So I might have got my girlfriend pregnant.
She wants to get rid but I'm completely against that.
I'm away at university and I'll be in the middle of my exams when it will be time to go through with the abortion.
I know it would ruin the relationship but could it go okay if I leave uni after exams, get a job and keep the child as a single father?
>>17007403
Are you two the last descendants of a dying race and this child your only hope to keep your species going ?
I have a friend (male, 20 years older than me) who raised his daughter alone, didn't end well.
unfortunately you have no control over what she does with her body. accept the fact that if she doesn't want to keep the baby she is not going to.
Yeah, it's hard, but it's the right thing to do. I know a couple of guys who have ended up taking sole custody. My brother went to court to get his ex out of the picture and has raised his son alone since my nephew was 2-3 months old. Support networks are important, as is keeping yourself from slipping into depression because that shit is difficult. Difficult but worthwhile.
OP, you don't owe your soon to be ex anything, but if she's leaning towards abortion, you're going to have to work hard to stop that. In most countries, you're at her mercy. Be clear about doing this singlehanded if necessary. DO NOT TALK ABOUT FINANCIAL MATTERS. If she's deeply selfish, she may abort just out of fear that you'll go after her for support money later. If you refuse to discuss the matter, and just say "Don't worry about that. I've got this, and I'm not going to force you to be a part of the baby's life if you don't want."
Plus, if you refuse to take support, it weakens any future attempts on her part to fuck with you and the kid. AND, if you need to come after her later on for financial assistance, you always can.
>>17007403
Don't fall for 'I wanna be a Dad now' meme, bro. If it ain't the time it is not the time. Get your shit together first and communicate with your girl if you want your bond to last.
>>17007423
Thanks for the relative information - I generally have no idea how well single fathers do.
>>17007430
I accept that. I would never force her to do something she didn't want to do like this. If I feel that I am willing to take on custody, I'll explain and accept her decision.
>>17007438
Thanks man - certainly some things to think about and how things might go. If I raise it on my own she will probably not want anything to do with it out of guilt so I wouldn't want to pressure her for anything (like money) but it will likely be an issue since as of right now I don't have a job at all.
>>17007449
I know man, I know I'm not ready and unprepared, but that's life, isn't it? That's how it's supposed to be?
Just the thought of abortions sicken me. I don't want what would be my kid to be killed off because I or my girlfriend doesn't have a good enough job yet...
OP, how old are you? I got pregnant when i was 21 and have been raising my son on my own. He's 5 now. It's fucking hard. I can imagine it being even more stressfull at the beginning. It's the most demanting phase anyways, but without a mom - this is going to be hard.
Is there any other option? How far along is she? Have you two REALLY talked about it? The pro's and con's? What are her arguments for getting an abortion? What are yours agains it?
>>17007464
Hey, I'm sorry to hear of your struggles and hopefully it has worked out okay.
We haven't talked too much about it yet. She takes my opinions on things very seriously so I wanted to get my head around things before I even suggested it, because I know if I talk about keeping it, it will stress her out and make her decisions that much more difficult. So I want to make sure I know what/how i feel exactly before I say too much. But I will consider what you're saying about breaking it all down into the pros and cons and how we could go about things.
I'm 21 myself and another option if needed may be for me to go live at my mother's, who lives alone, where when she's free could assist and show me the ropes? Would certainly ease the 'demanting' parts?
>>17007476
Definitely have a VERY HONEST talk. I got pregnant at 18, just after starting to date my then bf. We weren't able to have a mature conversation about the topic and oh my god it was fucking horrible. All he said concerning the topic was "i'm going to support you whatever decision you make." it was too big of a decision for ONE, VERY IMMATURE girl to make all alone. So I ASSUMED that he wants me to get an abortion. I got one and it fucked me over big time. It's not easy having an unplanned baby. But money rarely is a real issue. Babies don't need all that fancy shabang. If they have a parent who loves them and a stable home, everything will be fine. You don't need xyz stroller and a million one-pieces. And if you have grandparents to support you, you will be able to handle this. I know a couple who got pregnant at 17. They married and got the baby. They're still happily married 10 years later and have 3 kids. It IS possible. Maybe she's open for the idea of actually keeping the baby once she knows your stance about it. How is your relationship otherwise? My sister also got an unplanned baby at 21. That guy is now 3,5 and just got a little brother. I've never seen a happier and cuter family than those 4.
If she shows any emotions about "killing her baby", chances are she will get major issues after an abortion. I had an abortion because if medical reasons many years later and it was NOWWHERE the same. I still cried. I still grieved. But i didn't go into a year-long mega depression, obsessing over babies like with the first one.
>>17007507
It's good to know it can work for people and still be happy. I mean I know it happens anyway but the confirmation is nice.
We've only recently got back together after a few months apart - I dedicated too much of my time to uni work and she thought she wasn't wanted. But since the breakup I've realised my distance and other problems I had and from knowing this I've worked on it and we're closer than ever now. But of course probably still too early to have a kid together..
I think the best thing I can do from all this is to have a good conversation with her and let her know that I Don't expect her to get an abortion - just to get that clear, and make sure we both understand each others opinions. I am worried though that if I tell her I want to keep it, she may dwell on it and get depressed about the abortion while she might not have done otherwise if she thinks there's no way either of us wants it.
Should I just support her with the abortion as that way it might be easier for her?
>>17007464
>>17007507
So all that talk about this board being full of single moms might be true after all
>>17007403
Yeah it's totally fair for her to go through months of pain and discomfort and then hours of extreme pain and then have her body potentially ruined just because of yourself reasons of wanting a kid. I love how guys act like being pregnant is something so simple. It's not. Not to mention all the health issues that can stem from it.
>>17007438
> calls her selfish when it's her body
>>17007460
You don't have a job? Unless you plan on getting a good job and have time and a good amount of money don't fucking have a kid. Don't be another ghetto ass parent who forces their kid to be raised in poverty because of selfish parents. Fuck you op
>>17007536
Tell her your opinion. It is your baby too. An abortion is never easy. And it will hurt her an awefull lot more if she finds out later that you actually wanted to keep the baby. Simply because this information might be the only one she needs to change her mind about keeping it. She might have arguments FOR an abortion like "not wanting to tie you down or ruin your life", since a lot of guy would definitely want her to get rid of it.
And yes, IF she gets an abortion, go with her if she wants you to. It's no fun. It's very painfull and you just have to wait endless hours at the hospital with lots of nurses who hate you because they work there because they LOOOOOVE babies and you are a next level monster. And she will probably be in a room with new moms, women in labor and such. It's really, REALLY hard, seeing tiny babies whilst killing your own one. You feel like hitler and kim jong merged into a super asshole.
>>17007403
>I want to raise my child
>grandparents raise child while op tries to have the life he denied himself
>inevitably makes thread about how selfish women are for not wanting to date him as a single father.
>>17007564
sure, better let her go trough years of mental issues that can lead to serious depression and suicidal dendencies instead.
>>17007600
That's fair. I'll be honest and of course I'll go with her. Be wrong to make her go through it alone..
>>17007564
I don't want a kid, I just think it's wrong to kill them.
And I wouldn't pressure her to do anything she wouldn't want to.. it's her body and something she will have to go through and a decision she will have to live with for the rest of her life.. why do you think I'm on here? I want to make sure I'm not being a cock for wanting to keep a baby when my girlfriend doesn't..
>>17007580
Of course I'd get a job. I only don't right now because I'm studying at university, preparing for exams.
IT IS A FOETUS, NOT A BABY
> you're not killing anybody, it is not considered a person until a few months already
I am not saying this to be a pathetic edge lord. I am a new father of 2 cute twins I love deeply.
You're at university, and I take she's not working either?
Having a baby is a lifetime commitment.
You have to be stable in your relationship (and if you are it's good, but maybe not enough?).
Do you live together? If not living the couple life is very different than seeing someone every couple of days and only enjoying time together.
Do you have a house to raise your kid?
Do you not intend to finish your studies and find a good job instead of throwing it away for a baby that you can definitly have later in your life?
But more importantly: does she want to be a mom right now?
If not, you're out of luck.
I understand the feeling, and desu, I was kind of in your case (unwanted pregnancy of my (now) wife), and we really struggled to decide whether we should keep it or not.
> We kept them because she had a medical hormonal condition, and an abortion could result in an impossibility to have kids later on.
Finally, do you really want to have this child or is it just because of religious bs?
Speak with her, expose your views, but keep in mind that you two are young.
Anyway, she will have the last word, as it's her body...
>>17007799
t.b.h (remove dots) changed in desu automatically
>>17007403
Fucking hell, if only my boyfriend had the same mind set as you. Anyway, good luck OP.
>>17007403
You're doing the right thing OP. It won't be easy but the right thing never is easy. Try to convince your gf not to kill the kid if you can. Be willing to take full responsibility for him/her if that's what it takes. And if you do convince her to give you full custody make fucking sure there is no legal loopholes in that shit where she can change her mind and take the kid she didn't even want back from you.
Don't let anyone talk you out of it because how "hard" it is, and how big an "inconvenience" it is. We're not talking about getting rid of a shitty job, or an annoying roommate. We're talking about permaturely ending the life of a potential full blown human being here, your child, your flesh and blood.
>>17007403
Unfortunately you do not have much say on whether she keeps it or not. You may be able to convince her if you agree to raise it on your own. Trust me anon you don't want this. Finish university. If she decides to keep it there are programs to help her out until you graduate and get a full-time job. You can get a part-time job for now to help with bills.
>>17007403
OP, I recently had an abortion I completely regret. Talk to her. Of course, it's her body but make sure she's not doing this because she's overwhelmed or scared. Let this not be a quick decision. Make her think about it deeply. Tell her to make sure that if this is what she wants, that no an ounce of doubt is in her head or else she will regret it. I've been depressed ever since and every time I see someone with a baby bump I pretty much die inside. It's a horrible feeling.
You two need a very long discussion over this.
However, if she is 100% sure she has no doubt, then she'll do it and I guess your relationship will probably be over.
I hope the best for you two.
Good Luck
>>17007403
>>17007464
>>17007507
How do so many people fail at birth control?
>>17007809
desu
>>17007403
Yes, it would be fine
>>17007861
Seconding this OP.
And damn, i know exactly what you're going trough atm... I was fucoing obsessed with babies and everyhing surrounding them after my abortion. I don't want to scare you, but i only got over it when i finally got a baby. I strongly recommend you go get professional help, femanon
>>17007799
'Foetus" is a term for a human of a certain age. Saying
>IT IS A FOETUS, NOT A BABY
is just like saying 'it is a toddler, not a teenager' or 'it is an adult, not an infant'.
It is a living human, period.
>>17007863
It is called 'math'
>no contraception is 100% effective
>.you have sex
>greater than 0% chance you get pregnant
>repeat often enough and guess what?
>>17007861
100% doesn't exist OP, don't listen...
Of course she will have second thoughts, and thrids, and etc etc.
She's probably scared because having a baby is a huge deal.
But the problem is whether you (the two of you) are planning to stay together and be sure of this, at least for the next few years, a stable situation (housing and financially also) and obviously a job (a family doesn't just work on love, and I agree, this is sad)
>>17007885
read a book, autist
>>17007889
No shit. If you love statistics as much as you seem to you should also know that most of the contraception failure is due to human error.
>>17007880
I never thought I'd be in this situation. I can't even go to my boyfriend for support since he lacks empathy. I just don't talk about it at all, with anyone. I'm glad you got your happy ending though :)
OP here:
Thanks for all the replies I've been getting, there's very good things to think about and thankfully conflicting views so I don't get fixated on one idea.
She does have a job and has been saving up for a while now to get her own place. I have quite a bit saved up - nothing too great but will help. We are very close and get along very well together.
Of course I want to finish my degree but getting a job seems much more important and I'm sure there can be ways to complete it in the future if the circumstances allow. I don't think getting a part-time job while at uni will be too good of an idea though - she will need me with her for support.
I don't want her to get depressed about the abortion as she is the type of person who will, but at the same time she seems certain she's not ready.
But of things considered, as I've said - I have not had a proper conversation with her about it - this is just for me to know what I want before I discuss it with her.
I'm sorry to hear about the problems/regrets some of you have had. Do you reckon if she's saying she can't have a baby now but ends up keeping it she will be more likely to be thankful of that choice or regret keeping it?
>>17007403
what do you mean by "go okay" ?
do you have money? do you have help? babies arent dogs, you cant just leave them at home while you work. if you are working all day to support the kid, who is taking care of him? do you have enough money to pay an employee to take care of him all day? do you have the energy to come home and take care of the kid, and stay up all night and hope that the few short hours between you getting home and him falling asleep is enough for him to fel like he has a parent?
if you had the support of an unemployed parent id say do it if you want.
are your uni exams the very last for your degree? cuz ur not coming back next year.
>>17007935
aww, fuck. it was so similar in my sitation. i NEVER talked to my bf about it. then we split up 3 years later. and yeah, happy ending is relative. i was so obsessed with getting prgnant again that i just didn't care too much about birthcontrole and got pregnant again. ended up bein a single mom with a dead beat dad. but allas, it's now been 10 years, and it finally looks like i might REALLy get my happy ending after all.
you could always talk to me if you want to just get it off your chest. i know the thoughts you get sometimes. they are sould crushing.
Marlapie is my skype.
>>17008029
>has kida for 10 years
>only now gets a 'happy ending' cuz some random man claims they will be together forever
the disneyfication of america is scary.
but hey, as long as something with a dick loves you :^)
>>17008045
if only you knew how wrong you are.
>>17008051
>if only you knew how wrong you are
that you can't be happy without some random guy pretending that love is eternal? that having your kid means nothing unless you got a husband?
I date. im not single. i just dont pretend that any relationship i have will lsat forever. i dont pretend that my wedding will by my 'ending', let alone a happy one. and i dont pretend that i need a relationship to be fulfilled. your poor kid.
something isnt beautiful because it lasts.
>>17008051
>shes wrong because she doesn't rely on a bf to be happy
better to be wrong and happy than right and sad with a kid.
>>17008064
i have never implied that my "happy ending" involves a guy in any way... that's just you assuming away
>>17008075
then what, after 10 years, is suddenly changing that you might get your happy ending anon?
enlighten me.
>>17008088
i didn't say that it came "suddenly" either, anon.
i just have been working on my personal issues a lot the past years, trying to get my shit together and provide my son with the most normal home and life i can. and it seems to work out after all. that's all i was implying.
>>17007906
I've read several
>pic very related
I do love the stone-ignorant morons that say
>"of course it is human! And of course it is alive! But it isn't a *person*!"
as if that meant anything at all and, when pushed, yell 'science!'
>>17007910
>You're obviously correct, I just don't like it
FTFY
>>17007460
Your 'kid' is nothing but an unfeeling sack of cells right now, more or less like anyone of us. When she sticks the coat hanger in there and makes it into a slushie, the world will keep spinning.
No sense in ruining your life just because you have some irrational attachment to something insignificant.
>>17008123
>irrational attachment to something insignificant.
you don't have any idea how strong pregnacy hormones and "motherly feelings" can be, do you?
>>17008095
ohh. thats why you posted the 'if only you knew how wrong you really are' with a pict ure of an old lonely lady. because you WERENT implying that I was wrong about needing a man to be happy.
seems legit.
>>17008123
I'll be by later to still an ice pick into your brain stem.
Poof! Lights out for you. The world will keep spinning.
I am sure no one has an irrational attachment to something as insignificant as someone stupid enough to right that as if it had any meaning.
>>17008029
That'd be great, it would be nice to talk to someone for a change. Especially since we've both been through it. I'll add you soon :) Thanks!
>>17007403
Know that you are sentencing yourself and your theoretical future child to a lifetime of significant disadvantage. Your life will be better if you don't drop out of school to become a single father, and your child's life will be worse raised by a single dropout than by an older, wiser, more mature, better off family.
Also, pregnancy is a serious, taxing commitment--not necessarily debilitating, but absolutely life-altering. Assuming your girlfriend has some sort of schooling or job commitments now, those are going to be seriously fucked up by carrying to term, even if she doesn't have to keep the kid afterward. Even if you don't ask for money, making someone with other things to do carry and birth a baby is an enormous fucking imposition.
Finally, you have no sense of what caring for a newborn is like. No full nights of sleep for at least a few months. Can't generally leave it with a caregiver for at least a few weeks to a month. Caregivers, of course, cost a lot of money. It is easily the single hardest and most expensive thing I've ever done (dad here, thankfully not single), by orders of magnitude, and I had help and plenty of money. You won't.
I get that you don't think you can countenance medical termination of pregnancy.
>To this I say you are a shithead who should have been more fucking careful about where and how you stuck it--birth control is easy and cheap and absolutely your responsibility if you are bothered by abortions.
But I also say that the choice you are presently hoping to make will be bad for your life and bad for the kid who does not yet exist. If you absolutely cannot countenance abortion and you can convince her to keep it (because for at least the next nine months she will be doing ALL the work, which is hard), put the kid up for adoption to someone who can take better care of it. Maybe an open adoption so you can be part of its life.
>>17008173
You know what is worse than having a mom and dad without a college degree?
>Note: 95.4% of adults in the world do NOT have a college degree and 61% of American adults do NOT have a college degree
is being killed young.
Millions of people do what OP wants to do *every year*.
>>17008135
>someone stupid enough to right
>using right in place of write.
>calling someone else an idiot.
You can get ass blasted all you want, but my position doesn't change. When your girlfriend sticks the coat hanger in her the world as a whole will not blink for a second.
Life isn't always rainbows and sunshine, if you're not equipped to deal with having a child then the only thing you're doing is subjecting your child to your lack of preperation just because you don't want to feel guilty about the situation.
A truly smart person wouldn't have gotten knocked up in the first place, a lesser idiot would act in logical self-interest.
>>17007564
>Waah having sex can get me pregnant
>Waah It's wrong to say I shouldn't just terminate the pregnancy against the cocreator's will because being pregnant is uncomfortable!
>Don't have sex if you're not ready to get pregnant? What type of sexually oppressive shitlord are you?
