>Be a month before me and bf are official
>Say we love each other and all that jazz
>Aren't dating yet because he isn't ready
>Tell him about irl friends that are kinda "free spirits"
>I was interested in casual sex
>I do it with one person
>Doesn't feel right, tell him about it
>Never fuck someone else again
>Start dating a month later
>This issue has really emotionally impacted him
>He brought it up a few times
>He brought it up just now, four months into the relationship
>Visibly upset
>Calls it cheating
>I don't argue against it, because I'm scared of him leaving
>Apologize to him, feel bad
I don't know what to do in this situation. I'm panicking real fucking badly.
You can't say "i love you" to someone then go fuck others and expect it to not have an impact. You're a cheating whore and you know it
>>17051015
hahahaha goes and fucks others.
Expects that person to care about him.
Tough luck woman, you've dunn it now
>>17051020
>>17051022
Except he knew that sort of thing was going to happen back then.
We were not officially dating.
He didn't tell me that he objected to it and that I shouldn't do it. So at the time, it was very VERY grey.
I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do now.
>>17051015
God people like you are masters of doublethink. You "love" him but you'd rather fuck someone else is what you're saying. Your boyfriend should be upset, in fact he should probably leave you. But you'll justify your actions somehow
>>17051023
Inb4 someone has to tell you that it's immoral to fuck others when you love someone.
Well, ask him for sex with some other girl, i guess it's fair and he deserves it
You cheated.
Give him a submissive ultimatum:
Tell him to either forgive you or he should break up with you. Make it clear that you don't want to break up.
>>17051028
Hahaha 11/10 hypocrisy right here
>>17051027
It wouldn't be quite right if he were to do that now, would it?
We're actually official bf/gf at this point in time, and I haven't thought of or done anything since that one time before we dated.
>>17051027
>ask him for sex with some other girl, i guess it's fair and he deserves it
God I wish my gf would do this sooner, I missed out so much
>>17051036
Wasn't quite right you've fucked someone else wasn't it? Why not let him have the same pleasures as you've had? Jealous he'd enjoy it? Well you've done it, it's only fair he has the same right as you no?
>>17051032
Not hypocrisy at all. She isn't told to break up with him, She's told to advise him to break up with her.
>>17051044
He doesn't want to do that.
I told him I'd do anything for him to show him that I'm sorry, but he says there's nothing that I can do.
I feel so bad right now and I just want to make sure he doesn't leave. I mean, this was a past issue but it resurfaces sometimes because it haunts him. I can't undo what I did.
>>17051047
The world isn't black and white honey, wake up. You can't just do what you please and think the world will bend to your needs.
Think from his perspective
>>17051049
Then you shouldn't have done it in the first place? Are you asking us to justify your actions, or are you trying to think of a way to keep him? Well, everyone pays the price for their actions, classic karma at work here :) Take this as a lesson, so you won't fuck up again (literally)
retarded boy
immature girl
you can't tell someone you're not ready for a relationship, and then get mad that they fucked someone else.
just the same, you cant make someone believe that you're in love and then fuck someone else
your "relationship" was doomed before it started
>>17051050
From his perspective huh?
If I was the dude I would've broken up with her. The fact that he didn't already is strange, so advising him to do is very considerate.
>>17051059
But then it would have made no sense for him to start a relationship with me after that happened in the first place.
>>17051059
Yes, it's obvious he has feelings too. I guess you're right in a way.. strange
>>17051015
>being in love with someone
>fuck someone else
Personally I couldn't do it, no matter how attractive the chick throwing herself at me is, perhaps it's just me, because my roommate could do it just fine.
>>17051067
We met each other in August.
We started saying "I love you" in October.
We didn't admit we were IN LOVE until right before we started dating, AFTER this whole issue occurred.
>>17051062
So maybe he loves you but is mad.
Show him love girl, behave more treatfully and romantically.
>>17051069
Good luck trying to justify yourself
>>17051062
He doesn't have a strong will, he wanted something, but now knows the whole story. A person with 5 girls behind him would blow you off in no time, i'm guessing he's just inexperienced. I'm pretysure it won't work in the long run, just have sex a few times and then go away, it's best for him, otherwise it'll eat him up
>>17051072
No I'm just correcting that anon because loving someone and being IN love is completely different.
>>17051023
>Say we love each other and all that jazz
>He didn't tell me that he objected to it and that I shouldn't do it.
Well shit nigga, I guess he better get over it then, that's downright hypocritical of him.
The last thing he said to me was, "I can't trust you", despite telling me multiple times throughout the relationship that he does trust me and that he trusts me more than anyone else.
I don't know what to say.
>>17051069
>>17051076
Chronologically
>We started saying "I love you" in October.
*fuck someone else
>We didn't admit we were IN LOVE until right before we started dating, AFTER this whole issue occurred.
>loving someone and being IN love is completely different.
Christ......so you said "I love you" to someone whom you aren't sure you are in love with,,,,,,
and you feel the need to correct that anon.
>>17051087
>Christ......so you said "I love you" to someone whom you aren't sure you are in love with,,,,,,
>loving someone and being IN love is completely different.
Are you dumb?
>>17051088
ARE YOU ?
>>17051056
This right here.
>>17051076
>loving someone and being IN love is completely different.
So when you fucked the other guy, you were
1) loving your ''''soon to be bf''''' or
2) being in love with him ?
(since you feel the need to make a distinction to correct my post).
I don't see the point of that reply senpai unless you think one of the two cases is justified.
mfw this thread
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHnL57KLCls
>>17051015
Lol fucked up bitch. You knew you were gonna be official and you still had casual sex with a random, then you come on /adv/ for what? you fucked up and you can't take that back. Save his soul, that's the least you could do now. Devote your whole worth and life to helping him find someone better while you waste away with someone sub-par to him. That is the only way you may repent
>>17051015
Would feel ok if he had done the same ?
Be honest with yourself, would you be ok with him sleeping with someone after saying that he loves you.
>>17051156
If it was the exact same situation we were in but reversed, I wouldn't be holding it against him to this day, especially if we had chosen to be official after that had already happened.
I would feel iffy about it but I wouldn't send him on a giant guilt trip.
>>17051174
You know you are not honest with yourself.
Did he really know you were gonna go through with this ?
He seems a bit beta and insecure, and looks like for a reason.
>>17051056
>you can't tell someone you're not ready for a relationship, and then get mad that they fucked someone else.
well, actually not so dumb if (hypothetically) he was like
>I like you, you like me, wait until I pass the exams and I can spend time with you and we date officially, yeah ?
because then if she said explicitly she wouldn't wait, the situation would be very different. But I guess neither of them were clear about this.
If anything, he was retarded because he doesn't see this
>>Tell him about irl friends that are kinda "free spirits"
>>I was interested in casual sex
as a red flag indicator of pump and dump material. I agree that this '''' relationship'''' is fucked.
>>17051205
Well, it was something that happened in the past, and there's nothing I can do to undo it.
It's been almost 6 months since that incident, and he chose to enter a relationship with me despite it happening.
Today is when he decided it affected him a lot more than it originally did. I think it may also be because he has other stress in his own life on top of it.
>>17051210
>Today is when he decided it affected him a lot more than it originally did
Do you still hangout with the guy you fucked ? :)))
>>17051215
No. I was friends with him for a couple of weeks after that happened, but I never did anything with anyone since that one incident. We stopped talking long ago.
>>17051015
You're a slut that thinks she deserves a "good guy" yet you feel you can do bad things and not be judged for it.
>>17051221
You're grasping at straws.
>>17051221
She didn't do anything wrong. He doesn't have a very thick skin.
I just thought about my girlfriend doing this and I am fucking fuming.
Congratulations, and fuck you OP. You deserve this. And you deserve no fucking empathy, "Wahh I don't want to deal with the consequences of my actions" FUC KYOU
>>17051226
>>17051231
This person said it pretty good >>17051020
OP wants to have her cake and eat it too. She wants to be void of responsibility yet also find a "good guy" at the end of it all. I know the type.
It's like people in this thread are outraged that a man would have his own thoughts, opinions and feelings. Wow.
>>17051249
You're blowing it out of proportion. I can answer that. Seems to me she's made the cake she wanted to eat, and proceeds to eat it regardless of whether or not shithead fucko gets a slice.
>>17051249
This guy gets it.
To me it sounds like the excuse people give when they cheat on someone. "But I was weak and lonely." Then they just sidestep the questions, avoid taking responsibility, and eventually try to lay blame on the other person. "Oh you were ignoring me. You don't listen to my needs." Etc.
OP you fucked up. If he says his trust in you is busted chances are this relationship will sink. Trust is almost impossible to rebuild.
>>17051244
Wasn't it the boyfriend who didn't want to be exclusive?
He was a pussy, couldn't deal with his choices, dump the fucker.
>>17051258
> a month before me and bf are official
>Say we love each other and all that jazz
>Aren't dating yet because he isn't ready
>Tell him about irl friends that are kinda "free spirits"
>I was interested in casual sex
>I do it with one person
WHERE ? '''' he isn't ready ''' probably means dude has to cram for finals or something along those lines...
He will see you as just a shadow of the girl he first knew you as. If you want to fix this you need to re-invent your personality.
To be honest the personality you have right now is a self centred slutty bitch who has no self control.
Be honest.. If he dumps you, you will go on to have a whole string of empty str's. Because you like them.
You broke him op... You best throw him back in the sea. It would be nice if you found him a nice girl.
It would help your toxic soul heal too.
Be honest op.. You have had a string of guys before him. You just made up 'this one guy' as a smoke screen to bluff your way past the non-virgin issue.
He needs to get over himself, it's the past. Short past, but nothing you two can do now about it other than feel like shit
You did kind of fuck up, but as long as you genuinely love him (you feel anxious about the relationship so you probably do)
>>17051312
Anxiety is not love, but I digress.
>>17051297
>You have had a string of guys before him
that isn't so much of an issue as
[[ fucking one of her ''''free spirited''' friends]]
right after
>Say we love each other and all that jazz
to her guy,
who probably thought they were having something special.
That says a lot about her quality. I mean her soon-to-be bf were probably so happy at the very moment the other dude was fucking her ragged, thinking about his soon-to-be gf kek
I'm gonna write a screenplay about this, and of course main character is OP, portrayed in empathetic light, and it is gonna have a happy ending with them together. It's gonna be a hit, so excited !!!
>>17051319
Well she's anxious because she values him, so kinda in a way yeah she does
>>17051330
I value my lamp. I do not love my lamp. I do not feel fondly towards my lamp. Value is not love either.
You shouldn't have told him you loved him if you weren't in love with him. Those words used to mean something and they still do to some guys. Being "official" doesn't matter if you love someone.
All you can do is beg him to forgive you, but by all accounts he shouldn't.
>>17051015
Fucking cunt, he deserves someone better then you.
>>17051255
Sure, but what you don't understand is that guys have every right to say "NO" to a woman about anything.
Yes, a woman can decide to be a slut and make bad decisions, and a guy has every right to reject her and look down upon her for that.
She basically hurt a guy's feelings and she knows it. Yes, she did do something wrong, she even admitted it herself a couple times. Cool it with the woman worshiping.
>>17051205
>I like you, you like me, wait until I pass the exams and I can spend time with you and we date officially, yeah ?
What the fuck. If i love someone I date them. Regardless of whether I have time to hang out.
Op and the guy both are retarded, but its not solely her fault. He's indecisive and immature.
>>17051449
>he's indecisive
>she fucked another guy because she couldn't wait a month
>>17051015
whore
>>17051015
Women, I swear to God.
>>17051086
let it go.
Go fuck your "free spirit" fuck bois
he deserves better than a cheating shunk
>>17051487
/thread
>>17051249
>her
>>17051015
You KNEW that was a stupid idea.
"Free spirit" UGH
I'm not exactly on OP's side here, but do you visitors of /adv/ think your definition of love is a little too rigid? Is it really so difficult to separate different forms of love?
Saying you love somebody before fucking somebody else is questionable, but if it's exchanged before being in an official relationship I don't think it's so cut and dry. Are you obliged to commitment by the words and not the relationship situation?
As a follow up question, do you think it's impossible to love somebody you've cheated on or love somebody who has cheated on you?
>>17051449
>What the fuck. If i love someone I date them. Regardless of whether I have time to hang out.
We must remember this is OP's version, I think, very likely, "officially dating" means diffidently for her and him.
>Aren't dating yet because he isn't ready
This is ambiguous, Did he consider them as "not dating" at this point ? or this is just what OP thinks ? if he did, you would be right. Or...... perhaps because this dude was "busy", "couldn't hang out after professing his love" she went ahead and fucked "a friend" because technically they haven't gone on a date yet.
Did he know she's about to fuck another guy because they "weren't dating" ?
The poor dude probably thought they entered a relationship when they said they love each other, I mean, why else would he call that cheating if this wasn't the case.
....and for her 'free spirit' the relationship starts when they actually go on a date :)))
OP, feel free to correct me.
>>17051023
Listen cunt. You don't love someone and then go fuck another one. You just don't. I don't care if you're the guy or girl. But stop lying you are the guy and pretend to be the girl to get more empathy. End it, your relationshit is beyond repair. Listen to me.
>>17051608
Love is rigid. If you casually tell someone you love them and then casually fuck someone else, you're doing the person you """love""" wrong. OP isn't even contesting this - she says she felt like shit after wronging him so deeply, but she still wronged him.
I do not believe that if you truly love someone you will be capable of cheating on them. I believe it's possible to love someone who cheated on you, but only because it's entirely possible to love someone who has wronged you deeply.
>>17051637
How can love be so rigid when there are so many types of love? Also, the argument seems to hinge on love being defined as a function of sex. How does this definition account for people in loving relationships but have other casual partners?
I don't really see how so many people here consider it cheating when we weren't officially together in the first place, and he was made aware that something could possibly happen beforehand and he didn't ask me not to.
He withheld saying how he felt about it at the time.
Wanting casual sex was just a phase. I tried it and I didn't like it. The people I talked to outside of 4chan said it wasn't cheating. I didn't just talk to friends; I talked to neutral parties.
What I don't understand is that he said the relationship is "ruined", but he's said that before about a different issue and things turned out fine.
Furthermore, I don't understand why he still decided to have a relationship with me after that, and it didn't "ruin" the relationship until just now. There's nothing I can do about it.
>>17051015
It wasn't cheating though it's hard for most guys to comprehend. In a run up to people getting together emotions are involved, notably the fear of getting hurt. He was trying to let himself go and fall totally in love and make a commitment while OP was out fucking around without a care. For him he was in the relationship already for OP nothing is official until it's official and if we all had a dollar for every woman that was fucking someone else the night before "they got together" we'd be millionaires. Again it's hard for men to comprehend and believe they are special when the woman rolls her ass up to other men yet swears they love them.
>>17051809
>officially together
define this, ask him to define this.
>The people I talked to outside of 4chan said it wasn't cheating
But did you talk to HIM ? ask him why he thought that was cheating ? he will tell you the answer, which I think should be very obvious.
People outside of your relationship upon hearing your version of the story of course aren't gonna say you cheated, further more, did you greentext them all the details like this thread, or it was just a verbal exchange, something like
"we weren't dating at the time, I fucked another guy, do you think I cheat ?"
And finally you dont have to listen to /adv/ or 4chan since you already made up your mind :)))
>>17051870
No, I explained the situation in its entirety like I did here.
>>17051865
kek
>>17051637
but why even fuck the other guy? I don't believe for a minute it never crossed her mind before she fucked him but her desire to fuck this guy was greater than what she felt for her current bf. Maybe she didn't think how bad she would feel about it or that it felt like she cheated on the man she loved but she thought about it. If OP wants to fix this she should stop trying to justify it and tell him that it did feel like she cheated because she was already in love.
>>17051809
>The people I talked to outside of 4chan said it wasn't cheating
did they have anonymity ? are they strangers who aren't afraid to speak honestly and aren't bounded by courtesy ? finding people like that would be pretty hard.
>>17051872
When that other man came in you did you feel like you cheated?
>>17051883
>bounded by courtesy
that conversation would be fucking hilarious
>hey, mister, um I used to have casual sex a lot, do you think I'm a slut ?
>uhm, no, you are "free spirited"
>>17051887
Not necessarily. Like I said, the bf wasn't my bf yet, and he didn't tell me not to.
However, I didn't feel like I did something right. About halfway through it I was like, "this isn't fun. I don't like it. Can this be over already?"
The reason why I even told him that it happened was because it didn't feel right.
>>17051889
>a lot
This only happened once.
Honestly OP, when this guy was thrusting inside ypu, or you were bearing down on his dick and gasping, what were you thinking about the guy you told that you loved?
How do you think the guy you 'love' is thinking when he pictures the same scene?
Let him go - and find him a less slutty girl if you want to feel better.
>>17051892
>it didn't feel right
what do you call that though? I think if you dig down it is guilt because you cared for someone else and falling in love with them. You have a hard time admitting that because if you love someone you don't need them to expressly forbid it. That is only an excuse.
>>17051865
You need to stop trying to defend yourself when even you knew it was wrong during the act, by your own admission. You fucked up. You need to apologize as sincerely as you can, not that I trust your understanding of the weight of those words either, and then you leave it up to him.
Dumb.
I understand that the idea of love can be very malleable concept (see: cucks), but honestly, in the most traditional sense of the word, do you need to be "official" with someone you love before boundaries are set?
Being in love with someone isn't bound by societal concepts such as acknowledge to the whole world that you're together, it's much more emotional than that. When you love someone, you love them whether or not you're "official" and to fuck someone else when you're in love is wrong (evidenced by both of you feeling like shit about it).
The way I see it, there's 2 options; break up cause the chance of him ever trusting you fully is almost gone, or prove that it was a lapse in judgment (I use this term very loosely here). Even if you do prove that you'll never do anything to hurt him again, I don't think he will ever fully trust you.
Say, you are OP's bf, let's set the issue of WHEN you actually dated aside.
Given that she told you she was interested in casual sex with friends, how difficult it is to believe the two statements below, regardless of what is the truth.
>she only fucked her friend ONCE, within A MONTH after you two said you love each other
>she NEVER cheated after the first date
Now you have her bf's perspective.
>>17051952
it wasn't a lapse in judgement but she was committed to fucking this guy. She was even aware something amiss as she fucked him but kept right at it determined to see it through.
>>17051960
That's why I said "I use this term very loosely here." The mental gymnastics needed to justify her fucking the guy is a lot less strenuous than the mental activity needed to justify letting the guy keep fucking her.
OP is just a whore, who knew she did smth wrong but wants everyone to tell her she was right, so she would make peace with her guilty conscience. If i were bf i would break up with you, and maybe tell you to be fuckbuddies at best.
>>17051978
good point. In the bf's mind an heart she will never really be anything more than a fuckbuddy. It's what she's accustom to so she should be fine
>>17051015
Same thing happened to me.
But when I found out about it I didn't pursue dating her any more.
She was fucking crushed because she was in love with me but that slutty shit just isn't attractive to me.
>>17051015
> I love you
> but I'm not ready to date you
What the fuck is this horse shit?
>also don't fuck anyone else.
Fuck this guy. If he had a problem with it he should have left you back when you told him. He's a Whitney little bitch who likes having something over you. If he were an actual reasonable human who had started dating you in the first place this would have been avoided. Dump the loser or be prepared for him to throw this in your face EVERYTIME princess gets butthurt.
>>17052013
>> I love you
>> but I'm not ready to date you
we don't know if he said anything along those lines though...see >>17051610
I bet his story would be way different if he called that cheating.
>>17052013
>I love you
>but I wanna fuck some other guys before we're officially a "couple"
You call him a wimp but that sounds like a slut. Asking for a short wait is far less of a breach of love than fucking someone on the side.
>>17052013
>>17052019
and furthermore
She DID NOT confront him about WHY he called her [ fucking her friend when they "aren't dating" ] cheating because she was afraid (lol), if that is not a red flag to you I don't know what is. It all smells of mental gymnastic and rationalization.
>>17052031
right and give it another month or two and she'll ask for a "break" because she found another guy she wants to fuck and then come back to him, rationalizing it because they were not a couple at the time.
Women are much better able to separate love and sex than men are.
>>17052042
I 100% believe OP is in the wrong here but I don't agree that this separation of love and sex is gender-based. There are sluts aplenty for both sexes.
>>17052069
I agree some men are sluts but contrary to historical stereotype when a man falls in love and has sex with that woman he's locked in for life. Women worry only if they would get caught and lose what they have built with the partner and if there are no consequences they will do it and go right back and maintain it was just sex and nothing to do with love.
>>17051576
OP is a woman. A very slutty, immoral woman, but still, a woman.
