Hi /adv/
I'm a closeted lesbian in a relatively conservative college town. Like, I know 3 other girls who like girls who go to my uni, that's it.
Whenever I try to become friends with a guy, they often start coming on to me. I'm awful at saying no because I don't want to offend them, but then I don't know how to say I'm not interested, and I end up cutting contact completely. I don't know how to explain that I like other girls without
a) feeling like I'm wasting their time for having hung out with me; after they make a move, I feel like they only wanted to hang out in order to kiss
b) feeling like I'm an attention whore/parading my sexuality
This is annoying, since the people I cut off are mostly sweet and smart guys, that I'd like to be friends with! Do you have any advice? Making friends with girls is a whole different ballpark, so I'm just wondering about making friends with guys.
Thanks in advance!
If/when they make a move:
>Oh, no, I'm gay, sorry for the misunderstanding
Anyone who can't understand that is a guy you didn't really want as a friend anyway
If you feel like social interactions are clearly taking on more of a "date" tone, you can bring it up a bit earlier to avoid leading them on
Learn to say no. You can't go through life without offending people and standing up for yourself.
You really have three options, be honest (which is difficult if your family is conservative and you are lgbtq, I know, I'm bi), you could lie and say you are asexual or in a long distance relationship or something, or you could just say no without context. I think the latter is the best idea, people can't force you to explain yourself, and if they try to, they are probably not people you want to hang with.
Just my 2 cents, I guess.
>>17009464
>>17009481
Anons, you're wonderful, thank you!
Could you please give me some pointers on what, exactly, is a "date" tone for an activity?
>>17009485
Just think about what you would do with someone you like, and what you would do with a mate. Or what he would in these situations. Watch what he does with his close friends and do something similar.
>>17009507
Hm, okay! So, as an option, how does this sound?
There's a guy in my class who I have a ton of fun with, we have very compatible humor. If he were to ask me to coffee, could I say something like:
>I would love to! But I just need to mention that I like girls and only girls. So, if this is cool with you, then let's go!
I feel like I can only do too early or too lat, alas.
>>17009462
Don't feel guilty for not being interested in someone. You have as much rights as they do to your emotions.
>>17009569
I like a girl in my lectures, I'd like to get to know her as a friend first, but I am worried that I'll come off as trying to date her.
She's pretty cute, but i'd prefer to be friends.
you like who you like..
are you normally one of those people who has a hard time saying no in other situations?
a small white lies like ive got somebody or im a lesbian.
some guys would take the second one as a challenge...
but that being said i do know of a few girls who are les but have male work friends.
just remember guys arent like girls: we dont do slight hints. be straight up with us, and we will be straight up with you. just be aware that our feeling for you will come out when drunk...
>>17009636
>a small white lies like ive got somebody or im a lesbian.
>some guys would take the second one as a challenge...
How does a lesbian pose as a challenge?
>>17009948
Challenge to break the world record for fastest sex change
>>17009569
That would be cool.
Don't worry about 'parading your sexuality' in this situation.
Some people will think that and get shitty but they're probably just like that and the alternative pisses people off more.
>>17009948
Girls play hard to get because it works.
Guys respond to 'challenges' because it's what girls do.
It's a vicious cycle that ends with some psycho guys just not understanding or believing in lesbians.
When they hit on you say "sorry man I'd kiss you but you don't have titties. I like titties"
>>17009462
Two options:
"I'm not looking for romance right now. But if you want to hang out as friends, that's OK. No? Well, goodbye."
*I'm a lesbian, but if you want to hang out as friends . . . . ."
>>17009462
*shrug* My best friend is a lesbian, I can't really remember hwo she told me....
Knowing her, one day she randomly just dropped a "by the way, just so you know, I'm gay" and knowing me I probably just said, "Cool?"
They're either going to get butthurt about it, or not give a fuck. The ones who'll get butt-hurt about it weren't going to be your friend no matter what you said anyway, and the one's who won't give a fuck... won't give a fuck and you can just proceed to being friends.
Though, I should add, there situationally might be a small third contingent. I've definitely had to pry off a few guys (even one of my friends) who's response to her telling them she was gay was, "Hot" and want try to double down to "turn her" or some shit, but it's usually at bars and shit, and it's usually insanely obviously what they're looking for from the get-go because they're coming off way too fucking strong (and in some cases desperate), so that falls in to the former case anyway.
