recently my gf has been wanting to meet my parents. i don't want her to meet them because I know they'd judge me heavily for it.
you see my gf is kinda chubby/fat. I'm not. and I like her but I always feel embarrassed about her weight around friends/women checking me out/my family. my family is very health conscious and they would judge the fuck out of me for it and make fun of me and I'd never hear the end of it.
i don't particularly like that she's fat and always feel envious of guys with thin cute girlfriends but i like her personality and we got along great.
I know it seems shallow but I just don't know what to do about it.
anyone with fat gfs know this feel?
ugh... just break up with her already
>>17010738
You either treat her like a person and accept any consequences of dating her, or you break up. That's all there is to it. You can't change her and shouldn't have jumped into a relationship with a fat person if this was such a big deal to you.
>>17010750
>>17010750
Why do you assume I treat her badly? I like her. In fact I treat her better than all my previous gfs.
She was much thinner when we met and it was reasonable. She's 200lbs now.
I can't control how others see my GF.
>>17010738
is that pic related?
So do you plan on not being together long term, or just hiding her forever? Because it's either something you need to deal with or you might as well break up.
Im worried about introducing my mexicanXafrican american boyfriend.
They be racist as fuck. nobody brown. Protect the white genes from the savages.
Hes perfect to me.
>>17010762
we've been together for a pretty long time already and that's the problem
it seems petty to end a great relationship over something like that but it's important to me
Did you ask her to eat healthier and exercise? Because that's what I told my partner and it worked.
>>17010774
At this point you're essentially leading her on then. She's dropping hints about getting more serious by meeting your parents. You should figure out what you want, or you might be wasting time for the both of you.
If your family is the type to judge weight over how she makes you feel, then it's narcissistic behavior and you really need to research/look into that.
As for her being over weight...has it affected your sex life? Has it affected your relationship? Has it made you worry about her health? If you answered no to all of those and it's still bugging you, then you are more worried about judgement from people that ARE NOT living your life, and you need to think about what's important to you. Again, if they would judge based on looks rather than how you feel, it's narcissistic and it doesn't matter what action you take, you will never be good enough in their eyes. They will find other problems to hone in on.
>>17010738
>>17010738
i hung out with a fat chick once. couldn't bring myself to call it dating, i'm fairly resentful but you gotta understand just because you dont like it doesn't mean someone else won't. the worst part of any of this is the attitude as if you're doing them a favor cause you think you're better than them. Just be honest with others
>>17010790
>>17010790
>as it affected your sex life?
Yes. She gets insecure and doesn't wanna have sex and there are some positions we can't do.
>Has it affected your relationship?
Yes. We can't do active things or walk to much or do any thing that I'd normally like to do that involves not sitting on our asses.
Shit I gained weight too just being with her.
>Has it made you worry about her health?
Very. I don't want to marry a fat person who might get even fatter to the point where the relationship isn't functional and we can't do normal things or I'm left taking care of her and our kids. I don't want bad genes. Bad diet and health will affect my children.
>>17010798
I don't feel I'm doing her a favor. I don't treat her differently than I would any other previous girlfriend.
If she wasn't fat i'd feel much more comfortable introducing her to my family.
>>17010803
you either try and find a way to make exersize fun and something she wants to do or you dump her..
Come on, if you cant introduce her to your family and start forming a life with her, then your only choices are those really.
>>17010805
She simply tells me she doesn't like to do it. I offered to workout together dozens of times.
>>17010801
Then communicate. Tell her your tired of the way you guys have been living and that you want to start improving. Come up with activities you guys could do together that involves taking steps towards bettering each other. Cook for each other ( healthy meals), go on walks to spend quality time together, go swimming. Encourage each other.
>>17010807
Dude is OP pic related?
>>17010807
If you continue on your route of choice eventually she will leave you. she wants to meet your family and the longer you put it off the more of a point of contention it will become.
you will both be miserable.
One of you will break and it ill be over between you two.
I've a fat girlfriend.
When we got together it was just casual sex and I was a jerk. We were both happy with the arrangement (drink, fuck, leave). I could no way imagine her as anything more. Because I didn't see her a complete person I was quite rude to her, she got off on it.
Over time I saw more in her and kind of wanted more, but in hindsight quite she should have been concerned really. Problem is she was super submissive and turned on by aggressive controlling guys.
I was like, if we are going to be together in a proper relationship then I'm going to have to respect you in order to have the self esteem to treat you like a proper human being, so we need to fix all of it.
She was messy. I mean her place was a literal tip. Helped her clean and repair it. Denied her sex if she didn't keep it clean. Spanked her ass and denied her contact if she tried to fuck around. She tried to use the spanking thing against me by deliberately making mistakes so I'd spank her so switched to denying contact.
Same with her finances, she basically laid in bed and ignored credit cards, debt etc and had been for about two years. Her phone was constantly blowing up with debt collectors. We made a list of all income and outgoings, her debts, especially priority ones and wrote to them all requested a hold, evidence of their legal entitlement to collect, contact only in writing from now on due to harassment and asked for discounted settlement figures. Also setup payment plans and kept a filing system to keep on top of it.
She transferred all her finances over to me pretty much. I started to give her pocket money to live on. I started shopping for her and cooking for her. She couldn't really shop or even cook. Started allocating savings to budgets for goals she wanted (like a bike, a holiday etc).
I started making her ride her bike places. What was drink, sex, leave became 25 mile bike ride, public sex and a 25 mile bike ride again.
>>17010836
In two years she'd lost around 80lb. Paid off about 40% of her debt and the rest was managed. Was engaging in her degree and also working part time. She moved into a house with a female friend of mine nearby and about a year afterwards she moved in with me.
She started her MA. She learnt to drive. We took holidays and things and she got a job in a law firm. About 95% of her debt is cleared, the rest is on an insignificant repayment plan (the ones that refuse to settle for a lower figure).
We bought a house. She lost about another 10lb or so, but she is still around 195/205lb. That isn't likely to ever change unless we return to me handling all finances because she will blow money on food given the chance.
She is like 5'11" though.
It was kind of weird because I'm 6'2" and about 195lb and always dated tiny pixie girls who weighed 95lb and were 5' nothing.
>>17010847
Food makes us happy for a short time.
its nice when you are sad
>>17010756
>Why do you assume I treat her badly?
How you actively treat her is different from how you passively treat her. You like her, and you seem to treat her well, but you're still ashamed of her.
>She was much thinner when we met and it was reasonable. She's 200lbs now.
That's unfortunate. Have you brought it up with her?
>I can't control how others see my GF.
That's sort of the point I'm trying to make. If you want to be with her, and you genuinely like her, get over it. If you can't, and she's not taking measures to improve herself, then it's probably for the best that you break up before resentment grows on either end.
>>17010738
>anyone with fat gfs know this feel?
I knew it. I don't anymore. See, I'm 6'6"/220lbs and skinny girls just don't turn me on. I need a fat ass, fat tits, thick thighs and a nice belly. Eventually, I stopped giving a fuck what others might think. I can't choose who I'm attracted to.
Oh, and me and my wife (she's 175lbs) have AMAZING sex.
>>17010847
Why would you go through that shit
>>17010916
I'm kind of mad. When I get fixated on a 'project' I tend to start up planning, execution, critical reflection, adjusting and so on. Always focused on the next stage or step and the current problem rather than distracted to focus elsewhere. She became a project, which is an unromantic way of saying I wanted to be and was there for her I guess?
Also when I was first meeting up with her I had 3 other casual relationships on the go. I'd been with my previous partner for the last 6 years and so I was more than a little bit rusty as to the expectations of modern dating. I wanted a period of freedom and chaos with new and interesting scenarios, but I also wanted to settle down again eventually.
I realised that dating when pushing 30 was nothing like dating when in your teens and very early 20's. This was during the rise of social media and the death of meeting people due to physical connections and the ease of 'hook up' culture and smart phones.
So I was superficially happy, banging chicks. But on a deeper level I was like holy shit this is fucking horrible. She had issues, but she had less issues. She had fixable issues. She had a solid attitude and commitment. She hadn't fucked around much.
One of the girls I was seeing was currently fucking more guys and girls that week than this girl had ever kissed. Another was like "hey, come over this weekend, I've met a 19 year old for us to play with" and I turn up and this 19 year old seems to have genuine learning difficulties.
Also broken families, women who had explosives strapped to their biological clocks. Go check out scene girls pushing 30. Go date amongst a pool of mental health issues and drama. Go find someone 'normal' and marvel at how horrifying 'normal' actually is when people do what they do best, y'know, be people.
I'd take a barely experienced student in her early 20's with some stupid young person debt and a messy house share and 100 extra lb's any day.
>>17010836
This sounds like a mix of aggravatingly tedious and hilariously fun.
Not sure if you want to have babies with someone like that, but she sounds like a pretty good pet otherwise!
>>17010847
Fucking Chad nepotism
You're treating it like a popularity contest, as if you're going to get judged and somehow become less of a person in peoples' eyes for dating her and that's pretty fucked up. it's slightly telling of your personality, which is probably insecure as fuck (and slightly conceited).
A person can always lose weight.
>>17011281
Oh sorry for triggering you by not being a complete fucking loser all of the time.
>>17011305
>>17011305
It's all platitudes until you've actually been in my situation. You're too idealist.
>>17010836
That's an inspiring story anon. I'm really happy for you. There's actually a lot of similitiries to her(the submissiveness, me basically running her life and telling her what to do, etc). I just can't get her to work out or excerise despite offering to workout together many many times. She just says she doesn't like it and whines.
Thing is, before she met me she did work out and had an incredibly sexy body. I don't even want her to lose too much weight. 20lbs will do it.
Do you ever get tired being her de facto father figure? It can be a draining.
