>>17013479
Honey, you really need to take a break from dating. Seriously. You wrote a goddamn novella here but failed to realise that all your options are kind of shit.
Just be by yourself for awhile, you sound like you need the space.

>>17013484
I appreciate your straight-forward comment -

The thing is that I'm alone too often and really haven't dated all that much. I've been on six dates in three years. That's it. My work schedule is very demanding and doesn't allow much for socializing. When I'm not working I'm unwinding at home enjoying nothing but me time.

>>17013554
I meant relationships, not dates. Re-read your post, it's a train wreck. You need to find out who you are without these people. That's the point.

don't take him back. just keep spreading your legs til you find the right guy

>>17013565
Yeah, maybe I need some more time. It's a train-wreck and yeah, all my options are shit. I'm probably way over-thinking this and too eager to start a family. The divorce made me feel like such a failure. I actively worked on myself and did a lot of thinking and have a much better understanding of who I am now that I've had time, but life still feels incomplete

>>17013580
Random hookups don't seem appealing at all. I haven't had sex in three years

once you pay your divorce attorney with sex, there's really no going back from that. ad on craigslist reasonable rates, you'll do good, get your kids without even telling the fathers

>>17013479
Better to be alone and lonely; than with someone who will ultimately make you miserable.

Take your time to find someone who you will be happy sharing all of those huge moments with. Otherwise - what's the point?

Don't settle. Take time to figure yourself out. You're going to be fine.

>>17013479
>>17013601

Try to actively date more people, if you're feeling lonely, but don't settle for anyone. Especially if it's your ex.

a little late to be thinking family. rotten eggs make retards, and autists. you'd have to quit your job and spoon feed them the rest of your life

>>17013479
He divorced you once; you are not guaranteed stability. Past behavior is the best indicator of future behavior.

I know it's hard when you're a lonely workaholic. But throwing an old wrench you are not attracted to in the gears is not going to make you less lonely.

>>17013631
>>17013635
Thanks, anons-

>>17013619
>>17013654
I -wish- I could be this simple sometimes.

>>17013626
>>17013672
Thanks- these are particularly helpful

>after all the unforgivable things he's done
physical abuse?
emotional abuse?
wouldn't let you have a pony?

>>17013703
He's a gaslighter. I wouldn't stand for it anymore and he couldn't handle it. His perception of a healthy relationship is extremely warped from bad parenting. We both went a little nutty during that time. After the divorce he went full-throttle convincing anyone who would listen of terrible disgusting lies. I like to delude myself that he's come around just for me or something, but he probably just wants sex. He has made some changes but hasn't indicated any kind of contrition for his actions. That would definitely be a requirement

If two people want to work things out, they usually can, but if only one wants to, it probably won't. You make it really clear that you don't know what you want, and that not the same as i want this.

hearing his side from you, it doesn't seem that you doubt his intentions. only your own.
Being that people usually paint themselves in a favorable light, there may be more to the story. Being that women (no offense) tend to not take responsibility, it also possible that you aren't as innocent as you'd like.
Divorce is never pretty, but banging your attorney is unethical for a multitude of reasons.

What others called a train wreck, possibly stemmed from your originally sounding like you were co-dependent jumping from one relationship right into another, and about to do it again. But the 3 years between changes that. They suggested that you take some time alone to get to know yourself outside of a relationship. You have done that for 3 years.

>I would know for the most part what to expect this go around.

In the 3 years, you found that it's hard to date when you have a career, and then you added a 3rd option making a family. I'm not sure how old you are, but putting that off is not a good idea if you are advancing in years. But also not something that you should ever rush into.

He was once your moon and stars. My interpretation of this is healthy, in that moon and stars are both night. Not sun and stars, or your everything, you still had your self (day) and hadn't lost yourself in the relationship.

finding another moon and stars
versus repairing damage

>what would /adv/ do?

You haven't gotten laid in 3 years, so let's do that to help clear your head. Your ex won't object to that will he? Be clear that you haven't made up your mind yet. It will help you think.

>>17013961
I wanted to work things out then and he didn't. Now I've had time to develop myself more and he wants to but I'm being cautious. Like I said, we married before either of us had a real grasp on what a marriage is about. I definitely made my share of mistakes during the that time but after the divorce he really showed his fangs for no good reason but to make people think I did everything and he was an innocent victim. I am the kind of person that takes exact responsibility for my actions and expect the same respect from others.

I really don't know where I alluded to sleeping with my lawyer! Lol, God, I wish. I had a massive crush on him. He and I had some sassy playful banter. That was it. At least it made me aware that I'm able to be attracted to other people and see that different qualities of a person pique my interests.

I know what I want but not sure of the best way to get it. There's drawbacks to either situation. On the one hand I could have financial stability and companionship immediately with somebody who's somewhat familiar with my schedule and habits. On the other hand I could be blissfully happy but it's only a possibility and maybe years down the road. Guess you can't have your cake and eat it too. I don't think he would turn down a shag. He actually suggested it once as just a one night thing but later indicated he is hoping for more.

Your suggestion is very helpful- Thanks for taking the time to write it all out. It really put a lot back in perspective.