GRAMMAR HELP PLEASE
Applying to college, need grammar corrections only. Essay incoming in 30 seconds.
often picture myself fifty years from now as a tool to assess the direction I’m going in. When people are dying, they sometimes have last-minute regrets. I don’t want that to be me, so I take regular account of what I value, what I want, and where I am in relation to those goals. When I imagine myself, I see a lithe woman with silver hair. She’s reading in a soft, oversized armchair. There’s one cat next to her and another on the floor. The living room is open and bright. It’s decorated with keepsakes from her travels. Many of the trips she went on alone so as to more poignantly experience the feeling of being in a foreign place. She likes to be alone sometimes. Her husband is cooking dinner. It’s Sunday; they always look forward to spending the weekends together. They watch a movie, and before falling asleep they talk about going to the Philippines again. She has work tomorrow morning. Though she could have retired years ago, she’s kept at it. It makes her feel useful. I want to give myself the house, the cats, the job I’ll never want to retire from, and more than enough money to retire if I choose to.
When I was eighteen I started pre-pharmacy courses at X University. I thought I had it sorted! I find pharmacokinetics and chemistry fascinating. The idea of a 120,000 median salary was appealing. But a few weeks in, I spoke to some of my professors about what it’s like to be a pharmacist. Their replies were underwhelming. Most of the knowledge I’d obtain in school would never be applied as a retail pharmacist. I’m not interested in full time research, so hearing that really took the wind out of my sails. Taking courses without knowing what I’d like to do seemed wrong. I’d met people with degrees they weren’t sure if they’d ever use, either because they were disenchanted with the field or the market was oversaturated.
......
.....Many of my peers were changing their major after having completed twenty, thirty, forty credits in an unrelated subject. It seemed a waste of time to aimlessly take classes, so I withdrew and took time to give it meaningful consideration.
I learned a few things about myself in the process. Having an intellectual aspect to my work is a requirement. The option to be my own boss is something I’d like. And I hesitate to say this for fear of sounding trite, but I felt my work needed purpose. Doing physical, tangible work is immensely satisfying; the product of your labor is directly in front of you. But it lacked a greater significance and I feel a need to do something that will directly contribute to the betterment of humanity.
After hours of reading about medicine, interviewing several doctors and a physician’s assistant, I’ve decided to become an M.D. I’ve been advised to choose the most interesting area of study that comes naturally to me for my major, so the humanities are the obvious choice for my undergrad studies. X is the only school I’ve applied to, as it seems the best fit. I love the town and surrounding woods, the in-state tuition is certainly relevant to my interests, and from what I’ve read, the school is well respected for it’s quality of education. I’d be delighted to have attending X be one of the steps on my path to becoming that silver-haired woman.
>>17013469
the first word is 'I' it got cut off.
bump for grammar help
bump
>>17013469
>often picture myself fifty years from now as a tool
Wew, you imagine yourself being a hammer? Or a screwdriver?
>>17013894
Yeah, OP, that's the most retarded opening sentence ever. Also, it doesn't make sense. In 50 years you will be a tool to assess the direction you're going in? What the fuck does that mean? That you won't know where you're headed until 50 years pass? Because that's the only thing I could make out of it.
>>17013894
>>17014521
Are you being intentionally dense?
Synonyms for tool include 'means' and 'way'.
The sentence structure clearly indicates that 'picture myself fifty years from now' (the picturing) is used -as- a tool -in order to- determine if I'm on the right path.
I am better off editing this myself.
>>17013469
The word tool here isn't appropriate. What you're describing is a method, not a means. It's a process, not an instrument.
>>17013467
I'm a professional editor. I charge $2 per 100 words for my services. I'm not going to do your homework for you for free.
>>17014763
>Are you being intentionally dense?
the irony is real.
I was gonna try to help edit the whole thing 'till I saw how you responded to them.
If you ask for help, then get defensive when valid criticism is posted in anything less than a coddling manner, then you're not worth helping.
In case you were wondering, the correct sentence structure for what you meant would have been:
>I often picture myself fifty years from now as a tool to assess the direction I’m going in.
>As a way (or tool, if you're so adamant about such a terrible choice of words) to assess the direction I'm going in life, I often picture myself fifty years from now.
The former sentence more accurately means what >>17014521 thought it might mean (that you picture yourself as a tool, not that picturing yourself is a tool), while the latter actually means what (I assume) you intended to say. That is the whole point of grammar... to prevent a shitstorms of misinterpretations like this, and that's just from your first sentence.
your personal statement lacks substance. Telling the committe about your thought process is not worth much. You need to provide clear concrete examples of your accomplishments. The first paragraph is especially useless, you have limited space use it to speak about your qualities, or the school's qualities. On that note, you should focus on how well you, as a person, would fit well within the school's culture. Don't mention that you only applied to this school, it does not serve you.
Finally, you spend so much time explaining why pharmacoly was not for you, and yet you only spend three lines discussing why medicine is for you (without giving concrete examples) that is highly problematic.
Congrats OP, you're already a tool.
YOU MADE IT!!!
>>17015712
KEK
I dunno op this essay was boring to read. Are you applying somewhere hard to get in?
>>17015685
she can't even handle criticism on her grammar, which is what she fking asked for. i doubt she'll realize how retarded the actual substance of her essay is.
>>17015723
op may as well not waste money on any apps to prestigious universities.
i'm literally dying of laughter from just rereading the first paragraph of this cringefest
>>17013467
Saved for my cringe folder
>>17014763
Ok but grammatically it doesn't make any sense (that's what you asked for, right?
That idea is fine, but you need to change the wording.
"I often picture myself 50 years from now" is not something that can be used as a tool.
"Forsight" can be used as a tool
"Imagining oneself" can be a tool
But the statement "I often picture myself 50 years from now as a tool" quite literally means that you picture yourself as a tool.
Not sure why you're so quick to get defensive. Don't ask for help if you can't accept it lol
You spend way too much time describing when you're old as fuck, and not enough time talking about you now. I understand that you want them to get a good idea of what you picture in the future but it has nothing to do with medicine. Literally everything you described you could easily have another job in another field. Where is the passion for medicine? Helping people? I keep seeing you mention money. I'd ditch that. Describe what those doctors told you that inspired you to become one. That's what they want to hear. They don't want to hear about you being old while your hubby cooks dinner and talk about your next vacation.
>>17013469
>Her husband is cooking dinner
>Phillipines
>Expecting boss to be anything but your second landlord
>Humanities
Fucking lord help me, my ribs, my pancreas, I'm dying!
