So how do I get over my breakup? A little backstory, the last two years of my life had been hell. I hated myself, thought of killing myself everyday, and accomplished nothing and basically stayed in bed everyday. Then a friend of my introduced me to one of her friends, around October. We hit it off and started to do things together. I felt happy, I started getting out of bed, doing things I said I was going to do a year ago, and started to live my life. Then out of the blue she broke up with me. This was three weeks ago. The day she did I tried to OD on my antidepressants. Nothing much happened, except my pupils expanded to shit and my heart rate increased. I told my gf about it and she took pity on me and explained a few more things about why she broke up. She explained that she wasn't happy with how things were going and there was nothing I can do to fix it. She felt stressed out. Her mom died a year ago, so I assume that contributed to it. I talked to her again last night, asking if there is any possible way we could fix things. She said no. For the past three weeks I've sat in bed, and done nothing. I don't have anyone to confide in or make me happy. The only other person who did was the friend who introduced us, but she has brain cancer and is going through extensive chemo. Anytime I try to go outside, and try to find something else, I think of my gf and how we'll never be together and how she'll find someone else, and I crawl back into bed. What do I do to get over this, or should I take a bath with a toaster?
you entered into a relationship at the wrong time, for the wrong reasons. bad idea.
you should be happy being alone before dating someone. otherwise, they will just fill your void and if they go, you are back to square 1. or even worse, as you now have to deal with everything associated with a breakup.
so your options are either live your life continually seeking relationships that might not be the best for you, but they make your life bearable. or you can try and learn to be alone. find new friends, get a hobby, meditate, bla bla bla
look, the productive guy who got out of bed and got shit done is still you. being with another person shouldnt define who you are.
>>17005803
But I can't find anything that makes me happy. The only thing I haven't done is meditating.
>>17005741
You need to learn how to be alone, man. Fuck. I can't imagine living like this, being completely lost without a partner.
>>17005741
Neil Strauss has some wisdom on this matter.
https://www.neilstrauss.com/neil/aaron-on-how-to-survive-a-break-up/
>>17005837
Thanks for sympathizing. I'm trying to find things to do alone, but none of them make me want to be alive like I did when I was with her.
>>17005741
similar situation as you. Was with a girl for over 2 years, then 3 weeks ago, without warning, she left me. Gave me a bunch of random excuses I know were made up. I'm pretty sure stress played a factor as well but at this point I've thought about it a lot (as you no doubt have) and realized why I believe she did it. In the end, for us it came down to her seeing me more as a friend. She no longer wanted the responsibility of being in a relationship nor the obligation. She is in school and isnt doing well. The stress of this along with feeling like she was mandated to spend time with me even though she wasnt in the mood is probably what it came down too. There's of course a lot more to the story but basically I understand.
For me, I have friends. I have one friend whom I talk to every day, throughout the day and can confide in. You need to find someone to talk to and people to be with. You need to, as other's have said, find some way to enjoy your time alone. I still haven't figured this out myself but I know it's correct. I don't know you but Im guessing you hate yourself right now. You probably think yourself a loser, ugly, useless, etc. To be honest, the first step for you is probably to love yourself. Realize why youre a good person and stop the self loathing. Being abandoned is super hard but there was a reason she was with you and it's because you have positives about yourself she was into. Figure out what those are and pick yourself up. You arent going to get over it for a long time. many months, most likely. Like me though, I recommend starting to try and cope. Make friends if you dont have any. try to talk to people just for the sake of talking. Only time will help, nothing else.
>>17005905
Thanks, your situation is exactly the same as mine. The only difference is that I don't have that one friend to talk to everyday. She can't talk everyday, recently it's been once a week, as she feels too sick to check her phone. Reminding that I have positive attributes is really helpful, as I'm sure you do too. It's just that part about finding something to be happy. Throughout my whole life, I always attatch myself to one person. I think I need to make that person myself.
>>17005837
I think the "be alone meme" is bullshit. Humans are social creatures. I legitimately have no family in this country, and if I lost my gf I'd be entirely alone. I enjoy solitude a lot. But not having anyone to confide in would be hell. So familyfags stay the fuck out of this thread. You just can't comprehend.
>>17005931
I feel the same as you and so do a lot of other people. The reason you feel like this though is because you don't like yourself. I'll admit, I haven't fixed that part of me yet either but definitely work on it. If it helps, I got some good insight from a youtube vid.
/watch?v=X7Z9A9DhCKs
Time.
Time, catharsis, and other people.
Seriously, get other people in your life. Loneliness is literally unhealthy. We're social animals. That's how we survive.
>>17005941
I think what the guy was getting at more is that you need to learn to be happy when you ARE alone, not that you should be happy BEING alone. There is a difference. Humans are social creatures but you can't live your life looking for the next attachment. Thats what you should take away.
>>17005962
>>17005941
it's not a meme, you stupid fucks. As much as I actually agree with the advice to go out and get around new or better people, as well as the fact that humans tend to be social creatures: Hermits are a thing.
As much as humans are social creatures, the more introspective ones tend to abhor excessive human contact because it tires them. When you have no one to confide in you learn to deal with your shit, learn how insignificant it is and move the fuck on.
Most people with weak minds prefer to stay that way and this is why it rarely happens. Being social isn't as important as being happy, and you're both putting the horse ahead of the carriage. Most people are extroverts and can't understand or appreciate anything outside of their sphere of experience.
If it was any other situation, you would probably give the same advice and in the end it's not about him finding new people as much as it's about him learning to let go and live with himself. Other people just make it easier/keep his mind off of dealing with himself.
OP, make yourself happy, learn to improve yourself and be self-sufficent, but at the same time don't be afraid to welcome new people into your life, but I promise you if you find a new GF too soon, it will end up in tatters because you haven't come to terms with yourself. I'm not saying don't date, and eventually get with someone new, but just remember at the end of you day you've got to deal with yourself and no amount of social contact and relationships will help you come to terms with yourself.
>>17005741
Much of this recycled advice isn't going to help you. People are going to tell you to find happiness within yourself before you find happiness without someone else.
While I'm not saying it's bullshit, it isn't entirely true either. Think of it like this, humans are social creatures and we thrive from it. Without social interaction humans can literally be driven insane. Each of us perceive the type of social interaction we need differently. I believe, the overwhelming majority of us, due to sexual nature, would prefer someone they can be intimate with. Yea, it's cool to have a best friend you can bullshit with.... but it's even better to be friends with a girl who cuddles with you, fucks you, and who's really nice to look at.
Furthermore, when it comes to having relationships with other humans beings, we are taught to be social by nature. And, I mean, unless your entire life is filled with oppression and you were raped or something, you'll probably have lived a pretty decent life... like being cool with your friend who has brain cancer. What this means is your life is happy and everything, but from a young age, we're taught to find companionship so that we can reproduce and maintain the bloodline.
In that, we literally spend our whole lives trying to find companionship, in adjacent to finding a career, etc.
So, I'm really striking down the fact that you need to "find happiness first" because finding a strong relationship is an integral part of being happy.
I'm going through the same shit now. I have really cool friends and a loving family, but not having a girlfriend really destroys my life and causes me to be really sluggish. It's literally affection my performance and was a small part of why I lost my past job. We are social creatures man, we thrive on not only being "friends" with people, but we want someone who can attend to are sexual needs as well. Point blank, period.
>>17005962
This is correct. And the sooner the better. It's been so long since I've been truly happy.... actually, I've never really been happy. Despite my parents being there for me, everything else in the world has disappointed me.
My anger has grown so much and I have become to hateful of those around me that you can literally see it in my face. My mother complains about it all the time. She says she can literally see the hate in my face.
It's no joke my brother.
