Trying to post this again, posted a bit late yesternight.
I come to you for advice regarding my girlfriend. We've been together for almost a year and a half, which had its ups and downs. We're pretty intimate, both in terms of feels and physical stuff. We've yet to have proper sex, as my thing doesn't fit. No, I'm not well endowed.
Over time it seems she's mostly been the one to be getting hurt or getting insulted over things I don't notice I do. I rarely get bothered by her behavior, but she has admitted to me that many a time she builds up expectations in her head and when I fail to live up to them she bitches out. Usually this resolves with me saying how it's unfair and she agrees.
Regardless, these sort of fights happen a lot; me somehow not living up to her standards or her misinterpreting what I'm doing and flipping on me ahead of time. Now, we always talk through these things, but it gets tiring.
The issue I come to you lot for isn't about this though, but I felt it's a necessary background for what I'm about to ask.
Recently my soldier has been cooperating less and less when things get dirty in the sheets, and to make sure I stiffen up I try and space the sexual encounters out some more. For some reason he stands up better if he has more recovery time.
Surely she'll notice sooner or later though. I feel as though all the fights somehow killed - or rather, made it harder to achieve - any emotional boners.
Wat do, /adv/?
bump :>
Maybe you should get out of this dysfunctional shitshow that you call a relationship.
Perhaps you could speak to your girlfriend about how her constant bitching is starting to effect your confidence and try and work out what steps you need to take to make both of you happier in the relationship.
>>17008782
woah wat
>>17008789
What confidence do you think I'm losing? Also, what confidence loss leads to no-stiffness?
>>17008713
That's a pretty normal reaction to the way things are going in your relationship. This is going to sound like pussy talk, but it's true - you don't feel safe with her, you feel like she's constantly judging you. This makes it impossible to cut loose and get uninhibited and have fun with her. She's literally emasculating you.
Honestly, if you've already talked about it and things have not gotten better, if she says she'll improve but she can't stick with it - it might be time to think about leaving. You don't want to marry this girl, not the way things are. It'll just get worse and worse and worse.
And at a year and a half, your relationship is at the point where you either need to piss or get off the pot. If this isn't heading down the path towards marriage/lifelong partnership, then it's time for both of you to rip off the band-aid and move on. It's not that scary to be single.
>>17008804
To be honest, the fear of being single is what motivated to so fiercely try and solve this by talking. I mean, I do genuinely love this woman but all the unwarranted fights do wear me out. Too often lately I thought about bailing (and it nearly happened already) but I keep finding things that make me want to stay and hope it gets better.
>>17008818
To be honest, man, I've never understood that mindset
>I NEED to be in a relationship even if it's a source of nothing but stress and misery
Being single is pretty great.
>>17008804
>It's not that scary to be single.
sorry anon but there's this board called /adv/ that you might want to check out
just glance at the catalog
>>17008837
Yeah, I know. All that free time to pursue what you want!
But, this is my first real relationship - first proper intimacy. During my time with her I've really worked on myself; I got fairly fit, matured, confident in my job, but somewhere in my head I'm convinced that despite being an interesting person I'll be all alone for another two dozen years.
Like it or not, there's nothing that can replace the warm feels you get from proper intimacy. Losing that kind of acceptance after having it for so long is pretty frightening.
>>17008848
And yeah, the more I look now the more it seems I'm not alone in my fears :-)
Though I've yet anyone else discuss floppy soldiers.
>>17008913
I had it with my ex and it was the same deal. She always made me feel bad about myself and towards the end I was having problems getting it to work.
I had sex the other day for the first time since we broke and I was so scared it wouldn't work. It did though, it worked like it did when I was a teenager and I've been getting random boners throughout the day like I was still in junior high.
I'm sure it's mostly because she makes me feel really fucking good. She's been showering me compliments and telling me everything I do is perfect.
>>17008963
Did your ex actively insult you?
My gf actively compliments me, too, and always goes on about how hot I am and all that stuff; hence why I don't understand where my libido is going.
>>17008988
Towards the end we went to shit and there were constant insults but when the problem first started it wasn't that bad and she still said a lot of nice stuff to me. I kind of have some self esteem issues to begin with though so it doesn't take much to make me feel down on myself. This may not be your problem but it was mine and I didn't realize it at the time. If I did maybe we could've done something about it.
>>17009114
Thanks for the input kind anon. Definitely gets me thinking whether I see similar stuff in my situation.
