I broke up with my girlfriend a week ago. She took her own life today by throwing herself in front of a train.
There had been warning signs and I ignored them or at least considered the fact she was being theatrical. I was the only support she had here (all the rest of her family are in Spain) and I couldn't be there for her when she needed me.
How will I carry this guilt all my life without it destroying me mentally? Everyone around me keeps saying how it's not my fault but I feel totally culpable for this. There's parts I'm omitting for the sake of time but can post more if need.
Why are you guilty? You didn't throw her in front of the train
that's terrible, but you can't take the blame for it. it's really not your fault that she though that was the best course of action.
you should talk about it with some trusted people and achieve catharsis, but you shouldnt feel guilty.
Damn bro. I feel for you.
I understand your guilt in this, but truly, it is not your fault.
Obviously your presence in her life was simply delaying the inevitable.
Rather than feel guilt, you should consider that you were able to bring an amount of joy into her troubled life.
She did an extremely selfish thing, you are not to blame.
Was she just a depressed, sad and lonely person or did you do something to her to make her feel worse?
>>17015036
You did a good thing. It's good she ended herself or God know how many people's lives she would have destroyed with her emotional instability.
>>17015524
Why are you assuming she was the kind of drama whore who made everyone around her miserable? Maybe OP is abusive or some shit.
>>17015036
what was the reason for the breakup?
>>17015576
How shit do you have to be emotionally that you have to commit suicide? Think about it.
>>17015036
Not your fault man, suicide was her choice. Someone isn't going to kill themselves just because of a break up, there must have been several other factors that lead her to do this. Chin up.
Good luck OP. Guilt is a horrible thing to be going through, I hope you can make it through this ok. Best wishes.
>>17015036
Bro, I'm really fucking sorry to hear your story.
I also feel guilt over the death of a loved one.
8 years on and the effects of it still take control of me.
No matter what the logic you will find ways to blame yourself. You will hate yourself and have low self esteem. You won't think you are good for anything. You can expect yourself to commit acts of self sabotage, and only realise it afterwards.
The pain doesn't go away. You just get used to it. You'll forget about it some days and then it will come surging back. You can't move on. You will have to find a way to accommodate to the way you feel.
This will attack you from different angles and you will feel overwhelmed. You may shut yourself away from the world and leave your family and friends. You may stop caring about yourself and let harm come your way in some faux attempt at redemption. But you will come to know that you cannot have redemption.
You must accept all these things, and persevere through it.
I wish I could say there is a quick solution to make you feel better. But the truth is it takes time. Any fast remedy will just manifest itself in a worse way down the line.
Let yourself feel the way you feel. It's normal. Talk about it with people close to you, whom you trust. Their acceptance of you will help you realise how to accept yourself. Slowly. In time.
For the short term I would recommend finding a constructive hobby to put your heart and soul into. A lot of people turn to art and other forms of expression to let out what they can't with words. For me, putting something emotional and artistic out there has served to extract what is inside me and evaluate it from another perspective.
In the end, you will likely need acceptance from the person you hurt in order to find resolution. Which seems... impossible... but you will find yourself at that moment one day. When you do, don't be afraid to cry.
I wish you all the best and want you to know that you are not alone.
>>17015036
First I'm increadibly sorry that you feel the way you do.
Second, you can't blame yourself- if anything your presence in her life kept her alive longer than she would have without you.
Third, what she did was selfish. She made this decision with only her interests in mind, not considering/caring how those who were close to her may feel.
This was her life and her choice. You are in no way responsible for her poor decisions.
I highly suggest that you go to therapy to help cope
>>17015683
>not considering/caring how those who were close to her may feel.
Sounds like she didn't really have anyone.
>>17015036
OP there are many events such as these that will hurt you in life. You must learn to move on though because this wasnt your fault.
>>17015898
Obviously she had op and her family, even if they're far away.
>>17015930
Obviously she didn't have him if he broke up with her. I'm not saying OP is to blame in any way but this selfish routine doesn't always work.
>>17015036
You're surrounded by good people. I heard a similiar story once, but everyone blamed the lad in your position. That lad was much more of a cunt though.
>>17015627
You don't have to have been irreparably broken to consider committing sudoku. You just have to be depressed, which is easy to get/be/stay
You know damn well it is your fault.
>>17016262
And I'm happy she's dead.
>>17015922
I fucking knew it, she was murdered
>>17016274
What?
>>17015036
Take this tragedy and learn from it moving forward. Her death wasn't your fault, you didn't see it coming. Now you know the warning signs and can identify them and that's something to be grateful for
How about some more fucking details before we just gush on with our assumptions.
>>17015036
Was she pretty or ugly?
If she was ugly just forget about her and move on
It gets easier with time anon. As more and more of your friends die, you realize, wow, it really does happen to everyone, and here all this time I was thinking they would find a cure by now.
If it didn't happen today, it was going to happen sooner or later. No point beating yourself up over it. 150,000+ people die every day. You can't save them.
Look at the bright side OP, For every person who dies, two Chinese kids are born.
You knew she was mentally vulnerable but did nothing about it. You thought she was being "theatrical", which is even worse. It's unfortunate that in your case your lack of empathy has helped kill someone. It's certainly not entirely your fault, I'm sure the problem was much deeper reaching than that, but learn from your mistakes. Seek to understand a person, not to judge them. The least you could've done is communicate with her or take her to therapy.
>>17017888
He might have directly made her situation worse too. He has provided no details so we can only guess. But this person trusted OP and OP abandoned her.
Fuck that's horrible man. I feel bad as fuck for you because At this very moment I'm going through a break up and my now ex has tried to commit suicide multiple times in the past, she's threatened to kill herself in the past when I tried to leave her a long time ago, she says she's better now, but during this we've both been saying we've felt suicidal, and I saw something that made me snap and slightly over react and I told her to kill herself in the heat of the moment, I took it back immediately and apologized a million times, but I've thought about it all too much just how terrible I would feel if she did and couldn't help but feel it was my fault.
What everyone else is saying is completely right though, that it's not your fault. What she did was selfish, and it's going to hurt a lot, but time can mend this, just stick it out man.
Godspeed OP
>>17015036
You dodged a bullet; just be glad she wasn't your wife, pal.
way to go faggot
I'm not trying to be the truth bearer here, but from what I read so far people are either making shitty jokes or trying to comfort you by using arguments they assume to be valid, when they could be saying something completely off. I won't assume anything about you or your deceased girlfriend, but something I agree on with everyone else is that you need to move on. Doesn't matter if she was selfish or not, if it was your fault or not, or whatever. Sadly we can't change the past, but we can change how we behave in the present. It sounds corny as fuck, but the truth is that most people are not even capable of perceiving that most of their sorrows live not in the problems themselves, but how they look at them. Sure, would have been better if she was still alive and you had done something different or something, but other than mourning for her you can't do shit. What you can do is live your life the best you can from now on.
very sorry. in general, I don't think about guilt or anything most of the time, it's just raw emotion.
>>17016771
Much edge. Such wow.
>>17015036
its considered criminal evidence that you knew she would throw her self in front of a train or that she was suicidal. it was pretty dumb of you to not get her help. sorry for your loss though. hopefully you will pay some respect to her family.
OP here. Adding details.
I had been seeing her throughout a couple of days throughout the week, trying to support her and whatnot. I had no idea she was suicidal. She's always been fairly dark due to a difficult childhood, but I had no idea it was this bad.
She called me on Friday saying she'd done something, and she wouldn't tell me what it was. I got quite irritated because she wouldn't tell me what she had done, saying that I'd have to call her family (which she was fearful about). She eventually told me she'd cut herself but it wasn't too deep and had taken a bunch of sleeping pills. I was unable to reach her so I called her live in landlord and told her to check on her please because I was worried. An ambulance collected her and took her to the hospital. I told her I would see her tomorrow (the morning it happened).
Now the most fucked up thing I had found out afterwards that it was actually the second time she'd been admitted there this week, the first time saying she's was worried she'd kill herself.
Here's the even worse part. The morning after she'd been in hospital, they released her from the ward without contacting anybody. They had my number as I was her next of kin. She went straight from the hospital to the station and jumped. I only found out because as I was getting the train back to see her it had to be diverted away from the station and I knew instantly what had happened because the landlord had messaged me an hour before saying she'd been released but didn't know where she was.
I suppose my guilt comes from not seeing her the night she went into hospital and my irritated phone call. I explained to her that I was only annoyed because she was withholding what she'd done to herself and wouldn't tell me.
Her parents and sister are coming today. Not sure how I'll cop with this.
damn op that's a nice own
>>17018118
So you knew she had attempted it before and you thought she was being theatrical? There's people who you can tell are fucking with you for attention and would never do it and then there are the really unfortunate lonely souls who actually would. She was clearly latter. Not saying it was your fault but if you had cared about her you would have gotten her help. It's a lot of responsibility and a drag to take care of someone like that but a decent person would try to be there. Nothing to do now.
>>17018118
It's the hospital fault. You can't just release a suicidal person like that. To my knowledge, after several attempts at self harm he patient should be hospitalised for a day or two to monitor his actions.
You could have been more atentive, but then again you are not her boyfriend anymore, and if something had happened when you were with her you could have gotten the blame.
Why dud you break up anyway ?
>>17018118
In my country at least, any case of attempted or threatened suicide in a hospital requires a mental health evaluation before someone is released.
So basically all these experienced medical professionals at the hospital decided she was safe to release? If they made the mistake, how on earth could we hold OP responsible for making the same error?
It sounds like the hospital dun goofed, from what you're telling me. Her parents will likely blame that. However, emotions will be high and things will be said that they maybe don't mean.
>>17018166
>but then again you are not her boyfriend anymore,
I will never get this kind of logic and that's why I don't even try to date anymore. People get into relationships way too easily and promise to do things they can never deliver on. He probably promised to be there but then broke up and washed his hands from all of it. If you were with a person intimately once you should still care about them enough to not let them sink completely. He broke up with and left a person who clearly needed help.
Yeah it's different when it's an attention seeker who has threatened suicide for years but OP girl doesn't seem like that.
>>17018174
I also asked why they broke up. There could have been a good reason for that, and even when best intentions are involved beetwen ex partners thing can go wrong simply by them being in the same room because of unresolved differences.
>>17018174
I had seen her throughout the week and had even said I'd see her the day it happened. I know I could have done more and that's where my guilt comes from, but I tried.
>>17015922
Fucking life. This shit is tame to what you will experience later on.
You will be absolutely amazed at how fucked up life can get. Ya just gotta look at it, wonder "what the fuck" and then try your best to immediately forget it.
The fucking shit I have seen man.
>>17018179
Forgot to add.
When psychiatric help is needed, you need family and profesionals, not recent ex partners . You can't really have trust in the person that endend the relationship so soon. Again, best intentions get warped under such circumstances.
Calling proffesionals is always the best option in such scenarios, OP did that.
>>17018193
Sure but not everyone has a family to take care of them. I'm sure her "darkness" was visible when they started dating. People should just stay away from people like that if they aren't up to being there.
>>17018179
We broke up because I couldn't handle the emotional strain the relationship was having on me. She's always been a very intense person and I was buckling under the weight and expectations of what she needed from me combined with work. We broke up on good terms, I helped her move in to her new place and talked to her when she came around.
I told her that I wanted space and she mostly respected that but I never would have ignored her if I'd known how bad she was.
There was an element I'd forgotten. Months ago, an ex boyfriend of hers released an amateur video of them doing stuff online, which really upset her. I thought that was done and dusted but on Friday when I spoke to her, she kept going on about how people had found out, or at least a friend had told her that everybody knows. She was very ashamed and didn't want to return home because of it. Apart from losing me, I think this may have pushed her over the edge.
>>17015036
>Giving a fuck about Women
>>17015036
Move to Southeast Asia fora few months, drugs, sex and alchahol. Better than suicide, I'd say. (If your feeling suicidal from the guilt.
Seems like the hospital have quite a bit to answer for here. She was getting help and they let her out clearly in a bad state. OP, you're just going to have to live with this, but try not to heap guilt upon yourself, ultimately we are responsible for our own actions as she is for hers.
