How often should i communicate with someone when in a long distance relationship? We talk every day and its becoming forceful. Like a fucking lot. How long should our periods of independence be?
>>17015931
Dam that looks like my setup
You should talk to them when you feel like it. That's all.
You should reach out as often as you want. Your partner should reach out as often as he/she wants. If those two don't match, talk about it openly and compromise.
The problem with giving you straight advice right now is that I can't tell whether
a) talking every day is just a habit, or
b) you talk every day because that's what your partner actually needs.
You have to rule out (a) before you can follow the advice for (b). For all I know, your partner is tired of the daily conversations too.
>>17015931
>long distance relationship
This is your problem RIGHT here
>give me all the hard parts of a relationship and none of the good ones, please
You are forcibly destroying any real attraction and affection you had for each other, because you can't bear the idea of just letting each other move on until you can be together for real. Let it go.
Just talk when you want to and, if you feel the other person is talking to you too much, say to them that you need a bit of space.
This doesn't make much sense to me. In a real-life relationship you would be talking daily. If you don
t think about her or miss her or feel the need to share your day and your life with her then why are you even together?
>>17015971
In a real-life relationship, you'd be talking daily in person. Having a conversation two feet away from someone is a natural, organic thing. Couples who talk about their day over dinner aren't doing so intentionally. It's spontaneous.
Intentionally picking up a phone or keyboard is much more akin to reporting into your parole officer. It's not just a natural consequence of sitting alone in one's bedroom. Without the spontaneous context it can feel like a chore. It's not a lack of thinking, missing or caring. It's that it turns an automatic process into a responsibility.
>>17015984
Yeah but I mean the desire to speak is there one way or the other. If it's the format then don't text and call instead, while eating dinner. If you find yourself not having anything to say then there's no point there.
>>17016003
What I'm saying is that real-life relationships don't have a discrete "desire to speak." I have a desire to spend time with my girlfriend. Speaking is a built-in part of that. It's not the objective. Only on a handful of occasions have I ever thought to myself, "God, I really just need to talk to my girlfriend right now." I don't buy into this division of human interaction into separate components. It doesn't sound accurate to me.
>>17016012
Spend time with her doing what?
>>17016025
Anything. If you're asking about the details of my desire, it's not based on doing something in particular. It's just wanting to be together with her.
>>17016038
And Skypeing while making dinner or something isn't something that interests you? How often do you see each other anyway?
>>17015931
The only real reason i asked is because i heard talking to them constantly takes away the originality of the conversions. I do love talking to her but it feels like im the only one putting any real effort into the conversations (paragraph messages with few sentence replies) is every girl like this?
>>17016049
So they wouldn't actually mind talking less? Then just give each other some space.
>>17016042
>And Skypeing while making dinner or something isn't something that interests you?
I just said that what interests me is being together. Not any artificially separated or discrete component of that. We're either together or we're not. If there are things that come packaged with being together--conversation, cooking together, sharing a meal, etc.--then that's great. I'm not focused on such individual details that I feel driven to capture them when we're not together. However that doesn't mean I don't care about or value those individual details.
>How often do you see each other anyway?
Practically every day
>>17016077
I'm sorry, isn't this thread about long-distance?
We talk in the evenings every Saturday and Sunday (with video), during the week we just leave messages when we we have something interesting to tell each other. The messages are on a different platform to the weekend chats which helps. So we just check them at work or whenever and have no rush to get back.
