>Move in with partner.
>We both work a fair bit. I work 3-4 days a week for 9-hour shifts, and she works a standard nine to five sorta deal full-time.
>I tend to do most of the housework, i.e. clean the floors, vacuum, clean bathroom/toilet, take trash out and clean the kitchen.
>She stacks the dishwasher and cleans the litter box for the cat. That's it.
>Fine, she works more, it is okay.
>On weekends she goes out to socialise/get pampered and what not, and I spend one of the days we could be spending together cleaning or doing errands at home.
>Ask her nicely, "I would appreciate it if you would help me with cleaning on weekend." This was after a discussion she had re: our moving in being successful and how her sister keeps her relationship with her partner going through compromise on chores etcetera.
>Flips shit at me and says I am being negative. Tells me she wont adhere to a roster or even do the vacuuming of one room a week to stop it tracking to all the other rooms I do.
I am now at home, drinking wine listening to jazz and not sure what to do. How do I deal with this? I know a lot of you will say, "Dump her" and suggest a more traditional partner, but I genuinely find this one nice and lovely, albeit unreasonable re: this issue. I also like her independent financial status (I earn less than her, but pay my own share of bills and my own way) but I do not see how to negotiate this one.
Welp?
>>16998763
If you're working a lot less, then it's clear that you'll be the one to do more at home. If you had similar hours/work days, then it should even out. When I wasn't working, I did everything at home. All the clean up, laundry, cooking, lunch, etc. Then when I got a job, and I was still working less days/hours, it was still on me. If I had 2-4 spare days, why shouldn't one of them go to cleaning? But now that our hours/days are similar, we share chores equally and he cooks on some days.
You are misrepresenting the time, however. I have 1-2 days free during the week, which I am doing a lot of errands and other practical stuff for myself as well (I study as well and have family commitments). The weekend I would like to spend together, and not spend 1 day just on chores that would be really a breeze if she chipped in on one day a week. I am happy to do the rest.
>>16998795
>You are misrepresenting the time, however. I have 1-2 days free during the week
>I work 3-4 days a week for 9-hour shifts
No, you should be more specific.
>I study as well and have family commitments
Again, you never mentioned this in the OP. That changes things.
This is completely unfair to you and over time will lead to resentment. If she can't agree to something, you should consider living separately. I would also recommend giving up on chores for a while. Let things get messy so that she'll appreciate all that you do. If she starts coming home to a mess, maybe that will drive her to compromise. But right now, if you continue to do everything at home, she'll just continue to be unreasonable and treat you like a slave.
>>16998808
Sorry, I was non-specific; however, I become more vague when drinking, and less prone to proof-read. Mea culpa.
Thanks for your input. I am just worried, because she stated that she thinks I clean too much (I clean the bathroom once a week, floorboards and toilet 2-3 times a week depending on the levels of grime, which I think is normal?). She will just embrace the squalor/mess, and not care. This is what worries me the most. ;(
>>16998795
>The weekend I would like to spend together, and not spend 1 day just on chores
Did you explain it to her that way? Because you didn't in your post. If the reason is because you want to spend more time together make that the focus of the discussion. "We don't get as much time together on weekends now" comes across a lot different than "You're not doing enough chores."
Things run smoother in a relationship if you approach topics as "this can make things better for us" instead of "this is why what you're doing is wrong"
>>16998818
>she stated that she thinks I clean too much (I clean the bathroom once a week, floorboards and toilet 2-3 times a week depending on the levels of grime, which I think is normal?). She will just embrace the squalor/mess, and not care.
You may just be incompatible on that front. I've never really been in a situation where someone messy changed their habits. Still, try cleaning less. Leave things like floorboards/toilet to every 1-2 weeks. It's okay to stretch out the cleaning time for things like that. The only things you should keep up on are things like trash, dishes, kitchen counters, etc.
>>16998822
That's a good point. Thanks for that. I did phrase it indirectly to focus on the weekends, but perhaps did not make it the centre piece, so to speak.
Much thanks, anon. Cheers!
>>16998763
>I am now at home, drinking wine listening to jazz and not sure what to do
call your brother for a chat or wait for your radio show and then roast your wife with passive aggressive statements.
im having a really hard time explaining your being ok with the deal you got, to myself.
>>16998829
Eh, I changed to some blues radio station now. I am not going to blast anyone with passive aggressive comments nor any physical sort of aggressiveness either. I am tipsy, not an asshole, hah.
And care to explain the latter part of that?
different people care less about mess . who the hell wants to clean on the weekend after working full time like she does . are you one of those people who say "sorry about the mess" whenever people come in . get over yourself .
the fact that you ACTUALLY say "albeit" makes me physically sick as well . I say she should dump you because youre a neurotic tard
