I'd like to think me tipping well compensates for my degenerate behaviour.

>>17050200
It does. Do not worry.

>>17050200
You're damn sure it does.

>>17050200
It does to a degree

I really want us to work but I think that's just the last bit of hope I've conserved. I require a love that's different than what you can provide. I get it. I won't ask you to stretch yourself thin.

I'm sorry.

>>17050159
People stare at me so much, I just don't get it.

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I'm afraid I'm turning into a psuedointellectual fedora tard, complete with superiority complex.

It doesn't help that I'm actually autistic either.

>>17050159
I swear to god I'm crazy im mentally ill I shouldnt obsess over one person like I do but I do. I guess obsess is a little extreme, but i definitely think about him more than I should. I restrain myself from messaging him but I still think of him. I finally deleted all the screenshots of our conversations back in January, but I always feel a little regret cause I miss the memories. I thought letting go would be deleting the voicemail from when he told me he loved me the first time, the night he ruined my birthday. I thought that would be it, I let it go, that's it. But no, I'm still caught up in this and I feel like a psycho even though ive taken every step to let go. I'm trying to let go. I know you lied, I know it. So why can't I get over it? God damn it, you even lied about your name at first. But I still feel like I love you.

And for that, I am pathetic.

I don't feel like a real person, or at least one that exists as a permanent object. Every day I wake up and feel like I've inhabited the skin of someone else, and it's hard to remember goals and responsibilities. I've been in the same spot for the last two years and it feels like I could stay here forever.

I feel dumb because I don't know how to look for a job or apply to community college or get a clinical diagnosis for whatever is wrong with my brain . I don't think I'll ever make it in the industry I want to work in and I don't see what I could possibly be in the future.

>>17050159
People say money doesn't buy happiness, but I won a $500 lotto ticket and got the money in my hand and it felt as good if not better than sex. So I beg to differ. Also I am very grateful for that win and will use it wisely.

I get extremely annoyed with my mom every time i talk to her. She's extremely nosy and used to sift through my stuff when I lived in her house, I felt like she was more of a corrections officer than a parent. Now that im moved out I feel better, but every time I talk to her I still get this pit of disdain inside of me. I love her, but sometimes I seriously cannot fucking keep a conversation with her. It doesn't help that she always says "you sound sad, whats wrong?" whenever im on the phone with her.

The worst part is I have no reason to feel like this anymore because I dont live with her. It makes me feel like a giant piece of shit.

>>17050200
I work for tips, I promise you, it definitely does compensate.

Thank you seriously, there's people that act like degenerates that will fucking skip a tip completely

Sometimes I can keep up with functioning like a human being. I can socialize, I can do the work I need to. I can squeak by.
But the other half of the time I just completely dissolve into the ineffectual slug that I really am underneath. I have no drive, no push, no hope. I'm totally useless, but it's nice when I get to pretend that I'm not.
Being around friends sometimes help me forget about it, but other times it just makes it all the more clear how hollow I really am.

D,

I don't know why you cut the friendship in September. I wish you would tell me. We had so much fun together. I thought you had kicked me to the curb but you reached out on Xmas and New Years. You said shortly after New Years that the reason you cut and run was not because of me. Can you tell me now? I still believe you are an amazing person and have a lot of potential.

You say you want to rebuild our friendship. Its nice that we are talking again but whatever issues that we had, they need to be discussed. You said I walked into your life while everyone else was walking out on you. I haven't forgotten the things you said to me. Both the good and the bad. I try to focus on the good. You are a lot better than you give yourself credit for.

It has been so long since we have seen each other in person but it is nice to be talking to you again. Every time I get a text from you it gives me a little bit of hope of rebuilding what we had.

I wont be around June - August. I am taking that trip we planned out last year. I am going with or without you. I wanted to tell you in person but you say you keep getting too nervous to meet in person, I know you have an anxiety disorder but I really would like to see you again. I hope I can see you in person before I go.

anyway, thanks again for at least talking. There aren't too many people as awesome as you around this fucking city. Nothing but a bunch of struck up hipsters. I hope we can see each other soon!

i will never know love and this is tearing me apart

I really want to do good in school, but I'm 99% sure i'm already too far gone to redeem it and get into an actually good school.

>>17050159
I've been a high school drop out and NEET for almost 2 years, i know i have to go back and finish but the anxiety kills me just the thought of stepping on school grounds gives me panic attacks i just can't handle it

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>just be yourself
What is this supposed to even mean? I feel like myself is just whatever I am doing, like it's just a big act I constantly maintain. if I really be myself I don't find a self, I find a big contradictory mess of things. Not really being myself when I decide some parts of myself I don't want to live by, and who's deciding that? Do people actually confidently agree with themselves, I feel like I can be wrong about anything. Can't talk about this to anyone because they all say to cut the act, not trying to act like some pseudo intellectual fedoralord I just genuinely feel like I'm acting all the time in some way so them shutting me down feels pointless. Want a refund on this retarded brain.

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>>17050241
>Been in a relationship for years
>The last two years I haven't been able to go a month without thinking of breaking it off
>Keep thinking if it weren't for the fact that we go out and get random lays once in a while, we would go crazy
>We hardly do things together anymore
>Feel like I'm betraying him everytime I say 'I love you'

I know I SHOULD work on it. I know I SHOULD communicate. I know I SHOULD try...but goddamnit I'm tired.

I don't want to fucking try, and I'm truly sorry I let these feelings fester so long now that YOU don't have much of a chance to fix it.

I'm sorry...I'm so fucking sorry...but I'm fucking miserable, and I know by the time it ever leaves my lips, its going to be too late...

>>17050829
Just make sure you did your best, so that when it ends you won't torture yourself with thoughts that you could've tried harder.

I was making eggs in your house and I cracked an egg wrong and spilled the yolk on the counter which then quickly fell into a drawer. I knew you blamed one of your kids because you didnt suspect shit!

HAHAHAHA i imagined you opening up the drawer and saying "for fuck sakes"

Would telling you how I feel about you now be too late if you are with another?
If even just to get the words out?

I hate this.

For fucks sake say something.
I can see you there. I just don't know anymore if you want me to talk to you and I don't want to bother you anymore. Fucking say something. Anything. A period, a word, even just "fuck you".

I keep worrying about you and whether everything's alright with you, even though I shouldn't, even though I have no way of influencing the things that happen to you. I really hope you're alright. But for god's sake, please, show me you care about yourself and me and the people around you.

Why do I feel so anxious about making phone calls and doing paperwork?

I function perfectly fine in person, I'm regularly described as charismatic and outgoing, but when it comes to a teeny bit of paperwork I freak out and panic.

>>17051167

I feel exactly the same. Phone calls freak me out even more than meeting people right away.

Fuckin' what a bunch of fuckin' faggotrons in this bizzitchizzay.

I react that way because you're untrustworthy.

I don't want to come off as some privileged asshole whining about my problems, and I get that a lot of people have it worse.

Living with anxiety isn't really living. I'm sick to death of the permanent fear over every single thing. The thing that pisses me off the most is that it will come at times where I should feel relaxed or at ease. I can't plan my life. There are so many things that I want to do, but if I was given the money and time to do so I would be incapable of doing.

I've made progress with therapy and gaining confidence but it's been 10 years of anxiety now. Humans make independant choices, animals live by instinct and fear, and I'm little more than an animal.

I can't do the things I want to do. I'm sick of enduring utter terror over stupid shit like talking to somebody or going to a friend's house.

I want to fade out of existence and not cause my family any harm. I get excited at the thought of getting hit by a car or stabbed to death because then I get to die and my parents know it wasn't by my own hand.

This isn't living. I'm 20 but I haven't been alive more than a few months of my entire life.

>>17051516
What can I do to be trustworthy with you? I am willing to do anything that you want.

>>17051470
Its really frustrating. I think it stems from the fact that I can't see what is happening at the other end, whether it is phone, email or letter.

>>17051537
You can start by replying to my message.

>>17051554
This may be just pure coincidence. But I must ask what message or I am in the same situation. And then what? Perhaps give me an initial? If it is but I suspect it is comma I will reply to your message although if it is who I think it is which it likely isn't because at this time that person would be asleep. But who knows the world is small.

>>17051572
My post is directed to a C.

>>17051581
Good alright simple coincidence that. A sigh of relief. Thank you.

I made $40 from a Scottish man with a fart fetish today, so that was nice. (He paid me to write four pages about a rhino farting on him, which was really nasty but ultimately not that big of a deal -- I've been paid to write much nastier examples of erotic fiction.).

Now I have to start on the 'book' (it's going to be about 16 pages) that I'm going to publish on Amazon's Kindle Store to try to make more cash. I'm gonna try to do one a week, and have a lot of ideas, thank God.

I see my psychiatrist on May 5th, and hopefully we'll finally be able to medicate me out of my depression. That hasn't been a real hope of mine for a while, but since I started ECT it's actually started to seem realistic.

>>17051600
Sure thing amigo

I hope I get into a lethal car accident today.

I'm so fucking lonely

Why do is seem to become pessimistic when stuff looks to be going my way

And why do I seem to become optimistic when it is looking down for me?

>>17051629
See a psychiatrist about your depression, amigo.

How to find a mental health provider: http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/mental-illness/in-depth/mental-health-providers/art-20045530
How to find a therapist: http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/how-to-find-therapist
Dealing with suicidal thoughts: http://www.helpguide.org/articles/suicide-prevention/suicide-help-dealing-with-your-suicidal-thoughts-and-feelings.htm
And, if you need it, here's a list of suicide hotlines organized by country: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html

Your life is worth something, anon. It's worth a lot. You matter, and by existing your make the world a better place. Don't throw all that away because of something that can be treated, and even cured.

I've been depressed for 8 years now and my life improved 1000% once I got into treatment. At least give it a chance.

>>17051675
I see my therapist every Thursday. She's the sixth one since the age of 12. I'm 21 now. It gets better kind of and then it gets a lot worse. I really truly think I'm not suppose to be alive for much longer. Thank you for your post, though.

>>17051702
See a psychiatrist. Meds can help a lot, too, if you don't already take them.

I slept with a few people while drunk (I've since stopped) during a few of the "break ups" my abusive "partner" and I have had when he's left me. I'm terrified of him ever finding out because I'm so scared of him completely losing it and seriously hurting me and the people involved. I'm tearing for my safety and life, and theirs. Just thinking about it all and thinking about his reaction and anger is enough to make my heart feel like it's about to explode out of my chest. The worst part is that he's cheated on me so many times and it destroyed me, along with his abuse. I'm too scared to leave and I think I still love him... I see a future with him if he changes... I'm a mess and I don't know what to even do anymore. I'm falling apart at the seams and holding on only by a thread.

I hate you so much right now. I fucking hate you. I fucking hate you. I fucking hate you. If I heard that you died I'd be so fucking happy. I'd never hurt you or anyone physically but I'd love to see you dead. Or moved away. Or put back in prison where someone can shove their dick inside you with no lube.

>>17051605
Hey fly, I see you post here about the erotica you write for cash, mind telling us how you got started?

>>17051937
Whoa there, Edgey Edgar.

I pushed away the only person who ever loved me because I have anxiety and paranoia. I accused him of things he didn't do. He was always trying to help me get over my past abuse and be happy. I miss him. But deep down I know I deserved to lose him.

I'm going to therapy and hopefully I will learn to stop pushing away my loved ones.

I'm just a frightened gorilla. I don't know why you want to interact with me.

>>17052179
Because I like u.

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I wish you made me feel important like you use to do.

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I'm not honest about caring about what my girlfriend perceives as her problems.

Anyone else knows this feeling?

I like her, and want her to be happy, but according to her there's constantly some new disgrace falling upon her. And, after some time, I just DON'T BELIEVE HER.
Seriously, every atom of my body wants to scream in her face "STOP MAKING SUCH A FUCKING BIG DEAL OUT OF FUCKING EVERYTHING"
And yet, she'd be insanely hurt.

Oh and I also want to fuck other girls, but that's another story

Don't know if you're telling me what you're telling me just because you want me to know or to get me jealous, anyways I'm thinking about that, probably way more than I should.
This overthinking isn't just a problem in personal relationships, it's taking a toll on my career. God damn, I seem to only not overthink when I'm with her or stoned out of my mind, in both cases I can't really be productive.
Time to try and mold, or break myself to achieve what I want. Wish me luck anons

I'm falling in love with someone for the first time in my life and I've never been this terrified.

>>17052186
Well you shouldn't

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PX7LLua5NCM

>>17050159
My bf and I mutually broke up the day before yesterday. I won't go into details, but I am now helping him ask this girl he has a crush on out. I'm sad that we broke up, and I very much love him, but I don't feel bad about helping him, and in his eyes it's me being a good friend, but personally I feel as though I'm only helping him so it will go bad, and he'll come back to me. I feel like a horrible person.

>>17052229
Leave her with her problems and go fuck other girls. Simple.

>>17051969
I started because I find erotica hotter than actual porn, and I'm a writer, so I was already writing some for myself anyway. So I published some of it on websites like DeviantArt and got myself a following, and some people starting propositioning me for commissions and asking me what my prices were; and at that point, I started having prices and a terms of service and stuff.

It wasn't very hard, but I think it helped that I have an unpopular and disgusting fetish (eproctophilia).

do you think I'd have a chance if you weren't my teacher?

fuck me I wish there was a way of knowing this without giving away the fact I think more about fucking him senseless than anything related to our lessons

kill me

I'm becoming infatuated with a boy I've yet to go on a date with. He's been through some kind of previous relationship hell. But I can tell he's the kind of guy I fall hard for. We meet up tomorrow. This is going to be a mess.

I'm alone and I'm lonely.
But at least I've had a productive day.
I suppose.

I thought about you last night, when I should not have done so. I miss you. It would be great if you got in touch. I'm not going to push it.

I had dream about you last night. I shouldn't be dreaming about you. I entered your room and laid down by your slender legs. You reached over and I felt your hands caress my head.
Someone said something, not sure which of us but "love" was said.
Then
I awoke before my alarm, and all I could think was "no, I want to go back."

When being awake is the nightmare, I just want to sleep forever.
I shouldn't be missing you, nor dreaming about you. Not even sure if falling for you is real, or if I just made you up to make myself feel something again.

>>17053091
Initial, please?

>>17053111
For an S, by an L

I've been feeding this hate for you for so long it's grown so big it's greedy for more than I can give it. I can't see anything beyond this hate. It's a red mist clouding the clear blue sky in front of my eyes. I know I'll lose but that's why I'll keep fighting you. I'll use whatever strength I hAve in me to make a chink in your armor. I have no armor and you've already cut me so deeply I don't even remember what it was like being wholly human and not a half-dead monster wailing into the wind.

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So pissed inside that I know my place in life is just to be that clown that everyone laughs at/with and I'm not allowed to break from the script without risking my entire character to just talk to someone I feel close to and feels close to me. That my existence is to consist of me having a nice time with my friends and doing good in school and your bland shit to go home and be alone all the time. I've made my peace with it but more recently I let myself believe I might deserve more than that what with my higher than usual grades and number of friends and outings. Even asked a grill out that I thought was into me even remotely and she wasn't which I guess is what took off my blinders and let me realize what garbage I am and it pisses me off and makes me want to fight someone responsible but I know that hits wrong and no one's even responsible but myself and that pisses me off even worse. I'll never know what it feels like to have someone hold your hand and be happy to do it. I'll never know what it feels like to look into her eyes and hear her tell me she loves me. I'll never know what it is to lay in bed beside someone else and just be. And I hate that I'm okay with that and that even if I wasn't that there's nothing I could do about it because people won't change and I sure as hell know I'll never change my role as the lonely circus clown

>>17050829
i wish my ex felt this way. she did this to me. she doesn't even feel bad about it

i wish you just talked to me about this. this way we'd both be happy. it always works out. i dont know why you never want to tell me about your feelings, instead you just keep giving up on me. it's tearing me apart.

genevieve you popped into my head today after years and it fucked up my day. we were young as fuck but I never liked anyone as much as you

>>17053296
whoops just saw the image

if you want to know if i have feelings for you, you have my number.

>>17053448
i don't want to know.

>>17053448
What do you propose I say?

I have a gut feeling that something will happen tomorrow between me and a girl I asked out a few weeks ago.

Dunno why, but I just do.

>>17053516
literally anything, the point isn't first words its conversation and all the words after. what do you feel like saying?

I don't remember you being so shy. what is it about me that makes talking difficult when you've had (I assume it was on your urging) people check in on me. when, for a long time, you kept finding my doppelgangers.

If I had to take a guess I'd say we both left a mark on each other, and even if things haven't always been harmonious, I don't think I'd ever be able to object to talking to you.

>>17053547
Finding your doppelgangers? What in the holy fuck could that possibly mean?

It's hilarious because even tho I know this isn't the person I'm thinking of I do see doppelgangers everywhere. Fuck.

>>17050159
>>17050159
you sound like a fucking loser

>>17053516
well oddly enough I do have a number in my cell phone with your name on it. But I don't remember giving you my number, unless it was the time I think I first talked to you years ago. I don't remember the person with your name, either.

I will try making contact with you one more time on the 21st, if you still dont look at your messages then it's your loss, which would be sad as i got a good gut feeling from you and my gut feelings are always right.

After losing my gf of 10 years to her finding another man after I became disabled, I'm going to finally end it. I have practiced partial suspension hanging enough to really understand how it works. I'm not even scared anymore. I guess it kind of just feels good to tell someone about it.

>>17053581
Dude, it's not worth it. Please reconsider. You're giving her power iver your own life. Please don't. I assure you I'm not one of those "don't do it" faggots, but not like this man. Not over a fucking bitch.

>>17053579
deleted facebook cause stalkers, and also just fuck zuckerburg and his aspirations to take over the whole internet and sell everything you do in data packages.

>>17053590

It's not really "over a bitch." It's more like, between my schizophrenia and my autoimmune disease, I've been sliding down. She was the reason I held on so long, and literally was the reason that I kept going. I thought for years about dying, and it's more just that it's ok now, and that I don't have to keep fighting for something anymore.

I just want to kiss little girl bottoms forever. That's all.

Is it bad that I am using my music playlist as a way of judging my chances with her.

I would say that if something good will come of us then these two songs will be clustered near each other, and they have consistently been clustered. (no more than 5 tracks apart on a 500 track playlist)

Fuck. I need to get my mind off of her and accept that she rejected me and that it wont happen. But No... I always have to find ways to hold out hope with her.

>>17053607
oh, have we been on 4chan too long without the requisite disgusting post?

for the love of god tell me you're not "omg my cousins" guy.

>>17053619
it's stupid. I wouldn't say bad, but stupid.

I would have killed myself by now if it wasn't fro my brother and sister. I just can't bring myself to ruin their lives, no matter how much I wish mine was over.

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>>17053621
>just the mere idea of kissing a girls bottom is 'dishusting'
I'm sorryx I just wanted to say it finally.

>>17053623
I know..... I guess I am just trying to remain optimistic while grasping as something that wont happen.

either way, I'm not bothered. I think it'd be interesting is all.

>>17053619
I haven't done that, exactly, but I always bow down to the "Shuffle God" as I call it. I think I'll try what you're doing in a different way, more general. I'll see what three songs come up in a row and that'll tell my fortune. Here goes:

It's a Lovely Day Tomorrow - Al Bowlly
Muskrat - Doc Watson
In the Cold Cold Night - White Stripes

>>17053639
mmm, yeah I know that feeling.

maybe indulge in it for a second, and then drop that shit and join us all in reality, then try reallly hard to not go back.

you know you fucked up when you cringe at your own shit.

mm mm nope. that was dumb as fuck. moving on now.

i want to fucking kill people
i want to do drugs
im afraid of psychiatric help
im a fucking poser

I wish I wouldn't feel depressed when things don't go the way I want with girls. Honestly, I wish I could just focus on getting good grades instead of trying/wanting to get a gf or fuck women.

>>17050242
Are you in america?

Every job I go to, I end up getting along best with the skinny middle-aged trailer pixie.

He left the cover off the tap of the beer I'm drinking and it's honestly stressing me out so much

>>17053732
Initials? Sorry but I really don't want to fuck this up.

>>17050159
uuugggh fuuck why'd she have to talk to me, and write little smiles and shit, and now I just wanna fucking talk a storm up with her and also mostly just talk bullshit while drunk or something I don't know man but it's killing me not talking to her right now fuuuckcckckc

>>17050200
you're a live example of a good person, I'll start tipping people more generously because of my poor social skills from now on (not the delivery guys tho, fuck them they're normally faggots and forget your shit, not their fault sure but if you tip them well how will they know you're not satisfied with your service? I also tell them so they know why they got tipped bad like that but I am rambling now)

>>17053762
Poser! Funny that was the absolute worst thing you could call someone when i was in high school in the '80's. I still call people that because there are so many of them now.

I don't get why people ask for initials on these threads, do we have so few people on /adv/ or what the fuck?

I saw him hug two fat girls at the party for a long time, but when I hugged him he pulled away and went to the bar, turning his back on me.

I hate him so much, so much. so much. I hate him I hate him. I'm not ugly or fat. Am I ugly and fat? I'm just good enough to fuck once on a dare and then dump? Is that what I am? Do I not deserve one ounce of kindness or respect? I FUCKING HATE YOU.

>>17053882
maybe you have a shitty personality, maybe he doesn't like you.
I know I would hug some fat girls because I know they don't have a chance but won't hug some girl I hate out of despise.
Don't want to sound like a dick but that's an option you know.

>>17053888
I know what you're saying is right. He doesn't like me, I'm worthless to him. Every time I see him it's like the knife gets twisted.

>>17053888
just move on then, it might hurt but there's no other way.
either that or be upright with your feelings and ask him "do you don't like me? are you avoiding me?" if it a yes then do as I already said.

I'll just post this here, I've always wanted to tell someone, but never really had anyone, sorry if it's too long. Will greentext some parts.
>be me
>my family likes to treat me bad to blow off some steam
>always felt like my family didn't care about me
>literally been told I was an accident
>my parents get divorced
>didn'tseemydadmuchanyways.jpg
>family would drink a lot
>family would fight a lot
>be me breaking up fights which would last until 3 AM
>be me not going to school because of the fights
>never let any friend get too close
>turn 15, tell my crush my feelings about her
>mfw she stopped talking to me for a year
>started drinking
>mom didn't care much
>fake happiness in public
>people would always see me happy, I was always friendly
>people would tell me I seemed to be good at everything I did
>I started working out, and girls seemed to be attractive
>ex-crush wanted to be with me
>hellno.jpg
>mfw internally I'm a mess
>mfw there were days I just wanted to die
>mfw when I'd get drunk constantley
>luckily I never got hangovers and never seemed drunk
will continue

Probably going to quit smoking here soon. Makes me feel shitty, but I get real irritable for the first 8 hours without a smoke. Need to quit real bad.

>>17054005
cont.
(kek greentexted more than I though)
So a few years later I met this girl from my school at a party, got her number and started talking to her, she was like my other half (lets call her N). Everything I liked, she genuinely liked (not like other girls who'd tell me they like something just to get me to like them) After a while I fell in love with that girl, she became the reason why I'd want to keep waking up, she is the reason why I stopped drinking. Fast forward a year or so. We would talk a lot, we would watch TWD and chat about what was going on in the episode. I asked her out several times, but she always said no. I never lost faith, but sometimes she would hurt me (although not on purpose I think) I just coudn't stop loving her, after a while she became distant. That didn't stop me either. After a while another girl started talking to me, she seemed like she actually cared about me, something I had only felt in N before. When saw us become close, N stopped talking to me, I felt like shit, and the last day of class on my senior year, shit happened and the other girl stopped talking to me as well (I've got no idea why) but N started talking to me again. Still coudn't stop loving her. A few months later I realized maybe it's not worth it, I began drinking heavily again. Asked her out one last time, she never answered. And know I don't know if I should just tell her what I feel.

Sorry to bother, had to get this out of my system

>>17053579
This makes me terrified that I will receive a message on the 21st. Please tell initial of who this was meant for

i am never satisfied. it's not that i work things up in my head or expect them to be any particular way, things just are never right.

I'm doing my graduation group project with the presentation day being 9 days away. I've basically finished all of my job in the group, all that's left is to print out the documents and give it to my advisor before this saturday. I don't think I did too bad, but keep having this nagging feeling that I messed up something somewhere and it's now too late to fix it. What's more, my group is getting a little more agitated as the big day draws near and the atmosphere in the group makes me really nervous these days.

Fuck, I just want this to be over with so I can go back to playing video games peacefully at home.

>>17054066
don't apologize pal, is good to vent.
you've been doing good, life doesn't come as we expect it too, there is no need to give it a good face either, but even after all the shit you went thru you still managed to give a smile back, you deserve to enjoy life, so please do it.

>>17053882
cute. you really lub him..
admit it. You would crawl back and let him have his way with you just for him to recognize you again momentarily. Then he'd kick you out and let you do the walk of shame ignoring you in public, then you'd go back again.

>>17054152
sometimes we have our expectations way up, and people doesn't give you not even half of what we think they would (read as should, maybe?)
I know how you feel too well, but I don't seem to know a way to fix it other than finding something that you don't expect anything from and also enjoy, or lowering your expectations about everything, but this leaves you in a worse position whenever you're on a strike of "I was right"

>>17054157
hehe, bad for you I just got out of finals, literally today.
now I can go back to being an useless fuck, for 2 weeks atleast.
Keep on going tho, you have my strenght

My phone network hasn't cooperated in months, I doubt many people have noticed, though. I can't receive texts or calls on it anymore.

>>17054255
you sound like you want them so let's try to make some new friends tomorrow anon

Your decision to go there isn't surprising, but it does mean we're guaranteed to go our separate ways. Unfortunate, since it ended because of me and I've regretted it ever since, but I don't go back on my word. I'm going off alone, but be happy with the people that adore you. It won't be awkward between us now. Goodbye, love.

gross and low class, and I couldn't care less.

live your life and leave mine alone. if you believe I'm a monster you should know that its unwise to grab monster's tails, much less ones that can cause unfortunate happenings. I'll defend my life no matter what it takes. do you understand? you should understand at least one thing in this exchange, because you certainly don't understand anything else here.

>>17053787
yes why?

>>17054296
If u r who I think u are fuck off

>>17054496
Quite honestly, I know you aren't the person I said that to. Because I know you aren't them, I couldn't give a fuck who you are or why you'd say that. You don't matter.

>>17054166
Some people call this being drawn in and then caught in the web of a malignant narcissist. This fucking little witch comes up in my face and pulls this shit. But I won't have some self-inflated little poser disrespect me like that and I'm supposed to chill? No. If you fuck with my shit that bad and humiliate me, I'll do all I can to make you uncomforable. Remember it's your vampire ass that feeds of MY energy. You and your pouty ilk emit negative energy. You come out to seek those of us that shine bright. But your'e envious and so you try to dim our light by pulling this kind of sick shit. Little bitch fuckboy better apologize.

>>17054347
fuck you ho. I'll defend my body and my self-esteem from little vampires like you that try to fuck with me and then act like a bitch. So get your fucking crossbow, get your gun, and get your stack of money and I'll fight the monster that fucked with me. don't give a fuck. You are the one who humiliated me. You are the one who used me. I left with bruises you understand? I guess sex is meaningless to you. I hate you so fucking much. If you're going to fuck with bitches like this, fuckboy, you better get used to the ocassional bitch that wont' tolerate that redpill shit fuck you.

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>lost job last year and all prospects of moving into a nice rent house with a friend
>sink into bad depression and drink a lot
>no direction in life and friends are all with families and careers, the few that are stragglers like me are slowly limiting contact with me
>still living with parents at 28
>shot down from dream job last month that I thought I was a shoo-in due to my fantastic experience in that field and awesome interviews
>rejected from four mcjobs this month
>all hope goes down the drain and I just sleep all day
>parents look at me like I'm an utter failure, not even human, it's to the point where I feel ashamed and barely eat at the dinner table or eat anymore
>bought a bottle of cheap whiskey yesterday and just drank and cried late at night
>suicidal thoughts kept creeping in and I made a list of the pros and cons of being alive, the cons outweighing everything

I'm a fucked up, broken man. I used to say suicide was for suckers and cowards but right now I don't see much point in going on. Friends are distancing themselves, parents don't like me and my only friend is my cat.

I don't know what to do and feel pathetic for being this old and in this state.

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>>17054816
god damn man same boat
>graduated from college
>sports management and sociology degree
>'follow your dreams, anon!'
>that was in 2014
>since then i've only had a handful of interviews
>literally overqualified for jobs at best buy and walmart
>i had a job for 6 months but restaurant went under
>i sleep around 12 hours a day
>fucked up hours
>drink once everyone is asleep
>lost will to look for a job
>my bumblefuck town is so small that they dont hire new people
>all my friends have good jobs or are starting to move out
>theyre posting pictures of their travels or new girlfriends
>im literally getting fat, depressed and losing my saved money
>no prospects whatsoever
>no girls interested in me
>im pretty sure most of my family thinks im a failure
>dread any family gathering cause i get the inevitable question
>'did you find a job yet?'
>'n-no not yet'
>'why dont you apply to _____?'
>'yy-eah i;ll be sure to do that tomorrow'
fucking die in my sleep already

>>17053448
>>17053547
I know having a match in these threads is always extremely farfetched, but i'm desperate
If your phone number by any chance ends at 489 talk to me today or something

Sometimes when I think about that frail body of yours. Your so called strength, that you'll beat me with rage.
When I think of that, the thought of forcefully having my way with you floods my mind.
Sometimes.

/adv/ has a couple general threads. This one and the opposite gender thing. Is there a reason there isn't a 'small questions general', for problems that don't need or want a whole thread?

I have a family, a gf, I can hold down a job. Things aren't going great, but they aren't terrible.
Yet, I joke about killing myself more than I should.
It's just a joke, I guess. I been getting meds and therapy for a few years. Nothing feels different. I still go day to day, not really caring.
There was one person that I cared about even past the fog of depression, but eventually I just walked away from her company. Everyone else just gets a false emotion from me.
These masks get exhausting to wear everyday. No one else has given me the feeling that I can be truly genuine with them.
I'm too much of a bitch to kill myself. Too yellow inside.
But should one day something happen that places me on the razor's edge, I won't be fighting against void. Willingly I will drop myself and let go.

>>17054862

I don't know what to say, man. At least you went through college. I've been in and out but couldn't juggle that, personal/family issues and working. Once I got a decent job I admittedly stayed at home out of laziness and comfort, but also fear since I don't like change that much. Once I manned up and wanted to get out of the house I got laid off and sank back into this shit.

Hopefully we find something to help us along. I don't know how much longer I can go on like this mentally or financially (literally counting change) but I wish you luck dude.

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>Friend lets me use his car sometimes to run errands or whatever
>Our other friend is over hanging out with us, it gets late, we all decide to go to bed
>I use friends car to take other friend home, but I come in and hang out with him for about an hour or so
>Driving back home and get text literally a couple minutes before I pull in the driveway, so wait to check it
>Text is from friend (owner of the car)
>He's upset and says next time I should ask before just using someone's car
>Tell him I'm sorry and I won't do that again

It just feels bad man, I rarely piss my friends off. I know he's been stressed and tired, but I can't tell if that's why he got angry, or just because I was gone longer than expected, or if I've been doing something else to piss him off.

Just all around bad feels right now.

I know I shouldn't have assumed, but with how much he already lets me use the car, and he's always saying 'oh ya use it if you need to'...eh, I don't know...

>>17055105
Thanks m8. I'm literally going to hand in an application for Rite Aid in the morning. Some girl there said to put her down as a reference and it might increase my chances.

I'm just so fucking autistic at the thought of them asking"wait a minute anon u graduated college yet u want to work here why don't u use your degree"

>>17055112

Wish you luck on that app. Hopefully that reference does net you at least an interview chance. Dress nicely and knock it out of the park.

I need to throw more applications out. Maybe start actively trying to socialize with friends or get new ones. Being stuck inside and away from most human interaction has fucked up my confidence /mind and made 'simple' jobs seem fucking terrifying.

>>17055121
i need to socialize too. i get a bout 10 texts a month if that from old college friends. 0 from girls. yeah we use facebook to keep in touch but it gets depressing as shit to see them off in France, or some concert or whatever. I literally dont update my stuff, cause what am I gonna write? "Damn I really like this new show! - @home, w/no one." Like I'll just lie awake, like im doing now, and thinking where did it all go so wrong.

Best of luck on your endeavors.

>>17053845
Update: My beers were all free... It was almost like the old days. Aww bless you, my favorite.

>>17053865
Bro if a delivery driver forgets your shit, that's on them. If they're late, it might not be. There's a sticker on the front of the box that you check for sides and shit. Their fault if they don't check and forget something.

Source: I delivered pizza for three years, very rarely forgot a side because I'm not a douche bag and I checked my slips.

Next time, don't be the dumbass that shows he's just trying to chase for an argument and you might realize you're not even responding to the right person consistently. You just tried to chase an argument with me so much that you didn't realize you had been trying to argue with someone else entirely until you saw me comment on something else and gave yourself up. Follow your own reply chains next time.

Just found out my girlfriend has been sending nudes to strangers. She hasn't been getting any in return, just showing herself. I admit I'm pretty hurt but also puzzled, why would she do that? She is a very intelligent and rational person, haven't had to deal with any drama yet, treats me with respect etc. It's true she hasn't been in the mood lately but I just assumed it's because of stress. I have no clue how to approach this.

I keep fucking up at every turn. I somehow keep trying to push my concept of what we should be and why and all it has done is hurt you so badly. I don't know why you let me in so deep anymore if it just opens up those old wounds you have. What made me so special? I want to love you and I do love you more than anything, but all that does is hurt you. I don't want to lose you, you're one of the greatest things to ever happen in my life and you can't bring yourself to believe that. I know I need to back off and give you your space and I'm so sorry I haven't. I don't want to ruin this anymore and I don't want to keep hurting you. You mean so much more to me. I wish you didn't think I was too good for you. I want to give you all of me when you can finally accept it. If you can accept it. I want to show you that someone out there can truly love you for who you are, even with all the baggage and scars and wounds. I will give you your space and try and take your advice on what to do for now, but know that I'll always love you. No matter what.

I really want to see you today. I've been thinking about you even more than I usually do. I was gonna call you but yea... Buzz me or something

There's this really hot 10/10 assistant professor, i want to eat her out

>>17055738
I want to see you too :-)

I hate bees.

I'm going to lambast the fuck out of our friendship. I have nothing to lose after all. You're probably going to be asleep soon. So fuck what happens.

>>17055775
Fuck, I hate them too.

I wish I could be friends with people who don't constantly ghost me.

How can I be so much of a fucking pussy?
I have nothing to lose, and yet, I can't spill my guts to someone. It won't matter, yet I can't.
FUCK ME.

>>17055736
Initials?

>>17055954
I'll give nickname initials. To S.W. from A.J.

Just push send. That's all I have to do. Get in the fucking robot Shinji.

I need you so much
I said I didn't
Because I did
I do
I'd ask
As before
And you still surprise me :)
In the best possible ways
I was drinking before
Not at the time though
I mean everything
Our beautiful relationship
I love you

>>17055944
>FUCK ME.
Bend over then.

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I did it. I sent it out. Fuck. I'm sweating like the ham I burned last Christmas.

>>17056006

Chill out, it's gonna be fine.

>>17056012
At least if I die now, fuck it. I'll be done.

>>17055965
>>17055954
I don't think the initials will mean much either way. The person that message is directed to doesn't spend much time on 4chan, doubt they'd ever be on /adv.

I wonder if you are still here...

It has been one of those days. Our memories have been replaying in my mind, as circumstances have brought me to the area in which we had lived for years; nostalgia brought on so many of those memories, and some I had thought lost.

I felt somewhat melancholy, but said memories also brought the ghost of a smile to my face. I am finally at a point, nearly a year and a half later, to let you go. Still, I wish we had forever, as we had both wanted, a lifetime ago.

As I have said, I will always love you. I wish so much had gone differently, and that you could know the man I have become, but this is what you chose. I have come to terms with this, and now must move forward.

You will always be the one that got away.

>>17056427
Care to share who this is about, anon?

She responded to my shit.
I can see the little "message received " indicator on my phone. I wasn't expecting an answer. I had planed for failure.
For nothingness.

Fuck.

I'll read them when I get home. I have to drive from the hospital first. Safely.

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As predicted, I made things worse. Someday I'll learn to keep my mouth shut. Today was not that day.
In a strange way I burned up as I expected. I aimed for failure and failure I got.
Can I really say I am heartbroken, or disappointed? Nah.
Just saddened that my rash decision cost me someone to call a friend.

Oh well. Que sera, sera.

>>17056533
What did she say?

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>>17056679
Well this was also me >>17056674

as for what. It was more of just questioning.
I'm kinda waiting on the anger. I know her well enough to expect it.
I gambled for a cut off too. So likely we'll not be anything anymore.

Not going to lie, I'm kinda happy.
I haven't felt this content in years. Depression has a way of making things null.

If anything, I know I pissed her off.

Now I can chill and reset myself.

>>17056679
Making tactful decisions has never been my strong suit.
What a day.

>>17056717
lol idgaf

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>>17056796

I'm sorry i reported you to the tax office but you left me with little other legal avenue of recompense.

rofl you don't even belong on this site, and are googling these gifs as you go.

gg senpaiiiiii ;)
baited.

Sometimes I wonder if the entire Republican slate is all secretly in Hillary's employ, tasked with setting up an election she cannot possibly lose, only Trump, epic fuckup that he is, fucked up this job too.

>>17054753
the fuck are you on about?

you need to take this bullshit you're bringing to me and shove it up your ass and waddle away. I am not in the fucking mood for people bringing bullshit to me. I don't even care if its some "I'm just imagining you're the person I hate" thing. I don't care.

I didn't use anyone, and I didn't humiliate anyone, so you take that and aim it someplace else, ho.

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>>17056834

>>17056859
Get off the rag, bitch! I'm just imagining you're the person I hate. Happens all the time.

>>17056859
Re-reading the original post I think there's a possibility it might be him so my original post stands.

I really want to admit that I have feelings for her but I'm so scared of losing her as a friend.

God damn, you tell m you miss me, and wanted to see me more, then you just go on to igonore me. I dont know if your playing with my feelings on purpose, i think i am starting to understand o was nothing but a boy toy for you... God damit

>>17056874
Don't. I made that mistake already and I have no idea how it's going to end now, but I have the most dreadful feeling that it'll only end up badly.

>>17056874
It depends on a few things with what you should or shouldn't say. What's the context of how you know them? Have you hung out ever?

I really want to message her after being rejected, but I don't want to at the same time....

I kinda just want to get rid of the awkwardness... Its kinda fading slowly, but still is there.

>>17056996
>known her since high school, both involved in theater
>only really became her friend in senior year because we had a couple of classes together along with us talking more in theater stuff
>asked her to senior prom, she said yes
>after I asked her I started to have feelings for her
>assumed it was just because I asked her to prom and it was just a crush and would go away
>didn't go away
>graduate
>hang out a lot over the summer, but never just the two of us
>I stay in state for college, she goes to a college in a different state (300 miles away)
>still text her every once in a blue moon
>often talk to her about feels, she's apparently been having problems with loneliness, both in terms of friends and bf
>she's a virgin and isn't interested in casual sex, wants a real relationship with cuddles and stuff
>I talk about tfw no gf with her
>on thanksgiving break I get coffee with her to chat and catch up
>realize how strongly I still feel about her
>I get a gf
>I lose my gf
>she's still feeling forever alone
>summer is approaching and she's coming back home
>dont know what to do

>>17057105
I'd tell her but do it in a way where you don't throw it all on the table straight away. Ease into it and maybe try to hang out 1 on 1 with her.

>>17057105
initials.

A while ago there was this girl that everyone kept claiming was really into me. After a while I've seen her again and she seems to act still like she's interested. Problem is, she's probably a bit too much for me. I'm a fucking failure in many respects. I don't know what she could see in a person like me other than being a huge fucking nerd.

I mean the first time I saw her I helped her out with some shit but that was it really

>>17057134
That's what I was planning to do, I haven't totally thought out a plan of approach but I'm brainstorming and I have a few ideas. I'm just not totally decided on whether it's actually a good idea.

Hanging out 1 on 1 is kinda difficult because I can't drive (getting my license this summer) but it's certainly possible and obviously I'll do my best to do that.

>>17057146
Why?

I am slowly dying inside because you're a shell of a woman you once were. What happened to the proud little bitch that btfo of everyone at work? She's dead, now. All that's left is a husk that depends on old disabled man penis. I just want to go back home, not back to a lie that intends to slowly murder me in my sleep. For the love of god, please come back. I miss you, sis. You don't deserve your fate. I am now trying to bust my ass off so I can continue your legacy and possibly save you from falling even further. I am beyond upset at most everything going on in my life. I just want you, my nephew, our parents...all of those back.

Please, please don't go into retirement mode because that abusive old hick told you to. He will not take care of you, and will take advantage of you. It sickens me that you accept this, and I can't do jack shit about it.

Yo D.

I was thinking, maybe you don't want to hang out with me at all, maybe you just wanted to say hi. Please tell me, I don't wanna pressure you or anything. You seemed happy when I told you we could hang out but maybe you aren't. I mean I ignored you for like a whole year and a half, I'm not really deserving of your company.

I don't know you much but from the kind of interaction we had it seemed you really liked being with me. But then I fucked up and I'm sorry. I keep kicking myself for having ignored you, put you aside and all because I was too concerned about other things.

Now you came back and sure enough you seem to put a lot of effort in your kind words towards me but you've been skipping on hanging out a few times and it's starting to sound more like you don't really want to do it. I keep getting mixed messages pretty much. I may be overthinking this but I think you would be right to hate me.

I didn't deserve to be treated like this. I never fucking treated you like this, and after all the fucking sacrifices I made for you, all the shit we went through and everything you meant to me you still dumped me like a piece of trash. How could you do this? How can someone be so full of hate?

Everyone just stop pitying me. If you want to be my friend be my friend, don't talk to me and treat me like a helpless puppy that you're morally obligated to throw a bone to. You think I don't know that you're just being kind to me because you feel bad for me and helping me every once in a while will make you a good person? FUCK YOU

I need a new job... But honestly I cannot think of one I'd enjoy...

I saw a "lets-play" of "firewatch" on youtube and thought that job looks soo damn cushy. Sitting in a tower lookin' for smoke, not having to deal with people for weeks.

But sadly, forest fires aren't really a thing here in the UK and there aren't any jobs like that near me.

I'm sick of my job. I've pretty much been forced to quit, lots of dodgy things goin' on, so I sent off an email to the companies ethics department because the company could be in the shit so they'll want to fix this.
Hopefully by firing some of the management causing these issues. Fuck, I'm going down anyway, hopefully I can drag the fuckers responsible for it down too.

Best sort of job I can think of, is librarian. I'd still have to deal with people, but it'd be quite, people would be more pleasant than my management. I wouldn't be rushing around breaking my bad to hit unrealistic rates or being forced to write down every time I go to the bathroom because we're tracked (and challenged) for "gaps" in our work electronically.
And even if I did, working for literally any other reasonable company, I'd probably be able to get downtime for any work-related duty that couldn't be tracked, such as equipment maintenance.

Downtime is supposed to stop them from challanging our performance when we have other work-related duties. It's supposed to say, I couldn't do this because I spent 10 minutes doing this.
But shit, they've basically told all the management to stop giving downtime just so they could harrass us more over our performance.

Again, I've done what I can, I've fired off an email that'll most likely be ignored.

I'm goin' to quit, with or without another job lined up, I'm going to contact some colleagues telling them to inform anyone who goes to tribunal to contact me so I can give them a testimony against the company.

And then I'm gonna look for this mythical job with realistic expectations.

I keep telling myself I just need to stop doing shit like that. Just because I like you and I know I can trust you, doesn't mean it's totally okay for me to shoehorn a 3-paragraph musing about how directionless I feel in my life and career, right in the middle of a conversation about your recent and (hopefully future) successes.
You didn't deserve that. I genuinely felt happy for you and yet I totally just shit all over your happiness. And it's not even the first time. You could've totally called me out on it but you said nothing and I totally understand. You're awesome, and I hate that I get so intense without even realising it. I don't know if it's the distance, or the weird place I'm in right now but I know it doesn't help when I turn into a precious idiot about it. I will apologise to you in person on Saturday. I miss you.

>>17057269
I'm there with you on that one.

>>17057268
What sacrifices?
I didn't ask for those.

>>17057212
Curious I suppose.

>>17057328
EG

>>17057328
You did ask for them. You begged me to stay many times. You played with my feelings and acted like I was yours. Why did you keep your feelings so bottled up instead of telling me? Why were you open and honest only after we broke up? Why did you not care about my feelings only after we broke up?

>>17057343
Explain further.

"You begged me to stay many times."

I'm not your one, but I could give you advice.

>>17057373
I've posted so many times, but I still feel sadness, anger, confusion, regret. She feels nothing.

Dated a girl for a year, things were a bit rough. Then as we learned each other things started going good, all of a sudden she grows distant, talks to another guy and suddenly dumps me for him, breaks up with him two days later. She was extremely hurtful to my feelings during the breakup, like so vicious I can't even comprehend it

She posted on her blog that she didn't feel bad about it at all. I want to fucking hate her but that seems wrong since I used to love her. She hates me and I don't know why, I never treated her badly ever.

>>17057387
Why do you think she feels nothing? Did she say so? People can easily mask their feelings so that they can seem 'bigger' than you. This isn't always intentional, and she probably warned you about it.

What vicious things, that would be helpful.

It seems like you still love her.

How long ago was this?

I have really bad skin. Shitty teeth. My body looks silly, like that of an old man. I don't currently have a job. I have little experience and I'm reaching 30.

I have little to offer you. I'm really lost, not because I want you, but because apparently, you want me. Why...?

I've been in love with you for 3 years. I'm sorry, I could never tell you up front, because you were my best friend and I was terrified you wouldn't feel the same and I'd lose you. But I tried to show you, and at times I thought you noticed. Really, you were and still are everything to me.
Then you got a girlfriend, and I'm sorry that it probably seemed like I pulled away. I'm sorry if it seemed like I got mad at you every time she was around, but really it was just because I kept trying not to cry. I don't think you noticed, but she definitely did, and she wasn't happy.
She told you all these lies about me to make you hate me, and now you won't even talk to me. It tears me apart no longer having you in my life. You were the closest person in the world to me. I can't help thinking what might have happened if only I had had the courage to tell you I loved you. I guess I'll never know.

>>17057269
People are nice and care about you because they can. Not even is on the make.

>>17057390
She said on her blog she doesn't feel bad, and that shes a bitch and that she doesn't want to be with someone as oblivious as me, and that at least I (me) have room for someone as oblivious as I am.

I told her how bad I was feeling, and how depressed I got. She said 'I feel like you're so upset you'll jinx it and he'll text me saying it won't work out' and generally totally ignored my feelings when I told her I was sad. And she said while I was crying that he treated her better than I did in a month than I did in a year.

Its been over 2 weeks now.

I don't know if I love her. Sometimes I do, sometimes I hate her, sometimes I feel better off, sometimes nothing.

Stop fucking with my emotions. You already know I need to support an entire family with them, why do you continue to fuck me around you psycho?

>>17057425
You're the one posting about it, psycho.

>>17057396
I knew it from the first second I saw you.

I am terribly in love with you.
I know you will never feel the same.

Even though it hurts, I guess I can try to suck it up and help you in ways that would make your life better. Even though these ways make me feel broken inside, because I want to share my feelings with you. Even though I can do that now, it's not the way I wish to do it.
This is so painful. I wish not caring about you in that way was easy.

Kill me, please. Or at least send me to a universe where shit is awesome.

>>17051033
Man I feel ya.
People who cut contact from you without even saying a word are literally the worst.
Then again I can't really say anything because I did that to someone and it didn't end so well because they would constantly confront me in person about it and it was kinda awkward

>>17057430
So what exactly?

I blocked you nearly half a year ago...
I saw your name in my phone contact list...
Maybe you don't feel anything at all.
Maybe you totally forgot me. Must be so easy for you to just dismiss me in lieu for someone better even though I was the one taking the time to make time for you when all your friends brushed you off I was the only one who gave a fuck and then when it came down to it... You brushed me off but, still had the stupidity to do to me what your "friends" did to you.
Brush me off.
Maybe we were never friends.
I cut you off and did what was right,
But, I can't shake the shame and regret. It's so easy for you.
Horrible.

Nah, we aren't the worst.

Silence can say a thousand words, actually. It heals the soul and lets you be on your own. There's always a reason for it, and they don't care what you believe.

>>17057404
I know it's hard but try to live for the future.

>>17051033
I understand how shitty it is, but I can't, because I'm in love with you but can't be with you. It's too hard. Not that this is easy.

>>17057474
x2 op

>>17057433
Well given the circumstances it's not like I could hide these things from most people. Which is why I understand it even less.

I just want to be with you now.

>>17057468
This is probably the most selfish thing to believe.

>>17057555
Then don't get close to people like me idgaf.

everyone is selfish because we need to fend for ourselves to survive

>>17057572
Ooga booga gotta fight for survival

Fuck off, you said you're not the worst but you are. It doesn't heal the soul, only fucking yours. Selfish piece of shit. If you don't want people to get close to you then never get close to anyone because you're all just a bunch of selfish, immature pricks. You cant go up to people and be like 'oh BTW if something happens instead of fixing it like an adult all I'm gonna do is just ignore it like the little fucking baby I am and ignore your feelings while only worrying about mine, even though I fucking lead you to believe I would.'

Kill yourself.

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>>17057670
lol feel better, fatty umadbro

Last time i try to make contact with you and i hope you message me back this time, i would love to get to know you but i cant wait forever for you or it will start eating away at me.

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Wife goes into coma for 3 monthes, wifes sister moves in to help with senpai we fuck around. wife wakes up outta come. I'm depressed about wife is cool about

>>17057703
>btfo
>calls me fat

Kek

Why the fuck do these two songs always appear back to back (On shuffle)?

One has the name of a girl who i'm interested in. (But rejected me) and the other is simply titled "You Can Love Her"

I am not a superstitious person, but maybe it is signaling that all hope is not lost with her, and that I should continue to try and get her.

Bitch, stop saying that your love me and I'm your soulmate. I'm not the first one to say I love you, you did. Stop hugging me like we are lover, stop with the kisses on the cheek. I don't fucking care if you hate me, I don't care if you don't want to talk to me. Don't care if we ever talked again. I don't want you in my life. Stop getting fucking mad when I don't say hi or talk to you or talk to your girl friend or another girl. I tried to ignored you, can you fucking see? I want you out of my life. Why can't you understand without me telling you? btw you have a bf, stop whoring yourself with your coworkes. All they want is to fuck you. Please just leave me alone.

>>17056511
Her name begins with an E.

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I really, really wanna finish working on this story of mine, but I keep thinking about my shortcomings or how I might not succeed, and it's starting to erode at my confidence.

Sure as hell won't give up, but there's nothing to offset the "But so and so is much better" I keep thinking.

I just wanna say, that struggling with depression, low self-esteem is hell. And at times can take over like crazy and even rule you. To the point you start to make mistakes in everything you do. I'll sit for long minutes wallowing. Its hard to not let these two negative emotions take over. But I must push forward and push past this in order to achieve a higher self esteem and suffer less from depression. It just takes me time. Im not like others that are able to get out of this state easily. Im slow at it and do things slowler then others. But hey everyone is different and only similar in some ways. This life so anyone struggling out there, just know that your not alone. And like myself push for better no matter how long it takes and give your self small rewards for small achievements. Let's improve for the better and not let those who want the worse to win by giving them the satisfaction.

You made me the happiest person on earth, but then you were an asshole to me. And when I cut ties with someone, I make sure I go out as a victor rather than a victim. So I hurt you worse to make myself feel less bad about losing someone I love. It's been a month. In this month I have become so unhealthy.. I've done things I would never do and said things I would never do. I hate myself and I hate what this has turned me into. I'm trying to go back and apologise for my actions. You blocked me on Facebook and you blocked my number. But I know you saw the message I sent you on Instagram. I'm really pouring my heart out, so please hear me out. This is going to kill me

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Bro, if I ever see you in my life again, I will fucking massacre you. You won't need to worry about how fucking good you have it once I'm done with you.

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>>17058024
>mfw I can't even begin writing a story because I'm always changing plot details or thinking it's not good enough.

I believe in you, anon. You've gotten farther than me at the very least.

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>>17058066
>You've gotten farther than me at the very least.

Not really, since I'm working on being a screenwriter and only have about a very small portion of what I have planned out actually written in some form. It's not even in the proper format yet, so I'm still years off from getting anywhere close to done.

Still gonna keep trying, but it's gonna be one hell of a ride to stay confident.

>>17058065
Initials please?

>>17056427
this is beautiful anon and i wish someone felt that strongly about me

>>17058099
If your name isn't Desmond and you don't live in Maine, you're good. He knows what he did.

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>>17058083
>I'm working on being a screenwriter and only have about a very small portion of what I have planned out actually written

Even if it's a very small portion, it's still something. Is it going to take a while? Absolutely. But if it's going to take that long, you might as well pour your heart into it.

There was nothing sexual about our phone conversation, but I was still soaking wet by the time we hung up.

My boyfriend has never made me feel like that.

>>17051033
No clue if you're still here, but what's your name?

It's been a month since I've spoken to my ex. I'm planning on sending a reply to the last thing she said to me tomorrow. I'm fucking terrified of what her reaction might be, or that she might not reply at all. It makes my chest tighten. I just want her back in my life. Not as a relationship, but just there again. I was put in a shitty situation with this whole relationship and I'm still reaping the consequences.

>>17050159
IT

Fucking fuck you. Fuck your beliefs, fuck your thoughts, fuck your fucking dreams,fuck your feelings. Fuck your fucking I love yous. I call bullshit. You don't fucking deserve me. One day I will reach my breaking point with your fucked upness. If you want to keep me than you better fucking prove it to me. I have set my date. A year from the day I gave you a second chance. It better be something fucking spectcular because I am breaking and I will not leave this more fucked up than when I came into it.

>>17058181
i feel this way too anon. im scared of what shed say also, but i know she wouldnt grow up after a REALLY long time. i hate it.

>>17058205
>but i know she wouldnt grow up after a REALLY long time
I know this too. That's why I just want her back. I know she won't grow up now, but I have hope she will in a few years. Right now though, I know she's not very deserving of me or a relationship. I just can't fucking let her go though. She's my first.

>>17058217
what the fuck. are you me? she's my first too, and i feel the same as well. hopefully in a few years my ex will change too but she's for sure not showing any signs of it right now.

oh well, she always changes. she changed after she broke up with me.

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>>17058217
>>17058224
Let her go, lads.

Whether she changes in a few years or a few months, thinking about something only time will tell isn't gonna do you any favors. Just do you for the time being.

>>17058224
>oh well, she always changes. she changed after she broke up with me.
How so? I feel shitty because she didn't change at all. She hardly at all changed when we were together and then reverted back after we broke up. It's like I meant nothing to her. Despite her being 3 years younger, she was in full control of the relationship because I had no experience and she had been in one other relationship that lasted two years.

Brother,

I have watched you spiral downward for several years. Starting with alcohol and now likely ending with this amphetamine addiction.

You were someone I admired. You were always so carefree, outgoing, funny. Literally right down the hall always showing me new music, funny stuff, cool movies. When I was in high school and you were older and still wanted to hang out with me, I felt like I was accepted and confident in my self esteem.

Seeing you now, it breaks me. The most hurtful part of it all is seeing your violent episodes in which you blame me and our family for the decisions you made. We all loved you. Maybe too much. I know mom coddled you, but she did that to protect you from the reality of your dad dying when you were so young. The most unfortunate thing is how she hid his cause of death, instead of giving you a moral to live by. Your dad died of a cocaine overdose. No one has the heart to tell you that your dad was just as bad of an addict as you were. And the end result led to his premature death. Now this cycle continues.

We love you. But when you violently attack, blame, and physically fight us, are we supposed to hug and coddle you? Do you remember coming home drunk and our 78 year old grandma confronted you? Do you remember punching her in the face? Do you remember her crawling to the nearest object and literally having to fight back so you wouldn't seriously injure her? You don't. Because you were drunk.

I know some part of you feels unloved, unappreciated, and under-achieved. But we can't start working on those things while you are an addict. I don't believe in god, but I pray for you.

Love,

Sis

>>17058205
>>17058217

Guys...move on. There are plenty of good women who want men like you. I'm one of them.

Also, even if you got back together it would never be the same. I know from personal experience. Dave yourselves and move on.

>>17058232
Save*

>>17058232
>even if you got back together it would never be the same.
I don't want it to be the same. I want to start new, like strangers, just to see if things could turn out different, and perhaps work if we took an approach that wasn't so rushed. It's like going back in with knowledge of what to do.

>>17058228
This "letting go" stuff isn't that easy. It's hard to cut someone out of your life like that for good. I would understand if we stayed in contact, but the way it happened was ridiculous

I'm going to do it. I'm going to talk to you, and I'm going to bring up the weekend, and I'm going to tell you that I think we should get together. Then after you say yes, you'll come over, I'll buy you dinner, we'll pick a movie, and toss back a few beers together.

Flying spaghetti monster give me strength.

>>17058249
It won't be new either. You can forgive but not forget. It may be salvageable but it may not. Are you in love with her or the idea of her?

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>>17058249
Dog, I know what you're talking about. My ex cheated on me and instead of letting her go, I more or less kept bargaining with myself over and over, even after I admitted nothing would ever be the same. In the end, we spent months apart to get ourselves back in shape. She did her thing, I did mine.

It'll never be the same when you talk to her again, but it'll never really be quite new, either. If you really feel a friendship with her is worth salvaging, you need a lot of time to recuperate first. Rushing back in, even knowing what to do, will only make it hurt more.

You were in the back of my head all day. i hardly know you- but I really wanted to run in to you today. How am I going to make this happen? I don't know anyone who knows you and I would rather just approach you on my own- I just never find the time.

I wonder if you're thinking the samething. That would be cute- that's something I imagine you'd do.

You're really pretty.

>>17058262
There are definitely things I adore about her, but I think I can admit that I'm in love with the idea of her. I genuinely see potential but I also see mystery that I'm curious about. Is there a side she didn't show me because of how the relationship went? Is there a wall to break down that would suddenly make her show another part of her that would surprise me? Or is she genuinely just that fucking shitty of a person? I'm not sure, and I don't think that's so, but it's a possibility and I'm willing to try and find out. I liked having her there, but that thought and feeling of "I miss having someone there" is long fucking gone. I'm only hanging on to the idea of just giving it another chance. And she just doesn't fucking want to. Why? God knows.