>>17002599

i always say go. the fact taht you are considering it shows she doesnt mean that much to you, and the fact taht she isnt considering it shows you dont mean that much to her.

that being said, romantic relationships are the most fragile of all human interactions. 4.5 years is great, but its going to end. so why not end on a high note? A 'until we meet again, if ever' kinda thing? a 'we had a fun ride, lets have the best time we can and then go our own ways'?

if shes open to that. if not, id still say go. shes been here 5 years. she might not be here in 5 more. who knows where you'll be job wisei f you can only ever stay there.

though i think a big issue is also whether or not you WANT the job. you said career so i imagine you are invested but perhaps you are comfortable where you are.

How much more cash are you going to make?

>>17002623
She's basically a part of my life. It is depressing/weird to think of living by myself again. I think ending on a high note with the possibility of coming back later is the best scenario for us, I just have doubts of whether or not I'd majorly regret this if I lost her forever.

>>17002626
About 4-6k a year more but my next step from that would be considerable more.

I didn't and I don't regret it.

>>17002640

>shes basically a part of my life

as is everything else in your life, but you seem eager to throw everythign else away too.

>depressing / weird

focus on the fun parts. as in, not dealing with her annoying flaws, plus the benefits of general single life.

>possibility of coming back later

dont take the possibility aspect seriously. i use the 'until we meet again' as its a fun goodbye, but you dont move and start a career somewhere else then go back to the town you cant advance in and expect a girl to not only be the same, but to also be single and waiting for you.

if you make a decision to leave, its to leave her behind. not a 'IM A COME AND WIN HER BACK SOMEDAY'

by six months in you'll alerady have caught feelings for someone else anyway. its human nature. and thats a godo thing.

how old are you?

>>17002640

as for regret, you will regret not taking this job. and you will regret leaving her behind.

look back at life and all those things you regret? theres a parallel universe wehre you regret making the opposite choice.

you cant have it both ways. people say ;i think id regret doing XX or YY; as if one is supposed to be good and the other evil. its not. both are good, and because of that, have the evil of excluding the other.

but you are talking about the trajectory of your life. do you want to waste that on a girl who could be here today gone tomorrow and wont even consider going with you? or woudl you rather guarantee a quality of life that will make you stable enough to be happy even if you are alone (but will inevitably attract others to you)?

i always say go with whats going to help you in the long run. this isnt a selfish decision. selfish is screwing someone else over for your benefit. you are not screwing her over. you are simply doing what is best for you and she doesnt want to come.

and shes not a villain for that. but shes not a martyr either.

>>17002654

I am 29. Additional perspective. I would be moving back to my hometown where all my friends and family are. I relocated here because she wanted to be close to her family.

>>17002663

it sounds like you should go home. but im not a romantic. im in my first relationship ever in the last 4 years, and she moves away in september. im clearly biased.

>>17002675

My gut is to take the job as well if I can get it. Up until now I was feeling confident this was the right choice, but I guess my emotions have gotten the better of me for the moment and casted doubts about everything.

>>17002682

if its not even ertain than dont burn a bridge, but if your current town doesnt hold many opportunities (which i think you at least implied if not outright stated) for your career field, then maybe you shoudl consider moving around anyways to a place that has more opportunity.

what is this career field if you dont mind me asking?

>>17002689

I am a chef and actually currently employed with a great company. I work for a prestigious 5* resort but alas am a small fish in a very big pond (pond has decent pay and amazing benefits). Staying here wouldn't really affect my career negatively. Most employers get boners when they see the hotels on my resume.

The job I am applying for is a big fish in a smaller pond. My mentor is the Chef, and I would be the #2. The hotel isn't as prestigious and is smaller. I see an opportunity for us to make a name for ourselves and to actually play a leading role in creating something great. If I can pull it off, this would also look amazing on my resume.

>>17002707

intersting. i never understood why someone woudl want to be a chef. seems like you'd get bored of making the same stuff each day and constantly cooking but never tasting. and its so fast paced these days.

but its exciting to see someone passionate about it. if i were you, id try to do what ever decision you feel passionate about. thats what i always do, even if its the worst decision ever.

no real regrets. little ones of course, little things i wonder about and wahtnot. but i enjoy everything ive done.

>>17002722

It's actually quite the opposite from boring. If anything, I can complain of too much excitement (I was supposed to work 8am - 4:30pm today, but instead turned to 8am - 12:30am because I went to help another kitchen in the hotel).

I get to taste quite a bit in my role. I taste almost everything I make to ensure it tastes the way it should and is made consistently each time. When sampling new potential menu ideas or when shopping around for new products to serve, quite a bit of tasting goes on as well.

The making the same thing over and over gets repetitive but there is some satisfaction in mastering a dish to where you can reproduce it several times in a short span of time while barely breaking a sweat.

This new role would launch me to having a direct role in the food we serve. I collaborate with my boss to create the menu we are going to serve and then train the crew how to execute it properly and consistently.

>>17002744

the aspect of launching a restaurant and having control sounds fun. especially if you do one of those things with seasonal changes so you are constantly experimenting and making new things.

i think you shoudl take the job. just talking about it is exciting to me. but again, im hella biased and just a big fan of passion.

>>17002599
If she is putting her family over you, then you will never come first. That's the sign that you can't spend your life together. If you're ready to commit to someone for the rest of your life, then you put them above everyone else.

>>17002599
>She has told me that if I move, she will not follow for family reasons.
What family reasons specifically? Eg dying parent she needs to take care of?
If it's a general "i don't want to be far away from my family" then i'd say you should go (after 4.5 years she should be thinking of you as part of her family, you probably feel that way about her).

>>17002663
>Additional perspective. I would be moving back to my hometown where all my friends and family are. I relocated here because she wanted to be close to her family.
You moved for her and she's not willing to move for you? Pretty cold.
When you talk to her about it, ask what kind of future she sees for you two together.

>>17002707
>>17002744
Yeah, i'd say you should go for it. Don't sacrifice this much for her, it doesn't sound like she'd do it for you.

>>17002640
4-6k plus whatever she costs you

i'd say go for the career man. there's much more opportunity. she can't even make this move for YOU when you already did it for her for a good few years. take the chance bud

Op i know we are anonymous and strangers here but i've been in a very similar situation and i'll give you advice from the bottom of my heart

Go for it.

Feelings change, relationships end, you are together now, but in a few years (or months, who knows) you might not be together anymore. Good career opportunities don't come often and if she is not willing to make sacrifices for you after you have done them before for her she doesn't love you all that much.
It's painful i understand, but *I* know how much more painful it is to lose great opportunities in life for love and end up heart broken anyway because the other person didn't love you enough to do the same for you.

You don't wanna know this pain, go for it.