Oh man, I'm in the same boat. Bumping for more info.

You swung from one awful extreme to the other.

Being selfless isn't a virtue. It's not even just wrong. It's one of the worst possible things a person can do to himself. You are the only human being on this planet responsible for your interests. Abandoning your responsibility to yourself is no better than having abandoned an absolute responsibility to anyone else. What's more, at some level you necessarily put the burden for your interests onto other people. After all if you're not looking after them, someone has to.

But now you've finally embraced your self-interest in a hug so damn tight that you're being myopic. While you are responsible for yourself, you cannot fulfill those needs without the participation of other people. In the most basic sense this is because you will at times have dire needs which exceed your capabilities. You will fall ill, you will face disaster, you will reach the limits of your single mind and body. But in the bigger picture you're also not an island unto yourself. You live in a world where 7 billion other human lives impact you in greater or lesser ways. When those lives intersect with your needs, the resolution of those problems requires involvement with their source. Put simply you'll need to deal with the interests of other people in order to serve your own. (e.g., the tragedy of the commons)

You cannot be alone and find peace there. Nor can you find it in your old habits, because no one is going to deliver you your happiness. The answer is somewhere in the middle. You need to take responsibility for your life as a self-interested individual while respecting that "responsibility" doesn't mean "do it all myself." It means being in charge of finding the fulfillment of yours needs AND the people in life who can help you with that task.

>>17016532

I hate myself. And I've been depressed over the years. So I finally decided to do something about it. I'm "re-inventing" myself completely. New clothes, look, trying to learn a new language, working out again, teaching myself to cook, and I am trying to travel alone. But that's all I want to do. I don't want to be around any people or talk to anyone. I used to always like to go hang out with people. But now I just want to be completely isolated.

>>17016583
Reaffirming the mistake which I spelled out in that second paragraph doesn't really change the relevance of what I wrote. I know what you're doing. I know it's a mistake. You need to balance your self-interest with the inclusion of other people.

And I'm not advocating the use of other people as means to an end. This isn't a suggestion of voluntary pseudo-psychopathy. Other people aren't tools, they're people exactly like you. Same responsibility to self, same need to work in a world with other individuals. When you pay attention to their needs while in the process of trying to fulfill your own, it's not because you need to trade back scratches. It's because this is the natural mechanism for cooperation. You care about their needs--even if you aren't responsible for them--because they're a component of your needs. They care about you for the same reasons. This creates the interpersonal relationship in a healthy and sustainable way. At no point are you shifting responsibility to them or taking theirs onto your shoulders. It's just natural collaboration.

>>17016592

I'm sorry, but you type too educated. I can't follow what you mean right now. Can you just simplify it?