Hi /adv/ !
Guy here, 19 years old
So first of all, to put it clear, i'm not talking about equality in a geopolitical way, of course some people were born more "privileged" (yeah, i just used that word...) and all, but rather in a social way, among peers, among a same community, a same country, etc. You get me.
So this afternoon i had a conversation with two of my friends. One is a guy, Sam, and he's a very positive guy, very sociable, etc. Great guy. And the other one is a girl, Axelle, she has pretty low self-esteem. I'm pretty much like her in terms of personality.
And so she was telling us she felt bad because she was into a guy, and she found out her best friend was very likely into him as well, and she's way more confident, at ease with guys, etc. So Axelle believed that if her best friend and herself were both into that guy, the guy would automatically be into her friend instead of her. And it pretty much came up that she felt inferior to her friend.
And then our friend Sam reacted to that, he went up saying that it was completely insane to think that some people were "superior" to others, that there was no rankings for people, that we were all equal and stuff.
And that got me thinking a lot, actually. He asked her in what terms someone could be superior to someone else, she said that it was mostly on the subject of physical attractiveness and social skills. And i gotta say... I pretty much agree with her. I mean I know it's a very irrational thought and that it can't be true, but that's just how i feel, being unconfident too, I often feel like I'm "inferior" to some people I meet. I know I shouldn't, but I can't really control it. I want to believe that we're all equal, but it's hard.
So how do you guys feel about that ?
I'd be glad to have a discussion about this, because yeah it got me thinking a lot
>>17008234
>"All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others"
>>17008234
neither is entirely correct. your female friend is more accurate. people arent equal. someone looks at two people and automatically knows which one is hotter. he talks to them and immediately finds one to be more fun.
its just the way bonding works. that being said, everyone is equal in the sense that you have the same opportunities to change. no one judges you on 'social skills' really, but rather the type of person you are. if you are a good person, and a fun person, it shines through despite social awkwardness.
i think the issue here is you are using 'inferior and superior and equal' as opposed to just different. people are different. people like certain differences.
and 'social skills' can be developed. to insist they wont is just giving up. its like saying 'no one will ever love me cuz im fat'. someone will. they will just also have some major default. but you an also just lose weight. the minute you say you 'cant' lose weight, you have given up.
Of course people aren't "equal." Some people have many talents, some people have very few. Some people are widely considered attractive, some are widely considered ugly. Some people are rich, some people are poor. Some people are smart, some are stupid. And all grey areas in between.
Nobody's "equal," that's a ridiculous concept. When people talk about equality, they're speaking in a LEGAL sense, they're talking about giving everyone equal OPPORTUNITIES to live and love and succeed. That doesn't mean everyone WILL succeed, it just means you're not shutting down talent or intelligence just because the person comes from the wrong family, or ethnic group, or whatever.
>>17008277
>>17008286
OP here
I mean my friend Sam meant equal as in "human value" i guess ? Don't know if that makes sense. In the sense that even though you're less skilled that someone else, you're still worth as much as a person. Think that's what he meant
But yeah i like that idea of being different instead of superior or inferior
I mean that seems pretty abstract when people say that there will always be someone who will find you attractive, i mean i hang out with a lot of guys that myself and most girls I know find more attractive than me, but for example in my class this year, there was a guy that was "widely considered ugly", but he's still the only guy in the class who got himself a girlfriend this year. And i've had a girlfriend in the past too. My female friend was in a relationship in the past as well.
So yeah I mean the problem here is low self-esteem I guess, i'm trying to work on that right now, but it's hard, cause I've always been into that way of thinking, it feels like it's just in my nature to behave and feel like I'm inferior to others.
>>17008334
we all knew a really ugly fat girl who managed to get a boyfriend. he looked like frankenstein though. but they enjoyed each other.
other than me, everyone else in that class was single, and they were actually all really attractive (more so than me to be honest).
i think the problem with a lot of ugly and/or flawed people is that they refuse to settle. they hold out thinking they deserve to be that lucky guy who scores the 10/10 that loves him for the personality. when people say
>tfw no gf
they are really only saying
>tfw hot chicks dont throw themselves at me despite the fact that i refuse to improve, workout, etc
were all different. in many cases we are inferior, either objectively or subjectively. but there is always someone at our level we can match with, and theres always someone below us who would die to be with us, and there is almost always a way to improve.
the fact that someone is 'always going to be better' just shows that its not worth worrying about where you rank, but rather how much you improve.
>>17008352
In my experience girls are far less likely to "settle" than guys because as long as you're average as a girl the option to find someone is there. Guys more or less still have to be the ones to compete, so even given two people that are more or less equal in terms of looks or whatever, the female will hold out for something better more often than the male would.
>>17008234
This doesn't belong on this board, why do you bring this trouble here?
>>17008379
thats true to some degree, but its hardly universal. it also depends on what standards are cuz once you get to uggos its not a straight scale.
but that being said, if you are an ugly guy, why not settle for a girl even uglier than you are? sure shes not on your level and thats 'not fair' but you are getting an uggo either way, right? i mean even if you are 'average' you arent entitled to an average person.
me personally i think you should just be single. why not? you dont NEED to date, and settling sounds like a recipe for sadness. but if you can find someone charming for htings other than their looks then why not go for it?
>>17008352
On the subject of improvement, I'm trying to improve my social skills right now, they're not awfully bad, but it's still a hard thing for me to do.
The thing is I'm not always in the mood for it you know, and in these moments I'm just not able to throw a conversation because I just can't come up with anything to say, or I pretty much don't care.
And it can be very depressing to see everyday that most people seem to feel very comfortable to be talkative, to socialize, like a natural thing, while you have to put some efforts into it to do the same. I mean it can put me into a lot of stress, and i feel like i'm playing a mental game of chess against the person i'm meeting. If I can't follow, I'm out.
I know it's silly, but again, it's just how I feel
>>17008234
Are you really 19?
>>17008234
Idk
I know Blacks are basically animals though.
>>17008407
i think one way to get around it is to stop talking about 'social skills'. you are approaching life to clinically. no one wants to be your experiment, your test subject, your exercise.
why talk to someone if you arent interested? why should it make you sad that you arent interested.
talk to people you feel like talking to. or that you are interested in talking to. dont worry about where it goes. if it ends with jus a shot simple answer just say 'cool' and move on. there are no 'successes' or 'failures' in casual conversation.
make al ist of things you like and reverse engineer them to be social. as in, go to hobby shops that cater to that, and then ask about events they have. attend those. if they dont have events offer to host one. a comic book store could have a magic the gathering tournament, or a screening for a movie where people are expected to give commentary, etc. its just more money for them but you set it up and make friends, a LOT of friends cuz you are theo ne everyone has to talk to get htere.
and you know they cant be THAT bad if they have similar interests.
likewise you can also go to meetup.com and go to any meetsups that interest you.
no matter how solitary the hobby there are many many people out there who at least want to discuss it together.
>>17008234
No, i am a living god and you pieces of shit should be honored i am replying in this thread.
>>17008431
yeah, i don't even know why i want to try harder, i have a lot of great friends already actually, and it's the case since i'm very young, which i never quite understood since i can be pretty socially awkward at first, but i've always managed to get great friends. Maybe it's just what a previous post said, "if you are a good person, and a fun person, it shines through despite social awkwardness."
>>17008474
thats what i said you jerk.
but yeah, it does. socially awkward people are often thrusts into situations where there are other socially awkward people. they connect.
truth is people are rarely 'socially awkward' they are, like i said, different. and they look for other 'different' people to hang out with.
video games used to be the hobby of the socially awkward. we considered people who played video games weird. they had no one to connect to but other gamers. they were never socially awkward. just had no one to play with.
>>17008487
>thats what i said you jerk.
Ow shit, i wasn't sure. Heh
I feel like in my case it doesn't really apply with girls though
I wish I was as lucky with girls than with friends
>socially awkward people are often thrusts into situations where there are other socially awkward people. they connect
Yeah but the thing is in my case most of my friends aren't socially awkward at all, that's what i find weird
Everybody is superior to somebody in some way.
>>17008334
>I mean my friend Sam meant equal as in "human value" i guess ?
No such thing as equality of human value. One Bill Gates is worth over a million Africans
>>17008633
then ur not etiher. ur just a little different.
>>17008234
>Are we really all equal ?
No, we're not. But history has repeatedly shown that the only way to prevent the power of law from being horribly abused against innocent people is to require the law to treat everyone the same.
No legal system gets this right for very long. Many have tried, but even the few nominal successes haven't been able to last even one generation before being twisted beyond repair. Most haven't even lasted a decade. Many don't even last a year.
No perfect solution has yet been found. Constant vigilance and repair can stave off the worst, perhaps even indefinitely, but there is always a time lag between the point when repairs are needed and the point when they're implemented.
>>17008234
>He asked her in what terms someone could be superior to someone else,
>mostly on the subject of physical attractiveness and social skills.
>I mean I know it's a very irrational thought and that it can't be true,
Why not? You can roughly measure social skills and attractiveness (since they're social qualities, you basically measure them by putting the subject in interactions with raters, then asking the raters to rate them on whatever you're measuring).
And if you can measure them like that (semi-quantitative), you can rank them in order, and say "X is considered more socially skilled and better looking than Y".
If you want to go further, you could restrict your investigation specifically to romance and try to put together a general desirability rank by having a group of judges select among subjects repeatedly to determine who's chosen first, second, third, fourth, etc.
But this ultimately doesn't really prove anything, because everyone in the judging group is applying such different standards that it flies off into the realm of economics where you need theories of value/price/opportunity cost/etc. Bottom line then is that like the classic saying, a good's value is whatever the buyer will pay for it.
Sure we're all different, but more importantly, we're all looking for different things.
>>17008334
>it feels like it's just in my nature to behave and feel like I'm inferior to others.
At least be thankful that you weren't born the other way around (with narcissistic tendencies), eh?
