Do long distance relationships work or is it just a myth?
I'm talking country-wise/across the globe distance not just an hour ride away.
It seems for me that the only girls I get interested in and actually connect with is online, irl no one is interested in me neither do I get to meet many girls. Whereas, online I've spoken to people through mutual interest and things "hit off" at first and have always tried to do my best to make things work but it was never really mutual just ultimately the person leaves or my worries get the better of me making things hard despite my 100% commitment, they never really evolved into "relationships" neither was the people as serious as I was when I look back on it. It's just been a continuous cycle of hurt but there's no one who actually takes interest in me locally.
>>16998997
>>16998997
>Do long distance relationships work or is it just a myth?
It works when one or both partners are willing and able to move to "upgrade" it to a physical relationship.
This doesn't have to happen immediately, and it shouldn't be done at the cost of job prospects/etc, but it should be a goal in mind. The moment you "go official" and tell people "i'm in a committed relationship with X", you should be able to describe your plans to be together physically as well.
If you know it's never going to happen (and be realistic, no bullshit dreams or fairy tales) then don't waste each other's time.
>>16998997
If there is a Chance, don't do it! LDR comes always with problems
>>16998997
>Do long distance relationships work or is it just a myth?
They can work. My parents survived one, as did my wife and I. I've seen a other LDRs work out in some of the damndest cases. I've even seen an arranged marriage work.
But there's a reason people think they're a myth. They're EXTREMELY difficult to pull off, and emotionally brutal even in the best cases. Many of not most people go there whole lives without even seeing one work; I've been in one, was the product of another, and have seen countless others, but I'm pretty sure this makes me some kind of unicorn. I cannot in good conscience recommend them to anyone, because the success rate is so low.
If you insist on trying one anyway, though, I have four pieces of advice. They're not a guarantee of success, but I believe they're the best shot you have.
1) Dead. Fucking. Serious. You don't have to go ring-shopping just yet, but if the thought of marrying your partner one of these days doesn't hold some serious appeal, don't try distance. LDRs are no fun, and casual LDRs miss the point entirely.
2) There has to be an end in sight. Ideally, you should know the exact date (to within a month at most) when one of you moves to join the other and you never have to be apart again. If you can't set a date, then you at least need to know exactly what has to happen before you can set one: graduating from college, finishing a military deployment, etc.
3) Have the boundaries talk. Broken boundaries kill relationships dead, even when there is no distance involved. Add in distance, and it gets worse. Know exactly what you can and cannot do, with yourselves, with each other, and with other people.
4) No breaks. Ever. This is really just an extension of the previous rule. Breaks are an agreement to not observe boundaries, but the boundaries don't actually go away. That's the part people who suggest breaks don't get. If you want to break up, then break up. No halfsies.
>>16999053
Is it pointless being open to them? They've never worked out for me, It seems I was the only one serious about wanting things to be official/go forward.
>>16999057
Yeah, a shit ton of problems but literally no girls IRL take interest in me and I'm pretty much shy and spaghetti when it comes to girls i find attractive.
>>16999058
I've always been serious but I don't think it was ever mutual. Trust was a problem even though I'd never cheat on someone ever.
When I think relationships I think long term never short term, I've always wanted marriage to be the goal for any potential relationship (technically I have been in a proper mutual or actual relationship before) . I've dealt with hypocrites and I wouldn't do breaks but its just a scary thing especially because of my bad experiences but it seems like it's the only way someone will take interest in me.
>>16999088
>Is it pointless being open to them?
No, just know how to say "i'm not interested unless you're actually serious about this" in a polite way
>>16998997
>Do long distance relationships work or is it just a myth?
Personally, I have never tried this, so I can't say whether it does or not. But in saying that, I would be pretty reluctant to go in to a relationship with someone over long distance, for many reasons. For starters, intimacy is a pretty big part of adult relationships. Trust is also another factor, even if you are a trusting person, there's only so much you can put in to a person, and it will be more likely they will go out of their way to find someone to get intimate with, if you aren't there to provide it. Also, how many hours of the day would you ask of them to keep in contact with you? Time is precious. And asking someone to waste it in front of a screen when they could be doing other things seems a bit selfish, in my eyes anyhow.
And really, you're holding yourself back. As long as you are in a LDR you will never have the motivation to go out and meet people who are local to you.
I mean, it's easy to go and connect with people on the internet, you'll be more likely to find someone on the same wavelength as you, but you'll be missing out on traditional relationship milestones. I mean, would you eventually be willing to compromise and move to their city? Would you take that risk? And will that chemistry still be there when you meet them face to face?
And with being shy and spaghetti'ing every where, seriously, man, these are issues you will have to work on. You can be the most charismatic man online, but irl, if you're a nervous wreck, well, who's going to want that? Focus on improving your social skills, for starters. If you have pals, I'm sure you'll have an easier time going out and meeting girls, or practicing with communication.
I've had two long distance relationships that have failed, and one that's succeeded.
Meeting up on a schedule - once a week, once a month, once every three months, whatever - is a requirement.
Texting throughout each day is required. And not as separate conversations, but a continuous flow of dialogue between both partners.
At least a full hour of Skyping per day, or almost every day, is required. Three hours is ideal to quell thoughts of loneliness. Do other shit while you're in the call with them, but BE with them.
Oh, and sext often. That's all I got. To answer OP, yes they can work, but they're just as much work as a normal relationship, which is why they often fail.
>>16999147
Her using a vibrator during skype sex makes me insanely insecure and jealous. What do
>>16999147
OP here.
Only once have I ever gotten to video cam someone I talked to and it happened more then once but they suddenly just stopped talking to me after a while.
I've always been down for commitment but it doesn't ever seem mutual or I don't think I'm taken serious. I've always wanted to talk all day everyday, I make time to talk to people I'm interested in even when I'm busy but they never do the same back.
>>16999162
This is not me (OP).
>>16999162
>Her using a vibrator during skype sex makes me insanely insecure and jealous. What do
Get her an advanced, remotely controlled vibrator (check OhMiBod for a common choice). You control it. It will basically be your tele-cock.
And of course it's only fair to go vice versa too: get a male vibe and have her control it.
>>16998997
No.
>>16998997
I'd say it depends on the type of relationship.
If both of you are craving the need to fuck and be together in the flesh... it won't work.
But if you're more introverted and just crave companionship, I think it can work. Still takes effort though.
>>16998997
They can work, but I think it is very important that people meet in-person initially. Quite commonly, people make their partners out to be something they are not and not meeting in-person initially increases the risk of this I believe - your mind is every more free to create some false idea.
You have to talk most days and explain when you cannot - LDRs often suffer from a time difference and therefore making time in eachother's daily schedule is critical. This needs to happen in all relationships anyways (esp if working hours vary between partners), but the bottom line is this often exacerbated by time differences in the realm of 2+ hours.
There needs to be some level of emotional display (i.e. exchange of selfies etc or video chat/skype)
Only done one LDR myself, but... based on my father's and his friends' experience - they say the maximum time you should between meet-ups is 3 months (longer durations initially is fine), but anything longer than that and you probably need to be engaged or something.
The end-game is that one of you has to move to the other - if this is not on the table early, some people may not want to invest the time. Because there is a lack of physical intimacy, you are really just sharing eachother's day-to-day experiences - yes, it is nice to have someone other than your mother check-up on you regularly..
One thing I will say is that the long distance prevents you from resolving any issues in-person with physical intimacy and romantic interaction - in my experience, most girls are a bit crazy and when I did start fighting with her in an LDR there's wasn't much I could do other than say sorry (beta as fuck) and stop speaking to them until they apologise for being irrational. The crazy part was I HAD to apologise because I basically got slammed with a break-up text after she angrily dropped the call - "go to talk to other girls, good luck.." (kind of thing).
They can work if you see each other in person often enough. But if you keep it online and never even meet, you can't really call it a relationship.
