>>17014012
Btw, sorry for the wall of words.
Also, I don't live in the US, so I can't call their suicide hotline, and my country doesn't seem to have anything similar to it.

>>17014012
What country are you from, first of all, that doesn't provide suicide prevention hotlines?

You have a chemical imbalance causing you to feel depressed and suicidal. Confront the difficulty and realize it for what it is nigga. Medication works wonders.

>>17014012
It's a bad mood. It will pass.

Much of what you're talking about is growing up, though. The things you used to enjoy will not stimulate you the same way as you grow up.

But there are plenty of new experiences for you to have, if you just stop clinging to the old ones.

As for everything else, there's no reason you can't change those things. Work on, in small ways, being a better son and a better friend.

No one expects you to change over night.

If you feel bad about not going to church, go to church one day. Or spend some time with your mother or do a chore without being asked to.

And ultimately, stop looking for 'joy' and start looking for fulfillment. Figure out what you want out of life and figure out how to start working toward that.

>>17014042
Panama
>inb4 papers

>>17014045
What do you mean Chemical Imbalance? I knew it was something like that, but I wasn't sure exactly what it was. I've been taking medication for 2/3 years but I don't know.

>>17014012
>I feel like a burden to my friends. Like that guy people invite in their group of friends out of pity and regret it almost immediately because of how annoying I am, but can't do anything because they don't want to make me feel bad.
I feel like this too, I look like almost like a social anxiety patient because of it. Unless people explicitly come over and tell me "hey anon, come sit over here" or "hey anon, can i/we sit with you?" then i'll basically try to stay away from everyone, since they laugh, chat, etc when they're sitting together without me, and laugh and talk much less freely when they're trying to think of ways to include me in conversation.

>I'm a burden for everyone. I'm always doing something wrong and making a fool out of myself all the time.
I feel the same. Not much we can do about it other than try to put these thoughts out of our minds.
The easiest way is to develop advanced skills or knowledge so that you have to be useful, no matter how useless you feel.

>I can’t find joy in playing the games I used to like, or find enjoyment from sweets and candy I used to eat. I feel broken.
Same here. This is called anhedonia (compare to the word "hedonism"), it's a symptom of depression.

>I already go to a psychiatrist, but I can’t tell her how I feel at the moment because I don’t want to disappoint her by letting her know I’m feeling the same way as 4 years ago.
Fucking tell her, how is she supposed to help otherwise? If you think she'll be disappointed at a relapse, imagine how bad she'll feel if you fucking kill yourself!
>I can't tell anyone, because they will look down upon me.
We don't look down upon you. Many of us have been there, or are there right now.
If your friends would look down upon you, you need to find some real ones.

>>17014052
>It's a bad mood. It will pass.
No, dumbass. This is classic depression.

>>17014056
What meds have you taken in the past, and what are you taking right now?

>>17014115
I'm taking Wellbutrin right now.

>>17014170
Does it help? It should improve the anhedonia especially.

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>Like that guy people invite in their group of friends out of pity and regret it almost immediately because of how annoying I am, but can't do anything because they don't want to make me feel bad.

I feel you OP. I was born ugly shit and dumb as fuck. The friends I got in my life mostly because they were pity on me seeing me alone all the time. They were let me joined their group because of that. Even in the group, I still barely talk to them, about anime or video game, or just joking around like everyone else. I'm just there being mute and followed them behind everywhere. Every fucking day I want to change myself but I just can't do it, whatever the reason it is. I am embarassed of myself for being a weakling in life. I just want to end my life.

>>17014012
>Like that guy people invite in their group of friends out of pity and regret it almost immediately because of how annoying I am, but can't do anything because they don't want to make me feel bad.

That guy doesn't exist. People aren't in the charity business. If your friends invite you along it is because they like having you along - there is NO other possible explanation.

>I'm a burden to my family. I make my parents feel like they are doing something wrong

That one may in fact be true - but only because you're unhappy. Trust me - the only thing that can make parents deeply unhappy about a child is watching him be unhappy.

Find your way out of your misery, even a little, and watch your parents be happy for you.