her feelings. Treat her normally as a friend like before and do shit like you both used to; whatever shit you do
Don't being the slut thing up and you're good. Number one thing about sluts, slut shaming them isn't good. What you did wasn't shaming, but borderline it was that and speaking your mind
>>17054145
>Of course they do. And no he shouldn't apologize. He doesn't have to be with a girl if he doesn't want to be.
Umm..... Let's pretend you weren't /r9k/, and this these were both guys, and this wasn't about sex.
Friends--let alone BEST friends--don't shit talk each other to other people when they're not around--especially about shit they already know they're already sensitive about.
At this point it isn't even about whether it's true or not, it's about not being a shit tier friend/person.
An apology IS warranted, because instead of having her back, he basically just slipped a knife in it.
>>17054042
??????
Why is she upset about being called a slut. That's literally the definition of what she's doing. That's like if I smoked a cigarette every day and got offended when someone said I was a smoker.
I would not apologize. You are not in the wrong here unless you were shaming and making fun of her. But simply saying that you two are not compatible because her behavior violates a standard you have is nothing to apologize over.
It's like if someone told me "you and mike would be a cute couple" and I said "nah, he's cool but he's a smoker".
To some people being a smoker isn't a big deal, and to others it's a deal breaker. Same with being a slut.
She needs to learn that her actions have consequences. She should not be publicly shamed by people who arnt affects by her actions, but you were not doing that by stating a preference.
>>17054265
>That's like if I smoked a cigarette every day and got offended when someone said I was a smoker.
...
>Fag is also a literal definition for a homosexual
>Bastard is a literal definition for someone born out of wedlock
>Nigger is a literal definition for a black person
Even tho these are all literal definitions, which of these do you use in polite society to refer to someone? None.
The connotations are all negative and they are all derogatory.
You ESPECIALLY don't do this to people who are supposed to be friends.
The parallel would be closer to:
>you and mike would be a cute couple
>nah, he's cool but he's an insecure douchebag
Even if you think that's objectively true you don't say that to other people about your friends.
>>17054042
>I said we wouldnt even like each other because Im weird and shes dirty.
Why exactly are you best friends anyway?
>>17054349
>Nigger is a literal definition for a black person
So you are stupid?
Simple, don't be friends with sluts anon.
>>17054231
Maybe I didnt make it clear, but she was right there.
>>17054349
Bro, you sound fucking retarded. Stop posting, anytime.
>>17054392
Just are since we met years ago
>>17054411
Err... which still isn't any better.
Maybe it'd be differen if you were talking directly TO them (becuase then it might be taking jokingly/as a thing of familiarty/comfort...--but given that you already KNOW it's something she's sensitive about--that eliminates this possibility) but shit talking about them like they weren't even there is a pretty douche thing to do, regardless of where they actually physically were.
>>17054437
You make it sound like she was sitting in a corner and not part of the conversation
If she's your "best friend" then this shouldn't be a big deal at all. At most it should be a fucking bump in the road that she gets over in a week.
>>17054470
So I should just wait it out?
Ive seen that strategy fail for many relationships. So Im not sure if this is one of those times or not.
>>17054454
It honestly doesn't matter.
Imagine if they asked her the question instead and she just said, "It would never work because
I'm normal, and he's a pathetic 4chan loser" or "he's a autistic splerg" or whatever the fuck.
Regardless of if that's true or you were participating in the conversation, would you not be fucking hurt as hell?
Common dude. Think about it from her side for a second. Use common sense and think about how you'd feel if she said something like that about you.
>>17054487
Nah I get that. Because you keep talking like Im some backstabbing traitor talking shit about her in the shadows which is why I cant take you seriously.
>>17054476
If she is actually your best friend and you're not just throwing that term around.
I grew up in a family where the women outnumbered the men 4 to 1 on both sides, and I've had several female friends I would consider to be in the inner-circle/best friends category. Whenever I did something to piss off any of these women it would heal itself over given enough time and I'd just move forward as if nothing happened. Don't play their games and they won't keep pushing for it.
That said, whenever I've tried this same approach with female acquaintances or women I wasn't very close to it hasn't worked and has pretty much fucking up any possibility at becoming friends.
>>17054505
family is different. Same tactics dont work on people who arent obligated.
>>17054516
I agree, but I've also dealt with the situation with female friends and seen plenty of late teens- early twenties female behavior and thought processes first hand.
If you really feel this concerned about the situation then talk to her, but don't do anything to implicate yourself or act like you feel guilty because that will just give her ammunition. Talking about it the wrong way might fuck things up even more, though.
>>17054191
Grill spotted. Do not follow this advuce. Its dumb as fuck.
>>17054042
if she doesnt like to be called a slut then shes probably being used by guys. sounds like youre judgmental and deserve whatever comes your way.
>>17054497
Hey, don't forgot. You're the one who brought up being afraid she might stab you in the back first, not any of us.
That's called a guilty conscious dude (it's the same shit that makes cheaters become paranoid and accuse their SO's of cheating).
And if you DO actually value your friendship, I don't think you should just wait it out.
I'll put it to you this way:
If you break/fracture a you have two options, ignore it and try to let it heal on its own, or try and repair/re-set it.
If you leave it alone, it'll still probably function, but without at least going in for a check up and seeing what's up, there's no guarantee it won't turn out to heal wrong and never be as strong as it once was, or that there isn't a small chance that it wasn't a horrible break that could spiral in to something worse and end up having to lose the arm (or worse).
Just because between guys, we're some times cool with letting shit chill and letting things go unsaid, that doesn't mean that's how things work with women.
This shit is the same dynamic that happens between guys and girls in relationships. The guy tries to just drop it because he feels awkward and doesn't want to talk about it (because he wants to process it on his own in private), but then girl doesn't (because how women process is by talking about it/being more social), and eventually it comes back up to bite them both in the ass because by this time, it's been festering all along.
Personally, I'd say it's best to get it over with now, so you don't have to deal with the repercussions later,
But really it's up to you and how much you value all this shit.
>>17054537
>fucktard spotted. Don't follow this advice, OP, it's dumb as fuck.
If your only argument is
>grill
You don't have an argument.
>>17054549
You've been giving the best advice throughout this whole thread.
>>17054565
He may try to say that it's a female way of handling things as in a more feeling oriented approach (mbti 'n stuff).
Ultimately op is male and asked for advice so while this may help the girl it may not be best for him.
Or he's just an angry idiot. You decide.
>>17054549
>guilty conscious
Nah you just dont know her or the situation. And apparently dont know how crazy women get when they are angry.
>>17054565
You're trying to tell him he's not allowed to be turned off by someones behavior. Being a friend doesn't mean you blindly agree with everything they do, and lying when asked why you won't hook up with them is retarded.
>>17054265
I take offense to this, I'm not a smoker.
#triggered.
>>17054600
Best friend is female (and she's an angry/complaining drunk).
I have a girlfriend.
My mom has literally pulled a knife on my dad and threatened to kill them both.
I've also been the confidant for quite a few female friends (especially a lot of my oldest friend's ex's. In the near two decades I've known him, I can say he's a good guy, but objectively a pretty fucking shitty boyfriend, and me being me, I end up becoming friends with his girlfriend's because I want them to feel welcomed, and when things go sour they end up venting about him)
I've seen--and even helped--my fair share of angry women; enough to know how they process.
You're trying to focus on minute details to ignore the post as a whole.
>>17054650
not focusing on minute details, but anyone who cant make an point without making ridiculous assumptions clearly has nothing of value to say.
>>17055050
>but anyone who cant make an point without making ridiculous assumptions clearly has nothing of value to say.
You're realize that that in itself is a ridiculous assumption?
>>17054231
Oh shut the fuck up about /r9k/. I'm a guy with my own opinion, deal with it.
>Friends--let alone BEST friends--don't shit talk each other to other people when they're not around--especially about shit they already know they're already sensitive about.
It's called banter. I know feminism combined with chivalry has put women on a pedestal in western society, but it's called BANTER you stupid ass.
>An apology IS warranted, because instead of having her back, he basically just slipped a knife in it.
No it isn't. The world is not a nice place, nobody needs to be nice to anybody. Just because she's a woman doesn't mean he needs to be nice to her and date her. Get off your fucking highhorse.
>>17055056
Its not an assumption. What value does a statement riddled with logical fallacies hold.
>>17054042
Don't mention what you said to her, but make up for it with something. Maybe you actually have to take her on a date to fix this, if it got really bad this may be the only way.
Then it doesn't matter what you said about, it shows you still like her.
If you decide for this, make sure it's a "statement", do it from your heart, don't half ass it.
>>17055101
He doesn't have to take her out on a date. Why does everyone want to worship women these days? Holy shit western society is so cringey now.
>>17054042
Well, telling your friends how it is isn't exactly a bad thing. If she knows that she's super slut, then it's not like you're making up shit and lying to her face.
She will get over it. If you get a chance, tell her that you didn't mean to hurt her feelings that much.
If brutal honesty hurts her that much then you two probably weren't the best of besties to begin with, sorry.
>>17055104
If the mistake was so bad, this is a treat to fix it. How much of an effort is that really if it's your best friend? It doesn't have to be any more than that.
It also solves the issue that she wanted a date to begin with. Maybe after she will realize it's not a good idea for them to keep dating anyway.
>>17054042
>Im afraid she might actually stab me in the back. Like shes pretending not to be mad and its only making me more afraid
Jesus if a petty conflict scares you this much...
You spoke your mind, there is no denying it, no need to be apologetic.
>>17055110
He doesn't want to date her because she's a slut man.
>>17055101
>make up for it with something
>Maybe you actually have to take her on a date
I suggest a middle of the road approach, just fucking her brains out :)) win - win
OP'd probably learn one trick or two from her
>>17055120
Isn't this stuff what dates are for?
Just tell her at the date that you want to save yourself for marriage and that your to be wife has to do the same, if this is how you feel.
>>17054576
Agree
>>17055128
What's the purpose here? OP already knows she's promiscuous.
>>17055110
>If the mistake was so bad, this is a treat to fix it.
That's up to HIM, not you.
>It also solves the issue that she wanted a date to begin with
Once again, OP does NOT have to date anybody he doesn't want to. Why do you think men should serve women? You are literally saying that OP should do whatever his friend wants just because she's a woman. Have you considered that OP is a man who makes his own decisions? Probably not.
Women are not entitled to have boys date them.
>>17055155
Errr... No. While I disagree that he should go on a date with her, YOU are the one who's bringing up treating her any differently because she's a woman.
If this were a guy, and you fucked up, you'd say sorry and find a way to fix it or at least make it up . That's how ALL relationships work--platonic or romantic, regardless of gender (or maybe you wouldn't, but that also means you're a terrible person to have a friend...).
No he doesn't have to date her, but if he wants to be a good friend--a "best" friend like he said he was especially--sitting on your ass after fucking up is not what you do.
Stop confusing the issue and banging the drum for your woman hating gender complexes. It's neither here nor there.
Op don't apologize if she brings it up then tell her the truth.
" yo your cool people but a hoe is a hoe is a hoe"
Blah blah your an asshole
" yup your still a hoe. Stop skank it up so much, try to find a guy you like to settle with."
>>17055139
But does she understand how he feels about it and why? She's doing what girls do all the time, wanting something that she rationally can't have, because of reasons that she should know but are denying to herself. At least that's how I understand it.
>>17055155
>That's up to HIM, not you.
lol where do you think we are? Am I his mum with total authority over him? Read the name of the board again pls.
>>17055171
>YOU are the one who's bringing up treating her any differently because she's a woman.
False. You were the one that was insisting that he treat her nice and he chivalrous and DATE HER because she's a woman. Stop deflecting.
>If this were a guy, and you fucked up, you'd say sorry and find a way to fix it or at least make it up . That's how ALL relationships work--platonic or romantic, regardless of gender (or maybe you wouldn't, but that also means you're a terrible person to have a friend...).
It all depends on the context, but I don't advocate being overly nice to women and dating one just because she's a woman and she feels entitled to be served on a golden platter.
>Stop confusing the issue and banging the drum for your woman hating gender complexes.
Nice strawman. You were the one that insisted that OP basically serve her hand and foot because she is a woman, anon. This is not about hating women, this is about giving OP advice that is relevant to him as a man. If you think giving OP good, male-oriented advice is "hating women", you need to go see a therapist right now. He doesn't have to date her and he doesn't HAVE to be nice to her, people say mean shit all the time, that's a part of life.
>>17055226
Of course you don't have total authority over him. You kept insisting that he serve a woman on a golden platter and I felt compelled to reply and put you in your place and tell you how wrong you were.
>>17055233
>You kept insisting that he serve a woman on a golden platter
It's his best friend. It just happens to be that if your a heterosexual male, you can treat a female with a date as a way of making up.
If it's a male friend, you obviously do something else, right? Go watch hockey and have a beer or whatever. Does that mean you're serving men on a golden platter?
You have to adapt what you do to the person. A slut friend will probably like a date, how hard is that to understand. You can just say it didn't work and let's just keep being friends. Why do you have to think that a date means so much, it's not this huge emotional investment to go and meet someone publicly once.
>>17055229
>False. You were the one that was insisting that he treat her nice and he chivalrous and DATE HER because she's a woman. Stop deflecting
...
You realize, that was the first reply I made.... read the post.
I even point out the fact that I disagree with him about the dating in the very first line THAT YOU QUOTED.
Once again, you're so blinded by your personal rhetoric you're painting things in the light you want to see them--apparently to the degree you're not even reading what you're responding to.
You trying to play a metal concert on that drum or something?
>>17055247
Look your dumb
I'll explain why
When friends kick it you don't call it a date. Bad timing as well with this misunderstanding.
Why would you give her mixed signals like that.
You talk shit then you flop and play nice makes the guy seem like the has no back bone.
The issue here isn't even op saying this its that she is in denial of what she is. Everyone called her a hoe because she's a hoe.
Now op is a friend so he's concerned about her.
The only thing op can do is talk to her and honestly explain what he feels.
Ex. Look you sleep around a lot your a cool person but that looks bad and you can't deny it.
If you like sex I understand but people won't.
I like you as a friend but in a relationship I like a more conservative girl.
>>17054042
Be honest if you felt pressured tell her that then as again didn't you say she asked to attract change the title it's possible she is trying to fix he reputation
>>17055312
This but not with that wording don't make your self sound selfish if you do already apologize for being selfish
>>17055068
>Banter
This doesn't exist in real life, only on imageboards. Sorry.
>>17055477
>I have no friends irl
Thanks for letting me know
>>17055247
> It just happens to be that if your a heterosexual male, you can treat a female with a date as a way of making up.
False. That's something you insist he does for some weird reason. He does not have to take her out on a date at all there, chap. Why are you trying to force him to date her? You're weird.
>If it's a male friend, you obviously do something else, right?
That's an entirely different situation. You are insisting that he date that girl just because she's a woman and you want him to. He could do plenty of other things with her - they could even just get a beer or watch hokey! But nope, you have to insist on him dating her.
>A slut friend will probably like a date, how hard is that to understand.
So? How is that OP"s problem?
>Why do you have to think that a date means so much, it's not this huge emotional investment to go and meet someone publicly once.
You're the one that has been autistically insisting for almost the entire thread that he date her, so why don't you tell me.
>>17055290
What are you rambling on about? You sound exactly the same as that other guy. You said almost the exact same thing, just wording it differently.
And nah, I notice a pattern in this thread. A drumbeat (thanks for the drum comment!) for OP to basically run to m'lady's rescue when all he did was make one fucking underhanded rude comment. Big fucking deal, life goes on. Would any of you chaps ramble on in this thread if OP said a rude comment to a guy friend? Something tells me no. You are selectively outraged because you are too sympathetic to vaginas.
>>17055477
You are autistic.
She's going to stab you in the back because you rejected, and she convinced her group of friends to call both of you "perfect" and you still rejected it? Yeah, once she stabs you, it's going to reflect more on her.
>>17054042
Apologize for shitting on her publicly at a party. Shit's embarrassing and not okay. A man realizes when he fucked up and takes responsibility for his actions. If she asks how you feel about her being a slut, tell her that because she's your best friend, you're going to have to tell her straight.
1. Man the fuck up and admit youre an asshole and you fucked up
2. Apologies
3. Don't be a pussy man you're obviously a good pair just go out with her.
>>17055848
OP, ignore this post. It's feminist hogwash.
Why are so many people trying to force OP to date this chick? Holy shit it's like /adv/ is full of woman worshiping autists.
