>>17014108
Wouldn't you be annoyed if a guy told you, "I thought I was in love with this girl once, but it turned out she was just using me, so I pretty much don't trust girls anymore."

Yeah. You would.

It really sucks that that happened to you, though, I'm sorry. No promises, but hopefully the next one will be a lot better.

>Girls, how do you do it?
It's not a girl thing, dude. It's a people thing.

>>17014118
I'm afraid I wouldn't even get close enough to anyone to bring up conversations like that.

From experience, you let go and give yourself time to mourn the loss of the relationship. By accepting that it's not for you, you let yourself grieve and move on. It's not going to happen overnight, but you give yourself time, focus on you, and then work your way back up when you meet someone new.

If you go into every relationship thinking that it's going to be the same, you may end up creating self-fulfilling prophecies. Take this experience and try to figure out some signs to learn from it to avoid potential issues in new experiences, but don't hold onto it.

>>17014129
But how do you let go of the guilt and anger at yourself for having been stupid enough to be played?

Also it was my first sexual relationship and I don't know how to move onto someone with a sexual history if that makes sense.

>>17014127
Sure you would. Not in person yet, maybe, but on here. I'm a guy. I'll bring it up.

So yeah, I just got cheated on and dumped. And dude, I don't think I'm ever going to be able to trust women again.

Maybe having had a similar experience recently your reaction will be a little more sympathetic for a while, but if you think back to how you'd have reacted a few days ago, I bet your gut reaction would have been: oh, get over yourself already, women aren't all the same.

Remind yourself of that every time you catch yourself feeling too jaded.

>>17014137
Unfortunately, we haven't invented mind readers yet, our scientists are too busy jacking off to string theory or whatever, and that means that shit like this happens to everybody now and then. We wouldn't have words like "player" or "played" if it didn't happen pretty often. There's nobody immune to having their heart broken (and ironically the ones who think they're immune to it tend to be the most vulnerable and naive deep down.)

>Also it was my first sexual relationship and I don't know how to move onto someone with a sexual history if that makes sense.
Why? Because you feel like they'd be more experienced and that makes you insecure? Or because you have a tough time imagining loving somebody who'd been with somebody else?

>>17014137
You may feel guilty now, but honestly, you reassure yourself that it's a learning experience. Maybe this experience might have saved you now from a really worse one.

To be honest, I got played and abused by the guy I had first had a sexual relationship with. It took me a while, but I had to take those feelings and rewire myself to look at it that I could use it as a chance to learn to protect myself from being played again.

It's a lot easier to tell now who is playing you and know not to let them waste your time. But also, you really just forgive yourself in the sense that you know it was a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes. Everybody usually gets played at least once to learn how the whole game works.

>>17014155
>oh, get over yourself already, women aren't all the same.

Not really, I fully understand how it would be devastating, even before.

>>17014155
>>17014155
>Why?

It's not about inexperience or anything like that but I just thought I was waiting to "give myself" to someone special and I I would only have one partner. I realize that's completely retarded and unrealistic but I just don't know how to start getting into sexual relationships and moving onto the next one. I guess I'm just a stupidly loyal person and I can't imagine being with like 5th partner and pretending the others were never even there. I must sound childish as hell, hope it makes sense.

>>17014166
Thanks for this. How can you spot a player? I'm a naturally trusting person and he seemed completely sincere and a great person so I'd probably get fucked over by someone like him again.

>>17014171
>Not really, I fully understand how it would be devastating, even before.
Well, frankly, that'd be the right reaction, albeit tempered by a bit of sympathy. This absolutely is devastating, but the truth is that all men/women/[X] simply AREN'T like that, and so "I can't trust [X] anymore" is something you need to fight, although it's an understandable impulse.

>It's not about inexperience or anything like that but I just thought I was waiting to "give myself" to someone special
I'm not gonna tell you that it's wrong to hope to only ever have one partner but I do take issue with this "giving yourself" business. You're not "giving yourself" to a man when you have sex with him. You're an active participant in an act that takes two people. Nothing's been ruined here, and nothing's been given away. Believe it or not, I'm not just being pedantic; I think maybe if you train yourself to think about this a little differently (in a healthier way, in my opinion) you'll have an easier time coping with this.

Really, though, try not to stress about the future at all. Right now your last relationship's fresh in your mind so the future's hard to imagine. Eventually you *will* fall for somebody else and when you sleep with them it's going to feel new and special and like a completely different experience -- because it will be one. It takes an awful lot of sex for it to all start blending together.

People with sexual histories don't have to pretend their past partners never existed. They simply rarely think of them. It's not forced, it's natural. With some time and separation your feelings for and about somebody cool off. I'm not trying to get all philosophical on you, it's just what happens. Feel free to vent as much as you want to on here, but try not to worry; I promise it will happen to you, and when it does, you'll understand how it could happen that way for somebody else too.

>>17014199
Yeah, you're probably right. Right now I just feel like I might cry with someone else remembering all this. But I guess I'll forget it long before I get that close to anyone else. A part of me wants to jump into another relationship soon to forget but I know I would just end up digging myself further into a hole with another unsuited relationship.

>>17014108
>I don't have much experience with guys so I can't imagine being able to trust again.
Keep in mind that moral capacity varies a lot, some guys are great, selfless, altruistic, etc; others are sociopaths. Most are in between.
You can get better at judging character, ask friends who are good at it.

>Is everyone supposed to go through a certain number of heartbreaks?
Nope, it's pretty much random. Some people find their true love right off the bat, get married, and never look back; other people get screwed or fuck up over and over again.

>>17014171
>I just don't know how to start getting into sexual relationships and moving onto the next one. I guess I'm just a stupidly loyal person
This is fine, casual sex isn't everyone's thing. Many people need to feel a deep emotional commitment before having sex with someone.
>I can't imagine being with like 5th partner and pretending the others were never even there.
Try to put them out of your mind. Especially the shitty ones, like the guy you were just with. They ain't worth dwelling on.

>>17014108
Doesn't happen overnight, takes about 3 nights.
Anyone wanna bang my ex? Not tonight, I'm on my 2nd.

>>17014172
What made him seem like a great person?

>>17014282
>You can get better at judging character

Any specific tips other than asking friends? I don't really have friends that are markedly good at it.

>>17014310
At first he seemed open, loving, caring, held his mother in high regard, etc. Looking back it was just an act to get m to trust him so he could manipulate me. I should have been able to tell he would turn out to be a very cold person by the way he sometimes talked about past friends or people he didn't need anything from.

>>17014333
>Any specific tips other than asking friends?
Generally, look at how the dude interacts with people. His friends, his family, strangers, classmates/coworkers, etc. If he's often a dick to people, just forget him. Don't put any stock in how nice he is to you, even the worst scumbags can pretend to be nice when they really want something.

Look at how he handles provocations, insults, losing in games, etc: if he gets aggressive, angry, or violent, he'll act the same way towards you when he doesn't get exactly what he wants, and won't be able to take criticism, so not a good choice.

Try to casually bring up some sports or political topics to see if he's a hothead or nutjob: if he can't have a discussion without ranting, yelling, or launching into an hour-long polemic about how the jews must be responsible for this, that's not a good sign.

Advanced mode: look for prosocial vs antisocial orientation. Basically, how he thinks, feels, and behaves towards others. Prosocial means he likes to be kind to people and help them reach their goals, antisocial means he likes to hurt people and use them to reach his own goals.
Note that people often misuse "antisocial" when they mean "asocial": if he likes to be alone, has trouble opening up to people, etc, that's Asocial not ANTIsocial, and it's only relevant to compatibility, not character.

Prosocial examples:
>letting people borrow his stuff, not getting angry if they don't return it
>wanting/trying to comfort crying/hurt people
>volunteer work without explicit motive, donating blood, etc
>when someone drops something near him, immediately goes to pick it up
>unnecessary honesty, not hiding information about himself

Antisocial examples:
>lying, cheating, stealing, manipulating, bullying
>hurting animals, laughing at animal abuse
>feeling like he's above the law, hating cops
>casually insulting/shoving/elbowing people, bullying
>aggressive driving, honks a lot, tailgates, etc