>Met girl with borderline personality disorder (not yet apparent at the time) and became pretty close friends
>About 1,5 years later end up losing my virginity with her, wild 2+ hour sex session, both very drunk (she had a "we'll probably become bf/gf soon"-thing with someone else at that point and was pretty regretful, pretty sure it wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for bpd promiscuity)
>Friendship fucked up, was crushing hard and we lost contact for 2 years, was severely depressed for the first half
>Got back in contact a few months ago, only been chatting sporadically
>Started chatting yesterday when I noticed she was single on fb for some reason, she had dumped her bf because he didn't handle her bad moods well and it made them both miserable, so now she was drunk off her ass
>"I'm unfixable. It's selfish and mean for me to be with anyone because I know I'll commit suicide sooner or later"
>Comfort her, remind her there are lots of people who would be sad as fuck if she died, chat a lot about mental health (I'm currently on antidepressants for depression unrelated to our past, and used to be on the same meds she's on), went on for a good while
So...basically, I told her it seems like she needs someone to talk to more than ever right now, and that I felt kinda bad about not talking very often since we became friends again. Both true, and although I don't have any other motives right now, it does feel kind of good that the girl I used to be so into is single again. If it were to end up going in that direction, I think I'd be willing to try to handle her unstable psyche, because I know she's an awesome person when she's in an ok mood. So...should I even entertain the thought of possibly being with her, and if not, for whose sake shouldn't I?
Pic unrelated
>>17037468
>wanting to have a BPD gf
Oh boy, OP. You're in for a ride.
>>17037468
Get out there, imagine you're black and she's a cop, srsly, just run like a nigga.
>>17037472
I suspected that. I haven't really had much contact with her bad side, only seen her freak out and cry while drunk occasionally. The last few days of talking to her before we stopped talking was probably a good preview though (her ex/my acquaintance found out we had sex, she thought I assumed I had told the entire town and was trying to slutshame her and ruin her life, etc.). From what little I've read about bpd, the term living hell doesn't seem too far off.
>>17037477
She assumed*
>>17037468
Nope, for both of your sakes. Never go into a relationship with the goal of 'fixing someone'--odds are you'll both end up miserable or at the very least frustrated.
There are plenty of other girls out there, anon. Keep fishing, you'll be glad you did.
>>17037477
>From what little I've read about bpd, the term living hell doesn't seem too far off.
You really sound like a good guy, OP. I'm giving you honest to God advice when I tell you to run. Be a friend if you want to, but DO NOT pursue a relationship with her.
>>17037482
I agree with this. I have this perspective that a relationship should be about two whole people making each other's lives better. Not two half people try to fix each other's problems and have this co-dependant dynamic.
It just sounds unhealthy.
>>17037482
She claims she's not fixable, and I believe her, when it comes to bpd, managable seems like a better term. I've been depressed more or less non-stop since that thing with her in the past (went from being depressed over her to being fine and functional for 2-3 months to basically zero energy/motivation and almost no happiness for 12+ months now) and I've shared my bed with three different girls since then. I can confirm that the whole "Love yourself before trying to love others, a relationship isn't going to fix your shit"-thing is pretty true, I've basically halfheartedly banged my fuckbuddies until they realize I'm not really going to be in a romantic mood anytime soon and move on (on good terms, luckily).
>>17037468
I swear upon Christ's beard that I've seen this photo and post before.
>>17037493
Yes, and most of the time with borderliners the fixing doesn't even work, instead the healthy partner becomes miserable as well.
>borderline personality disorder
dude no
do not
there's a difference between sticking your dick in crazy and sticking your dick in THAT crazy
>>17037468
You can try to be her friend, but I would get this notion out of your mind that a romantic interest in her is something that you want. If you can't do that, you need to bail.
If she's not trying to understand and mitigate her behaviors, there's no way this will end in any way other than badly.
mother fucker you need to understand, she's already learning she can use suicide to get you to react specific ways to specific things
stop right fucking there
borderline pd is something some psychologists refuse to treat because it's just that fucking crazy and psycho and you can't get anywhere through all the lies and deceptions
>>17037511
I know she made a real attempt back in 2014 so she's not the kind of person who would exclusively use it as a threat. I'm well aware bpd more or less always comes with lies, manipulation and guilt tripping though, I appreciate the warning.
those who can't hear must feel, good luck anon
>>17037517
The funny thing is that I spend the better part of a year and a half in misery because of things going to hell between me and her the first time. Some people have proper survival instincts and learn not to be burned twice. Others aren't so intelligent, apparently.
NEVER stick dick in crazy
For her sake be there for support and nothing else.
While with treatment BPD can be manageable, having a relationship with someone requires a strong bond and trust. Abandonment is the biggest fear that adds fuel so powerful episodes will ignite from the most trivial of shit. Add the fear of not being able to control anything and not even knowing why they feel this way its a constant struggle in the eye of a storm, youre always on the edge. If you two can maintain a close friendship with significant understanding of what she is going through and getting her into treatment, then maybe yes you can be together.
>>17037468
Have a secret stash of money set aside for a lawyer for when she calls the police and tells them that you raped her.
>>17037607
Holy fuck, this.
>>17037468
Ay she sounds like me minus the scene look.
>>17037472
Lol this
>>17037897
She doesn't have a scene look though, as I said, pic is unrelated. Do you also have a bpd diagnosis?
>>17037903
No but I have a lot of the symptoms, albeit I'm more functional than most, and I'm too broke to go to a therapists.
That aside my life is fucking made for me and all I want to do is run and keep running.
Well, anon, I'm a girl who might have bpd. I don't have a diagnosis yet, I'm just suspicious, though I've been seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist for six months.
All the advice Ill give you here is based in my experience. I'll just assume she's somewhat like me.
Think a lot about wether you actually like her, or if you just see her as a challenge.
I've had people get attached to me because they want to prove me wrong when I say they won't stay around, because they want to feel they helped me if I ever come to get any better. Let me tell you this: this is the most selfish reason to like anyone. Don't take people as challenges.
If you actually like her, you will need to like her even when she's acting like a shit. Even so, you will need to be able to stand for yourself. You will need to be harsh. You have the right to feel angry, anon, but once you decide to have a relationship with her, you have to give up the right to feel any hate towards her, even if only for a moment. Those are very different things. The way I see, anger is a feeling, while hate is the desire of bad things happening towards someone.
>>17038322
If you are easily hurt, anon, run.
There are time she will hurt you on purpose. There are times she will flat out hate you for no good reason. If you actually like her, you need to endure this, but NEVER endure this in silence. You need to talk against her, even if she doesn't like it. She will feel bad, anon, and you will feel bad, and it will happen a lot.
You need to trust her, but you will also need to know that she might use things you say against you in one of her crisis. Insecurities, phobias - if she's anything like me, she might want to destroy you sometimes. Doens't mean she doesn't love you, just mean she's mentally ill. You can and should call her out, and you can stay away in those times, but you will need to reassure her you still like her afterwards, you just don't like how she acted. If you feel like you can't trust her outside her moments of crisis, then you need to run, because then she's just a bad person.
You will need to be selfish sometimes, anon, and don't feel guilty for that. Boderlines can be manipulative, and if you are too good, you will give in. You NEED to think of yourself, and that's not only for you, that's for her, too.
There are times when making her feel better will be impossible. You just need to let her feel shitty sometimes, anon. You can, and should, give her some words of appreaciation in times like those, you just can't get annoyed or feel useless in case they don't have any effect. In fact, they have a lot of effect, and you can see those effects at other times. You need to be be very attentive toward a BPD person, anon, because we don't always react when we are supposed to or as clearly as we should.
She can contradict herself a lot, in actions and words alike.
In the end, it will be very hard, and you should only stay for that if you are strong and really, really plan to love her. When someone leave our life, we are more affected than when it happens to anyone else.
Feel free to ask anything you want
>>17038322
>you will need to like her even when she's acting like a shit
Fuck off.
>>17038361
Not OP, just a curious party. Why the fuck would anyone in their right mind endure all of this?
>>17038372
If you are going to stop liking her when she have a crisis, already knowing she will act like this, why do you even start?
>>17038380
They wouldn't, haha. That's why everyone is telling OP to run
>>17038398
I was expecting an answer like "when I'm not having an episode I'm loving and caring" or something like that.
>>17038405
Its kind of a given that starts getting cliche, but it is true. We are some of the nicest caring people because we want to protect and make sure our loved ones will never leave us but the other side of the coin is that never ending voice of abandonment reminds us that they will leave, So we hurt them before they hurt us.
>>17038405
I am loving and caring when I'm not having an episode, but a lot of people are love and caring and doesn't even have episodes on top of it. So there's no good reason for anyone to prefer to stay around someone like me.
Still, I can tell you the reasons a few of my friends haven't given up on me yet, according to what they have told me before
One reason is, well, they take me as challenge, as I've said. I'm sure some people think they can fix me.
Some of them don't, but they also don't come after me. They will let me come and go and never get offended by this. We never get in a very close friendship, and that's fine, doesn't mean they don't like me though.
Now, there are only two people who I actually believe to love me, and I wouldn't say they're in their right mind. They have a lot of problem themselves: they both suffer from bad anxiety, suicidal thoughts and have clinical depression. One of them have an abusive father, while the other also have some family problems, though they never went too in depth about it.
First of all, we never met in person.
Second, they've been around me for 10 years, which is the first reason why I think they're still around. They knew me since before I had a lot of episodes, and I'm a very friendly person on first contact. I make friends easily, I'm just unable to keep them.
During those 10 years, their problems started to appear before mine, and they say I was great help to them in those times. I consider myself a highly empathetic person. A lot of people left them in some situations they went through, while I rarely got angry with them for suddenly being unable to do something or being depressed, or not wanting to tell me everything. I never refused to listen them, and I always give my best to understand all they're going trough. I've stayed awake all night talking to a friend in need right before a test, and I don't regret it at the slightly.
Maybe that answer something
>>17038463
Again, I'm not OP but I don't think you're a bad person. And I'm not perfect either, you know? So as long as you don't cheat I guess I could try and make it work with someone who is diagnosed with BPD.
>>17038440
>So we hurt them before they hurt us.
Literally subhuman tier.
>>17038473
Haha, thank you! I actually disagree. I really think I am a bad person, and I think it's safer for anyone to keep this line of thought. If I let myself think I'm generally good, I will also want to justify the moment's I'm not. So until I'm fully in control, I'm a bad person.
If you ever happen to know someone with BPD, please remember that it will be a lot hard to deal with than you can ever imagine.
I don't think you understand when I say we might want to destroy you for no good reason.
For instance, your partner could feel guilty after getting a nice present from you and then cheat on you exactly BECAUSE it will make you hate them so much, because they are so sure they're not worth your love, but rather, that they're worth your hate. And afterwards they will be filled with regret and break down, absolutely terrified that you might actually hate them.
And that if the person isn't trying to fight their illness, they're not worth it. Those ones are impossible to deal with. Impossible.
My friend once told me she's tired of how I use her to make me feel bad about myself, and I guess that's really the best description of borderline. We use other people to feed our belief we are bad people, which then turns us into bad people. And I can't tell you how grateful I am for her for saying this. It really opened my eyes, and I repeat that for myself a lot whenever I feel like hurting my friends. It's really weird how sometimes we can't notice how manipulative we are being, which is why people should point it out.
But those words are pretty sweet, they made me happy, anon, thanks :3
>>17038548
What is your location?
>>17037468
Run run run run run. Please run bro. You are in for a whole lot of hurt holy shit. How does this even seem like a good idea? I hate to be an asshole, but bro, you're just lonely right now and want to fuck any girl throwing attention at you. So run. Like seriously please run man.
>>17038548
Man that justification of the cheating thing absolutely makes no sense. But I'm sure you understand how fucking retarded that is.
>>17038548
Btw you sound insufferable. You want people to hate you because you hate yourself? Jesus Christ the mental gymnastics there are crazy.
>>17038729
Oroboros of self destruction.
>>17038548
So BPD or whatever you call it is just being an complete faggot that overthinks his own and other people their actions which results in being pessimestic and growling in fear because you think you know how other fucking people work; that you are bad, and as a result people will leave you for it, so they're bad. Everybody is bad. Fuck you with your petty thoughts motherfucker.
i didn't even worry about having borderline until reading the perspectives of people in this thread who have it. like i totally understand wanting to make other people hate you because you hate you. for years i've had this idea that i deserve to suffer, so i've pushed people away and then that leads to me suffering which reaffirms my thoughts that i'm destined to suffer my entire life because i'm a bad person.
lol fug
>>17038666
As in, where I am? I'm brazilian
>>17038729
Yeah, I know. But I can say I managed to make things like this make sense to me during episodes, and feel incredibly guilty once it stopped making sense again. And if that's because of BPD, then I suppose it's the same to other people
>>17038731
I know, haha.
>>17038764
Yes, pretty much! But in my view, other people aren't bad. In fact, I believe there's very few bad people in the world. I just said that if you already know I'm like this, just a subhuman, there's no reason to stick around if you are going to leave anyway. You are not bad if you do, though.
You could be thinking "just think positive" or "just stop overthinking", but I don't have full control over what thoughts appear in my head all the time. Or maybe "just stop wanting to be bad, you just want attention" and thats true! I really want to have problems, I guess. I do fight with those desires, constantly, but I don't exactly know how to simply 'stop wanting'. Sometimes I suddenly stop caring, so I go and create problems to me and everyone around me. I think it's an addiction.
It could also just be me who's even crazier than expected, and I'm making bpd people look worse in this thread.
>>17038820
>I don't have full control over what thoughts appear in my head all the time
Same with me. All the things you've said in this thread are things I've experienced. I don't have bpd, I have various dissociative and depressive disorders, and I also do things that are clearly crazy and destructive but I can't not do it. If we could control it, it wouldn't be a disorder! When I'm feeling ok I can talk myself out of delusions, but when I'm not even if I know I'm being crazy I can't stop. If you have never felt that way, it is pretty hard to imagine what it could possibly be like.
>>17037468
OP, I think you can have a relationship with this girl if you are patient, assist her with getting professional support, and have a support network in place for yourself. It isn't easy being with someone with mental health issues, but if you like other things about her and protect your own mental health it can definitely work. You just have to decide if it is worth it.
Hmm this is tough. I want to have a relationship with someone who is being diagnosed with bpd. It seems like all the guys are saying no, but the girls with bpd say you can as long as you're patient and understanding (which I am and have been). But the thing is, it's so case by case with this stuff.
>>17038925
It is definitely very individual, and only you can decide if it is worth it. Just make sure you have support, as well as your potential partner, whether it is professional or just a network of friends and family.
>>17038925
You have to be a rock and a marshmellow at the same time.
Your "reward" for your effort is unconditional loyalty though.
>>17039262
Not sure what you mean by marshmallow and rock, but the reward is exactly what I want
>>17039310
You have to stand strong for both you and her but also be willing to be compassionate when the worlds coming down around you
>>17039319
Oh okay, awesome that was the plan
>>17038843
I like this dude, you know, all the other guys are saying to run like a nigger from a racist cop, but this guy.
This guy is giving some quality /adv/ice
>>17038380
cuz they wan pus
>>17038765
don't diagnose yourself
>>17038380
Because the sex is good and because Borderlines are very, very good at manipulation. Once the projective identification starts and they've learned your buttons you're pretty much stuck in their spiral until you grow a pair and run, bore them, or die. They're human black holes with the emotional lability of a toddler, the intellectual capacity of an adult geared solely towards fucking up other's lives, and an almost complete lack of empathy.
>>17038764
No, she's actually softening the blow, making it sound less malignant.
>Borderline is angry, decides it is at the partner
>Borderline needs justification to be angry
>Borderline does something to make partner angry
>Borderline is now justified in their anger
>Borderline punishes partner brutally
>Borderline now feels guilty
>Borderline decides to break off the relationship
>Borderline cheats so partner will break off relationship
>Partner breaks off the relationship
>Borderline is now enraged
>Borderline destroys partner
>Borderline feels bad
>Borderline entices the broken partner back
>Borderline is angry, decides it is at the partner
>>17039262
Unconditional loyalty... until they potentially cheat on you like mine did
I think people with BPD are just horrible people and putting a "mental illness" label on it is just how they justify their shitty actions.
